Feeling Fraudulent

Feeling Fraudulent

fraud

Fraudulent – that’s how I feel sometimes when people ask me how I’ve lost any sort of weight. It’s not that I’m not telling them the truth or that I am being dishonest, it’s just that the story is so involved.

Generally when people ask me about it, it’s after I’ve been to the gym and I’m standing there all aubergine in the face, sweat beads glistening drenched in sweat, and so pumped up on endorphins that I have a perma-grin nailed to my face.

I usually say what I’m doing right now, right this very moment of my life. I tell about my weekly routine but I feel like I’m shortchanging them somehow. I feel like I make it seem simple and that it’s just something I up and did one day, no prep work, no negativity, no failures – just that a gym opened in my office and “poof” I was there.

That’s of course not how it happened at all. Or did it? I mean, yes, the gym opened in my office and the very first day I was down there introducing myself to the trainers and setting up a meeting for my team to see all the shiny new equipment but is that really my story?

Unless asked, I tend to leave out the part where I had cognitive behavior therapy to deal with some serious food issues – binging, hiding food, shaming myself. I had issues that no book, website or friend could help me with. I needed the pros!

I leave out the eight month time span where I was in such a dark, anti-social place that I stopped eating lunch with my colleagues, people who I really liked, and spent my lunch hours in the office sandwich shop, table at the window, back to the world, nose in a book – any book. I even read crappy books just to not have to make eye contact. I may as well have draped a “do not disturb” sign down my back, as if it weren’t obvious enough.

Thoughts screamed in my head but I looked peaceful.

I feel like a fraud because what in the hell do I really know? Yeah, I’ve lost some weight and kept it off for the past two years. Yes, I am in the best physical shape I’ve been in for a very long time. Yes, my head feels like it is on straight for the first time in my adult life. Sure, I’m really happy with what is happening right now. I feel like I have unlocked the door to a healthy future for myself and I feel like I will never turn back.

But what does all of that even mean to somebody else?

Do I have all of the answers? Not hardly! Do I still struggle? Hell yeah! Am I at my goal weight or perfect weight or even close? Nope. So who am I to say anything?

I’ll tell you who I am.

I’m somebody who likes to share just in case there is some part of me or my story people can connect with.

I’m somebody who likes to help, if I can, even if I am not perfect.

I’m somebody who likes everybody to partake and feel part of the team. I don’t like to see somebody to sit on the sidelines because of their insecurities when in their heart they want to be in the thick of it all.

I’m somebody who gets real joy out of seeing other people succeed.

That’s who I am.  And now you know. And now, I do too.

Daily Focus: Golf balls, marbles, sand and coffee

Daily Focus: Golf balls, marbles, sand and coffee

Mayonnaise Golf Ball Coffee PebblesEvery now and then, someone forwards me this email about life and how it relates to a jar. Even though I often skim email forwards, especially those of a political or otherwise controversial nature, I always happen to read this one.

I think that it’s a great explanation on how life works, and each time I read it, I get a little something else from it.

As you read it, take a moment to think about your priorities. My challenge to you today is to think about what fills up your jar. Which things in life are your golf balls and marbles? How about your sand and coffee?

(Untitled to my knowledge, Author Unknown to me)

On the first day of class, a university professor stood in front of his philosophy class with an empty jar.

Without saying a word to his students, he removed the lid of the jar and filled it with golf balls. When no more golf bars fit he closed the jar with its lid. He then asked his class, “Would you say that the jar is now full?” His students observed the jar and concluded that the jar was indeed full.

The professor then proceeded to open the jar up and started inserting marbles into the jar. The marbles started to fill the gaps between the golf balls. After sealing the jar, he asked his class once again if they thought the jar was now full. The class concluded that the jar was indeed now full.

The professor opened the jar a third time and started pouring in sand. Obviously, the sand started filling the gaps between the golf balls and the marbles. He then sealed the jar and asked his class a third time if the jar was full. His class chuckled and replied in unison, “Yes, it is now full!”

The professor opened the jar and emptied two small cups of coffee in the jar. The liquid had completely filled the gap between the golf balls, the marbles, and the grains of sand. He then began his lecture.

“I hope you realize that life is very much like this jar. The golf balls represent the important things in life, like God, family, loved ones, health, things that you care intimately about. If we lost everything else in life, our lives would still be ‘full’. The marbles are the other things in our lives that are important, but our happiness shouldn’t depend on them. Things like our work, our house, our car, etc. Finally, the sand represents everything else; the small stuff.

“If we were to have filled our jar up with sand first, there we wouldn’t have had enough room for the marbles or the golf balls. If we use all our life and energy on the small stuff, we won’t have any room for the important things.”

After a brief moment of silence one of the students asked, “Professor, what does the coffee represent?”

“Ah, I’m glad you asked,” replied the professor. “It means that no matter how full your life is, there is always room for a cup of coffee with a friend.”

What I Think

I think that the jar represents you (me), and the way we choose to fill it represents our life choices. Sometimes, when I read it, I recognize that maybe I’ve given golf ball space to something that should be marble or sand sized. At any rate, it always gives me something to think about.

What do you think? What are your golf-ball sized priorities? Share your thoughts in the comments section below.

Daily Focus: Golf balls, marbles, sand and coffee

Creating Personal Change: First Things First

“People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can’t find them make them.” ~George Bernard Shaw

Each and every one of us has some desire in us right this very moment to create change in our lives. Whether it’s personal change or circumstantial, we all know what we want, deep down inside.

The good news is that we can effect change in our lives. So how does one go about creating the life one desires?

Change your life, starting right now. Join Project Blissful. It’s free!

As we begin to explore Project Blissful, the first and most important step is to fully understand what you want and need in your life. Try this exercise.

Imagine that you are a fly on the wall. A loved one or friend is describing you to another person, in great detail. They discuss your appearance, your habits, your personality. They talk about your beliefs and morals and values. Essentially, your friend or loved one tells this person everything about you.

How does this make you feel? Happy and secure, or a little nervous?

Now, ask yourself: What would my loved one or friend say about me? How would I be described?

Next, change it up. Grab a pen and notebook (or a blank Word document).

Sit down and ask yourself how you would WANT to be described. Do you want to be known as a spiritual person? A hard worker? An artist? A great mom or dad? Hip, cool, or chic?

Now, imagine how the conversation would go. Write it down. For example, if you want to be a better golfer, you might write, “Susie is the best golfer I’ve ever met.”

This is a great way to figure out your desires and determine your goals.

Once you’ve written the conversation, you can review it regularly to remind yourself of your goals.

Remember to take care of yourself and to be the person you truly want to be. Next time, we will discuss more ways to effect personal change in your life. For a little inspiration, check out the following advice from Christian D. Larson:

Promise Yourself:

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel that there is something in them

To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words but great deeds.

To live in faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you.

Daily Focus: Golf balls, marbles, sand and coffee

Mini-Mission: Living in this moment, here with you

The Secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, nor to anticipate troubles, but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly.- Buddha

How often do you find yourself living in the past? Wondering what might have been, or even regretting the choices that brought you to this point?

Every single person in the world has felt this way at one time or another at some point in their lives, but it’s how you choose to deal with these feelings that makes or breaks you.
I know, it sounds very dramatic. And, truth be told, it is.

The fact is that when we focus on the past and dwell on things we can’t change, we are cheating ourselves. And, when we worry about the future, we cheat ourselves. When we’re so concerned with what was or what might be, life passes us by.

It all sounds so simple: just live in the moment. And it should be easy…but as it happens, life can occasionally throw you a curve ball. How can one live in the moment when so many difficulties present themselves? How can one avoid worry and stress?

Maybe you can’t avoid everything, but remember this: life is all about perception. So, for example, when you get out of bed and trip over the cat, you might think, “Oh great, the whole day’s going to be bad.” And, you can bet that it will.

But if you laugh it off and think happy thoughts instead, you’re more likely to have positive experiences.

Even if you don’t believe in the law of attraction, I think we can agree that it FEELS better to be happy and to have a positive outlook. That alone should be enough to give today’s challenge a shot. 🙂

So, bottom line: live for the moment. Feel good. Think happy thoughts!

Mini-Bliss Mission

Need some tips on how to live in the moment? Here’s what Certified Life Coach Helaine Iris advises in her article Live in the moment? How do you do that?:

1. When you find yourself imagining fearful scenarios ask yourself, “Is this the only possibility?” Search for what else could be true, rather than what you fear.

2. Remind yourself that worrying about the future or regretting the past isn’t going to change what has or is going to happen.

3. Do you have a fundamental trust that whatever happens you’re going to be ok? Can you find times from your past that serve as evidence that this is true? If so, draw on that experience.

4. Are your basic needs met, does your life work? Often we move into the future because we think it will be better there. Consider addressing what ever is not in balance so it will become desirable to be more in the now.

5. Practice the power of the present. Focus on something positive or beautiful right here and now and breathe it in. Let yourself fully feel it.

6. Then, be willing to let go of that too and move on to the next moment.

Today, I challenge you to live for the moment. Just for today, look around you and find the beauty and wonder that is in your every day environment.

Breathe…appreciate life…and think happy thoughts.

Want what you’ve got, and you’ll always have what you want. It’s all about this moment, right here, right now.

Who do you want to be? What do you want to do? What’s it all about for you? Be it, do it, have it.

I leave you with a final thought, a quote from Henry Drummond.

“You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have really lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love.”

What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments section, below.

 

Daily Focus: Golf balls, marbles, sand and coffee

If It Makes You Happy…Do It Right NOW!


“It’s a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy.” ~Lucille Ball

Happiness is elusive for many people. Whether it’s due to dealing with every day stresses or something more significant, most of us could find something to frown about if we wanted to.

Certain groups even promote unhappiness among their members in the form of “self sacrifice.” The idea, they say, is that sacrificing one’s own happiness in life will make for a better afterlife.

Pat Nixon (pictured on TIME Magazine, right), wife of former president Richard Nixon once said, “I have sacrificed everything in my life that I consider precious in order to advance the political career of my husband.”

I respectfully disagree with this idea. In fact, I think it sucks. Think about it. Do you think Mrs. Nixon could have been truly happy?

In support of her husband’s ultimate goal, she chose to sacrifice herself and her own happiness.

This is something that many of us do without even realizing it. We set goals for ourselves (or choose to help others achieve theirs.) This is good…but then, we unconsciously put off our own happiness during our pursuit of the goal.

We think that we’ll be happy when we meet our goals–and in truth, while there is usually a brief period of euphoria after we meet goals, ultimately, many people find themselves seeking the next big thing before they’ve had a moment to enjoy their success. Then, of course, the cycle starts again.

So how do we break it?

Take some advice from Romanian author and composer J. Donald Walters.

“Happiness is not a brilliant climax to years of grim struggle and anxiety,” he said. “It is a long succession of little decisions simply to be happy in the moment.”

Guess what? If you’re unhappy, you’ve chosen to be so. And, by feeling miserable, you’re drawing more of that to yourself. But that’s great news!

Why? Because, you can change it. It’s simple. All you have to do is make the choice to be happy, right now, this moment. You have to choose it. Regardless of your current circumstances, find that place within yourself called happy and spend a little time there. Smile, even if you don’t feel like it. It works wonders, I promise.

My challenge for you today is to choose to be simply happy for two full minutes. Just decide you’re happy, and feel it. Don’t let yourself stress or think any negative thoughts during those two minutes. Laugh, smile or jump up and down. Whatever works for you–just keep those thoughts happy. Carry that feeling with you throughout the rest of the day.

Next time, we’ll discuss the secrets of truly happy people.

This post was originally published on InPursuitofFulfillment.com. If found anywhere else, this content is illegally copied and should be reported.
Daily Focus: Golf balls, marbles, sand and coffee

Finding Joy in the Success of Others


We all know someone who seems to have “it all” and many of us can relate to feeling a little jealous of or even angry at Miss or Mr. Perfect. Maybe she’s got the career you’ve always wanted or is Supermom, ruler of the PTA. Or perhaps he’s got the boss’s ear or a sweeter ride than you. Maybe it’s as simple as the fact that their address plaque hangs in a nicer part of town than yours.

While it’s easy to feel slighted or frustrated when you see others achieving success (especially when they’re succeeding in an area you wish YOU could succeed in), it’s completely counter-productive to personal fulfillment.

As we’ve discussed several times, you attract what you put out there–so if you’re constantly allowing yourself to feel “less than” or “not good enough” or “unworthy” by comparing yourself to those who seem more successful, then you will become those things.

So what does this mean? If we’ve let this type of negativity into our lives, is it hopeless? Are we doomed to continue the cycle of unhappiness?

There’s always hope, and the good news is that you can make simple changes today to start bringing more good into your life. Simply changing your perception and allowing yourself to feel genuine joy and happiness for your Miss or Mr. Perfect’s success can help to draw more success (and joy and happiness) into your own life.

Does it sound too good to be true?

I can tell you from personal experience that it’s not–but let’s help you figure that out on your own. Today, my challenge to you is to open your heart and allow yourself to feel really happy for someone else’s success. Congratulate them, tell them how proud you are of them and even how much you admire what they’re doing. Be genuine, be real, and actually feel those feelings.

Afterward, I can promise you that you’ll feel lighter and happier and even more in control of yourself and your situation.

And don’t forget: you can have whatever you want, whatever you believe you can. Learning to be happy for the success of others will help you to attract more of that into your life–more happiness, more success. Sounds like a sweet deal to me.

What do you think?

This post was originally published on InPursuitofFulfillment.com. If found anywhere else, this content is illegally copied and should be reported.

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