“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” — Mingon McLaughlin (more…)
So, you might have thought this was common knowledge, but it turns out that not all men are great at communicating what they really enjoy about sex. (more…)
“The simple lack of her is more to me than others’ presence.” — Edward Thomas (more…)
“We fell in love, despite our differences, and once we did, something rare and beautiful was created. For me, love like that has only happened once, and that’s why every minute we spent together has been seared in my memory. I’ll never forget a single moment of it.” ― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook
Sometimes Hollywood really pisses me off. Why? Lots of reasons! But today, I’m talking about the way Hollywood portrays relationships – they’re idealistic and easy in all of the movies, OR they’re so crazy you can’t even imagine. Even toxic relationships are idealized and completely mischaracterized in the movies.
And yet, when celebs stay together for more than a couple of years, they are held up as some kind of shining example of a long marriage.
But as for the rest of us, reality doesn’t always stay so shiny. Marriage is hard, sometimes, and the road isn’t always full of flowers and freaking sunshine. Still, if you’re committed, and you’re in a healthy relationship, you persevere and you get through the hard times so you can find a few flowers and sunny days along the way.
That’s how people stay married for 100 years. And that’s how we can end the whole 50 percent divorce rate deal, if you ask me.
Marriage and Relationships in the Real World Can Be Hot AND Forever
Whether you’re married legally or just in your hearts, once you’ve been together a while, the sparkle can sort of be overcome by the dullness of everyday life. It’s easy to find yourself growing apart from your partner, especially if you’re both independent people or if you don’t share many interests.
So, how about you? Would you say that romance and passion are still hot in your relationship?
Do you feel excited when you think about your partner? Or do you find yourself bored and tired of the same ol’ routine? Maybe you feel like your relationship needs a bit of a recharge, or that you just don’t feel as attracted to your spouse as you used to.
Don’t rush to call the divorce lawyer just yet! This is a common phenomenon. After the excitement of the early phases of a relationship pass, things become routine – and that’s totally normal and okay.
But that doesn’t mean you’re stuck, and it doesn’t mean there is nothing you can do to make it better. Don’t just give up and resign yourself to just a ho-hum relationship.
There are many so many ways to enhance the romance in your relationship and bring the sparkle back.
Think back to a time when you couldn’t wait until the next moment you could spend with your love. Remember when it felt exciting to think about what could happen next in your relationship? Remember that little tickle you felt the first time he said “I love you” or the way your heart jumped into your throat first time you kissed?
Imagine how great it would be to feel excited about your relationship again! What could it do for you personally? How about for you as a couple? It could change your entire lives, and all for the better.
Your Guide to Getting the Sparkle Back and Reconnecting With Your Love
There are some basic stats I could throw at you here, and the scientist in me wants to prove her point – but that’s not what it’s all about. However, you can read a little bit about what scientists say make a marriage withstand the trials of daily life right here.
- Go to bed together. Studies have shown that a few minutes of cuddling each night increases the bond between couples. Staying up late to watch the late show while your partner is in bed can have negative consequences.
- Have a weekly date night. Relive one of your early dates. It’s a fun way to get out of the house and remember the excitement of getting to know each other. Make your date night a habit. If you can get out weekly, great. If you can only get out once or twice each month, that’s okay, too.
- Make it rain (with compliments!). Compliment your partner at least once each day. When a couple starts dating, they keep all the negative opinions to themselves and let the compliments flow. Over time, the ratio tends to swing in the opposite direction. Make a consistent effort to say something nice to your significant other each day.
- Take a shower together. Not only will you conserve water, but you’ll also spend some fun, quality time together. If you have time, take a bath instead.
- Happy shocker! Give your partner a surprise. It doesn’t have to be a new car. A simple note, flower, or other small gesture can make anyone’s day brighter.
- Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative. Make a list of your partner’s positive traits. You can probably rattle off your partner’s characteristics that drive you nuts. However, you might have to think about the qualities you appreciate. And focus on what’s good. Spend a little time reflecting on their positive traits. Make a list of everything you like about your partner. Then make a list of everything you find attractive about your partner.
- Smack it, flip it, rub it down. Oh yeah. Give each other a massage. This is a real massage, not rubbing her shoulders while she watches television. Pick up some candles, massage oil, and do it properly.
- You can share stuff too. Find a hobby you both enjoy. Maybe you play poker with the boys while she goes out for wine with the girls. Why not find something you both enjoy? You could take an art class together, join a co-ed soccer team, or volunteer at the local animal shelter.
- Stop beating each other up! Avoid attacking the other person. There’s a difference between saying, “It drives me crazy when you leave your socks on the floor” and “What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you pick anything up?” The first statement addresses the behavior. The second attacks the person. The difference in the response you receive is significant.
- Sex up your life! Change up your sex life. After a while, most couples fall into a routine that leaves both parties less than enthusiastic. Change things up a little. Get a book and experiment. You might find the excitement coming back into your lovemaking.
If you really want to bring the sparkle back to your relationship, you’ve gotta WANT it and really stay focused. Re-energizing the romance in your relationship requires effort and commitment.
It can help to relive your cherished memories of the past and focus on your partner’s positive qualities. A daily compliment can open the doors to appreciating each other all over again.
Simply being thoughtful enough to say “thank you” and to tell your partner you appreciate him will work wonders. Tell him you’re proud of him.
It really is the little things! Give your relationship the time and energy it deserves and watch the sparkle come back in a flash. You’ll be glad you did – and so will your partner. I promise. 🙂
Worried that your relationship might be toxic? Take the toxic relationship test, right here. It’s free!
Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke? ~Rita Rudner
Would you believe me if I told you that sex is better in your 30s than it was in your 20s? No, seriously!
Being in your 30s gives new meaning to the word “sex”. It isn’t just about being in a relationship or feeling attracted to another person like it was in my 20s.
I had to know I was in a sexual relationship to feel sexy and complete in life back in my 20s.
But these days, sex has become way more than a one night stand now that I am in my 30s.
Here are four reasons that sex is so much better in your 30s.
1. Having one partner – Being married and having one partner in the bedroom is beneficial on so many levels. I know he loves me and I can be comfortable with him without fear of criticism. I am no longer worrying how someone feels about my stretch marks or those few extra pounds that refuse to come off. I can be free and open with my body which many people struggle with in their youth.
2. Sexual fantasies – Having a long term relationship in your 30s means you are open with everything and that includes our sexual fantasies. Being able to tell someone what you like and how you like it makes a huge difference in the bedroom.
3. Finally an orgasm – Did you find the elusive orgasm with a partner? By the time I had reached my 30s I was sexually confident enough to share with my partner what made me reach climax. In my younger years it was just a lot of bumping and grinding with nothing going on. I was sexually unsatisfied.
4. Lack of sex is okay in a relationship –
Boredom, stress, work, kids, health, emotions, all of these things can lead to no sex in a relationship. However, 4 kids later and I understand that just because we don’t have sex once a day/week/month doesn’t mean anything about my sexuality. My relationship is not going to fall apart just because I didn’t feel like having sex last night. These are things that every couple goes through and they are perfectly normal. Just don’t let your dry spell go on for too long.
As it turns out, you’re getting your sex advice from the wrong place. But, lucky for you, I am all about great married sex and I’m going to help you out.
Sit down, this might shock/upset/surprise you and we don’t need any craziness happening. Ready?
Here it is.
See, recent studies tell us that not only do y’all watch more porn than us women (not that there’s anything wrong with that), but also that it tends to affect your behavior in the bedroom – and not in a good way.
Some interesting facts:
Porn sites have more visitors each month than Netflix, Amazon and Twitter combined.
Researchers say that 25 percent of men and 8 percent of women (will admit they) watch porn
Pretty clearly explains why you guys think real women have sex with one leg wrapped around their ears and gracefully propped up against a wall.
Sure, porn will show you the physical stuff about sex – up to a point – but it doesn’t give you a proper education about the birds and the bees.
Men – do you WANT your women to have orgasms? Then listen up. There’s one person who can help you get her there, and it ain’t me.
Can you guess who to ask? Yeah, you guessed it – experts say you need to ask your woman how SHE likes it. Shocking, I know.
Why? According to our source:
In porn, things can go from zero to 60 that is, from a single kiss to serious sex in what seems like seconds. In reality, jumping in that quickly can not only be painful for women, it can also lower their chance of orgasm.
“Arousal before intercourse is key to the female orgasm. A 2012 study on sexual touching, arousal and orgasmfound that the odds of being unable to climax are more than two times greater among women who sometimes, rarely or never engaged in sexual touching before intercourse, compared to women who always did.”
And there it is – the single best piece of sex advice I can offer you. Find out what your girl likes and do THAT. BOOM.
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to give your wife the big O as soon as possible. You’re welcome. 🙂
Read about the study click here