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All week, we’ve talked about identifying and overcoming the victim mentality, so it only seems fitting to end the week with this video from Dr. Judith Orloff, author of Emotional Freedom. Orloff’s book “discusses how to deal with the ‘poor me’ type of emotional drainer who always says ‘yes but’ when presented with solutions.”

Get more information on emotional vampires in Emotional Freedom and on

In this video, Orloff shares tips on how to deal with people who embrace the victim mentality.

Take a look, and then share your thoughts with me in the comments below.

What do you think? Tell me in the comments.

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5 Responses to Dealing with a ‘Victim’: Emotional Freedom in Action (Video)

  1. I’m a clinical social worker and this video describes all of my patients apart from those who are homicidal. It’s tough to stay compassionate. But in the end, compassion is about the giver, not the one given too. So stay strong and limit the giving, and stay compassionate on the level not of their specific complaints but of the fact that they are perpetual victims.

  2. How do you handle a dependent parent who has a victim mentality? I am sole caregiver for my mother, who is in her eighties and lives with me and my husband. When I try to set boundaries, she tells me that I just don’t understand. She bursts into tears and tells me I’m a robot or cold just like my father. She constantly tells me she needs help, but can’t bring herself to ask. The times I offer help (balancing her checkbook, cleaning, etc.) she says that she just doesn’t feel like it at that moment. She refuses all my efforts to socialize, and then complains about being lonely.

    • Stay calm, loving and compassionate but do not allow passive aggressive bullying. Age knows no limits when it comes to abuse and that’s what manipulation is, emotional abuse. Tell your mom you love her and that you’d love to spend quality time with her but you’re not willing to listen to complaint. Limit your time with her. When she starts into the complaint cycle, stop her and tell her you love her but you’re not willing to do complaint as a way of life and then walk away. Because you’ve participated in this cycle for so long she will pull out all of the stops to get you to play. Stay strong (as JaneyB says). Read Patricia Evans book, ‘The Verbally Abusive Relationship’ for help and guidance. Best of luck to you, care-giving can be extremely stressful but you can transform your relationship with your mother into something powerful (at least from your side).

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  4. I’ve learned boundaries. I will tell the ‘victim’ that I’m willing to listen for a certain amount of time. I also will ask them if they want to stay in the place that they’re in or move on. That usually stops the passive aggressive behavior. I retain compassion but take care of myself. People who choose to stay in victim-hood usually drop the friendship and seek out other victims. It’s a choice.

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