Paralyzed by Perfectionism

Paralyzed by Perfectionism

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When Angie asked me to write for Project Blissful I have to admit, I was honored, stoked, excited and so very ready. I had wanted to be a writer for so long and here was my chance, being laid out before my very eyes – practically handed to me on a silver platter. The website is there, the readership is there, all I had to do was provide some content and Lord knows I have a lot of content just screaming to get out. Perfect.

Then two solid weeks went by and I wrote a grand total of four hundred really lousy words. They weren’t even close to being good. Unreadable. Un-entertaining. Unworthy. Seriously crap stuff.

The rest of my evenings I spent not writing but browsing Disneyworld websites looking for tips and trips for our upcoming vacation. And by upcoming, I mean in December. Hardly right around the corner.

Then I decided “Sarah, clearly you don’t have time for taking on this project”. I armored myself with my list of excuses pulling on each shield piece by piece.

Sarah – You work forty hours a week. You have a five year old who needs attention. You hardly get to see your husband so on the evenings he’s home you don’t want to be tapping away at a keyboard. You really do need to read, for the hundredth time, the quickest way to see Mickey Mouse once entering the Magic Kingdom. Oh, and don’t forget, you’re just too tired. Rightfully so, you work forty hours a week and have a five year old. Oh, wait. I already used that one…

I fitted myself with the biggest suit of excuse armor I could find and prepared a speech as to how I would tell Angie I just couldn’t do it. I eased into the conversation “man, it’s harder than I expected it to be Angie”. To which she replied “I don’t expect perfection”.

And this will sound so cheesy stupid that you may never ever want to read another word that I write ever again but that was a light bulb moment for me. I know exactly why I haven’t written jack in the past two weeks. I am a perfectionist and nothing I can produce is good enough for other eyeballs to witness.

I have to be entertaining. I have to write well. I have to have people want to read more of my “stuff’. It all has to be good, every single word, and I want to be liked and I don’t want to fail and I’m pretty sure it all has to be perfect the first time through. I could never post anything that isn’t awesome and since I can’t write anything awesome, then by default, I can’t post anything.

I’ve felt totally imperfect and just not good enough. It’s been total paralysis. I can’t think where to start. I can’t come up with a good idea. I have no clue what people want to read.  My mind and vision is blank. I can’t remember where to coffee pot is to give myself a caffeine boost and potentially jumpstart my butt into some sort of gear. I freeze.

But Angie kept saying things to me… nice things. I’m sure she had no clue what she was really doing for me but she was my anti-freeze. She even gave me the idea to share about my perfection paralysis. Within minutes I had opened up five blank word documents and written the titles to my next five posts with little taglines so I would remember the genius that was to follow that title.

Her perception of what great material I could produce and my own perception of what I could feebly manage to crank out were somewhat skewed, to say the least.

All I really needed was a little confidence boost, that tiny “of course you can” whispered to me and off I went like a cannon. I needed the permission to not be perfect, to just do what I do and really, so what if it isn’t perfect every time. It doesn’t have to be!

Angie said so.

Are you a perfectionist? Does it ever hold you back from trying something new?

Paralyzed by Perfectionism

How Simply Feeling Good Can Make Your Life Better

By Angela Atkinson

“The greatest gift you can give yourself is joy, not only because of the feeling that goes with it at the moment, but because of the magnificent experience it will draw to you. It will produce wonders in your life.” ~Jack Boland

Have you ever fallen ill during or shortly after a very stressful time in your life?

Have you noticed that it happens often?

Stress, left unchecked, can cause a host of illnesses and disease, including solvable issues like backaches and insomnia, and more grave issues like cancer and chronic fatigue syndrome.

Stress has also been blamed for various women’s health issues, heart disease, high blood pressure, stroke and more.

Many people report that stress affects their love lives, both intimate and otherwise, their digestive systems and even their skin. Headaches and emotional problems are other common side-effects of stress.

If you’re constantly stressed, you might notice that you get more colds and infections too. That’s because stress lowers your immune system’s ability to protect your body.

So, basically, stress is bad–bad for your body and bad for your soul.

The Only Way to Eliminate Stress: No Assembly Necessary

I’m going to warn you now that what I’m about to say may seem overly simplified, but hear me out. There’s only one way to eliminate stress–and it takes no special tools or books or classes. In fact, all you need is an open mind.

If you want to get rid of the stress in your life, you have to decide to feel good. And then, you have to actually do it.

Why Feeling Good Will Eliminate Stress

If you’re familiar with the basic concept of the law of attraction, then you know that your emotional state, the way you feel, determines your vibrational frequency.

Your vibrational frequency–your “vibe”–attracts the types and quality of the experiences you have. So, simply put, feeling good will bring more good into your life.

How to Start Feeling Good, Right Now

You’ve got to change your mind to change your life.

You can start by just choosing to feel good–and when you feel negativity creeping up, intentionally turn your mind away from it and focus instead on something good–something you really want–because no matter what you’re focusing on, you’ll be bringing more of it into your life.

So why not focus on something good?

That’s where my friends come in this week.

Get By With a Little Help From My Friends

I polled my Facebook friends with a simple question: What makes you feel good about yourself and your life?

I’m sharing their answers with you here in the hopes that they might give you a bit of inspiration to use the next time you’re having trouble finding something good to focus on.

Connect with Project Blissful on Facebook and plug-in to a community of like-minded individuals.

“Exercise is a big one for me.” ~Christina

“My kids…they make me glow!” ~Stephanie

“My sexy shoes make (me feel good) about myself when I’m out on the town.” ~Gail

“What makes me feel good about myself and my life is the fact that my mother is proud of me! I have tried and failed for 31 years until I became the responsible mature adult she always pushed me to be…and I love it!” ~Melina

“Sweating out toxins.” ~Layla

“The fact that I love being a registered nurse. I had a patient my last 6 days of work who absolutely adored me. my last day of work I discharged her, she told me she wouldn’t ever forget me. She reinforced the fact I love what I do for a living.” ~Andrea

“When I stop and think about the awesome, interesting friends that I have. Seriously, I am amazed by the people I have crossed paths with and those who have chosen to not run away.” ~Sarah

“I feel the best when I know I’m making a difference. I think that’s what sets a dead end job apart from one that is fulfilling–the feeling that what you are doing actually means something.” ~Jennifer

“I feel best when I’m helping others, whether mentally or physically. Knowing that you have the ability to make others smile makes it all worth it to me.” ~Shelly

“Having the wife I have, who truly has inspired and motivated me over and over–and her forgiveness knows no bounds! Being a good fisherman, discovering I’m going to be a good nurse…now those things feel good in life!” ~John

“When I read the authors who influenced me years ago and I re-discover how I am made –standing on the shoulders of giants.” ~Nance

“Watching my kids. Devlin came in the house today from Cub Scout camp…he just had this walk about him. Taller, more confident posture and such an innocent smile. Made me feel good about my choices in life!” ~Anjanette

So how about you? What makes you FEEL GOOD about yourself or your life? How do you raise your vibrational level?  Tell me in the comments!

 

Paralyzed by Perfectionism

9 Ways High Achievers Can Realize Optimum Life Balance

By Sheri Riley

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Life’s true tragedy is that, when someone dies, the misfortune is not only the death itself but also the untapped potential and unrealized dreams that die with them. This “compounded loss” happens more often than not.  Far too many of us spend 100% of our time on only 10% of who we are today, and can be tomorrow.

“According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, many of us work eight hours per day, commute for at least one hour per day, spend at least two hours eating, watch TV for five hours each day and spend nearly two hours a day using a computer for leisure activity, such as online games, research or social media,” Riley notes. “That’s nearly 18 hours, which doesn’t even include the multiple hours needed for our evening slumber. Clearly, we spend more time on what we aren’t than we do on who and what we are…and want to be.”

For high achievers in particular, there isn’t a problem understanding HOW to get things done but rather there are challenges balancing it all.  So many successful people spend the majority of their time on one area of their life where they excel, but perpetually feel unfulfilled.

With this in mind, Riley offers these 9 methods to help high achievers tap into the other 90% of “who they are,” beyond “what they do,” and realize greater life balance, joy and fulfillment in kind:

Method 1: Healthy Living is about More Than Diet!

There is more to life than the race to achieve more money or a fancy job title.  And, there is more to living healthfully than what food you ingest or what physical exercises you do.

Other lifestyle decisions, such as those related to marriage, parenting, and friendships, all factor into one’s healthy sense of self.

Healthy living requires being true to yourself and being truly “present” when you’re with loved ones.  Healthy living is also a frame of mind.

If your thoughts are self-destructive, this negativity will manifest itself in your body through stress, anxiety and other adverse physical conditions, and can undermine your personal and professional relationships with others.

Method 2:  Peace and a Positive Mind – Your Defender in the Face of Distractions

what area do u need to target wrapsCultivating and maintaining a peaceful life must be a goal of paramount importance.  Distractions and life’s distresses both small and large will pull you away from this goal each and every time you allow it.

Your thoughts are the training ground and spring board for your overall disposition and perspective on life.  Many accomplished people never pause to revel in or acknowledge their success.  They are constantly striving for what’s next.

While not entirely a bad thing, when your desire to achieve becomes bigger than your desire to BE, your existence will be likened to a hamster running in an endless circle, never at peace and never at a point of rest.

Method 3:  The Importance of Having a Giving Heart and Spirit

Most know that giving back to society and those in need is one of the most meaningful activities we can engage in.  In fact, many very successful people believe that giving is directly tied to their continued success.

Having a giving heart and spirit not only creates more opportunities for you to provide for others, but doing so allows more opportunities for your continued success to manifest in your life, and others: what impacts one impacts us all.

Achievement and accomplishments come from the work of our hands and minds, but true success and fulfillment comes from giving of the heart.

Not just donating your time through charitable work or financial donations, but also allocating precious time to family and friends.  Being present and accessible to loved ones is the ultimate gift for others…and yourself.

Method 4: Live in Your P.O.W.E.R ™

High achievers should strive to tap into their personal P.O.W.E.R., which is Perspective, Ownership, Wisdom, Engagement, and Reward. Perspective cultivates recognition of what is draining your life and what is enriching your life.

This leads to Ownership of your relationship with yourself and with others.  It allows you to establish your personal boundaries and define what and where you are to give of yourself and your time.  This understanding of your own truth is a major component of Wisdom, which is gained from how you implement your life experiences into your life and evolve your thinking and decisions through expanding your knowledge and good judgment.  This enlightenment brings consistent Engagement in the quality of your life.

Your desire, energy, and personal encouragement will motivate you to commit yourself to stop spending 100% of your time on 10% of who you are – this is your Reward

Method 5:  Stop Working So You Can Maximize your Opportunities

When you are constantly working, you seldom recognize your achievements.  Without taking these moments to recognize your accomplishments, you are constantly stretching for what’s next and never appreciating and enjoying what you have completed.

This cycle often leads to burn out, health issues, personal relationship issues, and low self esteem.  And, many times, it does not have a clearly defined end of moment of victory.  When you change your mindset from working to maximizing opportunities, you reposition your thought process and how you approach your life.

You are able to separate and segment your work from other areas of your life because maximizing the opportunity has a beginning and an end.  You are quicker to recognize when to end or remove your self because you understand what you are spending your time on is meant to be an opportunity not a burden you spend time on with out benefit or value.

Method 6: Happy is a Choice; Contentment and Joy are Lifestyles

One of the definitions of the word overwhelmed is “to give too much of a thing.”  When you truly desire to live a life that is fulfilled in all areas, you are destined to have more to do than you have the time, energy, and ability or help to accomplish or complete.

The feeling of being overwhelmed is when you have what you need and are overflowing with what you want.  When you have so much success, opportunity, potential, clients, projects, options, prosperity that you can’t “handle” or manage everything, your reaction is that you are overwhelmed.  So what about those times when you’re overwhelmed with challenges, struggles, health issues, and other life concerns?

Know the plan for your life is perfect and the struggles are never to defeat you but to make you stronger and uncover your true power.  Surrender and find peace living in the overflow, joy and abundance of being overwhelmed.

Method 7:  Building Lasting Confidence

Believe it or not, whatever you want is available to you if you have the confidence and belief that you can have what you want and that you deserve it. This does not mean confidence in our degrees, our knowledge, job titles, position, social status, etc.

Instead, it is about having a pure and honest confidence in the person you are. Many successful people have achieved career success through their fear of failure.  And while such fear can be a powerful and effective motivator, it can also limit your sense of accomplishment and impede growth in other areas of your life.  For many high achievers, confidence is built on external validations like applause, accolades, wins, or promotions.  And their ensuring quest to feel this rush keeps them from being engaged in other areas of their lives.

True confidence should come from a life well lived and enjoyed…not the proverbial feathers in your cap.

Method 8: The Courage to be Faithful

Stepping out of your fears and into your greatness requires great courage.  Sometimes we are so busy with the work of life that we don’t sit still and take the time to listen to our heart.

Being courageous means not allowing life to steal, kill, or destroy your dreams, hopes, aspirations, and plans but living in the now, the moment, the presence of your power to receive life, and the fullness of all life has to offer and even more abundantly.  It takes courage to be honest with yourself, acknowledge your personal truth, and be present in your quest to live that truth.

The easiest thing for high achievers to do is be successful.  But living in the fullness of who they are – and want to be – while also maintaining their success takes true grit.

Method 9: – Exponential Living

Exponential Living is achieved through excellence in your Personal, Spiritual, and Emotional health, and balance in all aspects of your life – with yourself and others.  It is achieved by building and maintaining spirituality; loving and caring for yourself (hobbies, exercise, “me” time); spending quality time with and appreciating yourself and your family; recognizing your success; and living in your own truth.

When living exponentially you are comfortable with who you are, separate from what you do.  It’s when you live in a state of true contentment, being present with yourself and others while also pursuing and maintaining excellence in all aspects of your life.

Often, high achievers are limited by their success because they are only living in the accomplishments in one area of their lives.

They have achieved or have the drive to achieve high levels of professional success but are not truly fulfilled with their lives overall.  Or, they have reached their career goals but now know there are other facets of life they want to pursue but don’t know what/how/why/when.

Exponential Living gives such high achievers the power of being true to themselves and achieving a balance between work, family, friends, healthy living, and spiritual commitment to manifest a life that is genuinely complete and content.

~~~

Sheri Riley is the founder and Chief Partnership Strategist of GLUE, Inc. and creator of the Exponential Living program (www.exponentialliving.com) – a ground-breaking initiative that helps individuals create balance among life’s key areas in ways that promote a higher standard of excellence.

 

 

Paralyzed by Perfectionism

You Don’t Have to Hold the World On Your Shoulders

Worried!

I don’t know about you, but sometimes, I find the idea of asking for help can leave a bad taste in my mouth–no matter how much I need it.

Our society teaches us that we should be super-human–able to hold down a full-time job (or two), raise a family, maintain a marriage, friendships and more–all while looking positively fabulous.

We’re always looking for new ways to save time, do more, be more–always trying to improve, find ways to just BE MORE than we are.

But here’s the thing. There are only so many hours in each day, and you’ve gotta spend a few of them sleeping. It’s a fact.

Another fact: a single person cannot possibly know everything, cannot possibly excel in every area–and most importantly, a single person cannot hold the world on his or her shoulders.

But don’t worry–there’s a simple solution. Just share the load, friends.

Read closely: It’s okay to ask for help. Repeat it to yourself: it’s okay to ask for help.

If you have confidence, think independently and make your own choices in life, you probably prefer to figure out things for yourself. And like me, because you’re so self-assured and/or driven, you might not like to ask for help, even if you could really use it.

Whether we like it or not, every one of us could benefit from time to time by accepting a hand from someone else.

And when you ask for assistance, other people also stand to benefit in ways you might not have considered.

Contemplate these reasons why you may want to ask someone to help you, even if you find it challenging:

  1. Accomplish your goal. For example, if you need to get to that job interview and your car is still in the shop, ask a friend to drive you. If you have a goal you want to achieve and you can accomplish it with a bit of help, then ask for and accept assistance.
  2. Prove you’re human. If you’re full of confidence and seem to always do everything right, people can easily put you on a pedestal. However, when you request aid from others, they realize that even someone like you falters once in a while as you’re trying to carve a path through life. This can be really inspirational.
  3. Set a good example. This applies to co-workers, friends, and family members. If you just go straight to the point and request a hand as soon as you recognize you’re going to need it, you help to de-stigmatize the whole idea of getting help.  When your friends and family face a challenge, they’ll think, “He didn’t hesitate to seek out some extra help right away when he needed it and that’s so smart. I’m going to do it, too.” And now, you’ve been helpful to them. Good Karma points.
  4. You give others a chance to help you. Most people feel very good about themselves when they are able to extend assistance to others. You’re allowing others to feel those rewarding emotions whenever you request a hand from them.
  5. The level of stress you’re experiencing will drop. It can be very stressful when something goes wrong. Anxieties and worries develop and persist. The longer you worry about the situation, the worse you feel. Getting help means you can avoid all that distress.
  6. Develop a true appreciation for others. You’ll love seeing concrete proof that others want to see you be successful in life.
  7. Enhance your relationships. When you request aid from a friend or relative, that person feels emotionally closer to you. After all, if you feel comfortable enough to reach out for help, that’s quite a compliment to the other person. Plus, when the person comes to your aid, you’ll recognize how much that person really cares about you.
  8. Reciprocation feels great. Doing something as thanks to the friend who helped you will bring pleasure to both of you.
  9. Be an efficient “manager” of your own life. You can either spend time, emotional energy, and hours of lost sleep trying to figure an issue out on your own or you can ask for help and get it quickly taken care of. Which method is more efficient?

My point? Giving and receiving assistance can enrich your life, in more ways than you  might have imagined. You’ll strengthen your relationships and be a better person for it, at the very least. So what are you waiting for?

Do you have trouble asking for help? Share your thoughts in the comments section, below.

 

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