Happy New Year! Set Your Intentions for 2019

Happy New Year! Set Your Intentions for 2019

Setting Intentions for the New Year: How Empaths Can Make 2019 The Best Year Ever – This is how you make 2019 your best year ever! Don’t let the narcissist stop you this time. If you’ve survived a relationship with a narcissist and/or you’re an empath, this list of new year ideas will help kickstart your goal-setting and manifestation into high gear! So often, people think you need to sort of temper your expectations, but I say that’s all a mistake: you’ve got to aim for the moon! Let’s get to the business of setting intentions for the new year and creating true positive change in ourselves and our lives in 2019.

Love to Read? Looking for Community? Join the SPAN Book Club for Free

Love to Read? Looking for Community? Join the SPAN Book Club for Free

Are you looking for a way to both socialize and regain your sense of self after a toxic relationship? Would you like to do so without having to leave your own home?

Well, look no further! SPAN Book Club is here to serve exactly that need – and then some. Get your intellectual stimulation and share camaraderie over a shared hobby, while alleviating the typical loneliness and isolation suffered by survivors of narcissistic abuse from the comfort of your home when you join the book club.

SPAN Book Club is facilitated by SPAN admin Sarah Browne, who offers an active, engaging group experience that is completely free. Sarah and the SPAN Book Club community offer socialization and camaraderie over a shared hobby to alleviate loneliness and isolation for survivors of narcissistic abuse and members of our SPANily.

She says that the club helps survivors to remember how to have their own voices and to have their own thoughts and opinions validated. And, she says, the added benefit is that survivors regain a sense of self in the process.

How it works:

  • Books are chosen by the group members.
  • Sarah announces her top three choices, and members have a week to cast their votes.
  • Once the book is chosen, members get a week to obtain the book through Amazon.com, their local library or any other source.
  • The discussion begins the following week on Sunday.

Want In? Join the SPAN Book Club, right here.



What’s Your Life Purpose?

What’s Your Life Purpose?

What Is A Life Purpose? Simply put, life purpose is what motivates you to get out of bed every morning. This purpose guides your life decisions, influences your behaviors, shapes your goals, and creates meaning in your life. Every person has a different life purpose.

Making Meditation Work for You

Making Meditation Work for You

Are You Making the Most of Meditation?

Living in such a hectic world can take its toll on your body, mind, and spirit – but the practice of meditation can help you to focus, have a clear mind, and stay centered. Meditation is a practice of learning to train your mind. There are many purposes and techniques.

What all of the techniques have in common is that they work for some benefit in your life. Meditation can help you reduce the effects of stress on your body and mind. It can help you develop a clear mission and purpose for your life. It can help you connect to a higher power.

If you’ve never meditated before, it can be hard to imagine how to get started. There’s a wide range of meditation techniques. Some are simple, while others require a great deal of discipline and training. In the end, though, there’s really no wrong way to do it.

As you consider beginning the practice of meditation, there are factors to consider. The first is determining in what position you’ll meditate. There are several options for you – choose the one that makes the most sense for you.

Getting Into Position

Determining an appropriate position for meditation can set the stage properly. You really don’t have to choose one specific way to do it, but getting your body into a different position from the norm can help you to focus your mind in a more effective way.

While many people choose to use specific yoga positions for meditation, trying to get your body to hold a position that’s uncomfortable can actually take away from your meditation practice. Choose a position that separates you from outside activities, but is comfortable.

The Lotus. The lotus position is the one that most people associate with meditation. This position is a seated position on the floor. For this position, you’ll bend your right leg and place your right ankle on your left thigh.

Then you’ll place your left ankle on your right thigh. This takes a bit of flexibility. Extend your arms and place your hands on your knees palms up. You’ll also want to touch your thumb and index finger.

For this position it’s important to maintain proper posture so that your spine is properly aligned. You may also want to lower your head so that your chin is touching your chest. It may take some time to be able to achieve this position comfortably.

If you’re not able to achieve it comfortably, there are positions that are close, but don’t require as much flexibility. These can allow you to work up to the lotus position that you want to achieve and allow you to meditate.

The Half-Lotus. This position is similar to the lotus, but not as difficult. You start in the same way by touching your right ankle to your left thigh. However, when you bend your left leg, you keep it on the floor and rest your left ankle in front of your right knee. For this position your arm placement will be the same. This will help you to begin experiencing meditation even if you’re not quite flexible enough to achieve a full lotus. Many people who want to practice meditation in the lotus position begin with this pose.

Crossed Legs. If you’re not ready to perform the lotus, you can also sit with your legs crossed on the floor. Make sure to sit straight up and have proper posture. This position is more comfortable if you’re not flexible and will still allow you to meditate.

Lying Down. There are also positions for meditating where you lie on the floor. Lying down can help you to relax your body and separate yourself from your regular daily life. It’s very comfortable, doesn’t require flexibility, and keeps your body supported.

When it comes to meditation positions, the most important consideration is your comfort. While meditation positions can help you to focus your mind, the wrong position can actually take away from your experience.

If you’re new to meditation, you don’t need to spend all your time focusing on your body position and trying to contort your body into an uncomfortable pose. Instead, focus on finding a pose where you can relax and focus on what’s important.

Breathing for Relaxation

In addition to finding an appropriate position, meditation requires that you pay attention to your breathing. Breathing is an automatic function you perform thousands of times each day without much thought.

Most people breathe using muscles from their chest and upper body. These breaths are often pretty shallow. In order to breathe properly for the purposes of good health and meditation, you’ll need to focus on breathing a different way.

For meditation, we use diaphragmatic breathing. This is breathing that comes from the belly area of the body. As you breathe, think of pushing your belly button out as you inhale and pulling it in as you exhale. This will allow you to take deep, relaxing breaths.

You may also want to try counting when you breathe so that you have consistent, rhythmic breathing that leads to relaxation. Try using a count of five. Breathe in for a count of five and exhale a count of five.

Just as it is with your meditation position, you should make sure that your breathing is comfortable. If you’re uncomfortable, you won’t be able to free your mind for meditation. If you’re distracted, then you’re not doing it correctly.

The Third Eye

When it comes to meditation, the concept of the third eye is very important. The idea is that when you meditate you can open a “third eye” that connects you to a spiritual force. Many people meditate with the goal of opening the third eye.

By opening the third eye, you may find that you feel more spiritually connected to the universe. You may also find that your intuition is keener and that you have more psychic sensitivities. It may take time in order to become this connected, so don’t be discouraged if your meditation doesn’t produce the desired effect.

You may be wondering how you’ll know if you open your third eye. People who have achieved this type of spiritual awakening report seeing colors and hearing sounds. The idea is that you’re connected to the ultimate source in the universe.

In order to open your third eye, you’ll need to be completely relaxed and in a meditative state where our mind is totally at peace. Rather than focusing on issues in your life, you’ll need to actually not be thinking consciously. This can take a lot of practice.

If you get too focused on trying to open your third eye and achieve a new level of meditation, you can actually make it more difficult. It’s important to free your mind and body and not put pressure on yourself to meditate in a specific way.

Meditation and Religion

Meditation can often be associated with religion, although it doesn’t have to be religious. People of most faiths have some sort of meditation.

For some religions such as Buddhism and Hinduism, meditation is actually a formal practice.

In other religions it’s less formal. In fact, prayer in Judeo-Christian religions is a form of mediation where you become connected to source. For some people, meditation is more about spirituality than actual religion.

You’ll need to look at meditation in your own life and decide how it fits your personal religious and spiritual beliefs.

Remember that there really aren’t any rules when it comes to meditation- it needs to be right for you.

Guided Meditation

When you’re new to meditation, it can be difficult to really know how to get started. Guided meditation will help you to get started on your meditation journey. While there are many meditation centers where you can participate in guided meditation, you may want to start out in private.

You’ll be able to find many different types of guided meditation audio recordings that will help you to get started. These meditations will cover everything from positions to breathing. They may also help you with specific chants to enhance your meditation and free your mind.

In addition, they may have background music that will be designed to help you relax. Music can be a very powerful addition to your meditation practice. When you find music that speaks to you, you’ll find that meditation goes quickly.

You may also want to read books that give suggestions for guided meditation. Guided meditation is a tool that can help you to get more out of your meditation time. The more you practice, the easier it will become and you may find that you don’t need guided help anymore.

Finding Space to Meditate

When life is busy and you have a family, it can be difficult just to find a space to meditate. It’s important that you find a place where you can have a few minutes of uninterrupted time to meditate. It’s difficult to free your mind when someone is talking to you and distracting you.

Any space can be turned into a meditation space if you prepare. You may want to use your bedroom as a space for meditation. Make sure to tell the members of your household that you’ll be meditating and that you’d like some private time to do this.

Some people choose to use an office area or gym area to perform meditation. Still others find that a large closet can provide a quiet, private space to meditate. Have you ever felt like the bathroom is the only place where you can be alone?

It may sound crazy, but many people convert their bathrooms into spiritual places when they need just a few moments alone to refocus and renew their spirit. There’s no right or wrong space as long as it’s a place where you can clear your mind.

Carving Out Time for Meditation

The people who are most in need of meditating and relaxing are often those that have the busiest and most demanding lives. It can be hard to think that adding one more thing to your schedule can have benefits, but meditation will give you many benefits.

Don’t feel that you have to spend hours meditating each day in order to achieve a benefit from it. In fact, even taking just a minute or two to breathe deeply and clear your mind can be of tremendous value to you.

If you have more time, then you can always meditate more. But if you only have a few minutes, make the most of them. Building meditation into your schedule is the easiest way to build consistency.

For example, you may want to make it a practice to meditate each morning before you get going for the day. This can help you to face the day with greater focus and purpose. You’ll feel more connected to the world in which you live.

For others, meditating before bed can give the relaxation needed before trying to get a good night’s sleep. When the stress of the day has piled onto your shoulders, meditation can help you to relax, unwind, and clear your mind.

Have you ever gone to bed with your mind racing about all of your experiences and all the things on your to do list for tomorrow? Meditation can free you from this cycle that can disrupt your sleep patterns and leave you feeling weary.

But you can also build meditation into your day at any time. If you have a lunch break, you can take five minutes to clear your mind and feel more refreshed by meditating. Even just taking one minute throughout the day to breathe deeply and refocus can have great benefits.

Benefits of Meditation

While there can be obvious spiritual benefits of meditation, there are many benefits that may not be so obvious for adopting this practice. Take a look at some of the benefits you may receive from adding this simple practice to your life.

• Lowers your heart rate
• Lowers your blood pressure
• Increases your ability to sleep through the night and wake feeling rested
• Relieves tension headaches
• Prevents migraine headaches
• Can help with hormonal balance and achieving an appropriate weight
• Reduces anxiety
• Alleviates depression
• Reduces muscle tension and relieves muscle pain
• Adds greater feeling of peace

Meditation can provide many physical and spiritual benefits when you add it to your life. It helps to take small steps in the beginning and to increase the amount of meditation and your goals for meditation as you become more experienced.

Toxic Relationships and Narcissism: 3 Surprising Stages of Gaslighting (#1 will shock you)

Toxic Relationships and Narcissism: 3 Surprising Stages of Gaslighting (#1 will shock you)

If you’re involved in a toxic relationship with a narcissist (or even a person with NPD or narcissistic personality disorder), then you have probably been the victim of gaslighting at some point.

Understanding the Stages of Gaslighting

The term “gaslighting” comes from a 1944 movie called Gaslight in which a husband tries to slowly drive his wife insane to cover up a big secret. There are three primary stages of gaslighting, as it applies to the psychological term.

Read Take Back Your Life: 103 Highly-Effective Strategies to Snuff Out a Narcissist’s Gaslighting and Enjoy the Happy Life You Really Deserve

The 3-Ds: The Stages of Gaslighting

Gaslighting Stage One: Disbelief

“The process of gaslighting happens in stages – although the stages are not always linear and do overlap at times, they reflect very different emotional and psychological states of mind,” writes psychoanalyst Robin Stern in Psychology Today. “The first stage is disbelief: when the first sign of gaslighting occurs. You think of the gaslighting interaction as a strange behavior or an anomalous moment. During this first stage, things happen between you and your partner – or your boss, friend, family member – that seem odd to you.”


So, in layman’s terms–that means you’ll find yourself wondering what just happened. You’ll think the person just “sort of snapped” and that the behavior might be out of character.

You’ll be shocked at some of the things the narcissist says to you–and you’ll find yourself going “huh?” when he reacts or responds to you. A gaslighter almost seems to go out of his way to make you wonder–but he’s not really trying to do that.

He’s just being himself–a narcissist.

Gaslighting Stage Two: Defense

“In the second stage, defense, the gaslightee has begun to second-guess himself,” writes TheWeek.com’s Shannon Firth.

This means that you start to wonder if maybe the narcissist is right–maybe you are the one to blame. You find yourself being constantly criticized by the narcissist and you being to think that you are really as slow, stupid, bad, lazy or whatever other rudeness is being spewed your way.

Again, often the narcissist doesn’t even see what he’s doing here–but you won’t miss it. You’ll feel almost exhausted by the constant barrage of insults and digs being thrown your way, and you might even vow to make personal changes in order to become whatever it is the narcissist says you’re not. You lose a bit of yourself, really.

Gaslighting Stage Three: Depression

“By the time you get to this stage you are experiencing a noticeable lack of joy, and you hardly recognize yourself anymore. Some of your behavior feels truly alien,” according to Marriage Advocates. “You feel more cut off from friends – in fact, you don’t talk to people about your relationship very much – none of them like your guy. People may express concern about how you are and how you are feeling – they treat you like you really do have a problem.”

At this point, you’re probably in need of a serious life overhaul. Whether you get professional help or you simply take your power back by recognizing the serious nature of the situation and taking appropriate action to make it change–you’ve got to do something.

Staying in a gaslighting situation is clearly dangerous for you as a person, but in some cases, it can become even more serious since some narcissists will abuse their victims physically too.

alive inside coverGet help with your narcissist! Read Alive Inside or Take Back Your Life (or see more at http://booksangiewrote.com).

Have you ever experienced gaslighting from a narcissist? How did you deal with it? Share your thoughts when you hit me up on Facebook.

Toxic Love and Narcissistic Supply: The Post-Gaslighting Effect

Toxic Love and Narcissistic Supply: The Post-Gaslighting Effect

“Bullies want to abuse you. Instead of allowing that, you can use them as your personal motivators. Power up and let the bully eat your dust.” ~Nick Vujicic

The post-gaslighting effect

Are you being emotionally abused by a narcissist? Do you deal with regular episodes of your significant other raging against you, expressing extreme anger, frustration, or outrage — and have a significant amount seemingly unnecessary drama in your relationship?

Ever feel like you live with, work with or love your own personal bully?

How do you feel after spending time with this person? Do you feel happy, relaxed, loved? Or do you feel stressed, angry, fearful or sick? Be honest with yourself. It’s just you and me here. 

Not sure? Here are the 12 signs that you’re in love with a narcissist. 

Related: Are you dating a narcissist? Here are the red flags. 

If you’re dealing with a narcissist, chances are that spending time with him or her is very bad for you in several ways. Episodes of gaslighting (and other kinds of narcissistic manipulation are used against you. As always, a narcissist’s goal is often to not only mess with your confidence but ultimately to gain control over you. 

Often, these episodes involve narcissistic rages in which it can feel like the world will end. These can result in hours, days, weeks or even months of verbal and emotional abuse for even the smallest incident. 

When these attacks happen, your whole world will feel like it just stops, and you won’t be able to function until it’s over. Even then, your ability to feel normal may be gone for a long time. 

What Happens Inside the Mind of a Narcissistic Supply After a Gaslighting Attack

As you sit in the cold, numb aftermath of yet another attack on your personal character, your thoughts are dulled and foggy. You can’t seem to form a complete thought as the sharp, cutting insults replay over and over again in your head.

This torturous soundtrack is accompanied by a small voice in the back of your head, the part of you that remains indignant about the abuse, the part that still knows it’s not normal and that you deserve better.

That part of you quietly counters the insults, reminds you that they’re all a part of the manipulation tactics the narcissist uses to gain control.

That’s the same part of you that truly knows that you’re not in a “healthy” relationship and that there’s little chance you’ll successfully change this person.

That part of your mind races, struggling to form a plan to fix things, to make your escape or to at least find “normal” again.

And it’s that part that will ultimately help you to not just exist and survive, but also to really thrive and become the fully realized person you deserve to be.

The longer you remain in a toxic relationship, the more you deny your truths in order to avoid the wrath of this narcissist, the quieter this voice becomes.

When you deny your feelings, when you allow yourself to be told that you’re not a real person and that you don’t matter – you begin to act as if that is true.

And, by the basic law of attraction, you draw more of that “I don’t matter” energy to yourself.

That’s because you begin to vibrate that sense of “I’m not good enough.” And you become inferior because you believe that you’re inferior.

You feel me?

You’ve got to listen to that voice, or you may lose the ability to hear it.

Don’t just listen. Take action and do what you need to do until your life feels good.

Can you remember how it felt to have a life that made you feel good? Can you imagine a life that is good?

If you have a few minutes, imagine what would happen if you woke up tomorrow morning and found that a miracle had happened overnight and all of your problems are gone. What do you see? What does your ideal life look like?

When you can begin to imagine what you consider your perfect life, you can begin to claim it for yourself.

Related: 10 Things You Need to Know if You Love a Narcissist 

Trust Your Intuition

When something doesn’t feel right in your gut, trust that feeling and act accordingly. That’s your intuition kicking in and it’s almost always to your benefit to listen and act accordingly.

Do you hide your relationship problems from people in your life? Would anyone be shocked if they knew what you were really dealing with behind closed doors?

When we stop listening to our true selves, we start losing our identities. We become a shell of ourselves and begin to conform to the expectations of people who, if we’re being honest with ourselves, really don’t love anyone, not even themselves.

Why do we continue to allow ourselves to be abused?

As a narcissist’s supply, we conform to his expectations to the best of our ability, which of course is never quite good enough. We do this, in part, because it is our nature to want to keep the peace and also to please others.

In case you weren’t aware, narcissists are almost always attracted to empaths, because we are especially aware of others’ emotions and naturally concern ourselves with them.

Narcissists are drawn to empaths because they are easily triggered into action by the emotions and emotional outbreaks that are so common. While some people would recoil and be repulsed initially by their behavior, empaths are wired to want to help emotionally struggling people.

And so we spend our lives trying to fill an unfillable hole, to reach an unreachable standard.

But what we fail to realize is that it doesn’t matter how hard we try – the narcissist will never be satisfied, at least not for long. 

We convince ourselves that we just need to do a little better, try a little harder – change a little more, and everything will be okay.

We see ourselves becoming a “not good enough” version of someone else’s ideals, rather than a beautiful, vibrant and fully realized version of ourselves.

And if we keep this up for long, our true selves are left for dead, quietly whispering our truths in the back of our minds as we desperately seek to quiet them, to shut them up and out.

All of this, so that we don’t have to risk the pain of the emotions that we will inevitably face when we fully realize (and admit to ourselves) the disservice we are doing to ourselves by allowing this abuse to continue.

So what do you do now? Once you’ve admitted the problem, you’ve taken the first step toward resolving it.

Personal change must start within. We already know that there’s no changing someone else – it’s not your place or your right.

So start with yourself. Here are some links to get you started on making the first move toward finding the happiness, peace and general human rights you really deserve.

Want more? 

See my books at BooksAngieWrote.com. There are several on narcissism and recovering from narcissistic abuse in relationships, as well as several that will help you to boost your confidence and create the life you really want. 

Your Turn: Tell Me What You Think!

Now, I want to hear your side of it. Have you been affected by a narcissist’s gaslighting attacks? Do you see yourself in any of the above ideas? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section. 


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