When You Go No Contact with a Narcissist: 109 Things You Can Stop Worrying About

When You Go No Contact with a Narcissist: 109 Things You Can Stop Worrying About

You know what you gain when you leave the narcissist. But what will you lose? Everyone’s always telling you how much better life will be when you leave a narcissist right? They tell you what you’ll gain – your freedom, your peace, etc.

But they never tell you exactly what you’ll lose when you go no contact or when you break up with the narcissist. In this video, I’ll tell you 109 things that you lose when you lose the narcissist. This list was compiled after a survey of more than 100k people in our SPANily narcissistic abuse recovery support groups. 

109 Things You Can Stop Worrying About When You Go No Contact with a Narcissist

  1. No more of not having anyone to share in your accomplishments or appreciate your talents, because the narc doesn’t want to share the limelight.
  2. Being able to express your opinion without being accused of wanting to argue.
  3. Being able to have a collection and not be called a hoarder.
  4. Being able to be tired or sick without someone being pissed off because you’re not taking care of them.
  5. Being able to watch tv!
  6. Being able to play Xbox!
  7. Being allowed to stay up as long as you want to!
  8. Not having to explain why your interests are not weird!
  9. Being able to have an interest!
  10. Being able to have a holiday that’s not ruined – or a birthday!
  11. No more hiding from the neighbors, so they can’t ask you questions!
  12. Being allowed to raise your kids lovingly without paying the consequences!
  13. Being able to say what I like and want matters!
  14. no more tears and confusion!
  15. No more name-calling
  16. No more narcissists saying they are playing when confronted
  17. No more hearing, “If I don’t give you a hard time, who will?”
  18. Not having your immune system damaged, lowered, compromised, and destroyed leading to depression, illnesses and death.  If the narc has financial incentives to see you dead, it all adds up.
  19. No more lies
  20. No emotional blackmail
  21. No more narcissistic rage
  22. No more emotional abuse
  23. No more discouraging you
  24. No more constant fault finding
  25. No more confusion
  26. No more of that feeling of terror just before and during a physical attack.
  27. No more getting abuse for looking the wrong direction
  28. No more catching a disease from the narc and then s/he’s jealous because you are getting medical attention for said disease.
  29. Fearing for my life and the life of my pet.
  30. Fearing his or her calling the police on me for breaking the peace because I’m crying over her/his raging.
  31. Watching him destroy the lives of his/her kids.
  32. Having his ex-wife and another female friend in my bedroom, as I sleep or not.
  33. Not having any of my things welcome in the home s/he wants me to share with him/her.
  34. Not being stopped when I want to visit with family.
  35. Not being stopped from sleeping all night, and not being stopped when I’ve decided I’m tired.
  36. Not being forced to watch filth on tv and video.
  37. No more “Hurry! Go to bed your dad’s home!” and yelling at my children so he didn’t.
  38. No more dealing with a narcissist crushing/making fun of your goals and dreams
  39. No more buying things for yourself and having them get broken
  40. No more defending myself of BS.
  41. No more starting every conversation with “now please don’t get pissed, but…”
  42. No more hearing a narcissist criticize my voice on phone calls and say they knew something was wrong.
  43. No more having my quietness evaluated or being criticized for “a look a narcissist claimed I had”
  44. No more being teased about my eyes.
  45. No more being criticized for my looks.
  46. No more hearing that I was a big girl; or being asked how much I weighed.
  47. No more walking on eggshells
  48. No more narcissist acting like they want to see you out of kindness but they’re broke, need food, need bus money/ a ride, and need clean laundry and play it like they’re doing you a favor by gracing you with their awesome company
  49. No more escalating violence because she knows the law is on a female’s side and guys are guilty until proven innocent.
  50. No more watching the narcissist check out young men/women half my age and then blaming me for paranoia.
  51. No more sheer terror over uncovering complex lies, betrayal and deceit.
  52. No more being fearful for my life over discovering the lies.
  53. No more being lied about to police officers and being falsely thrown into jail for a day.
  54. No more starving literally for love and food.
  55. No more flying monkey shit head dumb ass fucks.
  56. No more trauma.
  57. No more gaslighting.
  58. No more being threatened to be homeless.
  59. No more stupid idiots surrounding me making me stupider emotionally and intellectually.
  60. No more having my shit stolen.
  61. Not having to worry that the narcissist isn’t answering the phone on break time and learning later that they were in the car with someone else of the opposite sex.
  62. No more porn in the DVD, on the computer, under the bed, in the shed, on top of the cupboard, in our caravan, in his truck, bedside drawer, on his phone, on his work computer.
  63. No more paranoia about where the narcissist is at
  64. No more finding Viagra in his car, stripper cards hidden in the kitchen, and the proclamations “dindu nuffin”
  65. No more caring what his/her stupid followers think of me and wondering what I have done now for all the negative judgments.
  66. No more having to be a designated driver because the narc will always get drunk &/or stoned to “have a good time”.
  67. No more being called too sensitive
  68. No more cyberstalking
  69. no longer being told you need to go to church
  70. No more having to get tested for aids
  71. No more being ditched on holidays
  72. No more having to cancel everything I plan
  73. No more contact!
  74. Being glad to be alive now that I know how to identify these beasts.
  75. Not having to deal with the narcissist’s screams at midnight or later, waking up all the neighborhood, just because I told them something they didn’t like or I told them if they didn’t change, I would leave.
  76. Not being abused anymore, treated as an object, with no emotions, no love, no feelings.
  77. Not having to deal anymore with the devastation in my kid’s eyes because the narcissist didn’t keep their promises towards them. or toward me.
  78. No more having to pretend I’m dumb and that I believed the lies.
  79. No more bending over backward trying to please my narcissist ex
  80. No more being ignored after sex even if you did everything just the way the narcissist wanted.
  81. No more feeling so alone and unloved and finally realizing you thought you were sharing your soul, but to the narcissist, the act had no meaning.
  82. No more being just an “appliance” the narcissist used.
  83. No more being repeatedly discarded.
  84. No more being looked at with dead or empty eyes.
  85. No more not ever being apologized to.
  86. No more having to share your life and living space with a complete and total monster.
  87. No more having to “loan” the narcissist money.
  88. No more having to prove myself and being afraid of expressing myself
  89. No more getting in trouble for missed days at work during discards and devalues
  90. No more fearing their mood swings.
  91. No more turning down friends invites for dinner fearing the narcissist would get jealous.
  92. No more head games.
  93. No more being accused of having someone in bed with me when the narcissist would call.
  94. No more feeling nervous when they would drive 100 mph and hearing the narcissist was a good driver and that cars are made to drive fast blah blah blah)
  95. No more thinking I’m crazy.
  96. No more being called horrible names.
  97. No more getting the silent treatment and no more of me being blamed for leaving
  98. No more hearing that “I don’t try hard enough and I should’ve hugged the narcissist”
  99. No more crying and not being able to wear makeup.
  100. No more fearing to shave my legs because that meant I “went out” the night before.
  101. No more being forced to do things when I wasn’t feeling up to it.
  102. No more cringing when he/she would walk out of stores without paying for stuff.
  103. No more babysitting the narcissist’s kid even though they were awful the night before.
  104. No more being told that medicine is bad and that I shouldn’t take Advil or Excedrin meanwhile (when the narc did drugs) ?
  105. No more hearing the narcissist brag about how good they are at their job and without them, they are all probably dying of boredom.
  106. No more lying to my kids as to why I’m crying (that still hurts)
  107. No more of the narcissist’s stupid “I’m so spiritual” speeches yet they didn’t know what the hell they were talking about.
  108. No more broken promises.
  109. No longer being accused of everything that goes wrong in the world.

Related Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Articles and Videos to Help You

The Various Roles the Narcissist Casts You In: Narcissistic Supply

The Various Roles the Narcissist Casts You In: Narcissistic Supply

A narcissist needs attention. They need love, admiration and in general, one way narcissistic supply. This supply often comes in the form of a narcissistic harem, AKA a circle of supply.

What’s interesting is the various roles we play when we are a source of narcissistic supply. If we’re part of the narcissistic harem, the roles might include such roles as:

The Tool – This special member of the harem has an important role. She’s there to not only “get” the narcissist in her own clutches, but also to cause drama for the rest of the members. She lives on a pedestal built by the narcissist and they often claim they “just haven’t met the right person yet.” The narc considers this person a challenge because she, like he, is unlikely to commit, so she seems hard to get.

Flying Monkeys – In the case of the narcissistic harem, the flying monkeys often mean well, but they end up evangelizing the narc’s message without even realizing it. Flying monkeys are often just other causalities of the narc’s manipulation tactics, but they’re always falling for it.

The Old Standby – This can be an ex or a person who is just generally “there” for the narc when he needs attention. Generally ends up causing drama, especially when the Tool finds out about her.

The Wife/GF/Husband/Spouse – Depending on the narc, there’s almost always a partner – a “main” person in the harem. While the partner isn’t always a legal spouse or even the one who gets the most attention in the narcissist’s harem, she’s the one they’re all hiding the secrets from – and maybe the worst role you can be stuck with.

Between the gaslighting, love bombing and flying monkeys, you end up forgetting your own identity as you desperately try to become the version of yourself that would make the narcissist happy.

Gaslighting, love bombing and flying monkeys – how a narcissist keeps you in control.

But even if you manage to completely change yourself and morph into the narcissist’s idea of the imagined perfect person, it never matters.

Painful Truth: You Will Never Be Enough for a Narcissist
Here’s a harsh reality that we all have to understand. When it comes to the narcissist and his perception of you, you can never be enough. Even if you completely focus your energy on a narcissist, he or she will always look for somewhere else, something else to increase their own “supply” of attention. No matter how amazing you are – it will never be enough for a narcissist.

Don’t let yourself be confused here – it’s DEFINITELY not YOU! It’s totally the way the narcissist’s convoluted mind works, and you can’t take personal responsibility for the broken person you’re dealing with – you just have to find your way to self-confidence and peace OUTSIDE of the narcissist.

The fact is that since the narcissist is so personally “broken” on the inside, nobody on earth can ever fill the endless hole of “need” he carries around – at least not for long.

There are so many manipulation tactics that most narcissists have in common that most of their victims say reading about the abuse suffered by others can feel like reading their own stories. Their tactics are underhanded and sneaky – often undetectable. And yet, they’re so definable that even a child can learn to recognize them.

What No Contact Means to a Narcissist: The Silent Treatment and How to Deal

What No Contact Means to a Narcissist: The Silent Treatment and How to Deal

When a Narcissist Goes No Contact: Why You Get the Silent Treatment & What to Do About It

The narcissist’s version of no contact looks a lot like the silent treatment – and it is pure hell for the narcissistic supply.

How do you deal with living with someone who is giving you the silent treatment? Someone who will co-exist with you in the same house while literally ignoring you? That is what I’m covering in today’s video.

Have you ever had to deal with the narcissist’s silent treatment? What did you do to cope? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section. Let’s discuss.

Get my book, “Gaslighting, Love Bombing and Flying Monkeys: The Ultimate Toxic Relationship Survival Guide for Victims and Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse” free through Monday, right here: http://amzn.to/2tS5osp

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101 Struggles Only Narcissistic Abuse Victims and Survivors Will Understand

101 Struggles Only Narcissistic Abuse Victims and Survivors Will Understand

**Trigger Warning** These statements came from real narcissistic abuse survivors and are regarding actual narcissists. Please read with this in mind**

Living with a narcissist can make you feel crazy, to say the least – but any kind of relationship with a toxic person can really mess with your head!

In my SPAN (Support for People Affected by Narcissistic abuse in relationships) online support group, I asked the following question:

“What are some things that only victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse will understand?”

And they came up with 101 of them!

1. Constantly being put down and told I am crazy
2. Knowing someone is a threat but no one taking you seriously because you do not have a cut lip.
3.Having someone say, “but they look normal”
4. Losing most of what you owned
5. Not being taken seriously by a domestic abuse shelter because you did not fit their picture of abuse
6. Being lied to
7. Triangulation or constantly being dragged into the drama.
8. Knowing no one has your back because they are either flying monkeys or blame you for being in the situation in the first place
9. Being the problem child worker spouse when the narcissist just smiles and knowing you have been set up
10. Not knowing your power, worth, or rights.
And not even understanding that you get them from yourself and your higher power
11. Maybe explaining basic human compassion to your N. I mean not even about his treatment of you but having to explain to an adult why his behavior in a certain situation might be inappropriate. E.g. the death of this person’s father is not about you. It is the other person’s grief and your only role should be to be there for that person and this behavior would be selfish and hurtful to the other person. I felt like I was talking to a child trying to explain why it’s not nice to hit other kids or something.
12. Ongoing fear and anxiety of moving forward to have the N pull you back in…losing yourself in it all…coping skills needed..nothing is working.
13. The tantrums. Like a 3-year-old.
14. For me it’s hard to explain to ANYONE how deeply rooted the pain goes when it’s done covertly. No outwardly scars. I have a very hard time putting my finger on it myself.
15. It is difficult because from the outside looking in the covert narcissist is a saint. This was my father and my most recent experience. People don’t want to hear it and they are condescending and make me feel as if I am damaged and crazy (which I am, but not how they think!). I have been with and known other narcs as well, but the covert narc is the worst!
16. Covert narcissists are skilled manipulators. The proverbial Street angel and house devil. Dr. Jekyl/Mr. Hyde.
17. Whenever I speak to someone, I am hyper-aware of the words I chose because I don’t want them to take what I’m saying as an insult. One of the ways my ex sister in law battered my self-esteem was to twist anything I said into an insult and she was good at it. It made me feel like not talking at all and then thinking and rethinking everything I wanted to say… I ended up coming off as a freak and completely unnatural.
18. Feeling like you are addicted to a substance, but it’s a person so you cannot go to detox.
19. Going into a relationship with a narcissist is great at the beginning. I thought I found the love of my life. Just recently I discovered I’m addicted to him. He’s doing it on purpose with the silent treatment. I wish there was a detox for this!
20. Constantly battling feeling like no one wants to hear what I have to say…worrying that I have no social value and that people think I’m a bitch.
21. Anxiety and fear of moving forward…coping skills and desperately needed support.
22. People thinking I’m crazy when I try to explain my situation.
23. Being told that you are “falling apart” without them holding you together. Without them you are pathetic. They are so much stronger than you….when the entire time you are thinking how incredibly strong you are to handle this abuse!
24. The “You know what you did” stare. It makes you feel guilty when you have no idea why.
25. Constantly being emotionally and mentally exhausted.
26. Feeling unsafe and always doubting your perception of reality
27. Never wanting to trust anyone with your heart again
28. Not wanting to waste my precious time and life on another person that doesn’t value the gift.
29. The rapid beating of the heart when the phone rings and it’s your Narc.
30. The triggers and the need to reprogram them after the abuse ends.
31. That they can not accept love from never having a single hug, kiss…and they are so damaged – it is sad.
32. The fear of authentically expressing yourself and knowing that some form of punishment will follow.
33. Never feeling safe in the relationship because the kind person that you are dealing with is fragile and will flip in one second flat. When that happens and you were already low about something to begin with, the pain you feel can be almost unbearable. You end up not trusting yourself or the universe to bring anything good to you.
34. When you live in a constant state of trying to predict and prevent mistakes, visible signs of failures, messiness, things that could be perceived as laziness, disrespect, or stupidity before the Narc gets home.
35. Hiding small purchases so you don’t get criticized for being frivolous and careless.
36. Cleaning your daughter’s room so she doesn’t get yelled at and criticized.
37. Being hyper-vigilant in all things so that you can try to avoid disappointment and lecture.
38. Looking over my shoulder wherever I go and being afraid that he’s going to be there. Not even going to buy groceries when I don’t have any food because I’m afraid I will see him.
39. The effects of toxic-relationship-induced PTSD.
40. When every six months you are given a list of “improvements” that must be made otherwise the narc is going to divorce you.
41. Emotional blackmail is constant.
42. I have a hard time making choices. And always depend on others to make them for me because it feels safer.
43. Questioning everything and doubting your ability to choose the right path.
44. When you never hear the words: “I’m sorry”, “You look nice”, “How was your day”, “What did you do today”, etc.
45. When your own daughter says “He isn’t very nice to you” or “You know Dad doesn’t like you, right?”
46. My husband and my sons told me so many times to stop talking with my mother. But being a “bad daughter” in other people’s eyes stopped me from doing so. I didn’t want my mother to be right about me. But the support from my husband, sons, family (even her side) and friends totally shocked and encouraged me. They don’t think of me as a bad daughter. But the thing is…their approval though nice isn’t necessary anymore.
47. When your daughter tells you she is afraid to leave you alone with him.
48. The stalking and watching and having decisions made for you…the controlling… you spiral further down wondering where you went.
49. The battering that your self-esteem takes and then when you finally get the courage to leave…there is nobody there to really support you because you weren’t allowed to even have any friends in real life… in other words, feeling DISCONNECTED with other human beings that really do care about you.
50. Your trust of other humans is shattered and your general feeling safe in the world is gone because your abuser managed to destroy that, also…if there was any time in your life for others to step in and say “how can I help?” – it is then….not to just ignore you like you have got the plague.
51. How to divorce a narcissist.
52. Trying to understand how a human being with not one ounce of empathy can actually be classified as a human being.
53. Being discarded with no closure.
54. When your 3-year-old granddaughter sees a smiling Bob commercial and says, “Grandma, I think grandpa needs some of that stuff to fix his smiler.” (She thought it was a commercial for smiling pills).
55. When you want to stop celebrating the holidays because of the stress of spending time with a room full of narcs.
56. When you understand that nothing the narcissists do to hurt or upset you could ever be worse than you getting upset at them for doing it. Being upset at them is unforgivable.
57. Being treated and spoken to like a child. He would come into my home office and say, “The window needs opened” and just do it without asking if I would like the window open. Every time I left the house he would have to walk me out to the car and usually give me a lecture on how to drive even how to get in the car and also warnings about all the bad things that could happen. When I told him this made me feel infantilized, he responded, “You just don’t appreciate my helping you and doing things for you. Plenty of women would be grateful for me.”
58. Whenever I bring up ANY topic I wish to discuss that involves ANY involvement his part, the subject is immediately redirected as a missile in my direction. No matter how far off-topic it may be, suddenly I am the immediate focus of the source of the problem, the reason that the solution cannot be obtained, and the villain of the day. Amazing how he is a master of turning the tables. No amount of reasoning no matter how much logic I throw at him can thwart him. His confidence in his beliefs are unshakable. Its a losing battle but still my sense of incredulity overrides my common sense.
59. Cognitive dissonance. For example, you see obvious signs a narc has been cheating on you and you choose to believe the lies the narc tells you about what’s really happening.
60. Always feeling I have to solve everyone’s problems. Or explain why someone is acting stupid – as if it’s all my fault.
61. I used to be the person who would say that every child needs both parents. After narcissistic abuse, I see exactly why some children must never see the narcissist parent. Now people ask me the same question. They are where I used to be and probably think I am cruel for fighting so hard to keep the little one from him.
62. Going to sleep in fear and waking up in dread every day. With no resolution in sight. Feeling stuck. A living nightmare that you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy.
63. The Gaslighting.
64. Flying monkeys.
65. Being isolated from people who actually care about you.
66. Getting married or romantically involved with a narcissist and realizing that you were also raised by one.
67. Being disgusted with yourself for not taking action to leave.
68. Repeated attempts to leave and repeated hoovering and love bombing episodes to keep you hooked.
69. Being shocked by the consistently outrageous behavior they display in private.
70. Smear campaigns.
71.The constant”loop” …that hooks & holds your brain’s thought patterns on a repetitive “rewind/record button” that plays over & over & over again making you trapped with the”what if’s” ??? Why didn’t I do this? Why wasn’t I smart enough, before after the fact? If, I had only? IF, IF, IF??!!
72. The narcissistic flip – when the narcissist gets mad at you for being upset or disappointed in him/her.
73. Never feeling good enough.
74. Feeling like you’re not a “real person”
75. Being treated like property instead of a person.
76. Always putting the narcissist’s needs before your own because you don’t want to make him/her angry.
77. Narcissistic rage and narcissistic injury.
78. Hearing the narcissist’s car in the driveway and warning your kids so they can hide out and avoid the wrath.
79. Becoming so numb that you don’t even feel joy anymore.
80. Dissociation that becomes toxic.
81. Using the gray rock method to survive.
82. The horrible unsympathetic attitude of ‘why are you still with him? You must enjoy it’ (even my narc said this to me, which later would change to “How dare you even think of leaving me?!?”)
83. The long and repeated silent treatments you’re subjected to.
84. You understand what it’s like to be the constant source of criticism and blame that turns you into a frightened, mentally paralyzed version of your former self that you have to bring back to life. Only your youth is gone, your looks are fading, your energy is drained and your hopes and dreams are crushed.
85. Always being told you are weak. So you stand up for yourself and then you are told you are crazy and full of drama.
86. The triangulation and smear campaigns that the Narc perpetrates against the target. Including; using your own family and children of all ages.
87. You understand what it’s like to carry the emotional weight for someone you love only to be told that it’s your fault that they have emotional problems in the first place.
88. Fight and/or flight
89. Walking on eggshells
90. Feeling manipulated and intimated no one seeing it but you
91. The one-sided, manipulative phone calls.
92. Love bombing.
93. Narcissistic altruism – the gift that keeps on taking. The narcissist is not selfless. Whenever the narcissist “does” for you, they expect to be “paid back.”
94. Wondering if the narcissist is right about you.
95. Wondering if YOU are the narcissist.
96. Feeling lonely and like everyone in your life is a narcissist.
97. Being homeless.
98 Believing that you were loved and learning that the narcissist isn’t capable of love.
99. Always feeling like you are dead inside.
100. Wishing you could just talk to someone who understands – and having no one in your life who fits the bill.
101. Dealing with flying monkeys

Would love to hear your thoughts – and your own experiences – in the comments!

Please subscribe to my YouTube channel if you haven’t already. Hugs and love to all of my survivors! Get my books at http://booksangiewrote.com and pick up your free 5-day fear-busting email course (especially designed for narcissistic abuse survivors) at http://narcissismsupportcoach.com.

3 True Narcissistic Abuse Survivor Stories: The Moment I Knew I Was Done

3 True Narcissistic Abuse Survivor Stories: The Moment I Knew I Was Done

Someone in one of my groups today asked an amazing question – they wanted to know how narcissistic abuse survivors who had gone no-contact had made the choice.The Moment I Knew I Had to Leave

What had driven them to finally leave and go no-contact with their narcissists?

In many cases, there was a single moment that became the catalyst for change (often led up to by a series of events that caused growing concern, of course).

With the permission of the people who shared their stories with me in a private group I have on Facebook for research purposes, I’m sharing these true stories with you anonymously (to protect the people who wrote them).

The stories do come from three separate and unrelated individuals, but that’s all I can tell you about their identities.

I’m not sharing these stories for shock value – simply because oftentimes reading about the successful transitions of others from narcissistic abuse victim to survivor can inspire us to take action to make our own situations better.

(Survivor Story #1)
The Moment I Knew I Had to Leave a Narc Husband: I realized he was interested in my daughter.

He had no idea how much he was hurting me by looking at porn all day on his phone.

One day I woke up and realized I didn’t care anymore – it was like a light switch went off and I was numb to his abuse.

We went for a drive into town and there was a puppy in the road that had gotten out of their fenced yard. I said, “let’s stop and put him back;” he said, “the dog will be fine,” and kept driving.

We got to town and an old man was pulling out of the store parking lot with an old motor home and one of the side doors was open.

I said, “let’s let him know he has a problem.”

My husband screamed at me to mind my own business.

I said fine, but I knew it was time, I couldn’t keep going on.

A few months earlier he had started to show a big interest in my daughter. I noticed that lately, when she went to say goodbye, he would turn his head.

She’d end up kissing him on the lips. He would sit down so that she would have to bend over and he would get a good look at her breasts.

We lived on a lake and she was taking a shower and everyone else was at their lake, someone needed something and he “volunteered” to go up to the house.

My “mom-bell” went crazy. That’s when I said, “I will go with you.” Of course, he was furious! I don’t know what he thought he was going to do, but I couldn’t take a chance.

(Survivor Story #2)
The Moment I Knew I Had to Leave a Narc Boyfriend: When He Gaslighted Me

I knew I had to leave four months in! I’d experienced the love bombing and thought we where failing in love.

But for some reason, I always had concerns and held back. while I kept my own life going.

Over time, I learned that my concerns weren’t for naught – I found out he’d been an excessive cocaine users for years!

Although, according to him, he pretty much stopped when with me, I didn’t agree with it. And then, he credited me for making him deal with life. He drank a lot at first which I didn’t like as I’ve gone out with an alcoholic in the past, but then he seemed to cut down.

He admitted he had cheated on his ex wife several times. That knocked me sick and I pulled him on this and told him how shocked I was. He didn’t seem to have much empathy toward his ex wife at all.

He was always banging on about exes, calling them psychos and worse. Explaining domestic issues and fights they had had. I’d had enough! I was making subtle hits for him to stop.

Anyway, after four months of me playing it cool and kind of cringing a little about the love bombing, I actually started to expect a little more.

He went all distant and became very unreliable with plans he’d made with me. Of course, when I tried to bring this up he became so angry with me. Plus, he used his son as an excuse, and to guilt me.

He was totally unreasonable. I got the silent treatment.

He was telling me I was angry when I wasn’t – just upset my his uncaring behavior; I felt all off a sudden so anxious.

I was totally walking on eggshells, when I thought he was smitten with me. I googled something, and the pattern of the courtship, his chaotic past he admitted to and -SHOCKER- his personality matched the traits of a narcissist!

I knew I had to leave. I mean, unless he suddenly showed me he’d had a personality transplant. Well, he never  did of course, and we both just stopped talking with each other.

The fall out for me was very upsetting, but I’ve never said a word to him. I knew I could not resolve conflict with him. And looking back, he had hinted about me seeing his bad side and how he’d be heart broken if we ever argued.

Nowadays, I can see how me pulling him up and having a opinion made me not very agreeable in his mind. He wanted me to be his girl and had warned me I couldn’t get my way all the time – this after he cancelled other arrangements. It was just really odd behavior, but looking back, I realize now that I didn’t see it at the time.

(Survivor Story #3)

The Moment I Knew I Had to Go No-Contact With My Narc Family: When my father committed suicide

I left my family for good after my father died and I saw how heartless they truly were. He barely had a funeral and they were 20 times more concerned with getting the money he left.

The only reason they gave the half-assed funeral they did was so their name can be on papers to get his stuff. They felt no remorse what so ever for the trouble they caused him (or even the fact that he was gone or killed himself).

They read his suicide letter (which they had the biggest shout out in) and nothing they spun it around to “he was just crazy.”

My sister got over $100,000 from his death and screwed over everyone else in the end -and when we found out the rest of the family didn’t bother to get him even a $200 tombstone, she said it wasn’t her problem and to let someone else pay for it.

I noticed they only pretended to care in front of me, because in the end I was closer to him. They figured he had told me stuff, I guess.

They completely disregarded my sister as a person while everything was being planned. We used it to our advantage while we were fighting them.

Of course, I got a shout out in the letter too. So at the time, I did say a million times “I didn’t want any of the money.”

In my mind, I didn’t deserve it because I felt like I could have saved him and I didn’t. I was too busy all the time dealing with all the narcissist bullshit.

If I had known … if I had seen that hotel room just a few hours before I did, I never would have left him there.

Anyway, I guess it was then I realized my whole life I’ve most likely been living with sociopaths – it was like, at that moment, I suddenly recognized that I had been at the mercy of sociopaths my whole life.

I guess I should be lucky I only came out with nerve issues and anxiety – because I know for a fact I just barely missed a lot worse. Once everything was done, I went no contact. But every now and then they find flying monkeys – last year was the last time I saw one, I think. I want to get my niece and my brother out now, but it’s hard.

Okay, let’s discuss it. Do you recognize yourself or someone you know in one of these stories? 

Tell Us Your Story

One of the biggest things I hear from narcissistic abuse survivors who find this site or my narcissistic abuse recovery videos is that they are so relieved to learn that not only are they not crazy, but that they aren’t alone in the painful and shocking realization that they are being (or have been) abused by a toxic person.

It’s a HUGE part of recovery. And it matters. It’s so important for people who are going through and recovering from narcissistic abuse to truly understand that they are not alone.

When you share your story and your personal experiences with narcissistic abuse recovery, not only can it help you grow and evolve in your own recovery, but it offers you a unique chance to pay it forward and help to encourage and support other survivors who are having or have had similar experiences.

Watch my series on true narcissistic abuse survivor stories on YouTube, right here

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Toxic Abuse in Relationships: Inside the Narcissist’s Devalue and Discard Phases

There are three main phases that people who are in relationships with toxic narcissists can expect to experience.  Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Devalue and Discard (more…)

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