I am so over blonde jokes being socially acceptable. In one of my Facebook groups, a woman posted a lame blonde joke which basically insinuated that the two blonde women featured in the joke were dumb enough to believe a mirror was “the little square card in your purse with your picture on it,” AKA her driver’s license.
Now, for some reason, this joke and the fact that it had been posted in this particular group really kind of pissed me off.
Mainly because, the way I saw it, this was a support group for victims of narcissists, some of whom might actually BE blondes.
Am I being too sensitive?
I realize that the person who posted it meant no harm; she was not herself a blonde, but when she posted her apology to my admittedly over-sensitive comment telling her the joke felt sort of offensive, she said the funniest thing.
“I’ve got friends who are blonde.”
That was pretty hilarious and made me laugh out loud, literally. At the same time, I now understand why claiming to have friends of whatever group of people you’re criticizing kind of pisses people off.
Truth is, I know that the post was meant to help lighten the mood, but I have just been on the wrong side of that stereotype for too long.
You know the one: the dumb, shallow blonde.
So many people assume I’m not intelligent or deep because of my appearance and fashion choices (very girly girl).
And then there are the men who assume I’m easy or stupid. Women too.
I am not even going to go into the friends I’ve lost over stupid assumptions.
Why I’m Taking It So Personally
I guess for me it just struck a chord today because I’m tired of people who make assumptions about people based on their appearance – though the logical side of me understands that HUMAN NATURE forces us to form assumptions on people based on what we can see about them when we meet them.
But the issue is that when we don’t take the time to recognize the difference between a prejudice and a reality, we are behaving as though we haven’t evolved.
Why Prejudiced and Judgmental People are Less Evolved Than Others
Those who have evolved beyond their basic survival instincts should never be prejudiced against anyone based on the way they look.
They should understand that when it comes to the way a person’s skin and hair and eyes look don’t necessarily reflect who they are on the inside.
The Assumption Rules We Subconsciously Make (and Why We Occasinally Break Them)
That is such a basic and simple concept that almost anyone should be able to understand it.
Even people who stick to this under-evolved state of being can find someone in their lives whom they feel is worthy of seeing beyond what is on the outside – whether it’s their mother, brother or gorgeous biracial grandchild, we all automatically break the rules for someone in our lives.
Why do we break the rule for at least one person in our lives?
Simple. Because we love that person.
Love is the most powerful energy on earth, right?
So if we as a society can ever hope to evolve and to reach the next level as a whole, here’s one easy place to start.
If we can learn to live and project love, we can do something kind of huge: we can erase all preconceived notions and prejudices based on external appearance.
Imagine how different the world would be if we gave everyone we met the same opportunity to show us who they were before we placed judgment on them.
Maybe there would be no hate, no division, no problems.
If we each just loved by default, and we always assumed the best of one another, as a species, what could happen?
I think it could be very powerful for humanity as a whole. I think our collective consciousness could be unstoppable; after all, are we all not part of one greater thing?
So, do I fit the stereotype? Am I a dumb blonde?
What’s funny is I’m actually pretty smart, according to various standardized tests and my teachers over the years, among others, and I have written 22 books, thousands of articles, among other things.
Turns out I am making my living with my brain rather than my appearance.
Some of my clients never see me at all – and it wouldn’t matter if I were a freaking Playboy model if I couldn’t do what I do.
Ultimately, I get paid because I’m smart enough to do it well, right and successfully.
So you’ll excuse me if I find dumb woman jokes offensive.
But when people just make assumptions and when you’re often criticized and underestimated for how you look – well, I guess that’s enough to be a trigger for anyone.
As it turned out, that silly Facebook post turned out to be therapeutic and cathartic for me.
I figured out that this is a bigger issue for me than I realized – and what’s more: it was affecting me more than I even knew.
See, I’ve personally felt the pain of people assuming negative things about me because of the way I look – and in various iterations, ironically.
So should I just stop being me and start conforming to what society seems to want me to be?
And if I did “tone myself down a little,” would that stop people from assuming things about me?
No but it might cause my light to dim a little too – and why should I allow that to happen?
I learned a long time ago: whst people think of me is not my business.
So these days, I don’t let judgmental jerks or assumptive asses slow my roll. And neither should you.
What do you think? Am I way off base here? Share your thoughts in the comments section.
Angela Atkinson is a certified trauma counselor and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships since 2006, she has a popular narcissistic abuse recovery YouTube channel. Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed narcissistic abuse recovery coaching and has certifications in trauma counseling, life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation, and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy.
She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online.