Do you have a narcissistic abuse recovery support system?
Have you dealt with narcissistic abuse in a toxic relationship? If you have, Let me ask you a question. As a survivor of narcissistic abuse, do you have a good support system in place for those bad days when the anxiety becomes too much, or you start to slide into depression? A handful of people who are there for you, that you can use as a soundboard and whose shoulders you can lean on can be invaluable in times of high anxiety?
Why do we need a narcissistic abuse recovery support system?
We’ve talked in the past about the fact that we can get in a spiral of anxiety that it’s hard to get out of. We are anxious and worried, which in turn makes us more anxious and worried about being anxious and worried. You get the idea. If you rely solely on yourself in those situations, it can be hard to get out of your own head long enough to look at the situation objectively and realize that things aren’t nearly as bad or frightening as they seem. This is where that support system will come in handy.
Who should be involved in your narcissistic abuse recovery system?
Think about the people in your life that you are close to. Who gets you? Who understands the anxiety you suffer from? Who is good at pulling you out when you’re having a bad day by offering a hug, drags you out for coffee, or uses humor to make you forget what you’re anxious about, even for just a few minutes?
While you may not feel like socializing when you’re having a rough day or week, or if the idea of spending time with people in itself may make you a little anxious (particularly if you’re an introvert), social contact and connections are important. We are at our core social creatures. That’s why it’s important to set up that support system and reach out to it in times of need.
Of course, you aren’t limited to your circle of family and friends when it comes to this support system. Maybe you aren’t comfortable sharing your anxiety issues with them. Maybe they aren’t willing or in a position to provide you with the encouragement and support you need. Or maybe they just aren’t quite enough help. That’s ok.
What if your friends and family can’t help or don’t understand?
It is not unusual to feel a lack of support when you’ve been through narcissistic abuse, unfortunately. This is for a few different reasons.
1. People haven’t experienced this kind of abuse, so they don’t quite “get it” when you try to share your struggles and milestones.
2. Narcissists have a way of pushing people away from you, so you may not have very many people who you feel you can trust in your life. Or, the narcissist has turned everyone against you – or they are unable to support you due to their fear of the abuser.
3. In some cases, the person who has abused you is surrounded by flying monkeys – willing or unwilling – who support the narcissist and not you. These people may also be the only people in your life.
Who can support you if the people in your life cannot?
The QueenBeeing SPANily, Official – We consider this to be the best narcissistic abuse recovery support group on the web. Offers several subgroups and features a vigilant, compassionate admin team full of trained coaches and survivors, supporting more than 12k members. SPAN is an acronym created by Angie Atkinson that stands for Support for People Affected by Narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships.
Other Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups– We also have separate groups for each stage in your narcissistic abuse recovery, as well as some for those who have moved past recovery and are evolving into the next stage of their own life. Survivors have unique and individual needs, even when they’ve moved on – so we’re still here for you.
One-on-One Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaching – If you prefer to get more personalized support in your recovery, you might like to schedule a session with one of our coaches to plan and execute your own narcissistic abuse recovery plan.
Find a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Therapist – If you’re looking for a therapist for narcissistic abuse recovery, either because you cannot afford coaching and want to use your health insurance or because you have additional issues you need to address that do not fall within the realm of coaching, you will want to find the right therapist for you – and as far as we’re concerned, that therapist must understand what you’ve been through. This page offers assistance to help you do exactly that.
Is your mother someone who always seemed to make everything about herself, on one level or another? Did she make you feel not good enough? Did she pit you against your siblings, if you had any? Did she ever seem to try to live her own dreams out in your life? Did she ever seem oddly jealous of you, or did she ever act inappropriately around your friends? These are just a few of the many signs that your mother might be toxic.
What is a toxic mother?
A toxic mother is one who is neglectful, controlling, abusive, or otherwise toxic to her children. This behavior is likely to continue into adulthood as long as the adult child allows it. If you have a toxic mother, chances are she often might make you feel bad about yourself or your life. She will also use you as a source of narcissistic supply and attempt to control and manipulate you to get what she wants, or to get you to surrender to her wishes. You’ll often feel like you’re walking on eggshells with her, especially when she feels upset or offended (or when you know she might, based on previous experiences with her).
An adult’s relationship with their toxic mother will also generally involve more negativity than positivity, and it doesn’t emotionally support the adult child emotionally. In many cases, the adult child of a narcissistic mother might feel responsible for their mother’s emotions. The relationship will often also involve resentment, contempt, communication problems, and varying forms of physical, emotional, and psychological abuse delivered in varying iterations over the course of the adult child’s life.
Self-Assessment: The Toxic Mother Test
If any of these signs sound familiar to you, or you’ve just been wondering whether your own mother is toxic, take this quick self-assessment test to find out if your mother could be toxic. If the self-assessment finds your mother to be toxic, you’ll be directed to a list of resources for support, including a lot of free and helpful videos, articles, and information and a free support group for adult children of narcissists, among other resources.
Your group leaders are QueenBeeing coaches Angie Atkinson, Lise Colucci, Colleen Brosnan and Misty Dawn. Each of us is a certified life coach and have experience co-parenting/parallel parenting with narcissists.
We are here to support you and we expect you to support our fellow survivors/parents in this group in return.
QueenBeeing.com offers all kinds of resources for support for people who are affected by narcissistic abuse and working on their recovery. That includes group support. We have both free and inexpensive options. Our other support groups currently include:
Divorce Support– Offers Support for Divorcing a Narcissist, Before, During and After. There is no greater emotional pain that can be inflicted on someone than divorce, whether you initiate it or your narcissistic partner does. Even if you have “seen it coming” for a while now, and the idea of it comes as no big surprise, the process itself will feel difficult and traumatic.
Support for Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents – If one or both of your parents were narcissists, chances are, you’re struggling more than you may realize. If you need support from people who have been where you are, this is the group for you. Facilitated by Angie Atkinson and Colleen Brosnan.
Boldly Evolving Empaths (QueenBeeing BEEs) – For those who have passed the discovery and understanding phases and are ready to push forward into the next phase in their lives. A free, private facebook group that’s professionally facilitated by our coaches Angie Atkinson and Lise Colucci and admin staff.
The SPANily Home – QueenBeeing.com’s OFF-FACBOOK private narcissistic abuse recovery and resource center. Closely monitored and managed by our team of certified narcissistic abuse recovery coaches. Pricing starts at $3.99 per month.
Healing from childhood wounds can be almost like starting over and take time to discover who you truly are. Many healing issues that arise from being raised by a narcissistic parent are greatly benefitted through coaching. The support and compassion within a group can lead you towards a deeper healing as well. Join Colleen once a week for an hour of group coaching where you meet privately, face to face in video to talk about and get some coaching help for the issues around healing from a toxic parent.
Weekly meetings on Wednesdays at 6pm Central beginning December 5th
Cost is $60.00 for 4 weeks of coaching ( non-refundable due to the discounted rate)
This group will focus on topics such as helping to identify and heal codependent traits, finding ways to support and heal your inner child and learning to apply reframing limiting beliefs to create positive self-affriming new beliefs. Join coach Lise for weekly video meetings.
One hour weekly video meetings on Wedsnesday 6pm or Friday 11 am Pacific beginning December 5th
Cost: $60 (non refundable at this reduced group rate) for all 4 weeks .
Coaching with Lise Colucci, certified life coach and certified narcissistic abuse recovery coach
Begins November 13 ( 5 weeks of weekly coaching)
Tuesdays at 9am, 11 am or 6 pm Pacific for one hour weekly video coaching meetings
Additionally there is a messenger chat which begins as soon as you sign up and offers both peer support as well as daily check-in from Lise to offer continued coaching support.
Printable journal and additional support
cosy is 75.00 (non-refundable) for all 5 weeks plus the messenger chat and the journal.
This group has been part of a foundation of healing for many people so far. This group might help you gain new focus in your life by helping you to create a positive outlook towards your future and a much calmer present moment. I will share a few quotes from other survivors who have used this coaching group to help them heal.
I’m in more than one group because talking amongst like minded people keeps me sane during the hard times. We’ve laughed and cried. We gotten angry and we’ve made breakthroughs together. This is one of the hardest lessons I have ever had to learn. The most important thing I’ve learned through all groups is self-care. I honestly wouldn’t know what to do if I hadn’t found Lise and these groups. I’ve made some solid connections and feel completely safe with my feelings here. Thank you and looking towards many more groups! -Nicole
Joining the Self-Care Group Coaching seemed a logical next step in the healing journey. Had no idea how much it would impact my life in such a brief time. It’s more than a simple how-to and list of what to do. Lise Colucci is a beautiful soul who teaches and guides you to your path of self-care. She’s right there to encourage and gently nudge you as you move forward and face even difficult issues. The group is also filled with incredible souls, and it’s an honor to share this part of the journey with them. My loved ones have already noticed a difference and commented on the changes. If you have been dealing with your trauma bonds and are ready to move into the next step of healing, self-care coaching is an amazing resource to help you move forward! -Tam
Lise’s Self Care class has been an eye opener for me. She has a natural way of guiding her clients towards self discovery; allowing them to analyze their own personal situations and then create a path towards self healing that is individualized just for them. Lise is always available to respond to comments and questions from the group; even outside of “business hours” and often posts very thought provoking conversation starters. Her approach is non-judgmental and her candor is personable resulting in a forum where one feels “safe” to discuss their very personal feelings and experiences. Overtime it’s no longer a “class” but rather a loving, supportive extended family. I would recommend to anyone looking to move forward in their healing that they sign up for her classes. I look forward to the next course. -Diane
In addition to the weekly coaching group for Shifting Focus when Trauma bonded we are offering this once a week group to focus in on divorce as well. If you are interested in the Trauma Bond group without divorce the same sign up link above works, you will be contacted by Lise to set up your times and designate which group you would like,
This video explains a bit about what to expect and the kind of support offered with the divorce group. 2 coaches, two topics, lots of support!!!
Shifting Focus when Trauma Bonded group coaching begins November 15 . We meet Thursday’s at 11am or 6pm Pacific for one hour video meetings. We have a daily messenger chat where Lise checks in and members share and support one another.
Plus Divorce begins November 16 and meets on Friday’s at 3:30pm Pacific. We meet for one hour video meetings plus have a messenger chat as well with check-ins from both coaches.