When Narcissistic Abuse Makes You Afraid to Leave Home

When Narcissistic Abuse Makes You Afraid to Leave Home


In the depths of my toxic relationship, I found myself feeling really sort of numb. I functioned like a robot and did just the bare minimum I needed to do to get by. When I finally left, I thought everything would change – I thought my life would suddenly get better and I tried really hard to act as if that were the case. But just under the surface, there was a sort of anxiety that bubbled up every time I thought about going out in public.

I stopped taking care of myself in certain ways. While I showered every day, I only did it because I was forced to go to work to support my child. I only put clean clothes on for that reason. I stopped wearing makeup and I stopped bothering to try to feel good about my appearance.

On the weekends, I’d do my very best to avoid leaving the house and I would not shower or get dressed. I felt like I was so overwhelmed and stressed out by going to work and shopping for groceries and whatever else I did during the week that I needed a break – at least that’s what I told myself.

I thought that was taking care of myself, and I guess in some ways, it was – sort of. But it also caused me to avoid any social situations that I wasn’t forced to be part of, and quite honestly, if I did not need to support my son, I most likely would have avoided leaving the house at all costs.

I found myself thinking things like:

I wish I never had leave the house. I don’t want to get out of bed. How do I stop being lazy and start wanting to live again? What the heck is wrong with me?

Can you relate? If so, you’re not alone. Many survivors of narcissistic abuse find themselves feeling just like this when they leave a toxic relationship (and often, while they’re still in it!). But what causes this? Have you developed agoraphobia? Or is something else going on?

When you’re abused by a toxic narcissist, you might find yourself feeling overwhelmed by the simple idea of leaving the house to do anything. Contrary to popular belief, this doesn’t mean you’ve got agoraphobia or any other mental illness. The depression can be caused directly by the narcissistic abuse, not to mention the anxiety and general adrenal stress that comes along with it.

Even basic stuff like going to the grocery store can feel overwhelming – and you might find that you prefer to be alone a lot.

And who can blame you? It’s incredibly exhausting, both mentally and physically, to deal with narcissistic abuse and people with a narcissistic personality disorder. And recovery has so many of its own challenges that we often stay stuck in negative patterns unless we intentionally choose to start to work through it and get out.

With all of that being said, I think it’s important to define agoraphobia for you really quickly. Agoraphobia is a type of anxiety disorder in which you fear and often avoid places or situations that might cause you to panic and make you feel trapped, helpless or embarrassed. Contrary to popular belief, agoraphobia does NOT mean you’re unable to leave the house, but that is often a complication of the anxiety associated with extreme agoraphobia.

You might also have a number of other anxiety disorders related to your toxic relationship – including stuff like social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder and more. Social anxiety disorder (SAD), for example, can be a side effect of C-PTSD.

These issues along with a number of other factors will cause you to not want to leave the house – and there are lots of things you can do to get unstuck. In the short term, try things like pattern interrupts and baby steps to get you moving in the right direction. Watch this video for more. 

Re: ‘Sorry, But Your Ex Probably Isn’t a Narcissist’

Re: ‘Sorry, But Your Ex Probably Isn’t a Narcissist’

Re: “Sorry, But Your Ex Probably Isn’t a Narcissist” (The Truth!)  – In this video, Dana Morningstar from Thrive After Abuse and I respond to this article on Psychology Today.

From the article: “It seems there is a great hunger for info on narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) — what it is, how to identify it, how to co-exist with someone who exhibits NPD, or how to go on after having been in a relationship with a narcissist. This great interest is curious, given that NPD is a relatively rare condition — at least it is one encountered only infrequently in clinical settings. The highest prevalence rates reported run around 6-7% for men and 4-5% for women. But people with NPD are not known for seeking help from mental health clinicians. In fact, if a patient were to tell me that they were worried that they might have narcissistic personality disorder, I could be fairly certain that they don’t — narcissists don’t worry about being narcissists. To do so would imply the presence of empathy: “I worry about being a narcissist because being a narcissist would mean that I am harming or exploiting others and I wouldn’t want to do that.” This is logic that does not compute for someone with a true case of NPD.”

Challenge Your Conditioning & Take Back Your Life!

Challenge Your Conditioning & Take Back Your Life!

Challenge Your Conditioning (Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life) -Are you ready to take back your life after a toxic relationship? Learn how to challenge your conditioning so you can change your thoughts and change your life!

Have a question you need me to answer? Ask me at TextAngie.com

My Cards:
Gabrielle Bernstein Super Attractor Deck
DBT Cards

If you’re tired of hearing about narcissists, this is for you.

If you’re tired of hearing about narcissists, this is for you.

In this video, I’m introducing the brand new Shine Buzz Daily Show on YouTube.

Tired of Binge-Watching Narcissist Videos? Watch this. Life hasn’t always been a bed of roses for you as a narcissistic abuse survivor.

But you’ve learned your lessons, and you’ve done a lot of the work of healing. These days, you’re starting to feel like it’s time to get on with it.

Maybe you feel like you’re kind of “over it” when it comes to learning about narcissists and their psychology.

You feel like you’re ready to be done with the hard part. You’re finished (or close to being done with) healing. You’re ready to start actually living and becoming the person you want to be – and creating the life you deserve. Well, my friend. You have come to the right place.

Introducing Shine.Buzz Daily! So much of what we see in the media today is negative. And the unfortunate fact is that it negatively affects our entire lives in bigger ways than we realize. When our vibration is low, we attract more negativity into our lives. But SHINE.Buzz is here to change all that.

It’s all about positive, inspirational, funny and/or helpful stuff intended to help give you that daily “SHINE Buzz” you need to lift your vibration and begin to attract more positivity into your life every day.

Cards Used in the Show:
Gabrielle Bernstein Super Attractor Deck
DBT Cards 

Identifying Emotionally Unavailable People in Relationships

Identifying Emotionally Unavailable People in Relationships

“Most people in the psychology field believe that if we do not get a child to bond at a deep level with someone by age eight, we have lost them. We can never recover them and teach them empathy. Never.” ~Patti Henry, Author of The Emotionally Unavailable Man

Emotionally unavailable people in relationships can often be appealing to people – especially those of us who like to help “fix” people’s problems, those of us who enjoy solving a good mystery, and those of us who may have experienced an overly emotional person in a toxic relationship. In some cases, you can potentially take steps to connect with an emotionally unavailable person and actually create some positive change in both of your lives. But in the case of the emotional unavailability being a side effect of NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) or otherwise on the cluster B spectrum – or even with someone who just has strong narcissistic tendencies but who hasn’t been officially diagnosed with the personality disorder – you’re going to be fighting a losing battle if you try to create genuine connection.

What does it mean to be emotionally unavailable?

Someone who is emotionally unavailable refuses to let his or her guard down. People who have been hurt or rejected often in their past may take this position without realizing it. They may find it difficult to trust new people or anyone at all if there has been significant trauma in their lives. In many cases, these people can be helped with counseling, coaching or even simple discussions with their loved ones. Toxic people, such as narcissists, who are emotionally unavailable might also be helped through counseling or therapy, but usually refuse to get or accept help as they don’t see anything wrong with their behavior.

How does it feel to be in a relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable?

Whether the emotionally available person is your partner, your parent or your best friend, you might find yourself feeling very lonely and even rejected by this person. You might feel unloved, and you might feel like their repeated rejection of your attempts to connect are related to a big wall this person puts up around him or herself. You feel like this person isn’t there for you in the way that a normal parent, partner or best friend would be. It’s a one-sided kind of relationship.

If this person is a narcissist or other kind of toxic person, it gets even more complicated. This video playlist offers a powerful compilation of red flags to look for in toxic relationships. 

Can an emotionally unavailable person change or heal so they can become more emotionally available?

This depends on whether you’re dealing with a toxic narcissist or a “regular” person. In both cases, the behavior is most likely a subconscious way to self-protect themselves. They refuse to allow themselves to be vulnerable to you in order to reduce the chances that they might be hurt or rejected again – or to manage their own emotional response if it (inevitably, in their minds) happens to them again.

However, with narcissists, we need to consider the fact that they have impaired empathy, which could also appear to be emotional unavailability. And we must remember that while it’s theoretically possible that a narcissist could create true change in their lives, it’s also highly unlikely that they will. That’s because most narcissists are unable or unwilling to take any sort of responsibility for things that go wrong in their lives and their relationships – so they generally look to blame someone else (with deflection and projection) and see themselves as victims or at least innocent bystanders.

How do you deal with an emotionally unavailable person?

If you’re dealing with someone who is capable of change, it could just take some time and some talking to work the situation out. You could sit down and have a conversation with this person and ask thoughtful questions about how they feel and why. Do your best to make that person feel safe and comfortable with you and like they can trust you, and then show them this in your own actions and behavior.

If you’re dealing with a narcissist or another kind of toxic person, the game changes. In this case, it’s unlikely that the person will change at all, nor will they be willing to admit they have a problem, to begin with.

That means the first step to dealing with an emotionally unavailable person is to determine whether they are a toxic person, or not. Take this quiz to find out if you’re dealing with a toxic narcissist. 

Once you submit your answers, you’ll be given resources to help in your situation.

 

 

 

Save 35% On Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaching with Lise Through Jan. 1, 2020

Save 35% On Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaching with Lise Through Jan. 1, 2020

Special Holiday Rate for One-Hour Coaching Sessions With Lise Colucci

As the holidays approach, we want to make narcissistic abuse recovery support coaching as accessible as possible without breaking your budget. We know firsthand how tough the holidays can be for survivors of narcissistic abuse. That’s why we’ve decided to offer extremely discounted, personal one-on-one coaching starting today.

From now through January 1, 2020 coaching is available with Lise at 35% off the regular one hour session rate. Click here to book your appointment right now!

Learn more about Lise here, read her narcissistic abuse recovery survivor story here – and for free video coaching on YouTube, you can find Lise at Narcissistic Abuse Recovery by QueenBeeing.

 

 

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