55 Weird Things Narcissists Do to Manipulate and Control You

55 Weird Things Narcissists Do to Manipulate and Control You

Toxic narcissists have a way of trying to control and manipulate everyone in their life. If you have ever been involved with a narcissist,  you’ve probably found yourself wondering about all the weird things they do and whether any of it is your fault. As it turns out, narcissists are so predictable that many people wonder if there is a narcissist playbook.

In other words, you’re not alone – and it isn’t your fault. To prove it, I polled our narcissistic abuse recovery support group with a single question: What is the weirdest thing your narcissist ever did during your relationship?

After polling more than 10,000 survivors of narcissistic abuse, I have compiled this list of 55 weird things narcissists do to manipulate and control you.

What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

Not considered to be a “mental illness,” narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder that manifests in an inflated sense of importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.

Just FYI – Here is the Diagnostic Criteria for NPD

A victim of narcissistic personality disorder will exhibit at least five of the following traits

1. A grandiose sense of self-importance

2. A preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

3. A belief that he or she is “special” and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)

4. A requirement for excessive admiration

5. A sense of entitlement – unreasonable expectations of especially favourable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

6. Interpersonal exploitativeness – taking advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends

7. A lack of empathy and an unwillingness to recognise or identify with the feelings and needs of others

8. Enviousness of others – along with the belief that others are envious of him or her

9. A tendency to arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes

Source: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders IV

Video: Weird Things Narcissists Do

In this video, I’m sharing the list of 55 weird things narcissists do to manipulate and control you.

Narcissists and Their Weird Attempts to Manipulate, Gain Control and/or Get Attention

  1. Maniacal Laughter – Does unexplained maniacal laughing count? Like, he would pass behind me as I helped my son with homework…then maniacal laughter…left me like “did I say something?”
  2. Silent Treatment – Whenever he punished me with silent treatment since he did not want to talk about what I had to discuss. But for me it was sometimes too important what I had to talk about, so I went to him after a few hours and wanted to continue the talk.
  3. Narcissistic Rage – Sometimes he was raging & beat himself constantly with his fists against the head .. what I find is very weird and scared me.
  4. Hating on You – Saying they hate (Fill in the blank) but you are that. And they always pick that in a partner just to say I hate.
  5. Saying You’re Too Old – Telling me I’m old and nobody wants an old washed out hag. (I’m 41) He was doing me this grand favor by just being with me at all. I honestly think I look a little younger than I actually am but getting old frightens me… especially after being told for years that my only good quality was being somewhat attractive.
  6. Projecting Their Bad Qualities on to You – Mine would also make it a favor by being with me cause “no one else was trying as hard as him” blah blah, I had to tell him that I’m not the one who can’t stand to be alone, I don’t NEED anyone. That was him projecting on me since he couldn’t stand to be alone and needs a constant supply of people.
  7. Feeling Overly Entitled – Complaining about people who forgot their birthday and didn’t donate for so and so race etc., getting pissed and saying I did this so I should get this and if I don’t you don’t get anything. I found that weird and strange a person can be that rude.
  8. Gaslighting – Would say XYZ to me and when I would call him out on it, he’d legit straight face say, “I never said that”.
  9. Pressuring for an Abortion – When he found out I was pregnant he told me I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone but he then went and consulted with this guy to find out what herbs he could sneak into my tea to induce miscarriage and tried to bribe me into having an abortion by saying he’d pay to have me fly to visit my friends in the USA to “get over it.”
  10. Blaming You for Everything – Somebody hit the car from behind and he blamed me for the accident. I was at the light sitting perfectly still when a car crossed the lane from a gas station and scrapped the back of my car.
  11. Making Fun of You/Taking Things Out of Context – When I was married to this narc … our last year together I started to have nervous breakdowns … I start crying a lot … can’t breathe after screaming (I thought I was losing my mind and I doubted my sanity) …. you’ll ask me now where the weird thing is … well… he used to record videos when I’m having these breaking downs… he filmed the 5 times I had them … without trying to help me … and the second day he comes and shows me the videos … (look at yourself how funny u were yesterday) ….
  12. Humiliating You or Threatening to Humiliate You for Control – When I asked for a divorce, he said I don’t want to leave you but if you’ll ask for divorce I will show the videos of you to the judge.
  13. Keeping You Uncomfortable – Locking the room the thermostat is in. Freezing and/or overheating everyone in the house.
  14. Pathological Lying for NO Reason – Claim to have been offered commercials because she’s so good at driving right down the middle of lanes.
  15. Double Standards and Isolation – He wanted me to be friends with all his old girlfriends, but I wasn’t “allowed” to have male friends – even the ones I’ve known since 4th grade!
  16. Making You Feel Second-Best – The weirdest thing my narcissistic ex ever did was to tell me that me her pastor said to stay in contact with those you don’t talk to anymore. She then tells me she been reaching this one guy she went to high school with (a guy who wanted to go out with her, but she denied him due to distance). Ever since we got back together, I had to find out she been making fake accounts trying to reach him, and as of a result, he blocked her EVERY TIME. So, he may know something I didn’t or knew who she was. That or hated rejection and moved on. But the fact, she told me she been doing that, made me feel like I’m getting dumped. Not like I care, but the fact she wanted to do that made me feel like “Second Choice”. So he went no contact, and now I am 100 percent.
  17. Different Personalities for Different People –  With me he was strong and seductive… but the minute he was with his friends he became this little boy trying to impress them. With them, I don’t think he feels powerful?
  18. Threatening You to Prevent You From Leaving – He told me if I didn’t make him number one he would destroy me.
  19. Preventing You From Sleep – He liked to argue and fight in the bed. Then he told me to get out of bed. And when I wouldn’t, he would roll me off the mattress into the floor. Literally pick up the mattress enroll me off into the floor. That’s What I call weird!
  20. Sleep Abuse – Keep me up all night arguing.
  21. Making It Impossible to Please Them – Mine once told me to take off my ring, and when I did he started shouting for.me to put it back or else. All of this is the middle of the night.
  22. Blaming/Inflating and Exaggerating – My narcissist used to take pictures of damage to the house that either he caused himself, or small things like me throwing a picture frame on the floor after he abused me and called me crazy and told me to throw it. He would take pictures then called the police and tell them, “See, look what she did.”
  23. Treating You Like a Dog – He was eating Cheetos while we were watching a movie. I was hungry and watching him eat, and every 15 minutes or so, he would give me one Cheeto. Like I was a puppy.
  24. Refusing to Allow You to Have Boundaries – When I refused to engage him at our Airbnb the last “big fight” (the one where he argued with himself for hours), he started unplugging the whole outlet that the tv was hooked up to because I was being “rude” and not making eye contact…even though I told him NUMEROUS times before that, that I wasn’t engaging with him and it’s rude of him to keep trying when I’ve clearly set my boundary.
  25. Hiding Your Stuff (More Gaslighting) – He would hide my medications, money, jewelry from me, and say I must have lost them. Then in a week, he would let me have them back, laughing at the thought that he was making me crazy.
  26. Intentionally Making You Feel Crazy – I thought I was really losing my mind how often I would lose things I JUST HAD. I finally realized HE was doing this on purpose when I pulled out my driver’s license to go renew it, walked to get my purse to leave, and the license wasn’t on the table where I had JUST LEFT IT. He was sitting next to that table and I asked him if he saw it…of course not, I’d “never left anything there.” After several frantic minutes, tears and crying I was “losing my mind” (during which time he in no way tried to comfort or help his wife who he could see/hear was on the edge of a nervous breakdown, even wondering if I should renew my license, I was so mental); I walked back to the table…and there it was. Of course, when asked he said “it was there all the time, I don’t know why you were carrying on. Are you crazy or something?” When I asked, “WHY didn’t you HELP ME?!” I was ignored. That’s when I realized the answer wasn’t that I was crazy, but that something was wrong with a man who could hear his wife having a breakdown. And not try to help her. No empathy.
  27. Denying Their Abuse – Would slap me across the face, and when I asked why he did that, he would say “what are you talking about??!”
  28. Controlling the TV, Even When Not Watching – I would come home from work. Get in bed and try to turn the TV to something I wanted to watch. He would be pretending to be asleep. As soon as I turned the channel he would yell at me and say he was listening to that. Sometimes he would actually be asleep and wake up as soon as I turned the channel he’d wake up screaming to turn the channel back.
  29. Body Shaming You – Saying you are fat but they have the issue with weight and body image. Same with acne or other health issues.
  30. Ghosting You – Just leaving. Not telling you a damn thing. Showing up days later like nothing happened.
  31. Being Blind to Their Faults (And Justifying It) – Mine is well over 400 pounds but calls everyone fat and gross. Tells me that I’m health-obsessed and that’s worse than being overweight.
  32. Lying About Money and Future-Faking – Looked me in the eyes and told me that we would never have to worry about money ever again because he had piles of cash stashed everywhere around the house…. the mattress… the shed… buried outback… said he had it hidden in places I would never think of.
  33. Destroying Your Property – Threw everything that was in our freezer and fridge on the front lawn. That was what we came home to after going to the police station because she threw a brick through the back windshield of the car. We told the police we aren’t going back till you pick her up and that was what we found…a front lawn full of frozen TV dinners and groceries.
  34. Smear Campaigning to Turn People Against You – Call his mother on his cell phone in the middle of giving me two black eyes. “MOM!” He says frantically, “She’s hysterical! I can’t get her to shut up!” (I was screaming because he had his booted foot on my head with all his weight on it)….do you want to know what his mother said to him after he put his cell on speaker so I could hear? “Take that bitch to the nearest bus stop and DROP HER OFF!!”
  35. Being Enabled by Their Parents – My mother-in-law. She “loved me like her own daughter” but was proud of him for not killing me long ago.
  36. Holding Weird Grudges – He was angry his mother didn’t breastfeed him.
  37. Literally Stealing Your Breath – He would breathe in my breath. It felt like he was stealing my soul.
  38. Acting Crazy – Argue with themselves for hours on end.
  39. Using Law Enforcement as Flying Monkeys – When narcissists try to smear campaign via law enforcement and portraying themselves as a victim
  40. Moving Your Stuff to Drive You Crazy (More Gaslighting) – Steal jewelry from me over the course of weeks and then slowly put it back.
  41. Competing with Children – When his dad remarried and had children with her, he (30 years old) lost it saying his dad is a better dad to those kids and he’ll never accept them as his brothers because they’re “halfies” (half-brothers, half Hispanic, etc.). A grown man talking about babies in such a way. Very disturbing.
  42. Abandoning You and Blaming You for Everything – As we were driving on the freeway, he took my cell phone and threw it out of the car, pushed the door open, then pushed me out and left me there along the highway in another state. He eventually can back but it was my fault that I made him do that.
  43. Financially Abusing You – Wants me to pay for any and everything he wants from books, my gifts, the million-dollar home we only live in during summer, hotels when he goes alone, shares in his ‘business’ worthless, pay half his rent when I visit, pay the deposit on a flat for us, pay for transfers to the airport because he decided to go home, pay for airport parking when I waited 7 hours at arrivals bc he was refused entry to the country, accuse me of trespassing if I stayed later in the morning and didn’t leave the hotel room at the same time as him, never has rung me long distance to talk and one time I answered his long-distance call gave me a bollocking for answering the call, thousands of weird examples.
  44. Constantly Discarding You for Silly Reasons – Breaking up with me because I didn’t give him a hug.
  45. Being Ridiculously Vain – He thinks he’s so gorgeous – he’s 40 and prides himself on how well he fits in with 20-year-olds (his own daughter’s age).
  46. Taking Revenge and Having Extreme Double Standards – She got mad that I had my bicycle in the shared space of the apartment for a few days (so did she with her bicycle, but we all know what’s okay for them isn’t okay for us.) So she took all of her items out of her bedroom and closet and piled them in front of my door since “it’s shared space”.
  47. Hiding Stuff Without Concern for Life – We had 2 fish aquariums. One huge one for our Oscars and one for my Parrotfish that I had to rescue from the tank with the Oscars because they were trying to kill her. He saw me use the water test strips to test the water in my aquarium one day, so he hid them, so I couldn’t use them without asking him.
  48. Being Stingy and Controlling – He hid all of the batteries from me and doled them out as he saw fit. Weirdo!
  49. Blatant Cheating – He took his mistress with him to events for our business while I stayed home looking after our baby and pets. We are pretty well known in our industry so it was very risky for him so I am surprised he risked my finding out he was cheating. I guess he thought he had me so fooled I wouldn’t believe it even if I did find out.
  50. Being Overly Paranoid and Threatening You – Run outside with his stupid handgun every time anyone passed by the house or a tire would backfire. Weird. Said he was going to call the police when he was leaving me and I grabbed for his arm. Weird.
  51. Trying to Make You Doubt Your Reality (Gaslighting Tactic) – When I called because I was sick at work he deleted all of my calls (missed one because a call came through in between) and tried to convince me that I had not called him. When I confronted him with his online cheating he tried to tell me someone had stolen his identity, then erased history from his laptop as I was finding it.
  52. Being a Hypochondriac – Went to the hospital over NOTHING.
  53. Constantly Talking About Self and Being Paranoid – Talk about himself constantly around my family. Told his kids things about me and his ex they shouldn’t know. Packed his son’s room up when I went away one weekend and took everything over to his ex’s house. He said he thought I was going to leave. Flipped out because someone posted a pic of Colin Firth on my FB wall and blasted me saying that people would think he’s (the narc) isn’t good enough for me. This was right before a trip I was taking with my family without him.
  54. Being Reckless and Overreacting – He jumped out of the car at a red light and not answer the phone when I asked him how he wanted me to make his food.
  55. Never Defending You and Playing the Victim When You Call Them Out – He allowed his friend to verbally abuse me and when he did absolutely nothing to defend me and told his friend he’s sorry I always cause problems, I started crying so he instantly played the victim and curled up in a ball on the floor and started to cry himself and pretended I was going to hit him.

More Weird Things Narcissists Do

Narcissistic Abuse in Childhood: What Adult Survivors Need to Know

Narcissistic Abuse in Childhood: What Adult Survivors Need to Know

Guest Post Written By Ivy K.

I’m a narcissistic child abuse survivor. This type of abuse is nearly impossible for a child to explain. I’m an adult, and I still cannot explain it to a person.

How do you explain narcissistic abuse to ‘outsiders’ or other people who don’t understand?

This is what it sounds like; this is an example of why it’s impossible to tell another.

  • An 11-year-old Ivy says, “I don’t want to be like them when I grow up.” (Ivy knows she can’t tell anybody her parents are mean because they are so charming in public.)
  • Another teenage girl with normal growing pains says, “OMG, I can’t stand my Mom. I hate her. I hope I’m never like her.”

Think about those two quotes; they are very similar. However, only one is coming from a child who is being abused.

Related: Why Being Raised by a Narcissist Could Cause You to Marry One

“But why didn’t you tell someone?”

I tried. When I did voice to another about the abuse, I only sounded like a whiny little brat. Here’s a couple of lines I’ve said as an adult:

“They act differently when people are around.” and “They are putting on a show for you.”

I can easily see how the comments wouldn’t stick and fly over somebody’s head.

“You could have asked a counselor for help!”

Professionals such as social workers, guidance counselors, etc. – just don’t get it. They do not understand that No Contact is the only way to handle narcissistic abuse. I have been asked to speak to my abusers repeatedly, only to open the door to more abuse because these professionals have no training.

Related: How to Find a Therapist Who Understands Narcissistic Abuse

This is one reason why children don’t speak up about the abuse – because there’s always a push for children to interact with their parents. I’m sure professionals with no training on this type of child abuse see the parent “doing everything they can” (when they cry victim as a manipulation tactic) and “the child is just making a mountain out of a molehill.”

No One Believed Me

I tried to tell people I was being abused at age 16. But, unfortunately, because of the nature of a narcissist, nobody believed me. So, by the time I was 17, after many years of enduring the abuse, I had a nervous breakdown and was sent to a mental health hospital.

I missed a lot of school. I shouldn’t have graduated with my class.

Why I Am Sharing This Story NOW

I’m sharing this for one reason, so that, as Pearl Jam sang in Why Go, “MAYBE SOMEDAY ANOTHER CHILD WON’T FEEL AS ALONE AS SHE DOES, it’s been two years and counting, since they put her in this place, she’s been diagnosed by some stupid f**k, and mommy agrees. Why go home?”

Yes, before anything else, I had Pearl Jam lyrics to let me know I wasn’t alone. Their lyrics seemed to zero in exactly on this unexplainable invisible abuse. I knew something was wrong when I was very young. …. I’m talking age 7.

And then, Pearl Jam came along, and a lot of their early lyrics validated my feelings. However, I didn’t know the abuse had a name until much later.

What Narcissistic Abuse Feels Like to a Child of a Narcissist

When the abuse is at its worse, it feels like they secretly want me dead, and they’ll do a real good job of nearly killing me without laying a single finger on me. On a good day, I know their script. I know exactly what they will say before they say it, and I’ll have to concentrate hard to keep from rolling my eyes and/or busting out in laughter.

When you’re a child, you learn not to have an identity. If you do discover yourself, you know darn well you had better hide it from your parents. (*Cindy still describes our mother and daughter relationship as the Two-Headed Monster. Because in her eyes, I’m an extension of her. I am Cindy, not Ivy.)

The setup is backward when it comes to toxic parents. The adults are to be the center of the child’s world – not the other way around. You are to know what they want before they know.

The moment you stop making them the center of your universe, they no longer have any use for you. If you wait it out, they’ll forget about you altogether.

Neglect is easier than abuse. You want to be neglected by your parents. To borrow from Dr. Phil, your parents are not A Safe Place To Fall. Meaning you know not to go to them for advice or for life skills, such as what to do when your car battery dies or how to replace a clapper in the toilet, etc.

Something simple turns into a stressful, dramatic ordeal because of their need to make it about them.

I’m assuming many who have survived narcissistic child abuse don’t know how to build a healthy and safe circle of support to go to when simple life advice is needed.

Related: Get support in our free online support group for narcissistic abuse recovery. 

Narcissist Parents and Victim-Playing

There’s another part to this. Because the narcissist’s inner voice is so toxic, they truly don’t feel comfortable until they believe they are the victim in a real-life situation. Then, they have to make real-life matches their toxic inner voice.

Their need to play the victim is so intense that they create situations that make no sense to anybody else.

As the narcissist creates these situations to ensure they’re the victim, the problem is easily forgotten about amongst the chaos. Playing the victim is a manipulation tactic used by narcissists.

Two of the most important things to know about narcissists is they lack empathy and will put themselves first in any given situation.

What to know about narcissistic child abuse: it is invisible, nearly impossible for the victim to explain, and is handed down from one generation to the next. It is a toxic legacy. 

Terms to know:

*Names changed in the interest of privacy

Start Getting Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Today

Online help is readily available for survivors of narcissistic abuse. Here are some options to begin healing from narcissistic abuse right away.

Signs of Narcissistic Abuse in Toxic Relationships

Signs of Narcissistic Abuse in Toxic Relationships

“Some people aren’t loyal to you, they are loyal to their need of you. Once their need changes, so does their loyalty.” ~Unknown

Narcissists do not care who they hurt

Ever have a “frenemy” – you know, the “friend slash enemy” combo, all neatly wrapped up into one friend, relative, co-worker or acquaintance? Not sure? Well, let me ask you another question.

Have you been just SHOCKED at the level of betrayal to which someone subjects you on a regular basis? Whether it’s a friend, a family member or even a co-worker, a “frenemy” is also often a narcissist, which is officially defined as “a person who is overly self-involved, and often vain and selfish.”

Do you know and/or love a narcissist? If so, have you ever had one tell you that he or she “knows you better than you know yourself?” How about being told that your feelings and thoughts aren’t real or legitimate? And depending on the point in your life in which you met the narc and the intensity of his manipulation, you might even believe him. 

The Two-Faced Narcissist

I know, everyone’s got a touch of narcissism – it helps us stay alive. Still, some have what might be considered “toxic” levels of narcissism – and one of the most telling signs is when someone from whom you expect (and deserve) loyalty goes the other way and betrays you.

For example, the boss who doesn’t back you up on a project – or the one who steals your idea and takes credit for it. Or the wife who just can’t seem to get it through her head that you are a person with feelings and emotions, too. Maybe it’s your child or your father who is “touched” by narcissism – it could be almost literally anyone you are in any type of ongoing relationship with.

Related: Narcissists and love bombing

Why do narcissists feel the need to create such difficulties for the people in their lives? It has a lot to do with their need to be in control of every person, situation and thing they come into contact with – at least on some level.

For a narcissist, this is just par for the course – it’s how they manage relationships and how they keep themselves artificially elevated within their own fragile egos- they start by messing with your head.

Seriously. It’s all part of a complicated and convoluted manipulation technique called gaslighting.

Learn more about gaslighting and narcissism.

You become addicted to a narcissist’s approval. As his source of narcissistic supply, you seek it out, changing yourself entirely if necessary to get that coveted “atta girl.”

Related: Inside a narcissistic attack

You develop what appears to be extreme loyalty to the narcissist. But what you might really be dealing with is a whole other ball of wax.

See, because of the excessive pressure you’re under inside of the relationship, you might find yourself being almost rude to people on the outside.

Related: Narcissism Exposed – An Example of Gaslighting in Relationships 

This might be due to your desire to keep your narcissist happy and avoid another raging episode, or it might just be because you’re so mentally exhausted from dealing with him that you literally can’t deal with anyone else’s issues.

In any case, the narcissist gets what he wants yet again – you, isolated and under control.

Loyalty isn’t a two-way street when you’re in a relationship with a narcissist.

At some point, you begin to realize that the narcissist’s loyalty isn’t with you or with any one person, but rather with whomever or whatever is offering the attention and validation that he craves, needs, must have to survive.

KNOW THIS: You won’t ever be his first priority unless he needs or wants something from you, or unless someone is watching and he needs to prove how devoted he is. And it’s really not you – it’s him.

You will begin to notice that the narcissist isn’t really a whole person. There’s a very detailed and finely tuned shell there, alright, but the narcissist left alone will begin to wither like a plant without water.

He will grow bored and depressed because he has nothing of his own to hold on to – or if he does have his own “thing,” then he wants you to love that thing too. And if you don’t or won’t? You’re the one with the problem. And he will tell you exactly what’s wrong with you and everything that you are.

How to Deal with a Two-Faced Narcissist

Dear Narcissist: You can’t handle the truth!

Even though you and other people in his or her life can see through the narcissist, there are plenty of “flying monkeys” who can’t. And let’s not forget that the narc can’t ever believe that something isn’t right about him or her self.

So unless you want an exercise in futility, I don’t suggest that you try to enlighten him to the error of his ways. So what can you do?

You’ve got choices.

1. Stick it out and shut your mouth.

I don’t mean to be harsh, but if we are being honest, there’s only one way to really communicate with a narcissist.

2. Get out.

If you can go no contact with your narcissist, that is the only sure way to truly eliminate their influence in your life. If not, you can try these tactics to temporarily control a narcissist. 

Related: One Proven Way to Deal with Narcissist and Gaslighting Episodes

3. Go ahead and get your exercise.

Stand up and say what needs to be said. While it may cause a narcissistic rage or narcissistic injury situation, sometimes you just have to tell the narcissist the truth and hope they get it – for your own sake. In some cases, you can get through to them temporarily at least – but most often, you’ll find that any concessions the narc makes are just part of his latest manipulation tactic.

Related: Top 10 Warning Signs You’re Being Manipulated

Have you had the misfortune of experiencing the two-faced narcissist? Have you visited “One Way Loyalty Street” before? How did it make you feel? 

Not sure you’re dealing with a toxic relationship? Try this quiz.

Free Through Thursday: Navigating No Contact With a Narcissist

Free Through Thursday: Navigating No Contact With a Narcissist

Quick Announcement: Navigating No-Contact with a Narcissist: A Recovery Roadmap for Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse is free on Amazon.com through Thursday, May 17 only. Be sure to grab a copy while it won’t cost anything!see it here: https://amzn.to/2rFrE9x .

You can download the free Kindle app for any device – check it out here: https://amzn.to/2IGuGoi 

USA

About the Book:

Navigating No-Contact with a Narcissist is a practical and inspiring guidebook that will help you to let go of the feelings you still have for the narcissist and to stop feeling like you want and need to engage with him or her.

Inside the guide, you’ll learn how to reclaim your sense of self, take back your life and as you move forward, to safely move on to a better relationship.

You’ll learn what “no contact” really means in terms of narcissistic abuse recovery, where the term came from and how to implement it in your own life. Plus:

  • How to break an unhealthy relationship cycle
  • Dealing with smear campaigns and rude narcissists
  • How to deal with co-parenting with a narcissist
  • How to help your kids through the separation and divorce
  • How to find yourself again after recovery
  • Why no contact works so well and why it’s hard to execute
  • The steps you need to take to make it happen

This book is for you if:

  • You’ve done your research and you already know or are pretty sure that you’re dealing with a narcissist.
  • You’ve been abandoned, or you’ve left your narcissist.
  • You’re still in the relationship, but you know you want to leave the narcissist, and you need some help.
  • You’ve gone or recently decided to go “no-contact” with a narcissist.
  • You want to go no-contact, but you’re not sure how.
  • You’re already no-contact, but you are tempted to go back to the narcissist.
  • The narcissist is trying to hoover you and you need help resisting.
  • You are ready to take back your life, right now!

The book will also take you through the stages of recovery and show you what to expect in each one, as well as offering exercises and activities for each stage. Learn more here. 

27 Most Frequently Asked Questions on Narcissists in Relationships Answered

27 Most Frequently Asked Questions on Narcissists in Relationships Answered

Updated Oct. 13, 2020 – 27 Most Frequently Asked Questions on Narcissists in Relationships Answered – Almost everything you ever needed to know about narcissists – all in one place! Also, visit our FAQ pages here.

What is a Narcissist?

What do we mean when we say “narcissist” in the narcissistic abuse recovery community? First, it’s important to note that we aren’t talking about “selfie-takers” and vain people. Not necessarily, anyway. Narcissists of the toxic nature are those who have little to no empathy for the people around them and who act from that perspective. That means that they don’t care how you or anyone else feels, and you can tell because of the way they treat the people around them. Narcissistic abuse involves subtle manipulation, pervasive control tactics, gaslighting, and emotional and psychological abuse.  Many narcissistic abusers might be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder – if they actually go to a psychologist for diagnosis, but this rarely happens as narcissists don’t feel that there’s anything with them. They may be overtly narcissistic, or they may be more of a covert narcissist. In either case, anyone in a close relationship with one of these toxic people will be used as a form of narcissistic supply and not treated like an actual person. Sadly, even the most intelligent and educated people can be manipulated and abused by a narcissist.

What is a Toxic Relationship?

A toxic relationship is much more serious than it sounds. In fact, while it’s similar to a dysfunctional relationship, it is far less repairable. In general, a toxic relationship involves more negativity than positivity, and it doesn’t emotionally support one or both of the people involved. Victims of narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships are subjected to a number of different kinds of abuse and invalidation, including resentment, contempt, communication problems, and varying forms of physical, emotional, and psychological abuse. But this definition is far too clinical – there is so much more to being involved in a toxic relationship with a narcissist.

In this post, I will answer the 27 most commonly asked questions about narcissism, narcissistic abuse, and narcissistic abuse recovery with a detailed video that explains the answers you need to know right now.

27 Most Common FAQ on Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse in Toxic Relationships

1. What is narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)?

2. What causes NPD?

3. What are the characteristics or signs of a narcissist?

4. Do narcissists sometimes have empathy?

5. Is it possible to change a narcissist?

6. Is narcissism a mental illness? (No, but there is narcissistic personality disorder – which, as the name implies is a “personality disorder,” not a mental illness – and the effects of being with a narcissist can cause mental health issues in their victims).

7. What is narcissistic abuse?

8. Can a narcissist ever change?

9. Do narcissists love you if you love them?

10. Why do I feel so lonely in my relationship with a narcissist?

 

11. What is a narcissistic parent?

12. How do you heal from breaking up with or divorcing a narcissist?

13. How do you leave a narcissist?

14. What is the best way to respond to a narcissist?

15. What happens when narcissists get old?

16. What is gaslighting?

17. What are flying monkeys?

18. Why do narcissists cheat on you and how do they get away with it?

19. What is love bombing and how is it different from infatuation and real love?

20. What is hoovering?

21. Will the narcissist come back after discard?

22. What is the narcissistic relationship cycle?

23. How can I get back at a narcissist?

24. How can I move on after the narcissist?

25. Why is recovery from narcissistic relationships so difficult?

26. What is narcissistic abuse syndrome?

Why won’t the narcissist give me any closure?

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Guilt Trips, NPD and Manipulation Psychology

Guilt Trips, NPD and Manipulation Psychology

Narcissists guilt trip you like crazy – and who among us hasn’t been on one of those? Only sociopaths are able to NEVER feel guilt – and for those of us who do feel it, guilt is distressing and draining.

More help with guilt trips – playlist here. 

There doesn’t seem to be a cure. You’ve done or said something you regret – or you’ve been made to feel guilty when you didn’t deserve it – thanks to narcissistic manipulation. In any case, you’re uncomfortable without an obvious solution. What can be done about it now?

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