Why We Pick Difficult Partners

Why We Pick Difficult Partners


Why We Pick Difficult Partners (How You Keep Getting Into Toxic Relationships with Narcissists) – Are you a narcissist magnet? Do you always attract difficult or toxic partners? Do you find yourself choosing someone who may have NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) time and time again and you don’t know why? Are you tired of putting up with the gaslighting and drama? If you can relate, this video is for you.

Like many empaths, I’ve often wondered why we pick the wrong partners myself. As it turns out, narcissists in relationships can be very charming and inviting at first – but watch for these red flags and learn why we pick difficult partners and how you can stop doing that – plus, get a list of five quick tests you can use to learn how to spot a narcissist early in a relationship.

13 Ways to Make New Friends After Divorce (Outside of Work)

13 Ways to Make New Friends After Divorce (Outside of Work)

If you’ve been through a toxic relationship with a narcissist, chances are that when it’s all said and done, you might look around and find that you’re all alone – most of your friends and close family members have been pushed away.

This may have happened due to the fact that your abuser pushed them away from you in various ways – or, you may have done it yourself to keep the peace.

Fact: Narcissists need to keep you as alone as possible so they can control you – and isolation is one of the tactics they use to do that.  And in many cases, narcissists also use straight up, directly overt social exclusion as a way to invalidate and further control you.

As survivors of narcissistic abuse, we also need to recognize the fact that we ourselves change profoundly due to our abusive, toxic relationships – and not always in positive ways. (C-PTSD is no picnic!)

And then once we are ready to change our lives, we find that our friends have moved on without us – and sometimes, in ways that don’t necessarily make it easy to reconnect – stuff like marriages, children, jobs and moving house can really change a person’s life and priority list – and chances are, you’re already well-aware of it.

The fact is that toxic relationships inevitably lead to narcissists isolating us from other people in our lives, including our friends, and more often than not, we find ourselves feeling lonely in our recovery from narcissistic abuse.

Of course you feel like you’re on your own, especially if you’re transitioning through a divorce or even just a change in job or the loss of a friendship or other close relationship – and going no contact in general is very tough at the beginning – you really NEED people around you to connect with and begin to rediscover life with, right?

And whether you have a job or you work at home, you might prefer to make friends OUTSIDE of work. So how do you do THAT?

13 Strategies for Making Friends Outside of Work

Don’t get me wrong, here – there are benefits to becoming friends with the people you work with. And sure, it’s convenient to hang out with your coworkers – but you may also want to make friends outside of work. However, as I’m sure you’re aware, that’s more easily said than done for many adults.

The good news? The friendships you make later in life could even be more fulfilling than those you made when you were younger – especially if you choose them intentionally.  So hey, enrich your life by trying these strategies for developing relationships outside the office.

Online Strategies for Making Friends Outside Of Work:

  1. Proceed gradually. Just like dating online, looking for digital friends can be successful as long as you’re careful and realistic. Spend time getting to know each other. Meet in public places if you decide to make contact in person.
  2. Try Meetup.com. New apps for making friends are popping up regularly, but Meetup is still one of the most effective. Create an account, list your interests, and join groups where you’ll be surrounded by like-minded souls.
  3. Join the SPANily! If you’re looking for fellow survivors of narcissistic abuse with whom you can connect and bond, look no further than your very own SPANily. In fact, you can go join one of our support groups free, right here. 
  4. Go Next Door. Proximity is a main ingredient for many relationships, so it’s strategic to search nearby. Next Door is a platform where you can chat with your neighbors and find out about local happenings.
  5. Use hashtags. If you have a passion for French cooking or paddle boarding, you might find companions by discussing your interests online. Using hashtags can help you reach others who are searching for the same topics.

Offline Strategies for Making Friends Outside Of Work:

  1. Build your confidence. Of course, face-to-face communications create a stronger basis for relationships. Motivate yourself to take risks and reach out. Focus on your strengths and positive qualities. Remember that others are looking for friends too.
  2. Spread the word. Let others know that you want to expand your social circle. Your current friends and family may be able to introduce you to their contacts or make other suggestions geared toward your interests and personality.
  3. Follow up. How many times have you traded phone numbers with an interesting acquaintance without taking the next step? Set a goal to invite 2 or 3 new contacts out for lunch or coffee each month.
  4. Walk around. You discover more opportunities for conversation when you leave your car behind. Stroll around your neighborhood or ride your bike. Walking a dog is a great icebreaker.
  5. Take classes. Sign up for courses at a local university or community center. You’ll have something in common with the other students and you’ll see them regularly.
  6. Throw parties. Extend your hospitality. Host a backyard barbecue and encourage guests to bring their friends. Volunteer for a committee to organize a block party or house concert.
  7. Drink coffee. Find a coffee shop with an atmosphere you like. Become a regular and visit at the same time each day.
  8. Play sports. Physical activity promotes bonding too. Research amateur sports leagues in your area or join a gym.
  9. Practice spirituality. Your church or other spiritual centers can help you find a community based on your values and beliefs. Check the calendar for discussion groups, social activities, and volunteer events.

Making friends outside of the office can be challenging, but the rewards are great. Build a secure social network that will survive job changes and contribute to your health and happiness.

Still feeling lost? Here are a few more resources to help you make friends and nurture existing friendships after narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships.

 

 

Toxic Relationships: 7 Signs It’s Time to Walk Away

Toxic Relationships: 7 Signs It’s Time to Walk Away

Today, I’m sharing 7 Signs It’s Time to Leave a Toxic Relationship (You Should Probably Break Up) – Plus, how CPTSD can make it harder to leave and signs they won’t change. Dealing with someone with NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) can leave you spinning. Between the gaslighting and the ongoing, repeating cycle of idealize, devalue, discard and hoovering, you may find yourself wondering if you’re going to manage surviving narcissism. In this video, I’ll fill you in on 7 signs it’s time to leave a toxic relationship – signs you should probably break up with or divorce your narcissist.

Reiki for Narcissistic Abuse Recovery & Healing?

Reiki for Narcissistic Abuse Recovery & Healing?

Reiki is a form of spiritual healing stimulated through the use of different hand positions laid for varying amounts of time over the patient’s body. Some experts suggest that you can heal yourself through Reiki by adjusting the hand positions to work on your own body. Recently, I interviewed two reiki experts over on my YouTube channel. Here’s that video: How Reiki Can Help You Heal After a Toxic Relationship (Featuring Reiki Experts Heather & David from Zen Rose Garden – zenrosegarden.com)

These are a few tips to use when practicing Reiki self-healing:

1. Identify your ailment. While utilizing all the Reiki positions can be beneficial, targeting a specific area can expedite the healing process.

2. Touch your body only lightly with your fingertips or keep them hovering right above your skin. The energy flow is what is being channeled, so the actual touching of your body is unnecessary.

3. Cover your eyes by cupping your hands. This position heals sinus ailments that can be found in ear, nose, and throat, and in addition, eases stress.

4. Improve concentration by placing your palms over your temples.

5. Focus on your ears which, as with acupuncture, heal a lot of ailments. Cup your hands over your ears for this position.

6. Express yourself more clearly and ease your throat by hovering (not touch!) your hands and fingers over your throat.

7. Aid in asthma issues by placing your hands, palms facing in, over your chest. Your fingertips should be touching and your wrists should be at a ninety-degree angle to your body.

8. Control and improve digestion by placing your hands over your abdomen. This position is similar to the previous step but your hands should be about six inches further down your body.

9. Treat depression by holding your hands over your naval area. Your fingertips should be touching directly over your naval.

10. Relieve your body of sexual dysfunction, both emotional and physical, by positioning your hands over your pubic bone. Your fingertips should be pointing toward the opposite foot.

11. Treat your relationship issues by holding your hands over your lower back. The tips of your fingers should be pointed down and your wrists should be about equal to your waistline.

12. Concentrate on your feet to treat most areas of the body at the same time, as all your organs and chakras are centered in your feet. Hold one foot with both hands, one hand covering the bottom of the foot and one hand resting on top.

Why Narcissists Think the World Owes Them (Narcissistic Entitlement)

Why Narcissists Think the World Owes Them (Narcissistic Entitlement)

“The predator wants your silence. It feeds their power, entitlement, and they want it to feed your shame.” ~Viola Davis

Let’s talk about narcissists and their sense of entitlement, shall we? As infuriating as it can be, a lot of us sort of miss the sense of entitlement in our list of issues with them. That’s because it is one of those sort of sneaky personality traits that allows narcissists to feel justified in their abusive behavior toward the people in their lives.

So let me ask you: do you know an entitled narcissist?

Fact: Narcissists are known for their sense of entitlement – in addition to their lack of empathy and selfish behavior. Today we’re covering the narcissist’s sense of entitlement, including their unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or requirements of your automatic compliance with their expectations. It’s always all about the narcissist. Today, we’ll learn how to manage and deal with the narcissist and their big, often unearned, sense of entitlement.

In this video, I’ll fill you in on how people with NPD (and other cluster b disorders) tend to use manipulation to get what they want from people who suffer from codependency – and it’s so much deeper than just gaslighting

Can you relate to this video? Are you dealing with a toxic narcissist in your life? Find out for sure, learn how it’s affecting you and figure out how to heal with the quizzes below. Each quiz is free and will direct you to resources that might be useful in your recovery from narcissistic abuse.

 

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