“We cannot achieve more in life than what we believe in our heart of hearts we deserve to have.” ~~James R. Ball
Just the other day, after my plumbing incident, I went to the hardware store to pick up a new faucet. As I looked over the merchandise and carefully considered my choices, I instinctively looked for the cheapest and most basic option.
Now, understand, what I really wanted was a shiny and pretty candy-cane shaped faucet with an assortment of fancy handles to choose from. Still, a part of me (maybe the part that still thinks I’m 22 and broke as a joke) kept telling me no, all I deserved was the basic functional faucet. And, that evil little part of me insisted, I didn’t even REALLY deserve that. Maybe if I’d taken better care of the old one, it wouldn’t have broken in the first place.
Well, after standing there arguing with myself for a few minutes, I realized that I deserve the faucet I want in my kitchen. I can afford it, and it will last longer than the cheap piece of crap I’ve bought three times in the last six years.
And, let me repeat, I deserve it. I’m worth it. It’s a freaking faucet, for goodness’ sake.
So I did it. I bought the pretty faucet, and I brought it home and helped my husband install it.
And let me tell you, every time I go into that kitchen, get myself a glass of water–make coffee–or even do dishes (gasp!), every time, that shiny faucet makes me remember that I’m fabulous and that I deserve the things I want in my life. And I smile to myself.
So guess what? That few extra bucks was an investment–in myself. Not just because I did something nice for myself, and not just because of its silvery awesomeness. It was an investment in myself because, without realizing it, I’ve given myself a physical reminder to affirm my self worth several times a day.
Unfortunately, it gets far more serious than faucets, folks. Sometimes, our feelings of inadequacy can be detrimental to our health and overall well-being.
Take men and women in physically and emotionally abusive relationships for example. Even when friends and family beg them to leave, they stay because they truly believe that they don’t deserve better.
And, even if they SAY they don’t deserve to be treated that way, they continue to tolerate it because they truly don’t think they are worth more. Worse, they often think that they’ve done something (or that they ARE something) that justifies the abuser’s behavior.
This is the key. When you feel like you’re not good enough for the things you want and need in your life, you project that to the universe–and that’s what you get back–more feelings of being (and reasons to feel) “not good enough.”
As like attracts like, when we KNOW that we ARE good enough, that we’re “worth it,” we attract the things and situations we desire. Contrary to the teachings of many societal groups, suffering is not necessary in this life. You don’t have to wait until you’re dead to enjoy your life.
Whatever your reason for feeling that you’re not good enough–your past mistakes, negativity from others in your life–whatever it is–I’m here to tell you that you can change your mind. The power is within you.
It’s not up to your mom, your boss, your spouse–it’s up to you. You are the sole individual who has the right to decide who you are, and who has the right to decide whether you’re good enough.
The first step to recognizing that you’re good enough is to identify and release negative self perceptions, as we discussed in the Writing Your Own Story series. So, in short, stop believing what everyone else says about who you are.
The next part is the fun part. You get to decide who you want to be. Take the parts of you that you like, and focus on them. Then, think about who you want to be–and become that person.
As you take inspired action to fully express your new self to the world, you must believe that you are already your ideal version of yourself. As Robert Anthony once said, “You can have anything you want if you will give up the belief that you can’t have it.”
My challenge to you today is to do something nice for yourself–maybe something you don’t normally do because you don’t feel like you’re worth it. Get a massage, read a new book, take a candle-lit bubble bath–whatever turns you on. Just be sure that while you enjoy your gift to yourself, you remind yourself that you deserve it. Love yourself. You’re worth it!
Angela Atkinson is a Certified Life Coach and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic relationships since 2006, Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed coaching and has certifications in life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy. In her life coaching practice, Atkinson’s clients enjoy her personalized approach that allows and encourages them to become the best possible versions of themselves and to succeed in doing what they love most. She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online and NarcissismSupportCoach.com.