Men: How to Get What You Want From Your Wife Without Pissing Her Off

Men: How to Get What You Want From Your Wife Without Pissing Her Off

Please note: this only works if you’re in a healthy relationship. If you’re not, you might want to start changing things – you can do that here.
If you had the chance, would you marry your wife all over again?
That’s one of the best compliments you can give her. Having a HOT marriage might seem like an insurmountable task, especially if you have regular tension in your relationship, but I’ve got great news for you.Bitch by Meredith Brooks quote
It’s all about communication.

As a woman, I can call myself a bitch (occasionally), a lover, a (former) child, a mother,  a sinner, and a saint. And you know what?

I really do not feel ashamed.

I know, you probably think I’m home of those bra-burning feminist types, but no–I consider myself more of a humanist.

As the mother of two amazing and polar opposite but equally awesome, intelligent boys and one crazy-smart, strong and creative little girl (all three beautiful and healthy, I’m grateful to report), I can’t ever be anti-male. I’m all about equality among races, sexes and various other identifying factors.

I figure if what you’re doing doesn’t harm or unnecessarily (or unknowingly) increase or cause the risk of injury, then hey–do your thang, kid.When people are different from us in some way, we are inclined to note the differences and especially when we aren’t intimately familiar with them (and in some cases, their race in general).

The thing is, men, that you’re blowing it, this whole communication thing. I’m here to offer you a little insight into the female psyche that could really help you to strengthen the bond in your marriage.

Now go get your big boy shorts on and get ready to catch a whiff of the truth.

Please note: we are not always as complicated/impossible or otherwise unreasonably bitchy as you might think. Lucky for you, I’m taking pity on you and offering you the inside dirt on how women think and what women really want from you.

How to Get Your Point Across Without Pissing Off Your Wife

married couple holding handsI’m going to make this easy for you, men. I know how you think. You’re logical. You’re a problem solver.

And probably, you think this is a bunch of crap, but you’re here because deep down, you really do love your wife and you really do want to do better–you want to make her happy.

So, let’s start with what not to do, shall we? Some men could drastically improve their relationships with one or more of these simple tips. (And listen, you will be shocked when you find out how very simple the changes  are and how exponentially these tiny life tweaks can add value and positivity to your life.)

 Don’t blow sunshine up our asses

When you misrepresent yourself in any way in order to gain ground with your girl, you’re not only wasting your time (not to mention ours); you’re also going to set us up for shock and disappointment somewhere down the line (or if we take longer to catch on, we might try to convince ourselves that you’ve changed). So tell us the truth, even if you think it means you’ll blow it. Do us both a favor and get your truth out up front-or risk losing us when it really hurts. (And hey, if we dump you over your truth? We probably did you a favor, because Miss Right could be right around the corner).

It hurts less if you just tear it off fast: the band-aid theory

Listen, if you meet a mew woman online, there are certain things you really need to be honest about before you ever meet in person, because these things can be deal breakers.

  •  Your appearance. Not your edited profile pics, either, but the real you, warts and all. I promise you that when we meet you, we’ll notice that photo is really your younger brother or the selfie you took the day you graduated high school twenty years ago.
  • Your relationship status-and I do mean actual status, not some gloss over about how you’re in transition or how your babymamas are all fighting over you but you only want me (of course you’ll need to spend a few nights a week out, like, seeing your kids and stuff, or whatever.).  Just tell me up front if you’re married, in a committed relationship or if you’re playing 3 other women. This way, you’ll have no guilt and we are empowered to choose to tolerate it–or not. (And don’t think it’ll always be ‘not’–women today aren’t always opposed to unconventional arrangements and commitment-free intimacy. But we aren’t all that way, so if you want that in a woman, you can choose to wait for a woman who is into it, or you can take alternative routes while you continue to find the one who will float your boat just the way you like it.
  • Your real “stuff.” Listen, I am here to tell you that while every girl would love to meet a guy who never disagrees with her, most of us are well-aware that he doesn’t exist in real life. That’s why it’s so important to just get your weirdness out there up front. So, if you’re going to freak out if I eat tacos in front of you, tell me that before we go to the Mexican restaurant, aight? And if you hate kids, don’t pretend you’re a different person when I tell you I’ve got three of my own. Put it out there and let me make an educated choice on whether or not I want to waste your time (and mine) trying to develop a relationship that may or may not be a real option for me.

The same goes for your day-to-day married life, by the way–just put your “stuff” out there and be real with your wife. That way, you never have to remember that you lied or covered something up–you just tell the truth. And in case you didn’t know, most intelligent women have built-in BS meters.

A little sugar helps the medicine go down.

Listen, I totally want you to be honest with me on every level. But I don’t like it when I think you don’t think I’m amazingly beautiful, sexy and intelligent. In fact, if I think that you in any way find me distasteful, unattractive or otherwise unsavory, I’m probably going to shut down and stop trying to please you. (Although there are women who will work harder to make you happy, they’re generally secretly very unhappy/unfulfilled and that trickle-down effect could potentially blow up in your face!)

So, while a lot of people claim that they don’t want you to sugar-coat it for them, most women are lying when they say that. The truth is that we do want you to sugar-coat it for us, and if you have a problem with something we’re doing, you better add a little extra sugar before you start talking.

My point is that if you’re planning to tell your wife or girlfriend that you need her to change something about herself, her behavior or her habits, you need to do it carefully.

For example, if you wish she’d stop waking you up at 5 a.m. to have sex (ha! as IF you’d have a problem with that one!), you might remind her that she’s incredibly sexy and that you LOOOOVE being with her–but that you want to be your best for her all the time and that requires a couple more hours of shut-eye.

And don’t forget to remind her that you can’t resist her, and since you’d much rather have sex than sleep, you NEED HER HELP to get this thing done.

Men: what are your best tips for communicating with women? And women: what tips would you offer to the men in your lives, if you could? 
The Kate Moss Theory: Stop Dressing Like a Wife and Improve Your Marriage

The Kate Moss Theory: Stop Dressing Like a Wife and Improve Your Marriage

“[My husband] would go mental if I started dressing like a wife! He likes me when I’m a rock n roll kind of a girl.” ~Kate Moss

kate mossLook, I’m well aware of the controversy that was stirred up in the blogosphere when supermodel Kate Moss made the statement quoted above. But the woman had a point–and I don’t mean that all wives dress like crap.

I mean that many wives become a bit…complacent…after awhile. (I know because I’ve been there, too!)

Some women even justify walking around in sweats and tshirts day and night, week after week, and get offended when you suggest that they do otherwise.

Those women might as well just either stop reading now, or change their minds and prepare for a dose of tough love–because I’m about to drop some truth bombs.

So, I’ve been married a hundred years or so (ok, really, it’s closer to 15, but still). And I know that a lot of women in my position (and in fact, a lot of women in long-term relationships, in general) are likely to eventually slow down on the getting all dolled up.

“Kate Moss and I don’t have much in common, but I think she is quite right to avoid dressing ‘like a wife’,” writes Helen Kirwin Taylor. “By this, she means she’s refusing to adopt the slovenly uniform of tracksuit bottoms and shapeless tops so many women embrace when they no longer have to worry about snaring a man. I would never think about sitting down for dinner with my husband without slipping into something stylish and alluring, brushing my hair and applying lipstick.”

Helen, I am totally with you, girl.

Wives: Why You Should Still Care About Your Appearance

angie3Obviously, if you want to be considered a hot wife, you need to consider how your appearance is perceived.

Sure, you might think it’s shallow–but my guess is that since you’re here reading this post, you know that this stuff goes a little deeper than one might realize at first glance.

I still get all dolled up on a pretty regular basis–in fact, I literally will not leave the house unless I look reasonably cute.

While my husband sometimes pretends this annoys him (because sometimes it takes me a minute to get ready), the truth is that he appreciates the fact that I care about how I look–because it makes me more attractive to him. I know this because he says so.

I also make an effort to look cute even when I’m working at home or just lounging around the house.

Why do I do it? Well, let me spell it out for you.

Because he works with tons of hot women (hello ladies!)

My husband works in a corporate office full of beautiful, stylish and intelligent women. While he would never say so, I know that if he came home to a frumped up mommy-stereotype each day, he might start noticing the ladies he works with for more than their fun personalities and ability to work well with him.

I don’t need to compete–I know he loves me and would never do anything to hurt me, regardless of what I look like–but still, I prefer to keep his attention on me, so I make sure to pay attention to my appearance.

Because it makes me feel better about myself

The truth is that the primary reason I care about how I look so much is that I simply FEEL better when I look better. And I’m not alone–just think about it. When was the last time you felt particularly beautiful? Let me guess–it probably involved a really good hair day, or one of those perfect outfit days. Yep.

So, take care of your appearance and you feel better–then you become more self-confident, friendlier, more fun and generally HOTTER. It’s true.

Because it makes my relationship stronger

I know, appearance SHOULDN’T matter, but the fact is that it does. You see, it’s really easy to get so comfortable with each other that you forget to care what your spouse thinks about how you look. And maybe he forgets too–but most likely, he’s well aware of it.

Even if he’s one of those awesome guys who totally loves you and would never even consider straying, he still notices–and he will appreciate it if you make an effort to be attractive for him.

So, in addition to your self-confidence and your actual more attractive appearance, your better attitude will shine through, and that, my friends? That makes you super hot–and I promise you, he WILL notice.

While there is no one look that can be called hot, making an effort with your appearance on a daily basis can literally improve the quality of your life–and of your marriage.

What do you think? Do you make an effort to look HOT for your husband? Why or why not? What tips would you offer other wives? Share your thoughts, experiences and ideas in the comments section, below.

How I Knew He Was ‘the One’: Women Speak

How I Knew He Was ‘the One’: Women Speak

Wedding Dress For Happy Couple in LoveHow did you know that your husband was the One? How’d you know you wanted to get married?

An informal survey of women between the ages of 24 and 65 produced some very interesting stories. Here are a few of the ones that struck a cord with me.

How I Knew I Wanted to Marry Him: Women Speak Out

“He is the second person I ever went out with and I am the only person he ever went out with and it just felt right. Been married 34 years this coming August.” ~Laura

“The moment I saw Mark from across the room I knew I wanted to marry him. I even told one of my best friends at the time that I was going to marry him some day. That was on December 12th, 1994. I was 17 and he was 23. Four kids and over 16 years of marriage later, we still say I love you at least 10 or more times a day, even if we are arguing.” ~Amanda

“I told my mom the first time I saw Robert that I would marry him. We had a great friendship during our journalism workshop and that made things even better when we started dating. I just always felt a strong connection to him and I think being friends somehow gets us through the rough spots but we’re 10+ years together and almost 3 years married and looking forward to the 5, 10, 15, 20+ year marks.” ~Aja

“For me, it was that he made me feel like my life was complete when i was with him. I knew he was someone I could grow old with. I feel so blessed any lucky to have him and he still gives me butterflies. This is my second marriage and i finally got it right. He makes me happy.” ~Shelly

“I knew I wanted to marry my husband when I caught him playing Barbies with my 2 year old daughter. At least he was playing with the Ken doll.” ~Lisa

“We went on a road trip together that took us to about eight different states. At one point, we had to drive through West Virginia for hours and hours and hours in the pouring rain. We didn’t get to our hotel until after midnight. We didn’t argue once — that’s how I knew we were meant to be together.” ~Leigh

“I felt like I could breathe when I was with Marco. I didn’t have to “be” anything. I could just be. He was so laid back and cool with everything and not wound up. He was my polar opposite, my balance. Being with him made any other relationship feel like it had been in another life almost. It’s hard to describe and it’s something I’d never felt before meeting him.” ~Sarah

 Your Turn: How’d you know he or she was “the ONE” for you? Share your thoughts, feelings and experiences in the comments section, below.

Ladies: What makes you hot?

Ladies: What makes you hot?

Christina Aguilera during a concert from her B...As a woman, what do you think are the qualities that cause you and/or other women to be considered “hot?” An informal survey of women between the ages of 18 and 65 produced varied answers. Here are some of the most interesting.

What Women Say Makes a Woman Hot

“Class not trash!” ~Kathy

“I’d say stretch marks! Seriously. Child bearing is beautiful.” ~Melanie

“Her eyes.” ~Meredith

“A womans hotness should be defined in two ways…
A man, curves large lips and hair
A woman EVERYTHING ELSE.” ~Julie Ann

“According to my 6 yr old the thingamajiggys on their chest that boys really don’t have. Hubby agrees.” ~Christina

“I think a woman’s ankles are beautiful tanned, accented with a small charm bracelet and accenting the cuteness of the strappy sandals her feet are caressed by.” ~Julie

“A genuine smile because happiness radiates from the inside out.” ~Jackie

“Confidence, knowing she’s hot but being humble!” ~Christy

“Confidence is the key!” ~Angelia

“Leaving something to the imagination. Baring it all is not always a hot thing. My opinion.” ~Karen

“My husband says a woman who has a little independence and strong ambitions.” ~Aimee

“Pure confidence. You can be big and tall and as long as u have confidence and carry yourself well, you will become sexy.” ~Renae

“Orneriness.” ~Layla

Your Turn: What do you think makes a woman “hot?” Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section, below!

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