Making a New Year’s Resolution That Sticks

Making a New Year’s Resolution That Sticks

“Why do New Years Resolutions fail? Mainly, because they are only a statement, or what we wish for in the coming year. There are usually no action plans, no deadlines, no backup plans. Sometimes they are unrealistic resolutions, with no other thought or plans beside the statement.” ~Catherine Pulsifer

Nearly half of all Americans make at least one New Year’s resolution every year, yet statistics show that in most cases, three out of four of them will fail at manifesting their desires. And statistically speaking, resolutions most often revolve around four categories, including weight, money, self-improvement, education and relationships. But only 1 in 4 succeed.

So, why the low success rate? Are we just doomed to fail? What can we do to ensure that our New Year’s Resolutions stick this year?

Maybe that’s because, a lot of times, we make resolutions based on what other people want or what we feel society wants from us. That is, we make the resolutions we think we SHOULD, instead of making resolutions that are in line with our true divine desires.

Remember that movie, Dirty Dancing? And how Nobody Puts Baby In a Corner?

(I know this is a kind of silly example, but just go with me on this for a second, okay?)

Let’s say you are the young daughter of a doctor in the 1960’s. Your family goes on a summer-long vacay, and though your father hopes you’ll spend your free time with the dorky son of the resort owner, your heart wants the dangerous and oh-so-sexy bad boy staff dance instructor. (And really, who can blame you?) You try in earnest to do as your father wishes and like the big nerd, but you can’t seem to stay away from that big hottie and his swerving hips.

It’s the same deal with New Year’s resolutions–no matter how much you think you can change your true divine desires based on someone else’s will, the fact is that you will inevitably turn back toward your own. As the old saying goes, the heart wants what the heart wants. And, statistics show, you’re most likely to fall back into old patterns within the first few weeks (days in some cases) of making your resolution.

The obvious solution to the “should” scenario is to figure out what you really want and make your resolutions based on your own desires. Doing anything else is just futile. You’ll just end up frustrated as you experience a significant blow to your self-esteem.

If you choose to make New Year’s resolutions this year, be sure they’re based around your own wants and needs, not those of the people or society around you.

But there’s more. You need a plan if you’re going to succeed.

Instead of fleshing out the hows and the whys of their New Year’s resolutions, many people just blindly resolve to make change. New Year’s Day comes along and they have a goal, but no plans or ideas on how they can accomplish it.

So, for example, let’s say that Joe Blow resolves to lose 50 pounds. New Year’s Day comes along and Joe has no clue how he plans to make his goal a reality. He has taken no inspired action to prepare for his new lifestyle–so he shrugs his shoulders and grabs his customary breakfast of donuts and Mountain Dew, figuring he’ll try again tomorrow. Of course, tomorrow never comes, because Joe never had a plan.

If you want to succeed in manifesting your desires, you must take inspired action. So, in Joe Blow’s case, he could have done his research, found a jogging partner, and restocked his kitchen with healthy foods. Any step toward achieving your ultimate goal can be just the trigger you need to finally succeed–and the more you physically and mentally prepare yourself, the more likely you are to make that goal a reality.

What many people don’t recognize is that planning and taking inspired action towards one’s ultimate goals can actually help to enact the law of attraction in their favor. That’s because as you work toward achieving your goal, you’ll naturally visualize and imagine yourself achieving the goal. This helps you to get on the right vibrational level to attract and manifest your desires. Good stuff, if you ask me.

What do you think? Will you set resolutions this year that are in line with your true divine desires? Will you take inspired action to make them stick?

6 Ways A Narcissist Manipulates

6 Ways A Narcissist Manipulates

Being in a relationship with a narcissist is confusing and can completely change the way you feel, think or believe things about yourself for a reason. They are constantly manipulating!  There are many forms of abuse and manipulation in the narcissists repertoire of toxic behavior, the following video gives a brief description of 6 of these. Understanding the ways you are being manipulated can help you to see the situation for what it is and  the narcissist for who they are. If breaking trauma bonds is the goal,  understanding and acceptance that the abuse is real is one thing needed to help you get there. What are some ways you feel you have been manipulated by a narcissist?

Check out other videos for more information on any of the 6 ways a narcissist manipulates at Narcissistic Abuse Recovery by QueenBeeing.com.

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery by QueenBeeing.com offers free video coaching each week on YouTube on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays along with videos and help on recovery from toxic relationships. Featuring certified life coach Lise Colucci and supported by QueenBeeing founder and certified life coach Angie Atkinson. 

If you are looking for an affordable way to get ongoing personalized support as well as peer support and validation in a small group setting join our private coaching group https://lifemakeoveracademy.teachable…

Get one-on-one coaching with Lise Colucci at https://queenbeeing.com/lise-colucci-…

Get notified free for free video coaching sessions by texting LISELIVE to 33222. Find Lise on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lise.colucci…

Email Lise with topic ideas or any questions about the coaching options available  at [email protected]

 

Closure After Narcissistic Abuse

Closure After Narcissistic Abuse

Is there any way to find closure after narcissistic abuse?

It seems that so many survivors of narcissistic abuse really struggle with fully healing trauma bonds and moving on with life because of the lack of a sense of closure. In this video I talk about this as well as several ideas and tips for finding closure for yourself without the need to contact, reach to to or even include the abusive narcissist. Struggling to let go and move on so that you can thrive is something most of us face while understanding and healing from  toxic emotional abuse. You are not alone if you feel the need for closure but can’t seem to find it.

What is it you need so that you will have a sense of closure? Is it really necessary to find that closure? If a narcissist can’t take accountability, can that closure be had? Would breaking no contact help? Do you need to forgive? Why is it so hard to let go and move on in life? These and many other questions were asked and replied to in the following video. What questions do you have and how are you finding closure for yourself?

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery by QueenBeeing.com offers free video coaching each week on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays along with videos and help on recovery from toxic relationships. Featuring certified life coach Lise Colucci and supported by QueenBeeing founder and certified life coach Angie Atkinson.

Lise Colucci is a certified life coach, as well as a certified narcissistic abuse recovery coach. She is a long-time admin and mentor for the SPAN Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Group, actively helping survivors of narcissistic abuse in the expansive community to learn and heal.  Lise is passionate about providing coaching services that help her clients feel heard and validated as she guides them along their healing journey. For information on coaching, group coaching or to contact Lise check out the links below.

Join our private coaching group https://lifemakeoveracademy.teachable…

Get one-on-one coaching with Lise Colucci at https://queenbeeing.com/lise-colucci-…

Get notified free for free video coaching sessions by texting LISELIVE to 33222. Find Lise on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lise.colucci… Email Lise at [email protected]

Dating After Narcissistic Abuse

Dating After Narcissistic Abuse

Dating After  Narcissistic Abuse

Survivors Q&A

Dating after a toxic relationship for most of us is very scary and so many questions can come up. The following video replies to direct questions survivors have asked about dating again, friendships, trusting others, red flags and how to handle triggers that come up. Knowing how to be ready, when you are ready and how to protect yourself while dating, seeing things for what they are and many other topics were talked about in the video. If you are no where near ready to date you can take what is talked about and apply it to friendships, meeting new people, the work place or any other form of contact with others that may be what you want or need to begin engaging with alongside others. The following video is part one of two so be sure to subscribe and catch part two as well.

What questions do you have or what have you experienced dating again after being in a toxic relationship? Any tips that you would like to share with others to help find and form healthy attachment and safe relationships for our futures?

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery by QueenBeeing.com offers free video coaching each week on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays along with videos and help on recovery from toxic relationships. Featuring certified life coach Lise Colucci and supported by QueenBeeing founder and certified life coach Angie Atkinson.

Lise Colucci is a certified life coach, as well as a certified narcissistic abuse recovery coach. She is a long-time admin and mentor for the SPAN Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Group, actively helping survivors of narcissistic abuse in the expansive community to learn and heal.  Lise is passionate about providing coaching services that help her clients feel heard and validated as she guides them along their healing journey. For information on coaching, group coaching or to contact Lise check out the links below.

Join our private coaching group https://lifemakeoveracademy.teachable…

Get one-on-one coaching with Lise Colucci at https://queenbeeing.com/lise-colucci-…

Get notified free for free video coaching sessions by texting LISELIVE to 33222. Find Lise on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lise.colucci… Email Lise at [email protected]

 

How to Not Let Others’ Negativity Affect Your Mood and Experiences

How to Not Let Others’ Negativity Affect Your Mood and Experiences

“Stop letting people who do so little for you control so much of your mind, feelings and emotions.” ~Will Smith

When you’re dealing with a negative person, whether they’re a toxic narcissist or not, they might have a way of dumping their emotional garbage on your doorstep. This leaves them feeling relieved and leaves you feeling sad and miserable – and you’re left to deal with all of those emotions.

In this video, I’ll explain exactly what you can do to learn how to control your mind so that you don’t let others’ negativity affect you. In learning how to control your mind and your emotions, you become more powerful.

Once You’ve Watched the Video, How To Control Your Mind (How to Not Let Others’ Negativity Affect You), Read the Following.

Despite what you may have thought during and after being involved in a toxic relationship with a narcissist, you are NOT anyone’s emotional dumpster! But if you think about it, most narcissists use their primary source of supply as exactly that – at least some of the time.

As you move through your recovery, how do you feel inside when you allow others to dump their negativity – their complaints, their anger, their self-centeredness and sense of entitlement onto you? If you really look inside instead of pushing your own feelings into a closet, you will discover that you feel really lonely with these people. There is no mutual support, no sharing of love, no mutual giving and receiving. You give and they take, and you end up feeling drained and lonely. Yet you hang in there for fear of being alone with no friends or no partner.

If you are really honest with yourself, you will find that it’s not worth it – that you deserve better than to be an emotional dumpster for others’ negativity.

It takes faith and courage to speak up for yourself. It takes courage to say to your friend who is dumping her negativity onto you, “This doesn’t feel good. Whenever we are together all you do is complain or talk on and on about yourself. You are never interested in me at all, and this is no longer okay with me. Either this needs to change or I don’t want to spend time with you. It’s not fun for me and I just end up feeling used and drained.”

When you become willing to speak up for yourself, you will discover who really are your friends and who was just using you. Some people – those who are relatively emotionally healthy, anyway – may say, “I’m so grateful you told me this. I didn’t realize I was doing this. I want to stop, and I would appreciate your pointing it out to me next time I do it.”

Others, including many narcissists, will go into denial and say, “That’s not true. I listen to you all the time.” This may continue until the narcissists just get angry and/or go away (or discard you) at least temporarily.

Here’s more helpful information for you.

7 Steps to Stop Worrying So Much: Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

7 Steps to Stop Worrying So Much: Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

As a narcissistic abuse survivor, do you ever find yourself feeling like you’ve completely lost control? Do you worry about everything, even the things you can’t do anything to change or control?

If you’re anything like I used to be, you might even find yourself feeling sick with worry sometimes. It doesn’t mean you’re bad or wrong – it just means you’re normal and that you’re not alone. Many survivors of narcissistic abuse find themselves overcome with worries, thanks in part to the abuse they’ve suffered.

I mean, think about it. When you’re always concerned about how the toxic person in your life is going to react to everything, you develop a terrible habit of feeling stressed out all the time – and this, of course, leads to not only mental health issues such as complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD) but also to a myriad of physical effects and health issues.

If you want to stop stressing about things you can’t control, stick with me here – and try the seven tips I’m sharing with you today. Let’s start here.

Worrying is a habit that many of us believe is helpful in some way, but the fact is that that worrying only has a negative effect – and that is especially true when we’re worried about things that we have no ability to affect.

Worry less and live more with these strategies:

1. Put your worries in perspective. I know how it feels to worry, believe me. And when you’re dealing with a toxic person, worries can overwhelm you really quickly. But try to shift your perspective a bit here – this is something you CAN control! You are in charge of how you see yourself and how you choose to perceive the situations in your life. For example, if you’re still in a relationship with a toxic narcissist, you may be worrying about how you’re going to get out. Instead of focusing on the worry, focus on empowering yourself with a plan to escape and on how you’re going to live your new, narcissist-free life! Or, if you’re worried about something like your weight, stop focusing on worrying about it and start doing something to change your situation right away – stand up right now and do 10 jumping jacks, or maybe get online and research more effective ways to eat healthier.

2. Expect good things to happen. Going through narcissistic abuse makes you pretty pessimistic if you think about it. After all, every day you spend with a narcissist feels like your own personal hell – right? But here’s the thing: now that you’re moving on (or preparing to), you need to stop expecting the worst and start expecting the BEST. Seriously. The fact is that you can’t worry if you expect a positive outcome. When you assume things will turn out poorly, they often do. If you need to, make sure you’re as prepared for the worst as you can be-  but be optimistic. Your worry isn’t going to change anything.

3. Understand what is and isn’t under your control. We spend a lot of time worrying about things we can’t change. What’s the point? Do what you can to mitigate your risk and then see what happens. Let go of the things you can’t control. For me, learning this stuff was a HUGE factor in creating positive personal change in my own life. The moment I gave myself permission to stop worrying about things I couldn’t control, I instantly felt a sense of relief and my life seemed to be so much less painful. This intentional practice is SO powerful when you enact it! (If this sounds like something you’d like to try, be sure to scroll down to the bottom of this article and try the journaling exercise I wrote for you).

4. Stay grounded in the present moment. It’s all about being mindful. Mindfulness is another (free!) powerful tool that we can use as survivors of narcissistic abuse. For the duration of our toxic relationships, we spent so much time feeling helpless and out of control that many of us found ourselves sort of living in our own heads. But if you intentionally change that and bring yourself into the present moment, you’ll find that your worries can disappear. Do this by paying attention to what you’re doing right now. Avoid thinking about tomorrow if it stresses you out. Use pattern interrupts if you need to do that to stay focused. Make the best use of your time each moment and the future will take care of itself. This video offers ideas on how to use pattern interrupts to your advantage.

5. Practice gratitude. I know that it feels like we don’t have a lot to be grateful for sometimes – especially when we’re still dealing with a toxic person in our lives, but those are the times when it may be most important to practice gratitude. When you realize how much you do have to be grateful for, the future isn’t as scary somehow. Remind yourself of how good your life is already, even if you start with things like “I’m grateful I woke up today.” You’ll worry less.

Remember: Gratitude is a habit. Take a moment each day and mentally list the things that you’re grateful for. This can do more to enhance your perspective than you think. I like to use my own gratitude practice as part of my intentional vibration management. Try starting your own gratitude journal. Want more information? This video will explain more about that and offer you tips on how to manage your own vibrations intentionally.

6. Avoid isolating yourself. During and after toxic relationships, it’s common for victims and survivors of abuse to isolate themselves for a number of reasons. But life is harder to manage all alone. It’s not reasonable to assume you can do everything by yourself. It’s also less stressful to have a few friends in your corner. Avoid isolating yourself just because you’re stressed. Your stress will only increase. Stay in touch with others. If you’ve lost a lot of friends and family members due to the toxic people in your life, try joining an online support group for narcissistic abuse survivors to make connections with people who understand what you’re going through and to get yourself moving in the right direction again. Check out this video playlist for more information about isolation in narcissistic abuse and how to overcome it.

7. Look at the facts first. Statistically speaking, we worry about way more than we need to – or at least, more than we should. The fact is that you’ve probably worried about a lot of things over the course of your life, right? How many of them actually came true? And how often did you worry about things that you had no ability to control or even affect? You’ll likely discover that most of your worry was inaccurate or unnecessary.

Most of the things we worry about never happen. And even if they do, it’s not nearly as awful as we anticipate. Conclusion: Any time spent worrying is wasted time. If there’s something you can do to resolve the situation, just fix it. Life is short and worrying detracts greatly from life. Work to minimize the amount of time you spend worrying each day. You’ll enjoy life more, you’ll be less stressed, and you’ll be one step closer to living your very best life!

Stop Worrying Journaling Exercise

Ready to take your narcissistic abuse recovery to the next level? Grab your journal and do the following exercise. If you prefer, you can just consider the questions and meditate on them instead.

  1. Take a moment to think about how much time you spend worrying each day. Has any of that worrying ever accomplished anything positive in your life?
  2. Think about the things you worry about. Make a list of your concerns.
  3. Evaluate your worries. Go back to your list and decide which of your worries are under your own control – as in, are there things you can do to change the outcome of the situation you’re worried about? If the answer is yes, take a minute to write down the actions you can take to change or affect the situation. If the answer is no, cross the worry off your list.
  4. Imagine what you could do with all of that time and energy. Imagine how much happier and comfortable you would be if you could minimize the amount of time you spend worrying each day. What would it mean for you? How would your life look if you didn’t have so many worries? Take a few minutes to write down your ideas.

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