Toxic Relationships

Toxic Relationships

“Controllers, abusers, and manipulative people don’t question themselves. They don’t ask themselves if the problem is them. They always say the problem is someone else.” ~Darlene Quimet

Toxic relationships aren’t always obviously toxic to the untrained eye. In fact, even people who are actively engaged in toxic relationships aren’t always aware that they’re dealing with a toxic person. As outrageous as this sounds, it’s an unfortunate fact. There are many reasons that we don’t always recognize a toxic partner, family member or friend – and we’ll cover those today.

According to a MentalHelp.net survey, toxic relationships are far more common than you might think. In fact, according to their results, “57 percent of respondents have felt afraid or uncomfortable in their current relationship, while 87 percent have felt this way in previous relationships.” And that isn’t counting those who have reported abuse in these toxic relationships.

And it isn’t just women who are experiencing abuse in toxic relationships.  Though a large percentage of domestic abuse is experienced by women, especially those between 18 and 34 years old, men are just as likely as women to experience emotional abuse in toxic relationships.

“Nearly 50 percent of both men and women reported psychological aggression,” write the study authors. “This falls roughly in line with our survey results, which showed that an equal number of men and women experienced fear or discomfort in their current relationship.”

What is a toxic relationship?

A toxic relationship is similar to a dysfunctional relationship, but it’s far less repairable. Toxic relationships involve more negativity than positivity, and one or both of the people involved will be deprived of even the most basic emotional support on a consistent basis. Toxic relationships very often involve a myriad of issues for those involved, such as resentment, contempt, communication problems and varying forms of physical, emotional and psychological abuse. Toxic relationships are also usually codependent relationships on various levels.

What are the signs of a toxic relationship?

The signs of a toxic relationship are many and varied. They include:

Read more on the signs of a toxic relationship right here.  Prefer to watch/listen? This playlist goes into great detail on how to recognize signs of a toxic relationship.

Further Reading on Toxic Relationships Signs

Why did I get involved in a toxic relationship?

If your toxic relationship is of the romantic nature, chances are that you’ve experienced a toxic relationship in some other iteration in your life – most likely, in childhood. For example, one or both of your parents may have been toxic, or you may have experienced a trauma of some kind at the hands of someone you should have been able to trust. You are also an empath or a highly sensitive person who acts swiftly to soothe the extreme feelings of the people around you, possibly due to some sort of abuse or neglect in your own childhood.

This playlist goes into detail on what makes you susceptible to a toxic relationship.

Further Reading on Why You Get Involved in Toxic Relationships

How do you deal with a toxic relationship?

“Like arsenic, toxic people will slowly kill you. They kill your positive spirit and play with your mind and emotions. The only cure is to let them go.” ~ Denise Lisseth

No Contact is the ideal solution to a toxic relationship. That means that you end the relationship and stop connecting with the person involved, on every level. Learn everything you need to know about how to do no contact and why it works, right here. When no contact isn’t an option because of shared children or some other reason, you can manage with low-contact, gray rock or using a variety of other strategies. And there are even ways you can manage to coexist with a narcissist in the same house (if you must).

This playlist offers tips on how to deal with toxic people in relationships.

Why is it so hard to leave a toxic relationship?

It’s always easier said than done to leave a toxic relationship – as it is to leave any relationship. But somehow, leaving a toxic relationship can be so overwhelming that many victims just choose to stay indefinitely. Why is that? Two words: trauma bonding. Trauma bonding is similar to Stockholm Syndrome. It’s a condition that causes you to develop a psychological dependence on a toxic person (abuser) as a survival strategy during abuse. And this is exactly what makes recovering from a toxic relationship so much more difficult than recovering from a “normal” breakup.

This playlist goes into detail on why it’s so hard to leave a toxic relationship.

Free Resource Alert: If you need help leaving your toxic relationship, go pick up your free copy of my PLAN (Plan to Leave a Narcissist) right here.

This playlist also features a number of videos that may help.

How do you heal after a toxic relationship?

Healing from a toxic relationship seems like an impossible goal for many survivors of narcissistic abuse, and this is true for a number of reasons. This healing guide offers not only solutions but also resources to help you learn not only how to heal from a toxic relationship, but why you were there in the first place. Plus, you’ll learn how you can level up your life after a toxic relationship and begin to evolve into the person you’ve always wanted to be. Read the full guide on how to heal after a toxic relationship right here. 

How can I tell if my relationship is toxic?

Take this quick toxic relationship test to find out if you might be dealing with a toxic relationship. After you finish the test, you’ll be guided to free helpful resources designed just for you.

Signs of a Toxic Relationship (Everything You Need to Know)

Signs of a Toxic Relationship (Everything You Need to Know)

Letting go of toxic people is an act of self-care. – Karen Salmansohn

Are you in a relationship that involves someone who emotionally, mentally or physically damages you? Do you feel like a shell of your former self since becoming involved with this person? After you spend time with this person, do you feel energized and refreshed, or do you feel drained and exhausted?

While toxic relationships are both damaging and devastating to those who are involved in them, they have a much deeper effect than most people realize. Despite popular opinion, most victims of toxic relationships are far from your standard “victim-type” personality; in fact, most are intelligent, attractive and capable. This is part of what attracts the toxic partner.

The Toxic Relationship Cycle

Toxic relationships start quickly and they are as firey as they are fast. But unlike their healthier counterparts, toxic relationships don’t settle into a comfortable place – rather, the toxic partner gets “bored” and quickly begins to devalue the victim. This will inevitably be followed by a discard phase, which will lead to what we call the hoovering phase – where the toxic person attempts to suck the victim back in.

Could my relationship be toxic? 

Ask yourself the following questions.

  • Are you in a relationship with someone who is making you miserable?
  • Do you ever feel drained when you spend time with that person?
  • Do you often find yourself feeling tired and unmotivated or even sort of paralyzed?
  • Do you find yourself putting that person’s needs before your own?
  • Do you often feel shocked by someone’s disrespectful behavior?
  • Does someone in your life make you feel like you don’t matter or like you’re not as important as they are?
  • Have you ever described the way you feel as emotionally “dead” or numb (or something similar)?
  • Have you ever found yourself questioning your own sanity?
  • Have you started to think you’re just not good enough?

What is a toxic relationship?

A toxic relationship is similar to a dysfunctional relationship but less repairable, often due to at least one partner being unable or unwilling to change and/or take responsibility for their wrongdoings. When you’re in a toxic relationship, you’ll find that it involves more negativity than positivity. Most importantly, a toxic relationship does not emotionally support one or both of the people involved. A toxic relationship will also often involve resentment, contempt, communication problems and varying forms of physical, emotional and psychological abuse.

Being involved with a toxic person (or a narcissist) in a toxic relationship will lead to a serious loss of self and a significantly reduced ability to be happy, healthy and fulfilled in your life. These relationships often feel empty or one-sided and leave one or both partners feeling codependent and miserable.

Can a toxic relationship be fixed?

While dysfunctional relationships can often be repaired, toxic ones are less likely to be worth the trouble of trying. That’s because while it does theoretically seem that narcissists and toxic people are capable of personal growth and change, it is rarely seen. So, while most narcissists COULD change, they most often will not, at least not long-term.

Read This: Can a narcissist change? The experts weigh in

While a few clinicians claim that they can heal narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), their evidence is thin and often refuted. Remember too that the longer you remain in the toxic relationship, the further damaged you will become, mentally, physically and otherwise. And, despite appearances, toxic people generally maintain the same cycle of abuse throughout each relationship in their lives – meaning that your partner will not be happier with someone else. 

What are the signs I’m in a toxic relationship?

Be sure to click the links on the points that resonate with you below – each opens up to a detailed post that outlines the signs of a toxic relationship as they relate to that point.

Helpful Video Playlist: Signs of a Toxic Relationship

What causes toxic relationships?

I know, you’re probably asking yourself, “How did I end up in a toxic relationship?” I get it. It’s almost always a shock when you realize you’re in a toxic relationship, and this may be due to the fact that you’re a strong, intelligent and attractive person who generally reads people like a book. But in many cases, you also had a difficult or traumatic childhood, whether it was a result of abuse, neglect or some other sort of situational trauma.

There are certain features that make you an ideal source of narcissistic supply – learn about those features here.

Helpful Resources for Understanding Why You Got Into a Toxic Relationship

How do I know if my relationship is unhealthy? What do I do if my relationship is toxic?

Take the Toxic Relationship Test below to be directed to helpful resources for your situation. 

 

Toxic Narcissism in Relationships: Identifying PTSD and C-PTSD

Toxic Narcissism in Relationships: Identifying PTSD and C-PTSD

When you’re in or have recently left a relationship with a narcissist, there are many negative side effects you’ve got to deal with as a result of the gaslighting and manipulation that goes along with it – and one of the most common issues for survivors and victims of narcissistic abuse in relationships is PTSD and C-PTSD.

What is PTSD and Who Can Get It?

Millions of people are affected by PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome/Disorder) and C-PTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) each year and it can affect anyone in any age group.

PTSD has been talked about in the media as a serious problem that affects soldiers returning from traumatic experiences involving combat, but what we don’t talk about as often are people who have been emotionally and mentally abused by narcissists, psychopaths and other negative people. 

That’s why soldiers are what most people think about when they hear that term.

The fact about PTSD is that soldiers aren’t the only ones who can be drastically affected by the debilitating reality of traumatic experiences – and it doesn’t have to result from physical combat.

A person who has been in a car accident, storm, plane crash, been raped or suffered some other type of external trauma can develop emotional illnesses that may morph into depression – or PTSD.

This, of course, includes people who are suffering from narcissistic abuse

Identifying PTSD in Yourself or Someone You Love

Those who are experiencing PTSD have likely had a “fight or flight” response to a traumatic experience. This normal reaction to impending danger is ingrained in our psyche to prevent us from harm, but in PTSD, that natural response may deeply change a person.

Even though the person is out of danger and no longer needs to be afraid, he or she often reacts to non-threatening experiences and events with a “fight or flight” response.

What does PTSD look like?

The three characteristics of those suffering from PTSD experience are:

1. Exaggerated emotional and physical responses

A person with PTSD might become frightened from loud noises or being surprised. He or she may begin to shake uncontrollably, shrink from the situation or leave the premises. Anxiety is always present in the PTSD patient.

Related: How to Deal with the Crippling Anxiety Caused by Toxic Relationships with Narcissists

2. Troubling Memories

PTSD may cause a person to frequently recollect the traumatic event. He may become very irrational and emotions may run wild because he’s mentally ‘rewinding’ the event and playing it in his mind over and over.

Related: Toxic Thoughts and How to Stop Them

3. Problems Relating to Others

The person with PTSD may have difficulty trusting anyone and become suspicious and jealous of those who love and want the best for them. The patient is often angry and depressed and extremely detached from loved ones.

PTSD patients think that no one understands them, so relationships are difficult to maintain. Other areas that become problematic for the PTSD patient are his job, performing the most basic of daily tasks and the fact that he can’t comprehend that what he’s afraid of isn’t a real threat at that moment.

This is further exacerbated when a narcissist’s abuse is involved, because in this case, the messages are initially coming from OUTSIDE your head – they’re the narcissist’s attempts to slowly and methodically break you down – and they work way too well.

Related: 44 Signs You’re Being Emotionally Abused

The mental stress of PTSD is devastating and can take a toll on the patient’s relationships with others and the ability to function if not identified and treated properly. There are certain types of trauma that can easily cause PTSD.

Who Can Be Affected by PTSD?

Besides traumatic combat experiences (such as narcissistic abuse), there are other events that might precipitate PTSD. People of all ages and who have experienced all types of trauma may fall victim to this devastating disorder.

Other than combat veterans (mostly men) here are some trauma victims who are more likely to be affected by PTSD during and after toxic relationships than others:

Children

Children are some of the most likely victims to be affected by PTSD and react to it in various ways that could cause mental and physical illnesses.

  • Events such as car accidents, being bullied at school, violence at home, a loved one’s death or illness, child abuse or a serious accident can precipitate PTSD in children.
  • Symptoms of PTSD in children include re-living the experience, nightmares, avoiding situations, blocking out his feelings and memory of the event and being easily frightened of events that pose no threat of harm.
  • If you notice some or all of these symptoms of PTSD in a child who has been through a traumatic event, make sure you seek help immediately from a health care professional.

Women 

Women are much more likely than men to develop PTSD and the reasons could stem from domestic violence, being neglected or abused as a child, being raped, physically attacked, being in accidents, having a crushing medical diagnosis or experiencing the loss of a child or other loved one.

  • Symptoms of PTSD in women might include severe depression, abuse of drugs or alcohol, developing an eating disorder or increasing the risk of heart disease, rheumatoid arthritis and chronic pain. Suicidal thoughts or actions and other maladies may also occur.
  • Treatment for PTSD in women might include anti-depressants or anxiety medication prescribed by a health care professional or therapy with a person licensed in counseling trauma victims.

Lonely People

People who are alone can suffer from PTSD. Although some people who are alone in life may enjoy it, most of us need a help and support system that we can call on when depressed or medically impaired. Those who have no one to talk to or interact with are much more likely to develop PTSD.

The Elderly

The elderly are sometimes at risk for PTSD when they’re abruptly pulled away from their home and placed in a nursing facility. Friends may have passed on and family may live in other areas of the world.

  • It’s a frightening experience to the elderly to be alone.
  • Treatment can range from medication to counseling and helping the victim join in other activities as much as possible.

The truth is that anyone who has been through a traumatic experience is at risk. Men, women, children and the elderly may all experience PTSD if they’re victims of extreme trauma and/or the mental and emotional abuse that comes along with a toxic relationship with a narcissist. 

What else can make PTSD happen?

Some events that could produce enough traumas to cause PTSD are sexual molestation, experiencing a threat by someone with a weapon, rape, kidnapping, car accident, devastating illness, natural disaster including hurricanes, tornados and earthquakes and civil happenings such as divorce or being sued.

Emergency response workers such as firefighters, medics, pilots and policemen are likely to develop PTSD if they witness or are part of a traumatic event where loss of life or devastation is involved.

Symptoms & Complications of PTSD

Symptoms of PTSD you should look for are the same as the above, including suicidal thoughts, alcohol or drug abuse and depression.

Complications of PTSD are varied, including the disruption it can cause in jobs, relationships and functioning on a daily basis to complete even the most menial tasks or experiencing enjoyment in anything. PTSD shouldn’t be ignored. It won’t go away without treatment.

The Best Ways to Treat PTSD

If you or someone you know falls victim to PTSD, treatment is imperative – and the sooner, the better. Symptoms may occur immediately after a traumatic experience or even months or years later.

One type of treatment doesn’t fit all for those who suffer from PTSD, but there are various ways to get through the disorder and get rid of the symptoms that plague and disrupt your life. These include:

  • Traditional “Talk Therapy” – Talking it through for PTSD patients is sometimes the best way to treat the disorder. Counselors and psychotherapists that are specially trained in PTSD treatment can usually help the person find closure for the traumatic incident that has caused such a lifestyle change.
  • Cognitive Therapy – This type of therapy helps a PTSD patient realize that events that took place weren’t his fault and helps alleviate feelings of guilt. A therapist listens to the PTSD patient describe the traumatic event(s) in detail and then helps the person understand the incident and why it happened.
  • Coaching – When the person suffering from PTSD is otherwise mentally stable, a good life coach can help them discover the answers they seek and learn new coping techniques for dealing with the issues that come along with it. This can work together with or independently from traditional therapies. 

When the patient demonstrates that he or she has a good understanding of the event, he then knows that he was suffering stress because of his thoughts about the situation.

Change Your Mind to Change Your Life: Reprogramming Your Brain

The next step is to learn to replace the frightening and negative thought with less traumatic thoughts and put the incident into perspective. These therapy sessions will help the patient learn how to cope with fear, anger and guilt that often plague people after a traumatic experience.

Exposure Therapy – Eliminating fear is one of the goals of exposure therapy and is based on the theory that after a traumatic event happens, a person learns to be afraid of thoughts, feelings and circumstances that remind him of the traumatic happening.

  • A therapist can help the PTSD patient control those thoughts and feelings and learn how not to be frightened of the memories associated with the event. A PTSD patient might spend most of his life focusing on memories of the event and reliving it.
  • Exposure therapy can help “desensitize” the patient’s reaction to the memories and replace them with less stressful thoughts. Relaxing is key to successful exposure therapy and the therapist might use breathing exercises to help with this.

Support Groups – A supportive group of people can help PTSD patients overcome their fears and emotions. A group can be family members since they are most affected by the person’s PTSD.

  • A good therapist will help the patient and family communicate with each other and voice concerns. Honesty is paramount in family group therapy and can help mend and foster relationships.
  • A supportive group therapy may also be with those who have experienced the same or similar traumatic experiences. Sharing stories and emotions with others who are in the same boat helps each person build trust and self-confidence and realize that he’s not alone.

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) – An experienced counselor will help the patient change reactions to remembering a traumatic experience by focusing on the memories while performing certain actions.

  • Actions a patient might perform could be eye movements, sounds and tapping. The conclusion about EMDR is out as to how it works to solve problems, but studies suggest that PTSD patients experience fewer symptoms after the therapy.

Light Therapy – One of the problems with PTSD is that sufferers have trouble sleeping. Light therapy has been shown to drastically reduce symptoms of PTSD and is a very inexpensive method of treatment.

  • Bright lights affect a person’s internal clock and metabolism and also cause positive reaction to inflammation, immune system and stress such as that caused by traumatic experiences. Depression can also be alleviated with light therapy.

Dog Therapy – It may seem out of the box, but dog therapy has been found to seriously help those who may be suffering from PTSD. A dog is known as a “soldier’s best friend,” and many dogs have had specific training to help soldiers with PTSD as a result of combat stress and experiences. They can benefit victims of narcissistic abuse the same way.

  • Dogs can help patients express and feel love again, they are great companions for those who feel alone and they can help reduce stress, frustration and feelings of loneliness by encouraging outdoor walks and socialization with new people.
  • Dog therapy for PTSD patients hasn’t definitely been proven to be an effective treatment for PTSD, but you may talk to your doctor or therapist about acquiring an emotional support dog that has been trained to help provide companionship for the patient.

Yoga – Even the military is now using this ancient Eastern practice to treat soldiers with symptoms of PTSD and recognize its ability to help patients gain an awareness of his or her feelings and heal from the experience.

  • Yoga brings a sense of calm to both the mind and body and those who suffer from PTSD find that it helps them see things differently and recover enough to go on with their lives rather than reliving the past.
  • Anxiety caused by PTSD can also be relieved by practicing Yoga. The poses, stretching and meditative thoughts soothe mangled nerves and allow the person to calm him or herself without using medication, alcohol or other means to seek relief.

Recovering from PTSD

Recovery from PTSD can take a long time, depending on how fast it’s recognized in the patient as a problem and treatment it obtained. There are health professionals who specialize in the treatment of PTSD and can diagnose and prescribe the treatment that’s going to be of most help for a child, woman, man or soldier.

Most treatment lasts from six to twelve weeks, but it could take more time, depending on the severity of the disorder. Even though good and helpful treatments are available, the person with PTSD may not recognize they’re having a problem.

Sometimes PTSD can be treated by an antidepressant medication or SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) that can help with feelings of sadness and worry. Much of what causes PTSD are the chemicals in the brain – and the lack of serotonin – so medications can be used with some success.

If you or a loved one is under treatment for PTSD, make sure you ask the therapist or health care professional how long the treatment may take and what you can expect from it.

It’s very important that loved ones or others close to the patient get him to a therapist as soon as possible, so helping the person recognize the PTSD is vital. Make sure you research and discover all you can about the symptoms of PTSD, treatment and recovery options.

Online help is readily available and your health care professional can also point you in the right direction to get help for PTSD.

You might also like to read my latest book on narcissism in toxic relationships –  Gaslighting, Love Bombing and Flying Monkeys: The Ultimate Toxic Relationship Survival Guide for Victims and Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse

Have you or has someone you know been affected by PTSD or C-PTSD during or after a toxic relationship with a narcissist? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments. 

 

How Two Women Took Revenge on a Cheating Narcissist: The Shocking True Story

How Two Women Took Revenge on a Cheating Narcissist: The Shocking True Story

This is a true story of how two former co-victims, Tracy and Liselle, managed to take revenge on a toxic narcissist.

Payback’s a B*tch!

But these ladies didn’t pull any punches – and together, they took a huge step toward creating positive change for themselves and our fellow victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse in relationships.

Listen to the story of these two beautiful survivors who took revenge on their (unknowingly) shared narcissist in the most beautiful way you can imagine – it’s unbelievably delicious!

A few points of interest:

  • Tracy and Liselle both happened to be dating the same narcissist – and when they discovered it a few weeks ago, their lives changed for good.
  • Because of the gaslighting and manipulation they were subjected to by their narcissist, Tracy now has a police record and Liselle had to get a restraining order lifted in order to even be here with us for this interview.
  • After Liselle was “unceremoniously dumped via Facebook messenger” by the narcissist she’d thought she’d been exclusive with for the past two years, Liselle decided to contact Tracy – and you won’t BELIEVE what happened next. 
  • Learn about “the incident” that led to Tracy being arrested and that eventually led the two to meet. And learn how Tracy quite literally saved Liselle’s life
  • Find out how these two are taking back THEIR lives and how they’re ethically taking revenge on a narcissist.

Watch the exclusive interview, right here – and find out what happened the first time they met (when they were both still dating the narcissist).

Related: Should you contact the narcissist’s new supply?

Liselle will also offer a quick way to test your man and make sure you’re the only one in his life – you won’t believe how simple it is!

You’ll also hear what they’ve learned since then and the kinds of gaslighting and manipulation their narcissist used against them – including isolation, triangulation and of course the two-way smear campaign he used to attempt to continue to manipulate them both.

Subscribe to Tracy’s channel, right here: https://www.youtube.com/user/Koppconsulting2010

Get my books at http://booksangiewrote.com and pick up your free 5-day fear-busting email course (especially designed for narcissistic abuse survivors) at http://narcissismsupportcoach.com.

Can you believe it?? I was so SHOCKED! Share your thoughts in the comments section – let’s discuss this!

How to Be a Hot Guy: Go From Zero to Hero After a Toxic Relationship

How to Be a Hot Guy: Go From Zero to Hero After a Toxic Relationship

Men Can Be Abused Too:  Introducing Toxic Relationship Recovery for Guys

Dear Men,

You make up more than a quarter of my readers and YouTube subscribers, and I appreciate you. I want you to know that I am not “anti-man” or even a feminist (except in its true definition: someone who believes women and men are equal) – I have two sons and many other men in my life who I care about. 

With that being said, I know there a lot of you (probably more than even I realize) and I know that you are under-served in the narcissistic abuse recovery information and support that you need to get through this and to overcome it – partially because not a lot of people even realize that you can be abused by a woman. 

That’s why, in addition to making my videos mostly not just for women, I’ve started a special series on narcissistic abuse recovery that’s just for you. You matter, and I want you to know it. Here’s the first installment – take a moment and let me know what you think! Would you like to see more? Share your thoughts below, or email me at angyatkinson@gmail.com

How to Be a Super Hot Guy: This is How You Can Attract HEALTHY Women (After a Toxic Relationship)

I hope you don’t hate yourself for not being a bad boy. Nice guys have one major advantage over bad boys – nice guys pay attention and care about a woman’s needs.

This is actually an advantage for a couple of reasons. First, you have a natural ability to be tuned in and caring – that’s valuable, and women love it! Second, because you have a bit of awareness, you’re also more able to discern if any given woman is going to be a good fit for you.

Because of your attentive nature and the fact that you do pay attention, you’re in a better position to determine whether a girl is right for you, and whether she’s a good girl or a bad girl.

Here’s something absolutely essential to keep in mind: Your hormones may try to misguide you! Sometimes, even if you’re a really good guy, your hormones will bog down your ability to think and even care if she’s a nice girl or not.

This is when you have to demonstrate some self-control and sound thinking. Before you find yourself in a situation that you may regret, you need to know how to tell a good girl from a bad girl.

A good girl dresses appropriately. That doesn’t mean she can’t look sexy, but she’s not letting herself spill out of her dress just for attention. She also has self control when it comes to drinking and even spending money.

Good girls pay attention to your needs, not just their own. She won’t rush into bed with you just because she thinks that’s the only way to get you to commit to her. She’s confident in her choices and decisions and doesn’t defer to you for everything.

Bad girls, on the other hand, try to win your affection by being overly promiscuous. She’ll dress too sexy, to the point you’re embarrassed for her, knowing every guy is assuming what kind of girl she is. She might also be flirting with every man in the room.

A bad girl also might need to get drunk or incapacitated in another way in order to relax and have fun (and we already know narcissists might also be addicts or alcoholics). She doesn’t control herself with money, either, spending too much and complaining that she’s in debt up to her ears.

You might meet a bad girl who pressures you into going to bed together on the first date. If she’s like this with you, she might be like this with any man! Some women think the only way a guy will commit is through sex, so put her mind at ease and take the pressure off from the very beginning.

If she’s needy, she might be a bad girl in another way – as in high maintenance. What starts out as cute possessiveness turns into a raging jealousy that gets out of control and ruins your life. Find a woman who exudes confidence and interest in you (not one that seeks the attention of every man in the room).

Because, my friend, you know which girl needs the attention of everyone in the room, right?

Yeah. It’s the female narcissist. Female narcissists will use their bodies to get what they want, in many cases, and this includes their sexuality.

  • Female narcissists are more likely to have an eating disorder than male narcisssists.
  • Female narcs are more likely to have issues with getting older, especially when they use their bodies or sexuality to get what they want.
  • Female narcissists are more likely to secure their supply sources at home by controlling her family directly and using guilt to help secure her control.
  • Female narcissists tend to be less openly over-confident than male narcs, who get much of their over-inflated confidence from inside their own heads – but females are more likely to take secret pleasure in their own perceived superiority over others.
  • Female narcissists are more likely to spend money frivolously while males are more likely to believe that money gives them power, control, status and related conditions. (Neither concerns himself/herself with shame or remorse, of course).
  • While both female and male narcs are known to cheat, males are more likely to be serial adulterers. Females are more likely to idealize a guy and then emasculate him when they get him under their “spell.” In both cases, the more their partners give, the more they want and take from them – it’s an insatiable need for supply.

Next Time, Ask Yourself: Does This Woman Deserve Your Heart?

You’ve met the woman of your dreams – you think. You’ve been dating for some time and things are getting pretty serious. You’re at the point where you’re becoming exclusive (or maybe you’re thinking about making things even a bit more permanent).

Before you ask her to move in with you, or marry you, you have to ask yourself, “Does this woman deserve my heart?” Answer it completely honestly.

Remember, it isn’t only her judging whether you are worthy, but you deciding whether she is worthy of you. When the idea of permanence enters into your head, it’s time to take a few deep breaths and really think things through – even if it means that you’ll be putting off having the exclusive dating talk, or the moving in together talk, or the marriage proposal.

These things are a big deal and because of that, you absolutely need to take your time and know in your heart that she’s the kind of person you want to spend an eternity.

Here are some questions that you need to ask yourself:

  1. Are we truly compatible? If your intention is to make this relationship more permanent, this is a good question to ask. Not just if you both like dogs and macaroni and cheese and hockey, but are you compatible on a deeper level.
  2. Are you on the same page when it comes to the really important things like kids, spirituality, finances and other things that will eventually play a very important part in your life together?
  3. If you don’t see eye-to-eye, have the two of you figured out how you’re going to compromise or where your common ground will be?
  4. Is she good to you? This is something that some people forget to ask when they’re just plain head over heels in love or your family and friends like her a lot and are pressuring you.
  5. Is she kind to you?
  6. Does she respect your dreams, goals and ideas?
  7. How does she treat you when you’re out with friends?
  8. How does she treat you when you’re alone?
  9. Does she apologize if she’s made a mistake?
  10. Is she controlling?
  11. Is she loyal to you?
  12. Is she someone that you really, truly like? You have to be able to like this person, not just love her. Do you enjoy her company most of the time?
  13. Do you respect her and what she stands for?
  14. Are you comfortable with the way she treats your family and friends?
  15. Can you picture spending your life with her?
  16. Do you have visions of sitting on the front porch in his and her rocking chairs while your grandchildren play at your feet?
  17. Do you feel comfortable committing yourself to this person?

As you consider these questions, make sure you’re honest with yourself. Small differences can probably be worked out, and nobody is perfect. But if you’re uncomfortable with committing to something more serious, then wait until you’re sure you’re ready. The worst thing that can happen is that you’ll have to get back into the dating scene. Just make sure you’re getting someone who you’re happy and comfortable with. Never settle for less than you deserve. Feel me? 

5 Minute Weekend Energy Shift for Narcissistic Abuse Survivors (Video)

5 Minute Weekend Energy Shift for Narcissistic Abuse Survivors (Video)

We all know weekends can be hard when you’re involved with a narcissist. In today’s narcissistic abuse survivor vlog, I’m sharing some tips to help you empower yourself and charge your way through the tough moments – because I’ve been there and I know how it feels to be counting down the moments to Monday.

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