“So many people prefer to live in drama because it’s comfortable. It’s like someone staying in a bad marriage or relationship – it’s actually easier to stay because they know what to expect every day, versus leaving and not knowing what to expect.” ~Ellen DeGeneres
Do you know someone who always has some kind of drama happening in their lives? You know the type. You can find them on your friends list on Facebook–just look for the ones who always seem to be looking for some kind of attention.
They’re posting about how terrible things are in their lives, and they are PISSED OFF at the world–or they think the world is “against” them. They just won’t stop their bitching–and you can sort of understand why.
From the outside, you have to assume life must be pretty tough for them. Statistically, they are more likely to express negativity than any other emotional concept.
They are the people who always “expect the worst and hope for the best.” These people apparently aren’t aware that you DO get what you expect. So they bitch. They moan. They complain. And still, nothing changes.
These people? Their thinking is quite flawed. I know because I WAS them not so long ago. Of course, that was before I understood that generally, we get what we expect.
“You were born to win, but to be a winner, you must plan to win, prepare to win, and expect to win.” ~Zig Ziglar
Transform Your Life With This 4-Step Approach to Complaints
Complaining can completely ruin your life by taking all the happiness out of it. Spending time criticizing everything is the easiest way to become dissatisfied about anything that crosses your path. When you constantly complain, you develop a negative mentality about everything. That leads to discontent and inner misery. Obviously you want to avoid those feelings at all costs.
If you’re displeased with life, make it your mission to change your situation! Flip things around: use each situation that you’re unhappy with as an opportunity to set a goal that will bring you joy, instead.
Turn negative expressions into positive actions with this four-step approach:
1. Challenge yourself to fix it. If something is really getting under your skin, make it your goal to fix it! Get to the root of the issue and make the necessary changes.
- It’s easy to complain about everything, but much more difficult to fix it.
- Let’s say your exercise partner is chronically late for your workouts. Instead of complaining about it, make some difficult changes. Find another partner. Sometimes tough love is the best way to go!
2. Find the positive in the situation. Compulsive complainers usually have difficulty finding the positives in a situation. You’re usually so tuned into the negative that you overlook the positive aspects.
- Try digging a little deeper than the surface. Take the time to find that “diamond in the rough.”
- Do you often complain that you haven’t received a raise at work? Take a moment to acknowledge that you’re fortunate to have a job, unlike many others in this economy. At least you know that the same bills you paid last month can get paid this month!
3. Practice contentment. Make contentment your goal for the next few weeks. It might be the solution to your urge to complain.
- Everyone can find something to complain about. However, you’ll only make yourself feel miserable by complaining.
- Think of all the blessings in your life and be content about them. For instance, if you’re in great health, try feeling contentment with that.
4. Solicit feedback. Constant complaining usually means you’re feeling discontentment and unhappiness. Sometimes looking inward is the best way to recognize the source of your misery. Ask your loved ones to size you up in a very honest way. Just ensure you’re ready to hear what they have to say!
- Are you surprised that your loved ones find you miserable? Is it a shock that they don’t consider you a pleasure to be around? That’s the reality of a complainer. You find so many faults with the world that you make others around you uncomfortable.
- Take the feedback for face value and use it to make really great changes in your life.
As a complainer who’s now “seen the light,” you’ll realize that there’s a lot for you to change. The good news is that you’re already in goal-setting mode. Make every effort to turn things around so the world seems sunny and bright instead of dim and gloomy–and your world might look a whole lot better.
Angela Atkinson is a Certified Life Coach and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic relationships since 2006, Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed coaching and has certifications in life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy. In her life coaching practice, Atkinson’s clients enjoy her personalized approach that allows and encourages them to become the best possible versions of themselves and to succeed in doing what they love most. She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online and NarcissismSupportCoach.com.