So, you might have thought this was common knowledge, but it turns out that not all men are great at communicating what they really enjoy about sex. (I know, big shocker!)
And many women struggle to even mention sex, let alone discuss it frequently. But that is truly unfortunate for all involved since it can only serve to drive you further apart (and into one of those terrible sexless marriages!).
But lucky for you, I have a pretty decent-sized research group at my disposal, and at least half of the 200+ members are men. And those dudes? They LOOOOVE to share their secrets – and it’s all to your benefit.
A lot of my clients have asked me exactly what men are into sexually, and while I can share my own perspective, research and experiences, I don’t have a penis and I’m not into lady parts (not that there’s anything wrong with it). So, I reached out to a bunch of men to pull together a quickie for you (yes, pun intended) on what men say makes a woman good in bed.
Men Tell Us What Makes a Woman Good in Bed
When I polled the men in my research groups about what makes a woman good in bed, there were certainly a few odd answers in the bunch, but in general, the same basic sentiments were echoed through all of them. Here’s a quick rundown of the basics.
We’ve already outlined one major theme among the men: they like a woman who is confident in herself, and they think it makes her better in bed.
But here are a few other tasty tidbits that we learned from our research panel men.
Hot Wife Insider: What makes a wife “good in bed,” according to men?
It’s simple: a woman who is good in bed acts like she is happy to be there, like she’d rather be no where else.
I know, that sounds ridiculous, but hear me out. Men are very sensitive to the fact that sometimes, you might offer up “obligatory” sex. Some guys will take what they can get, while others would rather masturbate in secret than have that kind of experience.
In any case, obligatory sex isn’t fun for you, either, so why not change your mind and decide that you WANT to be there. This would make a huge difference in your own attitude, as well as your husband’s, when it comes to sex.
For example, Steve, a 40-something, married man with kids, said that one of the biggest things that makes a woman good in bed is just “the sense that she wants to be there.”
“Nothing worse than a partner who comes to bed feeling like she has to be there,” he added.
Kristopher, a professional man in his late 30s who is single and seeking, said that a woman who is good in bed knows how to “be bad.”
But he added: “Joking aside, I think success in all things relationship based is communication. She needs to know how to communicate what she wants, what she doesn’t, and when she wants it. Likewise, I want to be able to make her good in bed by listening to her, and equally communicating with her what we want as well.”
(Why is he single again? Hit me up if you want his phone number, ladies.)
A woman who is good in bed likes to have sex and sometimes does so because she’s carried away by her passion.
Lady in the Streets, Freak in the Sheets
Yes, men want the whole “lady in the streets, freak in the sheets” thing, girl, and you know what? Why not? It’s fun. And he loves it – and if you’re this far into reading this book, you’re obviously interested getting a little freaky, so just go for it.
Whenever the opportunity presents itself, give yourself the chance to enjoy his body and let him enjoy yours – even if it’s not on your schedule. It’ll make him feel loved (and it might just encourage him to see you for the hot, sexy wife you are).
A woman who is good in bed is into fulfilling his fantasies.
Now look, if your man is into some crazy shit like hanging you by your toenails and licking your eyeballs, you should use your own discretion here. Don’t feel that you have to go outside of everything that you consider good and holy. I mean, if you’re into that sort of thing too, well, you go girl. I won’t judge!
Still, maybe you can go outside of your comfort zone on occasion, especially if it fulfills a particular fantasy your husband has expressed to you and doesn’t cause you physical, emotional or financial damage.
For example, one Hot Wife I know is married to a husband who has a Star Wars fetish. So you know that girl is the proud owner of one gold bikini-looking thing and some clip-on side buns – and of course, she surprised him with a super-sexy night wearing the costume under a coat when she picked him up at the airport after a recent business trip. Imagine his surprise when he helped her take off her coat when they arrived home!
How’s your marriage bed doing these days? Can these suggestions help you find your way back to a sexy married life?
Angela Atkinson is a Certified Life Coach and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic relationships since 2006, Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed coaching and has certifications in life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy. In her life coaching practice, Atkinson’s clients enjoy her personalized approach that allows and encourages them to become the best possible versions of themselves and to succeed in doing what they love most. She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online and NarcissismSupportCoach.com.