“There is no cosmetic for beauty like happiness.” ~ Lady Blessington
Could you use a little inspiration to begin creating the life you really deserve? How about if I could give it to you free?
In addition to the thousands of free articles and resources available here at QueenBeeing.com, I wanted to offer you a little something extra this week. That’s why, through May 16, I’m offering the following ebooks FREE on Amazon Kindle.
Go do something nice for yourself and download them free, right now! Hurry, they go back to regular price on May 16.
Don’t have a Kindle? Don’t worry – Amazon offers a Kindle app for every device – all types of smartphones, computers and tablets alike. Get yours here.
This ebook is also a toolkit that contains everything you’ll need to learn how to manifest your desires and teaches you how to accept and embrace responsibility for your own life. Download it today and start changing your life right away.
127 Powerfully Simple Life Makeover Hacks: Easy Ways to Empower Yourself and Improve Your Life in 30 Days or Less
This book is exactly what you’ve been looking for if you’re at a point in your life where you know you’re ready for some serious changes, but you’re not exactly sure where to start. It offers powerful and simple secrets, tricks and baby steps that will help take your life from not-so-great to over the moon.
“When you wake up every day, you have two choices. You can either be positive or negative; an optimist or a pessimist. I choose to be an optimist. It’s all a matter of perspective.” ~Harvey Mackay
I don’t know about you, but I almost always find that when things are feeling especially difficult in my life, a simple change of perspective can be all it takes to get back on the upswing.
It’s easy to get bogged down with all the available self-help information. You might be surprised at how much you can benefit from asking yourself just a couple of questions! Your answers will help you determine if you’re on track to reaching your goals and enable you to make an action plan that will get you there in record time.
Ask yourself these two questions:
1. “If an invisible person followed you around all day, what would they see?” Would they see you wasting a lot of time? Would they see you working at your goals? Would they see someone that is just going through the motions?
- Our lives are largely the result of the actions that we take each day. Are you taking actions that move you forward to the future you desire or are you engaged in time-wasting, worthless activity?
- What would that invisible person logically conclude about you, your life, and your future?
2. “If you lived that average day, every day, for the next 5 years, what is the logical outcome?” So if you kept living your average day over and over, where is your life likely to end up? Now compare that logical conclusion with the life you’d like to have. How close are they?
- Are you likely to end up where you want to be financially? Are you currently taking consistent action to have the financial life you desire?
- Are you likely to have the body that you want? Are you eating nutritiously and exercising regularly? Or are you waiting to start tomorrow, or Monday, or the first of the month, or the first of the year? Getting the body you want will take a certain number of days, so you might as well start today.
- Are you likely to be enjoying the type of relationships you desire? If you want to meet your dream wife, how many new women have you spoken to in the last week? How many have you asked out?
- Are you likely to be advancing in the career you seek? For example, based on your performance over the last year, do you think it’s probable that you’ll get that plant manager position anytime soon? Are you any closer to having that small business running profitably?
Now you can make some reasonable plans and create some good habits. What do you need to do on a consistent basis to achieve the life you hope for? If you want to lose 10 inches off your waist and weigh 75 lbs less, then your daily actions need to reflect that.
People largely fail to end up where they wish to be for two reasons:
1. They have no idea where they’re going. You can’t get there if you don’t know the destination. If you don’t have a plan, you must live by default, sitting around until something goes wrong and then spending your energy fixing the issue. Alternatively, if you spend your energy driving towards something, you’ll eventually get there.
2. They don’t do the things each day that will create the life they want. In spite of what many gurus seem to claim, you can’t wish your way to success. Success is the result of making positive decisions and taking actions that reflect those decisions.
Ask yourself the two questions above. You might be shocked when you really look at your average day and realize where you’re likely to end up as a result of doing those same things every day. It doesn’t take a lot to be very successful, but it does take consistency.
For instance, imagine if you did 1 pushup every day this week and added 1 pushup a week. In 5 years, you would be doing 250 pushups a day and you would never struggle for a minute.
In the same way, establishing daily habits that move you forward toward achieving your goals will result in your success. So which habit will you start today?
“Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.” ~Judy Garland
You might already know that I’m both a certified life coach and a survivor of narcissistic abuse – and if you do, you know that’s why I do the work that I do – because I want to help people get through, survive and thrive similar situations.
I keep doing this because so often, readers tell me that I have helped them to make their life better – and that’s exactly what I set out to do.
So many of my readers and clients have asked me how they can find themselves again after they leave a narcissist.
Why? Because when you’re involved in a relationship with a narcissist, you literally lose part of yourself. You spend so much time focusing on making the narcissist happy (AKA, avoiding the inevitable narcissistic rage/narcissistic injury and gaslighting episodes) that you almost forget who you are.
Change Still Starts in Your Own Head
Regardless of what you’re going through now or of what you’ve been through before, I stand by my statement that change begins in your head–you must believe that it is possible (and that you can and will achieve your goals) in order to create the changes you desire in your life.
As a survivor of narcissistic abuse in a relationship, you need to recognize that the change in perspective which begins to move you toward your goals must be followed by inspired action.
Tip: Make your life feel better immediately. You can start by making positive changes in your environment. And, while the success of this endeavor certainly depends on your perception of your ability to complete this task–the fact is, one cannot effect environmental change without a little elbow grease (or, at the very least, the ability to call for help, and enough money to pay someone else to do it for you.)
What is inspired action and how do you know if you’ve got it?
Inspired action, while it may be hard work, shouldn’t make you feel bad.
Dr. Joe Vitale, one of the experts who worked with Rhonda Byrne in writing The Secret, said it best when he addressed this very issue in his own blog. Following is an enlightening excerpt from Dr. Vitale’s post.
“Many fans of the law of attraction think you don’t take any action. You simply sit like a good magnet and wait for your vibes to slide the thing you want over to your chair.
I believe that you usually if not always have to take action of some sort, but that your action isn’t effort if it comes from your heart. That’s the key difference.
People run marathons, lift weights, climb mountains, write books, travel on horseback, jump out of planes, make hundreds of sales calls a day, and much more. It’s all action.
But if they do it because they want to do it, because it bubbles out of their passion to do it, then it’s not effort. Again, the law of attraction doesn’t mean you don’t do anything; it means what you do is effort-free.
For example, I write an astonishing amount of books, articles and blog posts. If you didn’t like writing, you’d think what I’m doing is gruelling. But I love what I do. So my action isn’t effort. It’s simply right action for me. If you think running up a mountain is insane, you won’t take that action because if you did, it would require enormous effort.
When you practice what you learn from the movie The Secret, things do begin to come to you without much effort or action on your part. But that doesn’t mean you won’t have anything to do.
I was able to attract a new car — namely Francine — by knowing what I wanted and then taking action when prompted from the inside to drive over to San Antonio one day.
To me, the law of attraction works to make life easier, but not because you don’t take action, but because the action you take is natural for you.
My challenge to you today is to take one small step toward becoming the YOU of your dreams. Knit a scarf, write a poem, open a savings account–whatever you do, do it with your goal in mind. Don’t worry about anything but feeling YOURSELF today.
Feel it, be it, do it, have it. Believe that your desires are yours, and then take inspired action toward attaining them. You with me?
Let me know your thoughts and ideas in the comments section.
“No matter what you’re going through, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel and it may seem hard to get to it but you can do it and just keep working towards it and you’ll find the positive side of things.” ~Demi Lovato
The Brick Wall in Narcissistic Abuse and Toxic Relationships
If you ask me, being in a relationship with a narcissist feels a lot like running your head into the same brick wall, over and over. And despite the fact that it gets bloody and beaten, you don’t stop. You just keep running your head into the wall, hoping to get through it (and make it happy) – and while you logically realize, eventually, that there’s no breaking that wall down, and that the wall is not capable of change, something in you makes you keep hitting the wall, bloodying your head and hoping for different results.
When you look at it that way, it seems literally insane, right? After all, the definition of insanity is to keep doing the same things but to expect different results. But in the case of a narcissist, it’s not as simple as a brick wall. It’s a convoluted mess! If you want to learn more about narcissistic abuse, you can do so here – check out these articles or this resource page. Or, start your narcissistic abuse recovery right now.
For now, let’s talk about recovery from narcissistic abuse.
How do you find hope when you’re dealing with narcissistic abuse?
So let’s talk about the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m about to wax philosophical on your ass, so get ready. If you’ve ever been in a relationship with a narcissist, you can probably agree that eventually, you stop living for yourself and start living to avoid the next blow-up, drama, or manipulation.
Narcissistic abuse makes you forget who you are.
When you’re dealing with gaslighting and the other ways a narcissist will abuse you, you’re almost always just “existing,” and while you might not admit this to many people, you sort of forget who you really are.
So many people have come to me as they were beginning the process of recovering from an abusive narcissist asking me how I was able to redefine and rediscover myself after escaping my own narcissistic abuse situation. And this is what I tell them.
Life with a narcissist is life in the dark.
Living with a narcissist means living without real passion – not the kind that drives you to do great things, anyway.
As I see it, living without that kind of passion is sort of like living in the dark. Food doesn’t taste as good, the air doesn’t smell as nice, the colors don’t seem as bright.
Without passion in our lives, it’s as though there’s a barrier between our senses and the world around us, one which doesn’t allow us to fully experience our lives.
This barrier could present itself in the way of depression, anger, fear, or any number of debilitating emotions. Or maybe there’s a certain situation in our lives of which we’ve lost control. Maybe it’s simply that we’re bored, and that we’ve begun to take our blessings for granted.
This can lead to a very toxic state for our souls and even our bodies. But we can change our minds, and this can change our lives. Start now by trying this Bliss Mission.
Bliss Mission: Discover What Inspires You
Begin with figuring out what inspires you. Then, find a way to make it happen. This can help you to start living with passion, and living with passion is one of the first steps to becoming whole, to becoming truly happy.
Whatever your passion or inspiration, take some small step toward it today, and let the rest flow. If you’re not sure where to start, consider taking a walk to clear your head, or writing in a journal to work it out. You could draw or paint a picture, or cook your favorite meal. Take a bath or do a little yoga. Whatever works for you.
Tell yourself that today is the day that you begin living with passion and purpose. And then, my friends, do it. Your life will be richer and your heart will be happier.
Feel good! You ready? Let’s do this.
Resources to Help with Gaslighting in Narcissistic Abuse
If you feel you need additional help and support in your narcissistic abuse recovery, look for a trauma-informed professional who is trained in helping people who are dealing with overcoming narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships. Depending on your particular situation, you might benefit from Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaching, or you might do better with a therapist. You have to decide what to do from here – if you’re not sure, start with my free Narcissistic Abuse Recovery quiz. With your results will come recommended resources for your situation. It’s totally free.
More Help for Dealing with Gaslighting in Narcissistic Abuse Recovery
- Think you’re dealing with gaslighting in narcissistic abuse? Take this self-assessment and find out.
- What is Gaslighting? A Comprehensive Definition
- Can Gaslighting Be Unintentional?
- Things Narcissists Say When Gaslighting
- Support Yourself in Narcissistic Abuse Recovery
- Dissociation in Narcissistic Abuse
- Narcissistic Abuse Recovery FAQ Pages
- Free Support Groups
The New Year is around the corner. As we wind up for the holidays, I’ve noticed some old feelings creeping back – and that’s why I’d like to remind you to keep an eye on your priority list this holiday season!
Your Own Priority List and Why You Need to Be On It
Awhile back, I noticed I felt a bit out of sorts. I had struggled to get back “on track” with my regular writing schedule, and had been skipping workouts left and right. It was not working well for me.
Essentially, the holiday madness caused me to slip off of my journey toward personal fulfillment. I found myself floating through my days mindlessly, feeling busy and harried instead of centered and peaceful.
I’d been aware of this situation for awhile and had been working on getting my mind in the right place again, seeking solutions to my malaise.
Once again, the law of attraction worked for me. 🙂 I sought a solution, some inspiration…and it came.
Allow me to preface the next paragraph by telling you, in case you weren’t aware, that I think Oprah Winfrey is an absolute goddess. If you disagree with me, that’s okay, but don’t let it deter you from the message I’m trying to get across here.
See, I happened to catch most of an old episode of Oprah in which she very openly and honestly shared her personal struggles with “falling off the wagon.” And while she did discuss her struggles with weight (as the symptom), her main confession was that she’d been failing to take care of herself.
She was so busy working and taking care of everyone around her, that she forgot to make time to nurture herself. In true Oprah style, she had a plan.
One thing that she said several times when discussing her new plan really stood out for me.
“Put yourself back on your priority list.”
Who of us isn’t guilty at one time or another of forgetting to add ourselves to our ever-growing lists of responsibilities? I know that I have been on more than one occasion. Sometimes, we let life “get in the way” of taking care of ourselves.
This may seem like the right thing to do at times–especially when our jobs or loved ones require extra attention. But its then that we must make a specific effort to build a little time into our days to nurture ourselves, our souls, our individuality.
Take a moment to think about it. When was the last time you did something just for you? When was the last time you scheduled time in your life for yourself?
I’m not asking you to take an entire weekend away, or even an entire day. We all know that sometimes that isn’t possible. Instead, I’m asking you to take ten minutes, an hour, whatever you can afford in your day.
Maybe you need to get up an hour earlier, or stay up an hour later. Perhaps you can sneak it in during your lunch break or baby’s nap time.
And, you may be asking, what should you be doing to take care of yourself anyway? This completely depends on you. What makes you happy? Could you use a nap? Simple downtime? Perhaps you’ve been meaning to work out or read a good book. And who doesn’t enjoy a nice hot bath?
The point? It doesn’t matter WHAT you do, so long as it’s something only for you. As Oprah said on her show today, it’s really a love issue. We must love ourselves in order to love others–we must love ourselves in order to maintain any level of happiness and personal fulfillment in our lives.
Today, my challenge to you is to be brutally honest with yourself. Open up like Oprah did on her show that day, and figure out what you can do to make yourself happy. You deserve to be happy, and you deserve to feel joy. What can you do to make that happen?
How much love can you give yourself in 2016? Don’t wait – go sign up for the all-new Project Blissful 2016 now and get ready to start the next phase in your journey to ultimate fulfillment – whatever that looks like for you.
Tell me what you’re looking to change about your life in 2016, and I’ll be sure to create free content that teaches you exactly how to do it. PLEASE, share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!