Thoughts on this post? Share them with me on Facebook, join the SPANily or Tweet me at @angieatkinson. ~Angie

Narcissists have a way of sucking all the joy from your life. For example, you may have experienced the situation in which the narcissist tries repeatedly to argue with you, but you foil him or her again and again. You finally give up and retreat into blessed dissociation, the only sanctuary you have from this toxic abuse.

Before long, s/he’s popping in and out of the room, desperately trying to pick a fight. Pretending to be light and breezy – maybe even charming – but just under the surface bubbles up the toxic bile he’s about to spew upon you.

You can feel his/her energy practically scalding you as he enters the room – it’s so intense you can almost feel him/her buzzing with vindictive venom, prepared to strike out for any infraction, real or perceived.

The narcissist grows tired of being ignored: s/he needs to be the center of attention. He or she goes on about the business of shamelessly placing all of the blame for everything that’s wrong in your lives squarely on your shoulders – as usual.

He (or she) calls you lazy, stupid … not good enough – or whatever his version of that is.

S/he pulls trigger after trigger – literally trying everything to get your attention so he can unleash his pent up narcissistic rage all over you and finally relieve himself of the pain.

He uses you like a drug, to soothe his guilty and self-hating soul. As he spews his bile, you are melted, bit by bit. Now you make a choice on how to react. It’s time you learn how to use the gray rock method – safely.

Let’s Talk About the Gray Rock Method

You may have heard of the gray rock method before, especially if you know you’re dealing with a toxic narcissist. But you may not realize that there’s a very real danger in using this technique – and it isn’t what you suspect (it doesn’t have anything to do with the narcissist directly!).

In this video, I’ll explain what the gray rock method is, and I’ll tell you who invented it – plus, I’ll offer tips and ideas on using the method to communicate effectively with a narcissist – plus I’ll fill you in on what the dangerous part of the gray rock method really is – and how you can avoid it.

Get my books at and pick up your free 5-day fear-busting email course (especially designed for narcissistic abuse survivors) at

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One Response to Deal With a Narcissist’s Attacks: Safe Use of the Gray Rock Method

  1. I used the gray rock method and didn’t even know it. My therapist helped me realize I was enabling her. So I gradually stopped. Sure enough, about a year and a half later she left me, the kids and grandchildren. She found her a new man online and snuck out when none of us were around. 25.5 yrs of marriage gone. What is funny is that the person she is with now is just like her, so we will see how that goes. Yes, I did go too far with what worked for me, and it is a struggle to find center again. Thanks to family, friends and someone new I am coming back to center and enjoying life again. Keep on keeping on.

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