“There is unbelievable power in ownership, and women should own their sexuality. There is a double standard when it comes to sexuality that still persists. Men are free and women are not. That is crazy. The old lessons of submissiveness and fragility made us victims. Women are so much more than that. You can be a businesswoman, a mother, an artist, and a feminist—whatever you want to be—and still be a sexual being. It’s not mutually exclusive.” ~Beyonce
Let me just preface this post by saying that I am in no way generalizing black women, white women or anyone else in this post.
In fact, I’m only focusing on my personal group of female friends, which includes a variety of beautiful women from a variety of races, ages and cultural background–obviously including several gorgeous African-American women.
Since I’ve learned a little something about being hot from nearly every woman I’ve ever met (even though in some cases it was more learning what NOT to do), the Hot Wife Secrets series focuses on what I’ve learned from groups and individuals.
Today, it’s all about the secrets I’ve learned from my black friends about being hot.
5 Ways My Black Friends Have Taught Me to Be Hotter
Hair Extensions Are Hot: Don’t Be Scared
Ok, so you won’t find me spending hours at the salon getting extensions sewn in–not that I wouldn’t if it wasn’t so expensive and time-consuming. But let me tell you what–the clip-in extensions I’ve become rather fond of are super cute and make a HUGE difference in my appearance.
Anytime I am feeling like I need a little boost, I can clip in various extensions to create a variety of styles. It definitely makes for a fun and easy change–and every time I wear extensions, I feel gorgeous–and since I feel so HOT, I notice that I get more positive attention from everyone in my life–especially my husband.
I’d never have even considered trying extensions were it not for my black friends. I also don’t even try to pretend that it’s “my hair” and don’t worry about posting photos on Facebook days (or hours) apart with two (or five) totally different looks. That goes back to self confidence and positive attitude–owning your personality and choices and proudly rocking them.
Owning It is Hot: Embracing Your Curves
Whether you’re a size 2 or a size 22, you can be HOT. The truth is that being hot has nothing to do with size and a lot more to do with the ability to love and accept yourself the way you are. I can’t speak for black women in general, but those in my life tend to be much more accepting of their curves (and as a result, have taught me to do the same for myself).
That’s how I learned that wearing tents to COVER UP your curves actually has the opposite effect–it makes you look shapeless and unattractive (again, doesn’t matter if you’re a 2 or a 22!). Instead, I’ve learned to choose styles that actually enhance and feature my curves–not only do I look thinner and more attractive, but based on the reactions of the people around me, I’m pulling it off.
It’s not directly about the way that I look, either–it’s more about the way that I feel and the way that I carry myself as a result of the level of confidence I’m currently rocking (the more confident I feel, the better I look). The same is true for most women–though the “right” clothing and lines for a body definitely depend on the body shape, height and weight–so be sure to keep that in mind as you look to find the right look for your personal body.
Boldness is Hot: Wearing Whatever You Want and Feeling Good About It
My black friends don’t all walk around wearing the same thing–each has her own style. But what they do have in common is that each is unapologetically herself when it comes to fashion.
Whether she’s rocking a tomboy look or she’s more of a girly-princess type, she wears it with pride and confidence. I also tend to notice that a lot of my black friends are very fashion forward, which as a fashionista myself, I totally love.
Anytime ANY woman can bring herself to openly express herself through her style choices, she ups her rank on the hotness scale exponentially. Again, this includes you.
Manis and Pedis are Hot: Finding the Best and Most Inexpensive Nail Salons
I don’t wear acrylics anymore, but I did for years. Thanks to my black friends, I learned about the little nail shops that will give you both a mani and a pedi (including the acrylic overlays) for less than $50, including a 20 percent tip. (Previously, I had gone to a spa/salon and was charged $60 for JUST the pedicure!).
Another secret black women know about being hot: men really do look at and care about how your nails look on both your hands and your feet–so keep them pretty if you hope to impress your hubby.
Be Bootylicious: A Big Butt is a Good Thing
Thanks to the black community, and in my case, my black friends, I’ve learned that my big butt is actually a positive thing. This ties into many of my previous points–confidence, embracing my curves and my body and even the whole “wearing whatever you want” thing.
When you stop trying to hide your junk (in the trunk) and embrace it, feature it and feel PROUD of it, you’ll almost instantly find yourself feeling and looking much, much hotter.
So how about you–what secrets do you know about being HOT? Share them in the comments section, below! Your comment and link could be featured in an upcoming post, if you so desire!
Angela Atkinson is a Certified Life Coach and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic relationships since 2006, Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed coaching and has certifications in life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy. In her life coaching practice, Atkinson’s clients enjoy her personalized approach that allows and encourages them to become the best possible versions of themselves and to succeed in doing what they love most. She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online and NarcissismSupportCoach.com.