Are you worried that your spouse might be having an affair? For a number of reasons, it can be hard to tell if your spouse is cheating on you. But if you’re willing to look closely, many cheating spouses eventually show signs of being unfaithful, most of which are associated with their behavior.
If you’re worried that your spouse or partner has been cheating on you, start figuring it out now by taking this test. When you finish the test, you’ll be given your results as well as some help with what to do next.
This is exactly what happens when you’re dealing with recovering from a toxic relationship, and exactly what you can do to begin to overcome it so you can take back your power and your life in the process! Not just standard “think positive’ advice, but real, meaningful tips that you can start using right now that will help you learn how to handle difficult people in a way that keeps you safe and brings back your personal power.
Are Narcissists Ever Remorseful When You Cry? This is Why Narcissists Love to See You Cry
Have you ever noticed that narcissists seem to love it when you cry? Or at least they seem to intentionally cause it to happen, and then use your tears as a way to either manipulate you or make themselves the victim? If this feels familiar to you, you might want to take a look at this video where I’m digging into the psychology of narcissists, toxic people and those actually diagnosed with NPD (or narcissistic personality disorder) to figure out why they seem to smirk or get happier when they see you crying.
One of the biggest struggles for survivors of narcissistic abuse is learning that they need to start putting themselves first – or at least to consider themselves a top priority. This seems easier than it might actually be, especially for those of us who have been through the hell of being connected to a toxic person. In addition to our own perceptions about what we SHOULD be, we have society telling us that we’re supposed to always put other people before ourselves.
Think about it: how many times did your mom tell you not to be selfish? How much social pressure is there for you to be selfless?
Those who haven’t experienced these toxic relationships really don’t understand how difficult it can be to start prioritizing yourself without feeling guilty. If you’re having trouble putting yourself first, maybe it’s time to look at what limiting beliefs might be holding you back. It’s time to start letting go of those beliefs and taking control of our perception (and our own lives).
1. People won’t like me anymore This belief is the bedrock of the “putting yourself first is selfish” credo. If you start to say no or set some boundaries, then maybe people will stop thinking you’re a good person. They might even stop being your friend. It’s a fair bet that if you’ve been a pushover in the past, once you start saying no you’ll get some pushback.
The thing is that the people who might push away from you might also be toxic. But for those who are your real friends and who really care, you’ll find something very different happens. If you’re polite but firm, they’ll accept that you can’t run yourself ragged doing what everyone else wants all the time. They might even respect you more for your honesty!
2. But I’m the one who’s always there! The eternal caregiver is an insidious role to take on, and it’s one that is commonly accepted by survivors of narcissistic abuse. It can even become emotionally manipulative. Look deep into your heart and ask yourself why you feel the need to take care of everyone. What would happen if you didn’t? Who would you be? How would life be different? And if you don’t start taking care of yourself, might you become someone who gets burnt out and resentful?
Cut yourself and everyone else some slack and let other people help too. As a bonus, if you make sure your own needs are satisfied, you’ll be in a much better position to give.
3. I should put others first Elementary schools and Sunday schools teach that you should always put others first. Sure, it’s important for kids to learn to take turns and be polite, but in adulthood, it can become emotionally toxic to always put others’ needs before your own.
When you do this, you’re telling your unconscious mind that your own needs don’t matter, that other people are more important and that you are undeserving. And if you think about it, that is exactly where your narcissist wanted you to be.
Plus, it’s a recipe for thinking small, believing you can’t achieve anything, and you don’t deserve to succeed.
These three core beliefs need to be challenged and overcome if you’re going to develop a healthier attitude to putting yourself first. Like changing any habit, you need to practice and take baby steps first.
Have a look at what your own needs and desires are, and practice saying yes to what your body, mind, and heart need.
Basic empathy is simply the ability to imagine yourself in another person’s place and understand their feelings, desires, ideas, and actions. But being an empath is a little deeper. Here are the top 10 empath traits (watch the video for expansion on each point!):
1. Empaths are highly sensitive.
2. Empaths absorb the emotions of the people around them.
3. Empaths can seem introverted at times.
4. Empaths seem to “know” things.
5. Empaths need time to be alone each day.
6. Empaths don’t always want to be joined at the hip in a relationship.
7. Energy vampires LOVE empaths.
8. Nature can make an empath feel better.
9. Empaths are sometimes seen as oversensitive to noise, smells or too much talking.
10. Empaths sometimes give too much and end up depleting themselves.
Obviously, your toxic relationship (and even healing from one) can make maintaining a positive mental attitude even more challenging. But, if you want to turn your life around, having a good attitude is the first step to making everything else possible. A positive mental attitude is crucial to success and happiness!
I know it feels difficult for you right now, but I’ve got your back. Try these strategies to maintain a positive attitude, even when it feels impossible.
1. Plan an exciting future. If you have a future that excites you, it’s easy to feel positive about life. Even if things are challenging today, you have an exciting life to look forward to. Think about the kind of life you’d like to live. Plan your future and ensure that it’s appealing to you. It should be motivating enough to put a smile on your face. After all, you’re not used to having the freedom of choice after having spent so long connected to a narcissist – take your power and run with it, baby!
2. Be successful each day. Set yourself up to be successful each day. You can do this by making a short to-do list that you know you can complete. Give yourself the experience of being successful each day. You can start with something as simple as making your bed and flossing your teeth before work. I like to use a bullet journal to help me stay on track.
4. Remember your triumphs. If you’re feeling down or hopeless, take a few minutes to remember all the amazing things you’ve accomplished. It’s easy to forget all the things you’ve already mastered and succeeded at, especially when times are tough.
5. Remind yourself that you’re making progress. Even if you’re struggling in your narcissistic abuse recovery, you’re NORMAL, and you’re still making progress. It might be challenging to see, or it might be less progress than you like. However, it’s still progress and a good reason to have a positive attitude.
6. Have something fun to look forward to. What do you have to look forward to in the next month? It could be a movie with a friend or a weekend getaway. Maybe you’re finally going to buy that shirt you’ve had your eye on. Get your groove on, already!
7. Eliminate the negative from your life. The negative things in your life can drag you down. Removing as many of these negative things from your life as possible can make positivity a lot easier to find and maintain. You know exactly what (and WHO) we’re talking about here, right?
8. Surround yourself with people that support you. Rather than spending time with toxic people who seem to suck all the air out of a room, try surrounding yourself with those that lift you up. Life is much easier and more enjoyable with positive people in your corner. Make a list of the people in your life and give them a rating. Determine which of them help you and which are harmful. Start making a few adjustments.
9. Forgive yourself. Okay, you’ve made a few mistakes, picked a toxic partner, maybe, or put up with a toxic friend or family member for too long. And maybe you even squandered a few opportunities. Who hasn’t? It’s time to forgive yourself for your missteps and enjoy your life again. What do you gain by holding a grudge against yourself?
11. Try my daily gratitude practice. Every day, think of 10 things you’re grateful for and 3 things you love about yourself. Talk about raising your vibration! You will be shocked at how effective this can be!
Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Journaling Prompt
Ask yourself the following questions and record the answers in your journal.
Do you have a positive attitude in general?
Are you optimistic or pessimistic? How do you think that influences your life?
How has being in a relationship with a toxic person changed your ability to stay positive?
What do you need to do in order to release the negative energy from your life.
Be honest with yourself, but also compassionate. After you write in your journal, set it aside for the night. Then, take a few minutes to review what you wrote tomorrow. What insights can you gain? What changes do you need to make? You might be surprised at how very effective this exercise can be.
Remember this: Having a positive mental attitude leads to much faster recovery from narcissistic abuse. You’ll also be happier and be more attractive to others if you choose to be. Try to see the bright side of things and expect the best – just maintain your awareness and your boundaries at the same time. Life is more challenging when you have a negative attitude.
Helpful Resources for Shifting Your Perception and Taking Back Your Life