Setting Boundaries with Toxic People

Setting Boundaries with Toxic People

Setting boundaries is the first step toward taking back your power after narcissistic abuse in a toxic relationship. I can’t think of a quicker way to regain personal power and your own sense of self in a situation than knowing what your boundaries might be and being able to set them with others. Toxic people notoriously will try to destroy your boundaries. They will use many forms of manipulation to make sure their will is asserted over yours and push your boundaries farther and farther back until you cease setting them.

What are boundaries?

Setting boundaries can be confusing when you may have never had healthy examples of them in your life. Boundaries can be many things including physical, material, mental, emotional, sexual or spiritual.  Boundaries create a separation between yourself and others including your needs, will, wishes and actions. They are your personal choice in saying no, in setting limits, in maintaining personal belongings, in having your own thoughts and opinion, in what you will do or won’t do with your body or in your feelings about personal beliefs or faith. You can see how a narcissist with their need to control and create a delusional reality based on THEIR own wants and need for supply would not want others to have boundaries plus do all they can to break down any boundaries a person may have.

Know your boundaries: what do you need?

Do you ever struggle with knowing what it is that you want or need? Do you then feel ok about creating the boundaries necessary to make sure those needs are met? Boundaries can be difficult enough without dealing with a toxic person as well. When you place a boundary in a healthy situation it can be difficult because of the fear of the reaction of others and your perceived beliefs about how others feel about you. WIth a toxic person, this is made worse because of the abuse. Not only that but have you noticed that the longer you are around toxic people the less you even know how you feel about things or what your needs even are? Having your thoughts and actions devalued and criticized really can lead to so much self-doubt that it can be hard to even know if what you are thinking is reasonable and right. One thing that can help to ask yourself, “what do I need?” or “ what do I think about this?” before replying to things. Knowing or even just asking that “includes you” –  it shows you that you matter and allows you to begin understanding where your boundaries are.

Learn to grey rock, say no and stick to it!

A narcissist will see any boundary you place as an invitation to argue, manipulate, or criticize you.  They may also see it as an ultimatum placed by you and give you anything from heated arguing to silent treatment because of it. As with all dealing with narcissistic abuse, it is not going to get better. One key characteristic trait of narcissistic abuse is the pushing and disregard of boundaries. Grey rock when your boundaries are not being respected, do not engage, argue, defend, plead or any other reaction besides calm indifference.

Here are a few tips for setting boundaries with a narcissist:

  • Know what you will not tolerate, understand where you personally draw the line. For example,  like name-calling, devaluing, silent treatment all will be met by grey rock and disengagement. You will not argue, plead, debate, defend or give much attention to such treatment
  • Set your own time/agenda. You choose how long you will wait, do things, sleep, eat, visit friends or family, or any other time/action related thing and all abusive manipulation will not be argued with or defended. Again, grey rock!
  • Do not have expectations that this will resolve anything within the relationship with a narcissist. Generally, this boundary-setting is a one-time event. Nothing will fix the relationship with a narcissist and living a life of grey rock is not a solution, it is a technique meant to help you diffuse a situation until you can get away.
  • Focus on your worth. You are a thinking, feeling and loving person whose needs are as valuable and important as anyone else’s. You deserve a say in your own life and that should be respected. Respect yourself while you place boundaries. Focus on yourself and your needs.
  • Exit plan! Create an exit plan and get away. Ideally, you will see you have worth and value far beyond the way you are treated by this toxic person and get away from them as far as you can. Going no contact is the ultimate boundary.

 

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Working the Phases of Trauma Recovery After Narcissistic Abuse

Working the Phases of Trauma Recovery After Narcissistic Abuse

We say the words, “DISCOVER, UNDERSTAND AND OVERCOME NARCISSISTIC ABUSE” often enough that many of you may be very familiar with that phrase. Let’s look a bit at how working the phases of trauma recovery after narcissistic abuse might look.  Each of these phases can go on simultaneously because healing from abuse is in layers. Different discoveries, understandings and overcomings happen at different times. There will be times during your recovery where you will feel like you are going backward but please do not be discouraged, this is normal.  Layers of healing and mountains of growth are what happens for anyone evolving out of toxic abuse into a thriving survivor.

DISCOVER

What we discover in this phase is not only about narcissistic abuse but about how the abuse affects us as survivors. You may come to a lot of realizations as you discover the things about narcissistic behaviors that make it abuse, realizations about how you feel as a survivor of abuse and also that you are not alone. Validation of the way you feel and that what you experienced truly is abuse is what can help you in this phase to realize you truly are not alone. There is a lot of information being taken in when in the discovery phase, it can cause a bit of overwhelm as well. Keep at the discovery and things will become more and more clear as you enter into the next phase of understanding.

UNDERSTAND

Understanding also can mean accepting that the toxic person truly is toxic. Seeing things as they are instead of how you wish they could be opens your mind to an understanding of the situation that helps you to break the trauma bonds and begin to recover. Understanding that this is not your fault can help you to gain more self-worth as well as be kind to yourself through the healing process. Understanding the abuse can help you to separate your own needs from those of the narcissist that you were groomed to emotionally “take care of” so that you can begin and continue to see the path to healing is in self-care, self- focus and letting go of the narcissist.

OVERCOME

Finally, you get to overcome this abuse and thrive! This is not an overnight thing that just happens. Often there is a huge “ah-ha” moment in the understanding phase that leads to a giant perspective shift which then helps you let go of the abuser. Through the overcoming phase there can be a lot of grief, feelings of loss, feelings of not really knowing oneself as well as other not so comfortable things. If you feel this, it is totally normal and part of the healing. What can happen is self-discovery and a renewed focus on your own life and wellbeing. This is where the deepening of healing can take you to great places, to discover and do things that truly create a beautiful life and that get you on the path you choose to be on. Keep the hope up as you overcome narcissistic abuse, you always were enough, you always were and still are worth it!

Get personal support in your narcissistic abuse recovery.

6 Unique Eastern Teas that Help with Relaxation and Sleep

6 Unique Eastern Teas that Help with Relaxation and Sleep

What do you do when you’re stressed out? Do you grab a cup of tea or decide to take medicine? Regardless of what you do, it is better to grab a cup of herbal tea to provide relaxation to the brain. Teas have always held immense importance in providing calming effects on the brain. The history of herbal teas dates back to thousands of years that is why they are not new to this world. Despite their name, eastern and herbal teas are not true teas. They are made by immersing different ingredients in hot water. So here we will go through a list of few eastern teas you must drink:

  1. Chamomile Tea

If you are suffering from insomnia, chamomile tea is the best option for you. Not only does it help in providing a good nights’ sleep but also aids digestion. It is popular because of its calming effects, and thus, you can drink it at any time of the day. People who have a tough schedule at work often rely on chamomile tea because it relieves stress within seconds. More than 450 million people in the world suffer from anxiety issues, but chamomile tea is here to help.

  1. Ginger Tea

This tea is rich in antioxidants and can improve the immune system of the body fast. People who are recovering from addiction often drink ginger tea to fix the damage caused by the intake of harmful food and drinks. Ginger tea also helps in fighting inflammation and is an effective remedy to treat nausea. Women who are going through the early stages of pregnancy are suggested to drink ginger tea. Headache that is caused by constipation is also treated with ginger tea.

  1. Kratom Tea

Although this herb has no proven health benefits for the brain, still a lot of people consume it every day. With more than 160 million fans around the globe, fanatic kratom consumers love to drink a cup of kratom tea every day. People who drink this beverage claim it helps in providing relaxation to the mind and treats depression. People often shop kratom powder from kratom crazy at affordable prices. If you want to make kratom tea at home, all you need to do is cook kratom powder in hot water for 5 minutes.

  1. Passion Flower Tea

You will be surprised to know, the leaves, flowers, and stems of this plant are used in making passionflower tea. It was traditionally used to treat sleep, but now is very effective for anxiety. One research proves that drinking passionflower tea is helpful in treating the quality of sleep. You will be surprised to know, passionflower also helps in reducing the mental symptoms of anxiety, withdrawal, agitation, and irritability.

  1. Lemon Balm Tea

It has a light lemony flavor and a cute fragrance that is enticing enough for someone who is trying to run away from it. Research also proves that drinking lemon balm tea every day can help in improving the functioning of blood arteries. Not to forget, stiffness is acknowledged as a risk factor and can cause a stroke. So lemon balm tea is an ultimate lifesaver for those who want to stay active throughout the day. A cup after lunch can help in keeping you fresh for the rest of the day.

  1. Rooibos Tea

This tea has roots in South Africa but is a popular beverage in the East. It is made by immersing leaves of rooibos in hot water. This plant has always been used for medicinal purposes for a long time. Recent studies suggest rooibos tea is effective for treating kidney stones and allergies. Another interesting study shows rooibos can enhance bone health. So you must give it a try someday. People who suffer from anxiety often drink rooibos early in the morning.

 

 

 

6 Ways A Narcissist Manipulates

6 Ways A Narcissist Manipulates

Being in a relationship with a narcissist is confusing and can completely change the way you feel, think or believe things about yourself for a reason. They are constantly manipulating!  There are many forms of abuse and manipulation in the narcissists repertoire of toxic behavior, the following video gives a brief description of 6 of these. Understanding the ways you are being manipulated can help you to see the situation for what it is and  the narcissist for who they are. If breaking trauma bonds is the goal,  understanding and acceptance that the abuse is real is one thing needed to help you get there. What are some ways you feel you have been manipulated by a narcissist?

Check out other videos for more information on any of the 6 ways a narcissist manipulates at Narcissistic Abuse Recovery by QueenBeeing.com.

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery by QueenBeeing.com offers free video coaching each week on YouTube on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays along with videos and help on recovery from toxic relationships. Featuring certified life coach Lise Colucci and supported by QueenBeeing founder and certified life coach Angie Atkinson. 

If you are looking for an affordable way to get ongoing personalized support as well as peer support and validation in a small group setting join our private coaching group https://lifemakeoveracademy.teachable…

Get one-on-one coaching with Lise Colucci at https://queenbeeing.com/lise-colucci-…

Get notified free for free video coaching sessions by texting LISELIVE to 33222. Find Lise on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lise.colucci…

Email Lise with topic ideas or any questions about the coaching options available  at Coachlisec@gmail.com

 

Detaching From A Narcissist

Detaching From A Narcissist

Breaking Trauma Bonds and Detaching Emotionally From a Narcissist

Are you trying to break trauma bonds and detach from the narcissist? If you think you may be trauma bonded  know that you are not alone, weak, at fault and do deserve so much more. You deserve to feel and believe in the amazing person that you are as well as have others in your life that see and appreciate you.  You can take steps to begin to heal and there is support out there to help you along the way.  Gaining a higher sense of your own value can be one really amazing piece of healing that may be right on the other side of these trauma bonds. Are you ready to let go of the narcissist and gain freedom? Breaking trauma bonds is a critical part of healing and can be very complicated for a lot of survivors to both understand and heal from. The attached video below includes several tips for finding your way to detaching from a narcissist. The struggle is real and self focus can take you far in recovering from being trauma bonded, you got this!!   If you are wanting more info on trauma bonds here’s a link to help you out https://youtu.be/kcoBI9MSdW0

Do you have any tips for others of things that helped you through this stage of healing? What questions do you have and what can I help you with in order to support your healing goals?

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery by QueenBeeing.com offers free video coaching each week on YouTube on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays along with videos and help on recovery from toxic relationships. Featuring certified life coach Lise Colucci and supported by QueenBeeing founder and certified life coach Angie Atkinson. 

If you are looking for an affordable way to get ongoing personalized support as well as peer support and validation in a small group setting join our private coaching group https://lifemakeoveracademy.teachable…

Get one-on-one coaching with Lise Colucci at https://queenbeeing.com/lise-colucci-…

Get notified free for free video coaching sessions by texting LISELIVE to 33222. Find Lise on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lise.colucci…

Email Lise with topic ideas or any questions about the coaching options available  at Coachlisec@gmail.com

Closure After Narcissistic Abuse

Closure After Narcissistic Abuse

Is there any way to find closure after narcissistic abuse?

It seems that so many survivors of narcissistic abuse really struggle with fully healing trauma bonds and moving on with life because of the lack of a sense of closure. In this video I talk about this as well as several ideas and tips for finding closure for yourself without the need to contact, reach to to or even include the abusive narcissist. Struggling to let go and move on so that you can thrive is something most of us face while understanding and healing from  toxic emotional abuse. You are not alone if you feel the need for closure but can’t seem to find it.

What is it you need so that you will have a sense of closure? Is it really necessary to find that closure? If a narcissist can’t take accountability, can that closure be had? Would breaking no contact help? Do you need to forgive? Why is it so hard to let go and move on in life? These and many other questions were asked and replied to in the following video. What questions do you have and how are you finding closure for yourself?

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery by QueenBeeing.com offers free video coaching each week on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays along with videos and help on recovery from toxic relationships. Featuring certified life coach Lise Colucci and supported by QueenBeeing founder and certified life coach Angie Atkinson.

Lise Colucci is a certified life coach, as well as a certified narcissistic abuse recovery coach. She is a long-time admin and mentor for the SPAN Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Group, actively helping survivors of narcissistic abuse in the expansive community to learn and heal.  Lise is passionate about providing coaching services that help her clients feel heard and validated as she guides them along their healing journey. For information on coaching, group coaching or to contact Lise check out the links below.

Join our private coaching group https://lifemakeoveracademy.teachable…

Get one-on-one coaching with Lise Colucci at https://queenbeeing.com/lise-colucci-…

Get notified free for free video coaching sessions by texting LISELIVE to 33222. Find Lise on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lise.colucci… Email Lise at Coachlisec@gmail.com

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