Gaslighting: Examples, Definition and How to Deal

Gaslighting: Examples, Definition and How to Deal

(Prefer to watch/listen? Click here to see the video, which contains additional information, on YouTube)

A client told me that when she was school-aged, her mother would have a lot of trouble getting up on time in the mornings to get her off to school. Back then, no one had cell phones, and my client’s mom hadn’t bought her an alarm clock of her own yet – so she had no way to get up on time herself. My client would later learn that her mother had been dabbling in certain activities that were messing with her sleep schedule, but at the time, she wasn’t aware of it.

Anyway, she told me how, each time her mother would wake up late, she would be sort of verbally attacked. Her mother would say things like, “Well, you’ve made us late again!” And then would tell the school that her tardiness was because her daughter wouldn’t get up on time.

Another client shared that the one thing that gave her comfort growing up in her toxic family was her cat. Sadly, he passed away when my client was 14. And when he found out about it, her father told her to stop crying because she never really loved that cat anyway.

That same client ended up meeting and marrying a narcissist in her early 20s and was going through an ugly divorce when she first reached out to me. She told me that her soon-to-be ex-husband had a way of playing the same kinds of games with her. She said he was always making her doubt herself. He’d say things like:

“I never said that!” (When he’d CLEARLY said that!) followed by “You’re always making up stories,” when she insisted on what had actually happened. It made her feel like she was losing her mind. She literally started doubting her own perception and experiences. She said it went on for years and it wasn’t until she found an article I had written that she realized it really WAS NOT her.

And then there was the client who told me that her mother was always trying to make her think everyone was using her and would leave her when they were done with her. For example, her best friend in high school, her mother said, was only friends with her because no one else liked her. And when she got married, her mother told her that her husband was only tolerating her and that he would leave her when someone better came along. The underlying message was that the client better stay connected to her mother, lest she find herself lying in a ditch and alone when the bottom fell out of her life, which, as her mother said, it inevitably would.

I heard another story where a man kept telling his girlfriend that she smelled bad. This went on for so long that she became obsessed with being clean. She would ask perfect strangers to smell her, and of course, no one ever caught a whiff of anything unsavory – except for her boyfriend. She would later learn that his father had told her to always tell his girlfriend that she was smelly, because, he said, it would make her be extra clean and not want to get too close to other men.

What do these stories have in common, besides the fact that each of these people was clearly dealing with toxic people who might have also had narcissistic personality disorder? Each is an example of a very specific manipulation tactic that is used by narcissists and other toxic people called gaslighting. And that’s exactly what we’re talking about, today – gaslighting. And I’m going to tell you everything you need to know about it – what it is, how it works, the signs and how to recognize it in your own life – and what to do if it happens to you.

Hidden Signs of Gaslighting in Toxic Relationships

Gaslighters actively and intentionally confuse their victims in some pretty terrible ways. They might cut you down and build you up in the same day – and then tear you down again. And while they might come out with an unexpected positive point (think of this like a “crumb of affection” – it’s intermittent reinforcement and it leads to trauma bonding), they will often alternate this with outrageous accusations toward you with no logical reason.

The thing is that gaslighters make you feel crazy because they act like your reactions to their abuse aren’t rational. So if you find yourself feeling like you might be a little crazy (which is, of course, the end goal of the whole gaslighting technique) or even if you’re aware that you’re dealing with a narcissist and want to recognize it as it happens — understanding the signs can be the first step to making your life a little better.

That’s because, when you’re aware of the behaviors that cause the narcissist to engage in gaslighting, you can react differently and change the course of the outcome. Plus, this gives you the option to sort of look at it like a scientist – as in, logically and not emotionally. For me, that was one of the most important things I learned during my own recovery. I needed to be able to categorize and label the behaviors on a logical level. Once I understood on that level, then I was able to go back and figure out how my own emotions had been affected. At that point, I could connect the emotions and the facts, and move forward in a healthier way. I want to help you do the same thing.

Get more information on gaslighting and the hidden signs of gaslighting in this video.

Even the so-called normal relationships in our lives can suffer from misunderstandings and miscommunications, but when someone starts using the manipulation tactics involved in gaslighting, chances are they might also be a narcissist — and if you’re going to maintain a sense of self, you’ve got to understand what this is and learn what you can do about it.

So, how do you deal with gaslighting? The very best way is to use something called the gray rock method. You can learn more about the gray rock method here. 

Question of the day: Did you recognize any of the signs of gaslighting I explained today? Is it part of your reality? Share your thoughts, share your ideas, share your experiences in the comments section below this video, and let’s talk about it.

When the Narcissist Moves On: Jealousy and the New Source of Supply

When the Narcissist Moves On: Jealousy and the New Source of Supply

(Prefer to watch/listen instead of read? See video on YouTube)

About a year after my divorce was final, I got a call from my ex-mother-in-law, letting me know that my ex was getting remarried. I was only mildly surprised – mostly that it had taken him almost two years to meet, successfully propose and schedule a wedding with his would-be second ex-wife. In hindsight, I’m actually kind of surprised it took him that long because usually, narcissists move much quicker. Still, I have absolutely no doubt he was dating and being “in love” with someone – more likely, more than one person, shortly after I left him, but for me, I didn’t even start dating until the divorce was final, and that itself took close to a year after I left.

Even though I did not in any way want him back, part of me felt some kind of way about this whole situation. It wasn’t that I felt jealous. I felt…confused. I felt like I wanted to contact this woman and tell her what she was in for. But if I’m being honest, I wanted to know how he was treating her. Was he being nice? Had he suddenly become the person I’d always wanted him to be? Had all the time and effort I spent trying to help him get it together finally benefitted someone, even if it wasn’t me?

Part of me hoped that he would be different for her. But the other part of me knew he wouldn’t.

It would be about five years later that I’d finally speak to her. When my now-husband decided to adopt my oldest son (the one I’d had with my ex), I had to reach out to the ex. He agreed to sign the papers because it might mean that he would no longer be on the hook for child support. Understandably, despite the fact that she’d never met or spoken to my son because he’d spent literally no time at all with my ex, his then-wife was quite concerned about the situation and showed up with him when I met him to sign the papers.

Once everything was resolved, she ended up calling me several times to discuss her husband and their relationship. She wanted to know if her experiences were like mine. It turned out that her marriage was nearly identical to mine, except she didn’t tolerate as much of his crap as I had. This led to his increasing the intensity and frequency of manipulation and gaslighting. Either way, though, she ended up divorcing him not long after. He’d end up married twice more after that, as far as I know.

The one thing I had felt worried about was that he would be better for someone who wasn’t me. But after having the opportunity to talk to both his second and third wives, I learned the truth: he was the same person for them as he’d been for me. He never changed.

Will the Narcissist Change for the New Supply?

Have you ever felt worried that your ex would somehow change for their new “source of narcissistic supply?” If so, you’re not alone. In fact, I hear this question all the time. People want to know: will the narcissist change for the new supply? Will they take everything I tried to teach them and use it successfully in a new relationship? Well, that’s exactly what we’re talking about today – narcissists and their new sources of supply – how they treat them and whether their new relationship is as good as they make it seem from the outside.

So, you’ve finally had the nerve to leave your partner, who you’re pretty sure is a toxic narcissist. And now, after years of psychological and emotional mind games, and you’re finally starting to breathe again. You are finally free of this horrible, selfish energy and you feel like you’re a brand new person! Life is just starting to get really, really good.

And then it happens. In-person or on social media, you spot your former would-be soulmate with someone new. You are startled and it feels like you’ve been slapped in the face. But pretty soon, you notice that there’s something different about them. They seem happier, brighter. Relaxed, even. They’re having a good time with a new person – maybe even someone who looks a little like you or who has something in common with you. They’re laughing, talking and even being charming.

“Who IS this person?” you wonder.

You’re confused. You’re hurt. You’re angry, maybe. A far cry from the narcissist you recently knew, your ex has somehow transformed themselves back into the amazing person you fell in love with. But seconds later, almost as if time is moving in slow motion, you realize what is happening. Your narcissist has found their next victim – and they’re in the process of love bombing this person, and for just a moment, you get a front-row seat.

Listen. I know it stings. I know it hurts when you see the person you fell in love with re-emerging after you’re away for a while. And I know that you wonder (at least a little bit) if somehow he narcissist was right all along – and if it really WAS just you.

(Side note: I PROMISE you that it wasn’t you.) Let’s talk about it.

The Truth About Narcissists in Relationships

Time for a reality check, my friend: you were never the problem in your toxic relationship. I’m not saying you were perfect. I’m not saying you didn’t make mistakes. I’m just saying that the majority of your issues in the relationship were a direct reaction to the mind games and manipulation that you were putting up within the relationship.

First, let me acknowledge that while every step in the healing process after a toxic relationship with a narcissist can be very painful, this one is probably one of the most confusing. See, while the bigger part of you knows that the narcissist is never going to REALLY change, this other little part of you still loves them – or, to put it more accurately, the version of them that you once believed was real. The one you signed up for in the first place. And that’s the part of them that they’re parading around now – so it’s like you’re mourning “that version” of the narcissist all over again.

But let me repeat: the problem was NOT you! The problem was that the narcissist took you for granted. They got used to having you around. They got spoiled by your supply. And they got bored, or you demanded that they behave like an actual grownup. Or maybe they got shiny new object syndrome, or they said they didn’t love you anymore, and left you to pursue whatever it was they wanted in the moment. Maybe you just finally had enough and you left the narcissist yourself.

Either way, the relationship ended, and you moved on. Or at least, you’re trying to. But you keep asking yourself that question: will the narcissist treat the new supply better? Will the new person get a better deal than you had?

Why the Narcissist Becomes the Person You Fell In Love With When You Leave

Maybe it would help you to understand why the narcissist has suddenly become Mr. or Ms. Perfect again. Here’s the truth: now that the relationship has ended, whether it was the narcissist’s idea or yours to end things, the narcissist was left without a source of regular narcissistic supply – and it is not possible for a narcissist to exist for long without it. Sure, they’ll have their little circle of supply. Friends, family members, even people they’ve cheated on you with. But now that you’re no longer officially together, the narcissist is out there on the prowl again, seeking out the new source of narcissistic supply that they need to save them from themselves.

This is normal – it’s exactly what you should expect from a toxic narcissist. And while a small part of you might secretly hate the new supply, the other part of you sadly already knows that it isn’t going to be all hearts and flowers for this person either. That’s right – if you really think about it, you’ll know exactly know how this story is going to go.

Narcissistic Abuse Has a Standard Cycle

Now, as you know, narcissists are very hard to live with, and even a reasonably intelligent person would feel ashamed that they tolerate the narcissist’s manipulative tactics. This means that the new supply is probably keeping any drama and BS under wraps. And if you’re being honest, you might have done the same thing back then, especially on social media. I remember being really embarrassed if anyone found out what I’d been dealing with, so I told very few people.

Here’s what you need to remember. Narcissistic abuse runs in cycles. In case you aren’t familiar with it, the standard toxic relationship pattern that narcissists use is pretty basic: initially, they love bomb and idealize you. Then they devalue and discard you. Then, many times, they hoover you back in, and the cycle can begin again.

This happens in varying iterations and it happens often inside the same relationship over and over for decades sometimes. But if I’m in your shoes at this point, I’m going to make use of the no-contact/low-contact thing and use it to my advantage. That means to block them both on Facebook so you can stop torturing yourself by stalking their profiles. It means you will not listen when some well-meaning flying monkey tries to offer you updates on the narcissist and the new supply.

It means you’re going to move forward and focus ONLY on what you can control (not what you can’t), and since you couldn’t control the narcissist while you were together, you sure as heck can’t now (nor should you want to – this person no longer your problem!). If you have kids together and you can’t go completely no contact, then you go low contact, meaning that you ONLY deal with the narcissist about the business of raising the kids. Nothing else.

But how do you deal with the painful reality of watching your ex narcissist be perfect for someone else?

How to Deal When the Narcissist Moves On with Someone Else

1. See the Patterns!

Start by remembering what you dealt with and by recognizing what the new supply will deal with soon enough, if they’re not already going through it. (And even if you’re tempted to warn your narcissist’s new supply about what they’re getting themselves into, don’t do it – even if your intentions are good. Since chances are they’re still in the love-bombing or idealization phase, and since your ex has likely told them a lot of lies about you, they won’t likely believe you anyway and you’ll end up regretting the decision to reach out.)

2. Realize the Truth!

Don’t sit around thinking that the narcissist’s new supply will end up getting the benefit of all the work you did trying to fix them. It doesn’t work like that. The narcissist is and always be exactly who they are. Narcissists do not change. I’m not saying they can’t – because I believe that if a narcissist were to really dig in to discover and heal their core wounds, it might be possible. But I’m saying they don’t. In all the years I’ve worked in this business, I’ve never seen it happen. I’ve never seen it happen with any narcissist in my own life and I’ve interviewed and worked with a number of psychologists and other experts who will tell you the same thing: a narcissist does not change (not for long, anyway). The most you’ll get is a temporary behavior modification, and that’s only if the narcissist gets something out of it.

3. Grieve the Relationship!

This is one place I failed in my early recovery. Rather than grieving the relationship, I decided to avoid my feelings and just move forward. That turned out to be a bad idea as it would later come back and bite me in the butt – and while the grief process will wait, it will not just go away. Eventually, you’re going to have to grieve the person you signed up for and let them go.

4. Be Honest with Yourself!

Remember that you’re not really mourning the person you lost; you’re mourning your illusion of who you believed they were. It’s an ever-turning cycle that the narcissist will repeat in varying iterations for the rest of their life. Be glad you’re off the wheel.

5. Put Yourself First for Once!

Stay focused on you, and on making your own life better. You have already been tortured enough – if you let this situation keep making you miserable, you’re only allowing the narcissist to continue the abuse and control you from afar. Take back your life, my friend, and choose to be happy, in your own way. Focus on what you can control and not what you can’t.

6. Focus on Healing.

It’s time for you to heal and release the anger and sadness. As you work on your own healing, the layers of anger and sadness will soon disappear. One of the hardest things for me and for many survivors of these kinds of relationships was mourning the illusion of that perfect relationship we wanted to truly believe that we had. Letting that go was a big step for me and many other survivors have told me the same thing.

7. Don’t Overthink the New Supply.

NEVER compare yourself to the new supply, unless it’s to feel sorry for them as you take note of the pattern that you’re thankfully no longer subjected to in your life. Don’t do yourself the disservice of trying to think the new supply somehow “better” than you; the truth is that narcissists are very picky, so chances are, if the new source of narcissistic supply “seems” better somehow, it’s only because the hasn’t ruined them just yet.

8. Skip the “What Ifs.”

Don’t “if only” and “what if” yourself to death. It’s common to have feelings of regret after any relationship ends, and you wouldn’t be human if you didn’t wonder what you could have done differently or whether something you did or said could have been the trigger that caused it all to go downhill. But that’s not the truth, and it’s not helping you – it’s only causing you more pain – and chances are, you couldn’t have changed the situation without going completely insane trying to make the narcissist happy. Remember that the narcissist will NEVER be truly happy, because true happiness comes from within – and they are empty on the inside, at least on an emotional level. Now it’s time to live in the moment and to think about how you want the future to go.

What do you think?

Question of the Day: Have you ever experienced watching your ex-narcissist get involved with a new person, or even just appear to return to the person they used to be, and how did it make you feel? What advice would you offer your fellow survivors in this situation? Or are you currently dealing with this issue? Share your thoughts, share your ideas, share your experiences in the comments section below this video, and let’s talk about it.

Can Gaslighting Be Unintentional?

Can Gaslighting Be Unintentional?

Today, we’re going to talk about narcissists and gaslighting and whether or not it can be intentional. If you’ve ever had a friend, family member or co-worker who is a narcissist or who suffers from narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), chances are you have been the victim of gaslighting, which is a manipulation technique they often employ to get what they want.

(See video here)

In case you’re new around here, let me define gaslighting for you. Used by most narcissists, gaslighting is a pervasive and highly-effective tactic meant to manipulate you by psychological means into questioning your own sanity. Or, in layman’s terms, gaslighting is when a toxic person intentionally messes with your head to make you doubt your reality and your sanity. And, if you haven’t already guessed, gaslighters make you feel crazy because they act like your reactions to their abuse are not rational.

But is it intentional? Are narcissists and other toxic people using gaslighting on purpose? Do they think about it first, or is it just in their nature? Do people who are utilizing gaslighting tactics even know they are doing that?

Can gaslighting be unintentional?

In the examples I gave, do you think that the gaslighting was done on purpose or by nature? Were the narcissists I  talked about calculating or was this just the way their minds work? Well, let’s discuss that. It could go one of two ways.

In some cases yes, a narcissist can be well-aware of what they’re doing. Maybe they don’t call it “gaslighting,” but they have studied you and long-practiced the strategy and how it works in order to manipulate others. It is all about gaining control. The ones who intentionally manipulate and do so in a calculated, focused way tend to be more intelligent as well as higher on the cluster B spectrum. They’re more likely to qualify as sociopaths and psychopaths.

However, in other cases, there are abusers and narcissists who utilize gaslighting tactics without even realizing it as well.

In those instances, they are still wanting to gain control to manipulate others, and when that happens, gaslighting is one of those tactics they use. But that does not mean the gaslighting is intentional. It just comes with the territory. In many cases, children who were raised by narcissistic parents or one narcissistic parent would have learned those tactics along the way by watching what the parent does. It can just be their nature, or a learned behavior. It might look like a bad habit.

For example, if the parent had an addiction and they did not want the children to tell anyone about it, they would use gaslighting tactics to keep the child quiet. This would involve some form of manipulation by the parent. Another common gaslighting tactic that toxic parents use is that they do what they can to alienate the child from the other parent. Especially when the parents are separated or divorced as they will depict the other parent as the ‘deadbeat’ even if that is far from the truth.

The worst part is that oftentimes children who are abused and manipulated sadly repeat history. Some realize that they need to break the cycle so they don’t do that to their children. This can ensure that the toxic legacy doesn’t continue. But those who do pick up those tactics will be more likely to be manipulative towards others even if they are unintentionally gaslighting. They still are doing it to get what they want. And whether or not the manipulator is aware of gaslighting, they both are a pathological way of cruelly manipulating the mind to get what they want. They don’t care if you get hurt in the end.

Bottom line: it is true that gaslighting can be unintentional. But remember this: that does not make it any less problematic than those who are intentionally doing it to you.

The best way to deal with gaslighting is through the gray rock method. You can learn more about the gray rock method right here

Why Do People Fall For The Narcissist’s Smear Campaign?

Why Do People Fall For The Narcissist’s Smear Campaign?

Narcissists have a funny way of doing anything they can to maintain appearances to people who aren’t really very important in their lives, while at the same time, caring very little about how they’re perceived by the people closest to them. One way they show this is through the liberal use of smear campaigns used against loved ones as part of their relationship cycles. The worst part is that people often believe the lies the narcissist spreads and this can lead to the complete destruction of your life as you know it.

What is a smear campaign?

A smear campaign is a manipulation tactic in which the narcissist spreads rumors and lies about you in order to socially or otherwise isolate you, as well as to get additional narcissistic supply in the form of support or pity from those who are hearing their latest “sob story.”  Smear campaigns are most often used by the narcissist when you have discarded them (or they have discarded you).

In this video, you’ll find everything you need to know about smear campaigns.

How do narcissistic smear campaigns work?

Let’s begin with a few examples of the typical narcissistic smear campaign.

When you go no contact with a narcissistic parent or break up with a narcissistic friend or partner, you know that they will not take it well. And even if they are the one who leaves you, they will make you look like the bad one.

For instance, if you cut your narcissistic mother out of your life, then she will go around telling the extended family and others in the community what a terrible person you are. She might say that you had stolen from her (which you never have done), and did everything you could to cause damage (which you never did).

If you stop being friends with a narcissistic person, he or she will spread harmful rumors about you and easily ruin your reputation that way. The same goes for when you divorce a narcissistic partner. They will lie about you to the courts, and to others, and throw you under the bus at any opportunity possible. Of course you can always attempt to expose the narcissist’s smear campaign, as explained in this video.

When does a narcissistic smear campaign happen?

The narcissistic’s smear campaign seems to be most common when the narcissist feels you “betrayed” them in some way – when the narcissist feels and demonstrates “narcissistic injury,” which is explained in this video.

They will tell plenty of lies about you (which the narcissist actually might see as “truth,” as they can be quite delusional).

They will ruin you in order to protect their image, hide their insecurities, and they never hold themselves accountable for anything they do. Any victim of a narcissist will be a scapegoat.

Why do people fall for the narcissist’s smear campaign?

There is one basic reason that people will fall for a narcissist’s smear campaign. That is due to the fact that narcissists are extremely manipulative and convincing to the point that they are excellent liars. Narcissists know exactly how to make you look like the bad one and will get others to believe their lies about you.

Unfortunately, the narcissist’s smear campaign is aimed at ruining you, and their efforts are focused on exactly that. Remember, narcissists believe their own lies – as explained in this video.

For many, you will look like the bad one that the narcissist successfully portrayed you to be. Some people may always believe them. However, eventually, the narcissist’s true colors will shine right through. Some people will see that the narcissist is just that, a narcissist which will make them think twice about what they had said about you.

So, if you are planning to cut a narcissistic parent out of your life, or separate from a narcissistic partner or friend – be prepared. Know that they will create a smear campaign about you that can easily ruin your reputation. However, the decent people who may believe them at first will eventually see the truth once they see the narcissist’s true colors.

Who is Involved in the narcissist’s smear campaign?

You guessed it – narcissists don’t usually “go it alone” when it comes to smear campaigns. They have a special group of people who help them do their bidding. This can be a group of one or more – and we call them “flying monkeys.” Flying monkeys, for the record, are those people who willingly or otherwise do the narcissist’s bidding and support their agenda. They are essentially the enablers of the narcissist.

In this video, learn the truth about narcissists, flying monkeys and the smear campaign.

What can you to stop the smear campaign?

Truthfully, there is very little you can do once the smear campaign has already started. But don’t waste your breath trying to defend yourself. If the narcissist gets to someone who you trust, give them one chance to hear your side of the story – and if they don’t understand and/or believe it, you might want to back off for a short time (or longer) until this whole thing blows over. But those who know and trust you should stick with you. Those who don’t might not have been your people in the first place. This video offers a “don’t get mad, get even” technique for how to deal with the narcissist’s smear campaign.

Narcissistic Recycler (Why Narcissists Recycle Their Former Partners)

Narcissistic Recycler (Why Narcissists Recycle Their Former Partners)


One of the most common questions people ask me early in their narcissistic abuse recovery is “Will the narcissist come back to me?” And sadly, I can often tell them yes, it’s highly likely. (See video here)

See, there are some narcissists who are infamous for their recycling habits – but not the good kind of recycling that helps save the earth. Instead of recycling garbage, these narcissists recycle people – specifically, people with whom they have relationships.

You might say that narcissists have their own personal harem dedicated to being dedicated sources of narcissistic supply.

In fact, when we are talking about a “narcissistic harem,” we are talking abt a group or “collection” of friends/admirers (AKA sources of narcissistic supply) that a narcissist gathers up to keep them topped up on their daily supply of love and admiration.

Since no single individual person could ever fill the void that is the hole inside a narcissist’s soul, they seek to fill it with whomever they can – and often these relationships are interchangeable.

So how does “narcissistic recycling” happen?

The narcissist has their group of “options” – AKA their little harem – and while there may be an occasional new addition or temporary member of the group, there are a few who remain in place for years or even decades.

As the narcissist cycles through the idealization, devalue, discard and hoover phase with one, they’re often in a different part of the cycle with another.

But in any case, the “re-idealization” part is often facilitated by the hoover maneuver.

You might think that it’s over – but very often, the narcissist has other ideas. in fact, more often than not, the narcissist will do something to suck you back into their drama – or even fully back into the relationship – using a technique called hoovering.

What is hoovering?

Hoovering, named after the famous vacuum cleaner company, is what we call it when the narcissist tries to “suck you back in” after you’ve left them or ended the relationship, or after they have discarded you. They may use some kind of personal problem or dramatic issue to pull you back in, or they may use love-bombing. Hoovering is always an attempt to obtain more narcissistic supply from you, and in many cases, it can be an attempt to reconcile the relationship. It can also just be a manipulation tactic used to get you to break no contact.

What are the signs of a hoovering narcissist?

The first thing you need to remember here is that there is no level to which a narcissist won’t stoop – nothing is off-limits for them. Here are a few ways narcissists might engage in hoovering you. (Details on each are included in this video)

  1. Finally saying that one thing you’ve been dying to hear.
  2. Future faking you.
  3. Getting you involved in their drama.
  4. Accidentally “butt-dialing” you or sending you a text “meant for someone else.”
  5. Swearing that they can’t live without you.
  6. Engaging flying monkeys to do their dirty work.
  7. Suddenly recognizing the error of their ways.
  8. Using fear and intimidation to bully you.

How can you deal with hoovering?

The next question on the mind of every narcissistic abuse survivor is usually, “How can I avoid the hoover?” Here are a few of the most important things you can do.

  1. Remember that knowledge is power.
  2. Use the gray rock method.
  3. If possible, eliminate their ability to contact you.
  4. Focus on YOU for once!
  5. Reconnect with old friends, and make new ones.

Question of the day – have you been recycled by a narcissist? Are you worried you might be? Click here to share your thoughts, share your ideas, share your experiences in the comments section below this video and let’s talk about it.

Why do narcissists want monogamy?

Why do narcissists want monogamy?

Is there such a thing as a monogamous narcissist? Why do narcissists want monogamy when they really want attention from everyone else? Today, I’m answering a question for a viewer, Shawna, who asks: “Please do a video on why narcissists attempt monogamy when they really want attention from so many different people. I don’t understand their over the top fixation on one person but playing the field.”

Helpful Resources:

Did you know? 

  • 22 percent of men and 14 percent of women admitted to having sexual relations or infidelity adultery outside their marriage sometime in the past.
  • About 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an affair at some point in some marriage, according to Monogamy Myth
  • 5 percent of married men and 3 percent of married women reported having sex with someone other than their spouse in a sexual infidelity survey conducted in 1997.
  • 17 percent of divorces in the United States are caused by marital infidelity.

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