“Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.” ~Tim Allen
Can you tell when someone’s lying to you? It’s a power many women possess–a strong sense of intuition to let us know when something’s not right. But that intuition might do no good if you can’t tell exactly WHAT the truth actually is, though, right?
Good news! I’m about to teach you three basic techniques that will help you get the truth out of anyone.
1. Use The “Good Cop, Bad Cop” Tactic.
This is one of the most popular lie-detecting techniques in the world. Cops have been using it for centuries or something. So how does good cop, bad cop work exactly? Simple.
Two of you will question, so to speak, the person under scrutiny. One of you will play the good cop while the other one takes on the role of the bad cop. The good cop tells the “suspect” that they are in good hands, that they can get out of the trouble if only they told the truth. And then the bad cop comes in to scare the person into complying.
In this kind of situation, the good cop commonly gets the confession. The good cop gives the person some reassurance that all will be well at last. The bad cop is just a means to an end.
2. Look Them In The Eye.
Another technique you can use to get the truth out of someone is to ask the person to “look you in the eyes.” This is very effective when used on people who are very close to you. Chances are that anyone you’re close to, say those you consider to be friends or part of the family, will feel terrible for keeping something from you and spill the beans–or you’ll be able to see it in his eyes, at least.
Ask them to look you straight in the eye when you ask an answer, whether verbally or by just meeting their eyes. When the person at issue can’t even meet your gaze, something is up. Get them talking–they’ll slip up eventually.
3. Stay Calm.
Telling a person that you don’t want any drama or that you won’t cause any problems is another option that might help you get the truth out of someone.
People usually lie or hide the truth because they’re afraid of what our reactions will be. If you assure them that you won’t get angry or won’t “punish” them, they’ll be more likely to open up to you.
(Queen Bee QT: Staying calm and promising a peaceful reaction works quite well on most men, but you have to follow through with the promise if you want it to work more than once. But if you “promise not to be mad” and then explode when he admits he watched porn or whatever, you can fully expect him to zip his lip next time!))
Knowing how to get the truth out of someone is a very powerful tool–so use it wisely!
What are your best lie-detecting tips? Share them in the comments section, below.
Angela Atkinson is a Certified Life Coach and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic relationships since 2006, Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed coaching and has certifications in life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy. In her life coaching practice, Atkinson’s clients enjoy her personalized approach that allows and encourages them to become the best possible versions of themselves and to succeed in doing what they love most. She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online and NarcissismSupportCoach.com.