Have you ever been upset with something someone did or said, and when you went to confront them, they turned the tables on you? Then suddenly you found yourself being the one begging for an apology? If so, stick with me, because this video is for you.
This behavior is an incredibly common manipulation tactic called “deflection,” and it is often used by narcissists to sort of get out of trouble – as in, to avoid taking any responsibility for their behavior.
The goal, of course, is to shift your attention from what they’ve done wrong to you and what you’ve done wrong, in their eyes.
It’s ugly, to say the least – and can make you feel completely lost.
Narcissistic deflection, one of the most common behaviors of toxic people.
Narcissists are becoming quite infamous these days for their honed manipulation tactics, the best-known of which is called gaslighting.
In case you’re new around here, gaslighting is a pervasive and highly-effective tactic meant to manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity.
One of the most effective kinds of gaslighting is when a narcissist sort of “flips the script” on you during an argument.
So, if you’re coming to the narcissist with a problem or issue that is bothering you – or more specifically, something the toxic person has done or said, they will absolutely refuse to address it.
Rather than taking responsibility for this behavior, they deflect and immediately go into “attack” mode, where they throw the ball back in your court by bringing up something you may or may not have actually done – related or not.
This puts you on the defense, as you’re being accused of some horrible deed or something is being blown out of proportion – or, in some cases, they may actually even project their OWN behavior on to you.
I have dubbed this practice the “narcissistic flip,” and have found that it’s a regularly employed manipulation technique for many narcs.
The “flip” happens most often when you make a valid point about their behavior or have the nerve to question the narcissist about anything at all.
If you dare to address this little flip, you find yourself distracted from the original issue you came in with.
Then, of course, the conversation becomes confusing and overwhelming as you try to find clarity and address all of these accusations.
That’s about the time everything turns around and suddenly, you’re the one who’s sorry (mostly that you bothered engaging in yet another pointless argument).
Now, you’re dealing with someone who absolutely has no interest in understanding you. Rather, this person’s goal is to dominate you through extreme mischaracterization so they can win this now-pointless argument.
How does it happen? In this video, we will look at an example of how a narcissist will flip the script during an argument.
Question of the Day: Sound familiar to you? Have you experienced the narcissist flip? Click here to share your thoughts, experiences and ideas in the comments section below this video.
Angela Atkinson is a Certified Life Coach and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic relationships since 2006, Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed coaching and has certifications in life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy. In her life coaching practice, Atkinson’s clients enjoy her personalized approach that allows and encourages them to become the best possible versions of themselves and to succeed in doing what they love most. She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online and NarcissismSupportCoach.com.