These Self-Help Exercises Based on Polyvagal Theory Will Make You Feel Safer in Your Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

These Self-Help Exercises Based on Polyvagal Theory Will Make You Feel Safer in Your Narcissistic Abuse Recovery


Self-Help Exercises for CPTSD Symptoms Based on Polyvagal Theory, Plus Q&A – FEEL Safer

In THIS VIDEO, I talk about a theory developed by Dr. Stephen Porges that could change the way we heal trauma, and once I’ve given you a brief overview of the theory, I’m going to share some self-help exercises that you can do at home to help you get through the hard times.

Going through a toxic relationship often leaves victims feeling fearful to a debilitating level. For most of us, it affects our nervous system in profound ways. In some cases, survivors find themselves living in a constant state of anxiety based on the feeling that they need to be constantly on guard – hypervigilance.

This makes it almost impossible for them to relax or even to feel “normal.” They feel FROZEN or STUCK.

I have had a few different clients in this state who had tried everything but struggled to find relief.

After discovering what I’m going to show you today, we found that for many of them, doing simple at-home exercises could make a significant difference in their ability to feel safe enough to recover.

Dr. Stephen Porges proposes in his polyvagal theory that the vagus nerve has more function than previously thought, and that the sympathetic/parasympathetic nervous systems are only part of the equation in how people react to the environment and trauma.

That’s because the theory is very complicated, and while I’m going to do my best to break it down simply for you, I’m going to provide a very high-level overview and focus on the parts that will specifically help us as survivors.

The Polyvagal Theory says that the parasympathetic nervous system is not only associated with relaxation but also symptoms of PTSD.

Porges developed the theory to help us understand this dual function of the parasympathetic nervous system. It points to a human survival mechanism in which the parasympathetic nervous system leads us to FREEZE or “faint” in the face of a life-threatening event.

Most importantly, the polyvagal theory teaches you to engage your social nervous system to consciously slow down your defensive system.

This allows you to finally find freedom from CPTSD symptoms and to feel safe. In other words, Porges’s theory makes us look beyond the effects of fight or flight and put social relationships in the forefront so we can understand our symptoms better.

This is How You Decide Who You Are After Narcissistic Abuse

This is How You Decide Who You Are After Narcissistic Abuse

“We must not allow other people’s limited perceptions to define us.” ~Virginia Satir

After you go through a toxic relationship with a narcissist, you are very likely to have an impaired ability to see yourself clearly. Thanks to months, years or even decades of conditioning, you probably have a very damaged self-perception. But it’s time for you to take another look at your amazing self and see the truth.

You’re much better than you’ve been giving yourself credit for – and it’s time you recognize, accept and embrace your greatness. Stick with me – let’s work together to change your self-perception, one baby-step at a time. I promise you, this will change everything.

How To Change Your Self Perception (After a Toxic Relationship)

Try these 7 tips and techniques on how to change your self-perception after a toxic relationship if you’ve ever wondered:

Well..this one’s for you! This video contains 7 powerful tips and techniques on how to change your self-perception after a toxic relationship.

1. Your previous beliefs and knowledge can prevent you from gaining new knowledge. If you think you know something already, you won’t be open to new views. Knowledge is great, but when it gets in the way of learning something new, it’s poison.

2. Ask more questions. Be curious.

3. Pretend that you’re a beginner.

4. Determine if your beliefs are truths, or merely just beliefs. Beliefs are personal, often unprovable, and often no more correct than another belief. Truths don’t require constant validation. For example, gravity is a truth.

5. Where did your belief come from?

6. Let go of your identity. Our identities are largely built around our beliefs.

7. What is the cost of your beliefs? Some beliefs come with a heavy price. Look at your beliefs and consider the impact they are having on you.

How and Why Narcissists Hoover

How and Why Narcissists Hoover

Have you been Hoovered?

What is a Hoover and why do the narcissists do this? Will they ever stop and what can you do about it to keep yourself away from the narcissist and heal trauma bonds? The Hoover is basically the narcissists attempt to suck you back in, to make you believe they have changed or to simply provoke you in order to gain supply. The majority of narcissistic abuse survivors have experienced a Hoover in some form or another. Some attempts at sucking you back in may be subtle and covert while others may be negative attempts to get your attention focused back onto the narcissist. Some narcissists claim they have changed and tell you they will make things better or even seek therapy for their issues. Understanding the truth about narcissism can help you make decisions based on knowledge rather than the illusions the narcissist is trying to create to entice you back.  The narcissist does not like to let go of what they feel is theirs, mainly the supply they take from you. In the following video I talk about types of Hoovers, what the Hoovers may really mean and ways to protect yourself.

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery by QueenBeeing.com offers free video coaching each week on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays along with videos and help on recovery from toxic relationships. Featuring certified life coach Lise Colucci and supported by QueenBeeing founder and certified life coach Angie Atkinson.

Lise Colucci is a certified life coach, as well as a certified narcissistic abuse recovery coach. She is a long-time admin and mentor for the SPAN Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Group, actively helping survivors of narcissistic abuse in the expansive community to learn and heal.  Lise is passionate about providing coaching services that help her clients feel heard and validated as she guides them along their healing journey. For information on coaching, group coaching or to contact Lise check out the links below.

Join our private coaching group https://lifemakeoveracademy.teachable…

Get one-on-one coaching with Lise Colucci at https://queenbeeing.com/lise-colucci-…

Get notified free for free video coaching sessions by texting LISELIVE to 33222. Find Lise on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lise.colucci… Email Lise at Coachlisec@gmail.com

Healing from Emotional Abuse

Healing from Emotional Abuse

“It is not the bruises on the body that hurt. It is the wounds of the heart and the scars on the mind.” ~Aisha Mirza

Emotional abuse, which may also be referred to as psychological abuse, is a pervasive and painful form of abuse that is often overlooked by even the victim. As difficult as it can be to detect, it can affect literally every part of a person’s life and can lead to other psychological and physical health issues.

While you might not see physical scars on a victim of emotional abuse, there are lifelong psychological scars that never go away. However, you can heal from emotional abuse if you do so intentionally, and there are a number of ways you can get help if you’re dealing with emotional abuse.

“There are far too many silent sufferers. Not because they don’t yearn to reach out, but because they’ve tried and found no one who cares.” ~Richelle E. Goodrich

What is Emotional Abuse?

Emotional abuse is a form of abuse in which a toxic person subjects or exposes you to repeated behavior that often results in long-term psychological trauma, including anxiety, chronic depression, or C-PTSD (complex post-traumatic stress disorder).

Emotional abuse is underestimated by most people, even sometimes its victims. However, it can cause mental and physical health issues that last a lifetime. Emotional abuse is used to control victims and can be inflicted in a variety of ways. Due to its pervasive nature, emotional abuse can be difficult to detect. The abuser’s goal is to slowly wear down the victim’s self-esteem in order to cause the victim to depend on them. This causes the victim to be vulnerable to being abused and controlled. It leads to the victim feeling like they’ll have nothing without the abuser, or they may simply feel trapped and unable to get away from the abuser.

This leads the abuser to develop a sort of power over the victim that leads to the victim developing a sort of “learned helplessness.” This might mean the victim is afraid to make some (or all) decisions without checking in with the abuser, or it could mean that they feel unable to do certain things themselves due to restrictions imposed on them by the abuser. For example, a victim might not go to the grocery store without getting a list or a budget from the abuser first, even if they run out of something important, for fear that the abuser will verbally attack them for doing so.

What are the signs of emotional abuse?

You might need support for healing from emotional abuse if you can identify with some or all of the following signs of emotional abuse. 

  • They accuse you of being jealous all the time.
  • They accuse you of cheating
  • They are possessive of your time and get angry when you’re not available at the exact moment they want you.
  • They cheat on you and then say it’s your fault they did it.
  • They control you with sex, by either withholding/denying or coercing you into doing things you aren’t really comfortable doing, and/or by forcing or pressuring you to have sex when you don’t want to
  • They control your social life, who your friends are and who you spend tie with and/or what you do
  • They cut you down by saying things like you’re worthless or that you can never do anything right
  • They destroy your stuff
  • They do things and say things that make you cry or feel extreme anxiety
  • They give you the silent treatment
  • They have a certain look that scares you
  • They insult you and/or call you names
  • They isolate you and keep you from spending time with friends and/or other family members
  • They make you feel like you’re not allowed to leave your home alone, or at all.
  • They may threaten you with weapons.
  • They may verbally threaten to hurt you or your kids.
  • They might be jealous of your friendships or even relationships with your kids or other family members.
  • They might break stuff when they’re angry at you without regard for who it belongs to (and sometimes, it’s your stuff).
  • They might make all of your decisions for you and/or make you feel incapable of making a decision on your own
  • They might prevent you from going to work or school
  • They might try to make you drink alcohol or do drugs when you don’t want to.
  • They minimize any accomplishments you have, or they take credit for them
  • They monitor your location and need to know where you are every minute of every day.
  • They say you’re a bad parent and/or threaten to take your kids away from you if you don’t do what they want or behave how they require you to behave.
  • They seem to intentionally do things to incite jealousy in you.
  • They tear you down emotionally and seem to want you to feel bad about yourself
  • They tell you that you’re lucky to have them and that you’ll be alone and/or that no one else will ever love you if they leave you. And then threaten to do exactly that – directly or indirectly.
  • They tell you what to wear or how to look, or attempt to control your appearance in some way
  • They threaten (or actually) hurt your pets
  • They threaten you with violence, either directly or by implying it
  • They use gaslighting to manipulate you and control you
  • They will humiliate you in some way (publicly or otherwise)
  • They will take your money and/or refuse to give you money for things you need, like groceries and personal care items. They are controlling all of the household money.
  • They withhold affection and/or give you the silent treatment as punishment for breaking (often unspoken) rules.

How do you get help with healing from emotional abuse?

What are the steps you need to take to heal from emotional abuse?

The stages of healing from emotional abuse are as simple as they are overwhelming. You need to understand how to identify toxic people, and what abuse looks like. Plus, you need to work on building your self-confidence and release your codependence on the abuser. There are three primary stages in recovery. And don’t forget self-care.

How do you help someone you love who is being emotionally abused?

What if it isn’t YOU? Are you worried that someone you care about might be dealing with physical or emotional abuse at home? What can you do to help them, and how do you know for sure if they’re being abused? Read More: How do you help someone in an abusive relationship? 

More Resources for Victims of Emotional Abuse

Visit the QueenBeeing Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Resources & Support Page

If you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship, you might want to read one of these books.

Cognitive Dissonance and Abuse Amnesia

Cognitive Dissonance and Abuse Amnesia

Are they really a narcissist? What if I was wrong? It wasn’t so bad, was it? Are you asking yourself these questions or feeling like your love will be enough to make things ok/heal the toxic person? You may be experiencing cognitive dissonance and abuse amnesia. Check it out and let me know what you think.

Lise Colucci is one of the narcissistic abuse recovery life coaches at QueenBeeing.com. For info or to schedule a coaching appointment with Lise go to https://queenbeeing.com/lise-colucci-c

Join The QueenBeeing SPANily (Support for People Affected by Narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships) – AKA “The SPANily” – at https://queenbeeing.com/span.

Trauma Bonds and Ways to Heal

Trauma Bonds and Ways to Heal

Being trauma bonded to an abuser is being tied to something you know harms you yet still feeling unable to get away. The emotional ties alone are confusing and challenging. Have you experienced this or wonder what a trauma bond is? Here are a few ways to help you break those bonds too . What are your thoughts or experiences?

Lise Colucci is one of the narcissistic abuse recovery life coaches at QueenBeeing.com.  For info  or to schedule a coaching appointment with Lise go to https://queenbeeing.com/lise-colucci-c

Join The QueenBeeing SPANily (Support for People Affected by Narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships) – AKA “The SPANily” – at https://queenbeeing.com/span.

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