Thoughts on this post? Share them with me on Facebook, join the SPANily or Tweet me at @angieatkinson. ~Angie

*Editor’s Note: Please help us welcome Lise Colucci to the QueenBeeing team!

I was feeling really run down and in low spirits today. It’s allergy season and it has begun to hit full force. Before I knew it, I was hit with a few personal setbacks that set off negative thinking.

As the dialogue in my head escalated from a mildly complaining tone to feeling defeated and undone, I realized this was a reality that I was creating for myself based on my beliefs in that moment.

I had fallen out of self-care. I ran right through self-preservation and sped through  “just making due”  before just totally giving up.

That realization woke me up; this is not the life I wish to have, I thought.

This attitude will serve nothing but to carry my burdens all the way to bed and likely into my dreams. Then what?

More of the same tomorrow? NO thank you.

What can we do when the world feels so heavy and difficult, so much so that our beliefs alter our inner worlds to match its gravity?

Observe, then restate the beliefs, that’s what! It took a good half hour to get into it, catching the sighs of bodily discomforts and restating the inner dialogue which came out of those sighs.

“I am so tired” needed to be restated, while respectfully validating the needs of my body.  “I can take a 10-minute rest and restore some energy“ became the new thought.

The phrases I heard myself thinking that felt full of weight and unhappiness such as, “I am alone and I have no help” needed another approach.

That one I could go at head-on by shifting my beliefs. I restated it to “I am capable. I also have friends and know I am not alone, if I need help I am able to ask.”

I realized that in that moment that no one could physically help – but certainly, a loving friend hearing me could lift my spirits and that alone can go far in restoring positive energy.

All I needed to do was ask for a listening ear. So I did, and it worked! The beliefs began to lighten up and I was able to restore positivity in my day.

During and after emotional abuse, it can get dark in our inner worlds. We lose the ease of joy and uplifted outlook on life and often feel hopeless, unwanted, alone.

Worse than that, the dialogue in our heads can become that of the abuser, telling we are wrong and unworthy. The same practice that I used above can be applied here, any time.  

We don’t need to force the beliefs to change.

The beliefs we hear ourselves think can be gently and incrementally restated to improve our self-worth and our outlooks – and to increase our joy. It can be done in a simple, honest way that allows you to believe in your worth and feel gratitude for many things in life.

Ask yourself:

Do you catch yourself believing things that are unkind toward yourself or are dragging down your day? Do you hear someone else’s words echoing in your mind reinforcing the abusive things you were told? What can you do, right now, to begin to create change in your very important belief system? 

Share your thoughts and ideas in the comments section, below. Let’s discuss it. 

Thanks for reading this post! My name is Lise Colucci and I am one of the certified life coaches at QueenBeeing. I am so happy to be given this opportunity to serve this community and honored to get the chance to witness others healing as they seek the amazing help that coaching can provide. I will be posting short articles on different topics that relate to narcissistic abuse, healing, self-care and more and I hope that you gain some comfort or deepen your own understanding through them. This article is a bit more personal than I normally write so that you can get a sense of how I work in my own life as well as the ways I use to problem-solve the healing process. 

Learn more about me here or schedule a one-on-one coaching session with me here

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4 Responses to Coach Lise on Self-Care, Healing and Inner Dialogue

  1. Great first post, Lise! Welcome to the team!

  2. It’s really difficult in the moment and a little simplistic but, thanking my head for sharing then telling it to stfu does work. A better method for me is to take in the negative thought, examine it and ask myself “is this really true?” Then (of course the statements are false sometimes with a micron of truth) I counter the thought with tangible truth that exposes the lie.
    An example of a false statement: I am too sensitive and I’ll never amount to anything. It’s true, I am sensitive but I’ve done lots with my life. My biggest achievement…leaving my narc. and saying no to abuse. Maybe the world at large doesn’t get it but you all do.

    • Thank you Andy. You are so right and I could chat for hours on ways to reframe inner dialogue because it really does work. The effect may not be immediate, likely it will take many efforts to begin to see how powerful this tool can be to a persons whole life. I love the way you restate things for yourself. We certainly do well to find our own voice to speak to the false statements that feel real to us in each circumstance. Really difficult in the moment and a little simplistic can become a task worth working on in the moment and deeply healing. Be well Andy!

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