“You could be a really great and fabulous person, but if your method of communication with a woman doesn’t trigger her physical attraction by “pushing the right buttons,” you will only ever be “just a friend” in her eyes.” ~Sahara Sanders
If you have ever dealt with a malignant narcissist, whether diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder or not, you already know they’re especially skilled at pushing your so-called buttons.
Worse, since narcissistic abuse involves gaslighting, the narcissist often INSTALLED said buttons – or at least solidified them and rearranged them.
So, a narcissist who is your parent likely did the so-called installation of your buttons – also known as your triggers.
And if you’re dealing with a narcissistic partner or close friend, this person became aware of the “buttons” or the triggers you had initially and then exploited them.
By doing so, they also learned the “layout” of your buttons; by now, they can push them in their sleep.
Why Narcissists Push Your Buttons
Narcissists become very knowledgeable about who we are and what makes us tick. They also know what to do when seeking a reaction from us – and perhaps more frustrating, they get narcissistic supply from driving you crazy.
They NEED narcissistic supply to feel alive; they are emotional vampires.
For the record, emotional vampires are incredibly toxic people who drain us of our energy. Not all emotional vampires are narcissists, but they’ll all leave you feeling empty and emotionally exhausted.
They are like parasites who intentionally provoke our emotional reactions, allowing themselves to feed off our emotions, energy, and resources.
So, until you can finally go no contact and end the relationship with the malignant narcissist in your life, you’ve got to learn some new techniques to deal with it.
What to Do When the Narcissist is Pushing Your Buttons
So, how does a person with a reasonable amount of emotional intelligence deal with a narcissist?
Start with these tips on what you can do to remain cool, calm, and collected when the narcissist pushes your buttons and is waiting for a reaction.
1. Try Ross Rosenberg’s Observe, Don’t Absorb technique.
Learn how to use the technique from Rosenberg himself in this video.
2, Use the gray rock method.
Maybe you already know how to use the gray rock method, but if you don’t, watch this video for tips, techniques, and best practices.
3. Treat Them Like a Toddler.
3, Treat them the same way you’d treat a toddler who needs a nap. Yeah, I’m serious. Narcissists tend to have the emotional capacity of a toddler, so treat them in kind. This video will explain exactly what I mean and how to deal with narcissists with toddler-level emotional intelligence.
Please note: These techniques are meant to be temporary measures to get along – and most survivors can only tolerate this behavior for so long before it causes longer-term damage.
On the plus side, when you regain control of your feelings, something else happens: you’re no longer being manipulated by the narcissist. Instead, it’s as if those buttons now activate themselves—you’ve re-wired them!
If you don’t have a plan to leave the narcissist, you might want to start thinking about it. Here’s a resource to help you start planning your escape.
More Resources for Dealing with and Understanding a Narcissist
These resources might also interest you if you struggle with a difficult narcissist.
- Why Narcissists Are Often Misdiagnosed With Bipolar Disorder
- Toxic Relationships and Narcissism: Stages of Gaslighting
- 121 Things Narcissists Say When They Are Gaslighting You
- Secrets and Self-Loathing: Identifying a Covert Narcissist
- Toxic Narcissism in Relationships: Identifying PTSD and C-PTSD
- The Toxic Attraction Between Narcissists and Empaths
Start Getting Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Today
- Online help is readily available for survivors of narcissistic abuse. Here are some options to begin healing from narcissistic abuse right away.
- Sign up for our free email newsletter service that includes a free guided recovery experience via your inbox.
- Start your narcissistic abuse recovery here with our free support system and program.
- Join one of our free online narcissistic abuse recovery support groups!
- Join one of our private small coaching groups! (NEW groups offer person-to-person talks 3x each week, plus DM support all week. AKA: regular. life-changing support)
- Get our narcissistic abuse recovery app!
- Get private, one-on-one narcissistic abuse recovery coaching or counseling.
- Get a therapist who will work with you online. Check out our guide to finding a therapist or psychologist who understands narcissism and narcissistic abuse.
