When you figure out that you’re dealing with narcissistic abuse in a toxic relationship, you learn quickly that not only is the narcissist unlikely to change, but that your best bet for a safe and happy future means ending the relationship and moving on. This is a scary but often necessary step that survivors of narcissistic abuse need to take to fully recover from the abuse and trauma they’ve suffered.
As you can see when you watch that video, there are plenty of things you can do to feel stronger. Of course, there’s a lot you need to do and think about to prepare yourself before you leave – in fact, I’ve got a whole list of them for you, along with some other helpful planning material for people who are in the process of planning their escape from a narcissist, available for free.
But no amount of planning will give you the courage you need to finally get the strength to leave the narcissist, will it? What will?
Justified Rage Propels You Forward
Justified rage or anger is sort of like fear with a little courage thrown in, sometimes. And if I’m being honest, ending my relationship with my narcissist was sparked by anger – I had to get angry before I could get away.
There is such a thing as constructive anger, and it is this kind of anger that causes you to stand up and to create positive change in both yourself and your life circumstances.
Sometimes, anger can help neutralize your fear and power up your gumption to get you through the hard transitions – the things you might just be afraid to conquer without that little push of emotion. Leaving a narcissist is one of those things. But why?
There’s the trauma bond factor to consider, but then there’s also the fact that when you’ve been through narcissistic abuse, you often don’t trust yourself, and for a lot of us, it’s only justified anger that will get us out.
A lot of people think that anger is all bad – but that’s not always the case. And while I’m sure someone will disagree with me, I think that, sometimes, for those of us who have been stuck in narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships, we need something big to get us to take real action.
We spend so much time being afraid, sad, alone – and feeling not good enough – that being angry can wake us up and propel us into action.
How do I stop feeling scared and take action to leave my abuser?
Here, I’m responding to a question from a viewer and a member of my online support group for narcissistic abuse survivors.
THE QUESTION – A SPANily Support Group Member Asked: “HOW DO I GO FROM FEELING SCARED, ALONE AND SAD TO FINDING THE ANGER I NEED TO TAKE ACTION AND LEAVE OR GET OVER THE NARCISSIST?”
In this video, I’ll give you the bottom line on anger, and I will explain what I mean by starting with a story from my own life.
And, I’ll share some techniques that can help push you past the scared, sad, and desperate feelings we all experience at or near the end of a toxic relationship with a narcissist – this will help you to take the action necessary to move forward and start building a healthier, better life for yourself.
Your turn: after you watch the video – tell me what you think.
Have you experienced this need to stop being sad and start getting mad – and take the action you need to get safe and back to your true self? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section below. Let’s discuss it!
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Angela Atkinson is a certified trauma counselor and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships since 2006, she has a popular narcissistic abuse recovery YouTube channel. Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed narcissistic abuse recovery coaching and has certifications in trauma counseling, life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation, and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy.
She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse here at QueenBeeing.com and at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online.