Do you always seem to fall short of success? You might be unconsciously keeping yourself from reaching your goals, even when you think you really want to achieve them!
Learning about self-sabotage – and your reasons for it – can help you to stop this unconscious cycle so you can go on to create a life you desire.
Reflect on these reasons to determine if they might be keeping you from success:
1. Fear of failure. One of the reasons you may not reach for success is because you’re afraid to fail. Failure is hard to manage, ignore, or handle. It can eat away at your self-esteem and make you doubt your abilities, so it’s not surprising you’ll do anything to avoid it.
2. Low self-esteem. If you lack confidence and suffer from low self-esteem, self-sabotage may feel natural for you.You might think you don’t deserve success, so you unconsciously destroy any chance you have of getting it.
3. Fear of change. Success is often tied to change, such as a new job, better home, or other things. You may be sabotaging your efforts because you don’t want anything to change. You’re used to your current lifestyle and don’t want to modify it. For example, you may claim that you want a mansion or a private jet, but you don’t actually want to pay for these things or be responsible for them. So, you ensure you never have them in the first place.
4. Control issues. You might self-sabotage in order to remain in control. Are you allowing your control issues to prevent you from reaching success, Control and perfectionism are often tied together. If you want everything to be perfect all the time, then you may be losing out on big and important opportunities.
5. Habits. Sometimes your habits can sabotage you without you even realizing it. For example, if you have a habit of always being late to meetings, then you may miss your chance to impress a client and get a raise. You self-sabotage your own success because of an old habit. Habits such as drinking and doing drugs are also extremely sabotaging.
6. Negativity and criticism. The criticism may come from your own internal negative voice, or it may be coming from outside sources such as your family members or friends. Negativity and criticism can be internalized and cause you to sabotage success. If you constantly hear that you’re not good enough, smart enough, or talented enough, then you begin to believe this. You feel that you don’t deserve to be successful. You may not want to try things that could help you because you don’t think you’re worthy of them. Family, friends, coworkers, bosses, and others may have you believing that you’re useless, dumb, or worthless.
In addition, research shows that your parents can affect you as an adult. If your parents exhibited self-sabotaging behavior, then you may copy it throughout your life. You grew up seeing this pattern and have a hard time breaking out of it. Their insecurities can carry over to your life.
If you’re sabotaging your own life and future, you can change. It will require effort and time, but it’s possible to reshape your thoughts.
Whenever a thought appears that doesn’t support your efforts to achieve your goals, immediately replace it with a positive thought, instead. You’ll get better and better at both recognizing unsupportive thoughts and changing them the more you practice it.
Soon, you’ll be on your way to success!
Angela Atkinson is a Certified Life Coach and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic relationships since 2006, Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed coaching and has certifications in life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy. In her life coaching practice, Atkinson’s clients enjoy her personalized approach that allows and encourages them to become the best possible versions of themselves and to succeed in doing what they love most. She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online and NarcissismSupportCoach.com.