“You can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” ~Dale Carnegie
So listen, no one is liked by everyone—but most of us secretly wish we were. Whether or not you’re into the whole being popular thing, you need friends—and you need friends who aren’t your husband.
I know it’s hard to hear, but listen up: studies show that women who have close girlfriends are happier, healthier and live longer. No joke.
“The famed Nurses’ Health Study from Harvard Medical School found that the more friends women had, the less likely they were to develop physical impairments as they aged, and the more likely they were to be leading a joyful life,” reported Gale Berkowicz in a UCLA study on friendship among women.”In fact, the results were so significant, the researchers concluded, that not having close friends or confidants was as detrimental to your health as smoking or carrying extra weight.”
Right. So it doesn’t make you weird to want to be liked by everyone. But do you have to stop being who you are or go against your personal morals to make it happen? Nope. Absolutely not.
There are simple steps you can take to help you stand out to others in a positive way. And the best part is you won’t need to answer to your conscience.
Follow these guidelines and become popular with your morals intact:
Tell the truth–but be nice about it. Others appreciate when you’re honest. However, the way you say things matters greatly. You can make your point politely to avoid unnecessary drama.
- If someone has done something offensive, you can point it out in a subtle way. Avoid making declarations in a crowd.
- It sometimes helps if you state your concern as a question to the other person. Give them the chance to figure out what you want to reveal to them. They’ll appreciate you even more.
Develop a well-rounded knowledge base. The more things you know, the more easily you’ll fit into crowds. Having factual feedback makes you a point of interest and a “go-to” person for others.
- Be careful to avoid sounding like a know-it-all. People can feel intimidated by that slightly arrogant approach.
- Although you want to be likeable, gain the additional knowledge for yourself. Being well-rounded makes you a more marketable person. Other opportunities can come your way as well.
Volunteer your assistance. When you take the time to offer your help, it shows that you’re interested. Whether in a personal or professional circle, volunteering your assistance leaves a mark in the minds of others and makes you more likeable.
- Avoid being too pushy, as if craving attention. Make a subtle announcement of your capabilities and willingness to help.
- Sometimes, providing assistance without being asked can be amazing. Just be sure to not intrude on others, as it can sometimes be viewed as offensive. Instead, point out that you recognized a need and decided to offer your assistance.
Ask people what THEY think. Let them know you value their opinion. Whether good or bad, people like to feel important! Without being too dramatic or pushy with the approach, get some real help when you need it.
- Let’s say you have a presentation to do. If you know a particular co-worker is good at presentations, ask them to rate the one you prepared. Take the feedback constructively, and say thanks at the end.
- When you ask someone for help it shows that you recognize their strengths and it’s a great start to fostering a positive relationship.
As you follow these tips, you’ll see that gaining popularity isn’t about just doing whatever others want to do and going along with the crowd.
That strategy could, indeed, bring challenges to your moral code. Instead, by enhancing your personable nature, you can expect greater popularity in return.
Avoid dwelling on trying to make people like you. That never works. Just work toward enhancing your positive qualities and helping others to feel good about themselves. You’ll shine in any crowd!
Angela Atkinson is a Certified Life Coach and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic relationships since 2006, Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed coaching and has certifications in life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy. In her life coaching practice, Atkinson’s clients enjoy her personalized approach that allows and encourages them to become the best possible versions of themselves and to succeed in doing what they love most. She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online and NarcissismSupportCoach.com.