When you’re dealing with narcissistic abuse, there is a strange phenomenon that happens to you – you get confused and you start to wonder if you’re losing your mind. You question reality and even your own perception. Why does this happen? Thanks to the ongoing abuse and manipulation you suffer at the hands of the narcissist in your life, you are often literally seeing something other than what you’re being told you’re seeing. You’re left spinning and questioning everything you know to be true. This is due to cognitive dissonance.
What is cognitive dissonance in narcissistic abuse?
Cognitive dissonance is a form of psychological stress or discomfort that happens when you simultaneously hold two or more contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values. In other words, you think or believe one thing but you see another thing happening in real life.
Often, malignant narcissists use a manipulation technique called gaslighting to confuse and manipulate you into being controlled. Gaslighting is a common cause of cognitive dissonance in narcissistic abuse.
What is gaslighting in narcissistic abuse?
To clarify, gaslighting is a manipulation tactic used by most narcissists It’s both pervasive and highly-effective and it’s meant to manipulate you into questioning your own sanity.
The Cognitive Dissonance Theory
The cognitive dissonance theory was first introduced by an American social psychologist named Leon Festinger in 1957. Essentially, it states that humans are predisposed to seek internal consistency. That means that, in general, our beliefs, thoughts, and opinions must correspond with our actions, behavior. and attitude.
This way, we don’t feel the stress of trying to live in a way that doesn’t correspond to our beliefs. But if dissonance, discomfort, or inconsistency of any kind is experienced, we tend to feel psychological discomfort and strive hard to reduce it, or to avoid it altogether. What this means is that we have a sort of pre-determined drive to hold all our attitudes and behavior in harmony and avoid disharmony (or dissonance). This is known as the principle of cognitive consistency.
Cognitive Dissonance and Your Mental Health
When our attitudes or behaviors don’t match, it creates dissonance. If we are going to get rid of the dissonance, we must change something. We aren’t programmed to allow the dissonance to continue – in fact, we will feel mild to serious mental and emotional stress if we aren’t allowed to resolve it. But here’s where your narcissist comes in: since they make it nearly impossible for us to remain sane AND resolve the dissonance, this adds to our already-full emotional plate.
How much damage it causes us depends on the level to which we take seriously the issue over which we have cognitive dissonance. Of course, the theory is the greater the dissonance the more you will naturally feel motivated to resolve it.
How do you heal from cognitive dissonance?
In this video, I’ll explain in detail exactly what you’re dealing with when you have cognitive dissonance in narcissistic abuse, and I’ll tell you what you need to do to heal yourself.
Resources to Help with Cognitive Dissonance in Narcissistic Abuse
If you feel you need additional help and support in your narcissistic abuse recovery, look for a trauma-informed professional who is trained in helping people who are dealing with overcoming narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships. Depending on your particular situation, you might benefit from Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaching, or you might do better with a therapist. You have to decide what to do from here – if you’re not sure, start with my free Narcissistic Abuse Recovery quiz. With your results will come recommended resources for your situation. It’s totally free.
- Get your cognitive dissonance healing toolbox right here.
- Cognitive Dissonance and Fear in Narcissistic Abuse Recovery
- Cognitive Dissonance and Abuse Amnesia
- Cognitive Dissonance Video by Lise Colucci
- Are you experiencing gaslighting? Take the test now.
- Support Yourself in Narcissistic Abuse Recovery
- Dissociation in Narcissistic Abuse
- Narcissistic Abuse Recovery FAQ Pages
- Free Support Groups
Books & eBooks on Narcissism and Relationships
- Take Back Your Power: How to End People Pleasing, Stop Letting Life Happen to You and Start Getting What You Want
- Alive Inside: How to Overcome Toxic Love and Narcissism in Relationships
- Take Back Your Life: 103 Highly-Effective Strategies to Snuff Out a Narcissist’s Gaslighting and Enjoy the Happy Life You Really Deserve
- Your Love is My Drug: How to Shut Down a Narcissist, Detoxify Your Relationships & Live the Awesome Life You Really Deserve, Starting Right Now
Angela Atkinson is a certified trauma counselor and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships since 2006, she has a popular narcissistic abuse recovery YouTube channel. Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed narcissistic abuse recovery coaching and has certifications in trauma counseling, life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation, and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy.
She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse here at QueenBeeing.com and at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online.