Narcissists have a way of sucking all the joy from your life. For example, you may have experienced the situation in which the narcissist tries repeatedly to argue with you, but you foil him or her again and again. You finally give up and retreat into blessed dissociation, the only sanctuary you have from this toxic abuse.
Before long, s/he’s popping in and out of the room, desperately trying to pick a fight. Pretending to be light and breezy – maybe even charming – but just under the surface bubbles up the toxic bile he’s about to spew upon you.
You can feel his/her energy practically scalding you as he enters the room – it’s so intense you can almost feel him/her buzzing with vindictive venom, prepared to strike out for any infraction, real or perceived.
The narcissist grows tired of being ignored: s/he needs to be the center of attention. He or she goes on about the business of shamelessly placing all of the blame for everything that’s wrong in your lives squarely on your shoulders – as usual.
He (or she) calls you lazy, stupid … not good enough – or whatever his version of that is.
S/he pulls trigger after trigger – literally trying everything to get your attention so he can unleash his pent up narcissistic rage all over you and finally relieve himself of the pain.
He uses you like a drug, to soothe his guilty and self-hating soul. As he spews his bile, you are melted, bit by bit. Now you make a choice on how to react. It’s time you learn how to use the gray rock method – safely.
Let’s Talk About the Gray Rock Method
You may have heard of the gray rock method before, especially if you know you’re dealing with a toxic narcissist. But you may not realize that there’s a very real danger in using this technique – and it isn’t what you suspect (it doesn’t have anything to do with the narcissist directly!).
In this video, I’ll explain what the gray rock method is, and I’ll tell you who invented it – plus, I’ll offer tips and ideas on using the method to communicate effectively with a narcissist – plus I’ll fill you in on what the dangerous part of the gray rock method really is – and how you can avoid it.
Get my books at http://booksangiewrote.com and pick up your free 5-day fear-busting email course (especially designed for narcissistic abuse survivors) at http://narcissismsupportcoach.com.
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Angela Atkinson is a Certified Life Coach and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic relationships since 2006, Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed coaching and has certifications in life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy. In her life coaching practice, Atkinson’s clients enjoy her personalized approach that allows and encourages them to become the best possible versions of themselves and to succeed in doing what they love most. She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online and NarcissismSupportCoach.com.
I used the gray rock method and didn’t even know it. My therapist helped me realize I was enabling her. So I gradually stopped. Sure enough, about a year and a half later she left me, the kids and grandchildren. She found her a new man online and snuck out when none of us were around. 25.5 yrs of marriage gone. What is funny is that the person she is with now is just like her, so we will see how that goes. Yes, I did go too far with what worked for me, and it is a struggle to find center again. Thanks to family, friends and someone new I am coming back to center and enjoying life again. Keep on keeping on.