“Stop letting people who do so little for you control so much of your mind, feelings and emotions.” ~Will Smith
When you’re dealing with a negative person, whether they’re a toxic narcissist or not, they might have a way of dumping their emotional garbage on your doorstep. This leaves them feeling relieved and leaves you feeling sad and miserable – and you’re left to deal with all of those emotions.
In this video, I’ll explain exactly what you can do to learn how to control your mind so that you don’t let others’ negativity affect you. In learning how to control your mind and your emotions, you become more powerful.
Once You’ve Watched the Video, How To Control Your Mind (How to Not Let Others’ Negativity Affect You), Read the Following.
Despite what you may have thought during and after being involved in a toxic relationship with a narcissist, you are NOT anyone’s emotional dumpster! But if you think about it, most narcissists use their primary source of supply as exactly that – at least some of the time.
As you move through your recovery, how do you feel inside when you allow others to dump their negativity – their complaints, their anger, their self-centeredness and sense of entitlement onto you? If you really look inside instead of pushing your own feelings into a closet, you will discover that you feel really lonely with these people. There is no mutual support, no sharing of love, no mutual giving and receiving. You give and they take, and you end up feeling drained and lonely. Yet you hang in there for fear of being alone with no friends or no partner.
If you are really honest with yourself, you will find that it’s not worth it – that you deserve better than to be an emotional dumpster for others’ negativity.
It takes faith and courage to speak up for yourself. It takes courage to say to your friend who is dumping her negativity onto you, “This doesn’t feel good. Whenever we are together all you do is complain or talk on and on about yourself. You are never interested in me at all, and this is no longer okay with me. Either this needs to change or I don’t want to spend time with you. It’s not fun for me and I just end up feeling used and drained.”
When you become willing to speak up for yourself, you will discover who really are your friends and who was just using you. Some people – those who are relatively emotionally healthy, anyway – may say, “I’m so grateful you told me this. I didn’t realize I was doing this. I want to stop, and I would appreciate your pointing it out to me next time I do it.”
Others, including many narcissists, will go into denial and say, “That’s not true. I listen to you all the time.” This may continue until the narcissists just get angry and/or go away (or discard you) at least temporarily.
Here’s more helpful information for you.
- Learn More About Narcissists and the Discard
- PLAN to Leave a Narcissist
- Understanding Narcissistic Abuse Recovery
Angela Atkinson is a Certified Life Coach and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic relationships since 2006, Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed coaching and has certifications in life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy. In her life coaching practice, Atkinson’s clients enjoy her personalized approach that allows and encourages them to become the best possible versions of themselves and to succeed in doing what they love most. She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online and NarcissismSupportCoach.com.