“There is no cosmetic for beauty like happiness.” ~ Lady Blessington
“We all live with the objective of being happy; our lives are all different and yet the same.”
Maybe you go ahead and have that second helping even though you’re not really hungry, or maybe you give up your attempt to cut back on your caffeine consumption.
Whatever your poison, you use it willingly – it’s become an unfortunate habit.
And of course, as we all know so well, many of our habits make happiness elusive. You’d be surprised how much joy you can feel when you eliminate these habits. Changing your habits isn’t easy, but it can be done if you’re committed.
But there are certain things you’re doing now that are specifically costing you little bits of happiness every day.
Be willing to challenge the status quo if you want to see a real change in your mood.
Avoid these habits and you’ll enjoy greater happiness, guaranteed.
1. Worrying about what everyone else thinks – concerning yourself with the opinions of others. You could be perfect in every possible way, and someone will still criticize you. There’s no possible way to impress everyone. Instead, focus on making yourself happy and surround yourself with those who are happy for you.
2. Hating on yourself – engaging in negative self-talk. There’s no reason to make life even more challenging. Nip your negative self-talk in the bud and replace it with something positive.
3. Focusing on lack instead of abundance. Always wanting more than you have. If you’re living under a park bench, it’s natural to want a home. But as long as you have what you need, wanting more can be a source of stress and frustration. Strive for more if you like, but be reasonable. No one needs a personal jet or a $10 million home. The point is that you’ll never have “enough” if you can’t be grateful for what you have. So get your gratitude on, girl.
4. Trying to keep up with the Joneses. Comparing yourself to others. Everyone has their own unique strengths, weaknesses, past, and challenges. If you want to make a reasonable comparison, compare your current situation to your situation 5 years ago. If you’ve made progress, celebrate. If you haven’t, figure out why and get busy.
5. Beating yourself up over mistakes. Mistakes are a daily part of life. Learn from them and move on toward a brighter future. Has torturing yourself ever provided any benefit?
6. Failing to accept responsibility for your life. Blaming others. Believing that someone else is a cause of the difficulty you’re experiencing is harmful, because you lose control. If you believe that your situation is your own doing, you have the power to fix it. Regardless of whom is to blame, it’s still your responsibility to handle it.
7. Saying “yes” to every request. Most of us need a little down time to regenerate. By saying yes to everything, you rob yourself of this important time. You’ll also find yourself spending time on many activities that you simply don’t enjoy. Learn to say “no” when necessary.
8. Not living your life in the now. Waiting for perfect conditions. Whether you’re waiting for the perfect time to have children or start your own business, that perfect time will never arrive. Get started right away on the activities that mean the most to you. Time is ticking away.
9. Being closed-minded and set in your ways. Avoiding new experiences. What’s the point in living the same day repeatedly? You only have so many years on Earth. Get the most out of it and live a life of many experiences.
10. Expecting it all to happen overnight. Trying to change too much at once. Humans are remarkably adaptable in the long term. However, it’s very challenging to make major changes in the short term. Make smaller changes in your life and build upon them. You can’t change much in a week, but you can make major changes over a year or more.
Are your habits putting a damper on your mood? Your habits create your life. Evaluate your habits and determine which are negatively affecting your ability to enjoy life. Happiness might be closer than you think. Give it a shot.
Thoughts? Share them in the comments – let’s talk about this.
Do you believe that you deserve to be truly fulfilled and ecstatic about your life? The truth is that finding happiness is the right of every human being alive, and you’re no exception.
What would you say if I told you that you could find your personal bliss, starting right now, without a doubt?
If I guaranteed you that if you tried these methods, you could find true happiness within 24 hours?
Or how about if I told you that you could do it instantly?
“As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler; solitude will not be solitude, poverty will not be poverty, nor weakness weakness.” ~Henry David Thoreau (more…)
Do you spend a lot of time feeling angry, resentful, or irritable? Do you think it’s related to the people in your life, or does it come from inside yourself? How do you handle it?
Managing Anger in Narcissistic Abuse Recovery
If you feel angry more often than you’d like, you’re probably looking for a good way to manage it. As with most everything, your ability to manage your anger has to begin with understanding it. So let’s start with this one.
Anger doesn’t make you bad.
The first thing you need to know is that you’re not weird or horrible – anger is a normal human reaction to things like injustice, poor treatment of yourself and others, and a whole host of other issues and situations.
“The emotion of anger is neither good nor bad,” according to HelpGuide.org. “It’s perfectly healthy and normal to feel angry when you’ve been mistreated or wronged. The feeling isn’t the problem—it’s what you do with it that makes a difference. Anger becomes a problem when it harms you or others.”
Feel like your anger is unhealthy? Maybe you’re dealing with narcissistic rage.
You’ve got to let out your anger.
Oftentimes, and especially when we’re in a difficult relationship with someone, we hold our tongues when we have anger. Sometimes we do this because we realize we aren’t being logical, but other times we do it because we are trying to avoid confrontation or upset in a relationship.
Sometimes, people want to make you feel crazy. If you think you might be dealing with someone who intentionally creates chaos for you, you might be dealing with a narcissist. Find out the top ten warning signs of narcissism in a relationship.
But when it comes to anger, it can almost literally eat you alive if you push it down for too long – eventually, you need a way to express it. If you don’t have a trusted friend or family member you can turn to, there are plenty of “safe” ways you can release your anger – such as joining a support group, finding a therapist or even journaling or blogging about your issues.
One thing to avoid: don’t post your drama publicly on your social media accounts. This will only lead to trouble and additional drama in your life.
Look outside your own head and gain a new perspective.
While expressing your anger is important, it’s equally important to do so in a healthy and productive way. If you scream at your child for an hour, does it really do anything to benefit the relationship?
If arguing with your spouse brings out your inner “mean girl,” causing you to say the most hurtful things you can think of, maybe you need to come up with a better way to cope with your anger. See, even when you “get over it,” your spouse won’t be able to forget the things you said. This is another way to damage your relationships.
Need-to-Know Anger Facts from HelpGuide.org.
- Out-of-control anger hurts your physical health. Constantly operating at high levels of stress and tension is bad for your health. Chronic anger makes you more susceptible to heart disease, diabetes, high cholesterol levels, a weakened immune system, insomnia, and high blood pressure.
- Out-of-control anger hurts your mental health. Chronic anger consumes huge amounts of mental energy and clouds your thinking, making it harder to concentrate, see the bigger picture, and enjoy life. It can also lead to stress, depression, and other mental health problems.
- Out-of-control anger hurts your career. Constructive criticism, creative differences, and heated debate can be healthy. But lashing out only alienates your colleagues, supervisors, or clients and erodes their respect. What’s more, a bad reputation can follow you wherever you go, making it harder and harder to get ahead.
- Out-of-control anger hurts your relationships with others. It causes lasting scars in the people you love most and gets in the way of your friendships and work relationships. Chronic, intense anger makes it hard for others to trust you, speak honestly, or feel comfortable—they never know what is going to set you off or what you will do. Explosive anger is especially damaging to children.
What makes us feel angry?
Do you feel angry a lot? Maybe it manifests as a feeling of just being irritated and annoyed by everything that surrounds you?
Anger and irritability can be a serious challenge, but understanding its causes can help you find a solution that brings you relief. You’ve got to love yourself enough to want to feel better and to improve your relationships.
Some dynamics of anger
- We become more angry when we are stressed and body resources are down.
- We are rarely ever angry for the reasons we think.
- We are often angry when we didn’t get what we needed as a child.
- We often become angry when we see a trait in others we can’t stand in ourselves.
- Underneath many current angers are old disappointments, traumas, and triggers.
- Sometimes we get angry because we were hurt as a child.
- We get angry when a current event brings up an old unresolved situation from the past.
- We often feel strong emotion when a situation has a similar content, words or energy that we have felt before.
Source: Get Your Angries Out
Here are some of the most common causes of anger.
1. Low blood sugar. Hypoglycemia, also known as low blood sugar, can make adults and children irritable. Low blood sugar levels can be caused by diabetes, medications, or stress. In addition, forgetting to eat or not eating enough food can trigger the issue.
Tip: You can raise your blood sugar level back up by eating carbohydrates or taking medications.
2. Dehydration. Dehydration can change your mood quickly and make you frustrated. Not drinking enough water can affect your body and your mind. Even cases of mild dehydration can lead to mood swings and irritability. This issue can be solved by staying hydrated throughout the day.
3. Stress. Stress can make you feel angry, frustrated, and upset. Practice regular stress-relieving activities like yoga or meditation to help keep stress from building up inside you.
4. Anxiety disorders. Irritability can be a sign of an anxiety disorder. Talk to your doctor if you suspect this is the cause and seek treatment. Anxiety disorders have multiple symptoms, but feelings of frustration and anger are common.
5. PTSD and CPTSD. Post-traumatic stress disorder is another common issue that has irritability as a symptom. Often, victims of narcissists in toxic relationships experience PTSD or CPTSD. Learn more.
6. Alzheimer’s disease. Patients who have Alzheimer’s disease often feel irritated and angry. Personality changes are a large component of the disorder, so patients frequently have mood swings. Irritability is a common issue that presents itself throughout the disease. It’s important to discuss your concerns about Alzheimer’s disease with a doctor.
7. Hormonal changes. As bodies age, hormones can shift and change. Both men and women can experience hormonal changes. However, this issue is more frequently seen in women. In women, menopause and premenopause can create mood swings and feelings of frustration. Premenstrual syndrome is another culprit that can cause irritability.
Tip: Don’t just accept your fate – find out what options are available to you for hormone management. You might be surprised when you consult with your doctor about various treatments for hormonal changes, which might include natural remedies, supplements, medications, and lifestyle changes.
8. Hyperthyroidism. Thyroid issues can create feelings of irritability among other symptoms. A thyroid that is not working properly can make you feel angry, frustrated, nervous, and anxious. Thyroid disease has a large impact on mood and can affect your mind.
9. Caffeine withdrawal. If you decide to stop drinking coffee or eliminate other sources of caffeine, then be prepared for the symptoms of withdrawal. One of the most common symptoms is irritability.
Tip: Caffeine addiction is real – trust me! To avoid feelings of irritation and frustration, you may want to gradually reduce your caffeine intake over time. Instead of going cold turkey, eliminate it slowly.
10. Depression. Although it’s not a symptom that is often associated with this disorder, irritability and unexpected anger can be a sign of depression. Other symptoms such as sadness and withdrawal are more common, but irritability shouldn’t be ignored.
Did you know?
Irritability is more frequently seen as a symptom of depression in teenagers and young children. They may have trouble expressing themselves, so frustration is high.
Researchers have documented cases in children and teenagers that reveal they may not have sadness as a symptom. Instead, they try to express their depression through anger and irritability. It’s important to discuss all of these symptoms with your doctor and seek help.
Knowledge is power, and you deserve to be powerful.
Anger and irritability are optional, I promise, and they certainly do not have to control your life.
You get to make the choices in your life. You can’t change others, but you can change your perspective. And that, my friend, means you can change you whole life.
Now that you’ve got a clearer understanding of anger, the causes of anger and how you can manage it, you can make the choices you want to make to improve your health and your life.
Next time you feel anger, I want you to ask yourself: is this anger justified? And if so, is it helping me to improve my life or anyone else’s?
My litmus test is simple – either it’s helping to improve the situation, or it’s not. Even if it’s justified, it’s not always productive – so why bring any additional negative energy to yourself?
Start Getting Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Today
Online help is readily available for survivors of narcissistic abuse. Here are some options to begin healing from narcissistic abuse right away.
- Sign up for our free email newsletter service that includes a free guided recovery experience via your inbox.
- Start your narcissistic abuse recovery here with our free narcissistic abuse recovery support system and program.
- Think you might have C-PTSD, but you’re not sure? Then, take our free C-PTSD Self-Assessment.
- Join one of our free online narcissistic abuse recovery support groups!
- Join one of our private small coaching groups!
- Get private, one-on-one narcissistic abuse recovery coaching or counseling.
- Get a therapist who will work with you online. Check out our guide to finding a therapist or psychologist who understands narcissism and narcissistic abuse.
- Secrets and Self-Loathing: Identifying a Covert Narcissist
- Are you married to a narcissist? 12 easy ways to spot
- The Narcissist’s Soulmate Scam: Identifying a Love Bomber
- Narcissistic Rage and Narcissistic Injury: What You Need to Know
- Narcissistic Altruism: The Gift That Keeps On Taking
- This is the Only Way to Communicate With a Narcissist Effectively
- Twisted Toxic Love: Inside the Distorted Mind of a Narcissist
- The Narcissistic Flip: Why and how it’s always your fault
- Take Back Your Life: How to Control a Narcissist
- 6 Signs You May Be a Narcissistic Parent
Did you know breastfeeding isn’t for everyone? Well, believe it or not breastfeeding is not as easy as it looks! And this new mom could really use some help from some of you more experienced ones out there.
My Crazy Breastfeeding Attempts, Tongue Tie and ‘Helpful’ Nurses
While I was pregnant, I was so excited to breastfeed and have that bonding experience with my son.
Well as it turns out, in the hospital my son was having trouble latching on to my breast.
No one even mentioned that there was such a thing as a tongue tie.
And it kind of pisses me off, because if they had, I could have had them clip it in order to have that bonding experience with my son.
Instead the nurses told me to start supplementing, because he was losing to much weight. And being kinda new to this whole mother thing – I did what they said.
Ever since I have been trying to get my supply up. By pumping pumping pumping.
In fact I even purchased three different pumps in order to find the best one for my breast.
I was also eating lactation cookies, staying away from caffeine. The whole nine yards. None of it was working. I was devastated that I was only able to feed my baby formula.
That’s when I decided to…
Stop concerning my self so much about it, and to try to believe that it might just come naturally, And instead of pumping, to actually put him to the breast to feed. And just see where that got me.
So as of now, I’m working hard to get my supply up and still having that skin to skin mouth to breast time, regardless if he is getting any milk or not. So far, so good.
I could really use some advice – can anyone help me out? Have you had to try to re-lactate before? How’d you do it? What tips can you offer? Thanks in advance.
Share your breastfeeding experiences down below!
Where do you go when you don’t feel like you’re going anywhere in your trip to being a healthier, smaller version of yourself? What happens to you at that moment in time where you’ve tried (what seems like) everything and nothing is working? Where does your mind and body take you when you’re stuck?
This is always a risky area for me. I would say for a solid eighty percent of my time I am on autopilot. To quote my pal Carolyn, “It’s just what we do now”, meaning going to the gym, eating properly, not binging, not freaking out about every little inconsistency or speed bump in the path, is our new “norm”. It’s just what we do. Lather, rinse, repeat.
The other twenty percent of my time is split between the extremes.
Fifteen percent of that time is spent ‘dorphined up, feeling like I’m taking on the world and conquering it bit by bit. Nothing bothers me. Nothing could stand in my way. I have a great attitude and hold my head up high.
In steps that pesky last five percent of my time, which is where I’ve been feeling for the past week. That last five percent is the part that says “you cannot win this game no matter what you do”. I’m living on “screw it” street in my little village and it’s such a dodgy area. There’s bums on the corners… big bums who haven’t seen a Stairmaster in years. There are seedy people in the shadows just lurking about waiting for you to trip up so they can dart out and rummage through your bag, stealing your hidden snack. The street pharmacists are on the corners handing out your drug of choice, be it cheesecake, chips or chocolate. Or worse yet, a cocktail of all three.
So where do you go? What do you do? Who do you turn to?
My first line of defense, and I didn’t even realize it until I started writing today, is my husband, Marco. Today, these words actually left my face and entered his ears.
“I’ve been doing horrible with my food. I just feel like saying screw it all”.
Those words were actually audible. To another human besides myself. I really said that to him. That’s when I realized he’s always my first stop on the self-destruction train. I like to run my ideas of giving up past him first.
It’s actually laughable as I write it because of course I’m never going to stop but maybe I just need a break. A break from what?
I’d like to call my second line of defense to the stand – Carolyn. You’ll remember her from this post.
She’s who I turn to next. She’s going to read this, as I run most of my posts past her before publishing and she’ll have some brilliant encouraging words to say. Or a punch in the arm, you know, whatever she feels will work at the time. Never fail though, she’s walking the walk and talking the talk with me.
Keeping in mind that this is still only a mere five percent of my time, sometimes I realize my funk is a bit funkier than I like it to be and I pull out the big guns.
When I left Novarum, the center where I got help for my food issues, they had me write a list of things that just worked for me, mentally and physically. It seemed so silly at the time to write it all down, they were so fresh in my mind, but I did it. I tucked it away in a book and just keep it there.
That’s my “big guns”, a piece of paper with words of wisdom that I wrote myself.
“Following this routine makes me more calm about food choices.”
“I no longer hide my eating or have that shame that was associated with hiding and eating.”
“If one of my goals ends up backfiring, that’s okay. This is all just a huge experiment to find that best fit for my life, which will change and evolve as I do.”
That’s just a few of the items on that yellowing piece of paper that I use, third line of defense, to keep me centered.
It is so much more than words on paper though. It takes me back to the basics. Back to where I started winning this thing. Back to the really simple ideas of changing the way I thought about food, myself, myself with food, food with myself and all things related, which in the end, was everything.
I get back to the beginning of this chapter in my life and re-read it like a favorite book.
Then I keep on keeping on because that five percent, that little flash of time, has had its moment of glory and I know how to move on.