Originally Posted Nov. 12, 2009
“We cannot achieve more in life than what we believe in our heart of hearts we deserve to have.” ~ James R. Ball
Just the other day, after a minor plumbing incident, I went to the hardware store to pick up a new faucet. As I looked over the merchandise and carefully considered my choices, I instinctively looked for the cheapest and most basic option.
Now, understand, what I really wanted was a shiny and pretty candy-cane shaped faucet with an assortment of fancy handles to choose from. Still, a part of me (maybe the part that still thinks I’m 22 and broke as a joke) kept telling me no, all I deserved was the basic functional faucet. And, that evil little part of me insisted, I didn’t even REALLY deserve that. Maybe if I’d taken better care of the old one, it wouldn’t have broken in the first place.
Well, after standing there arguing with myself for a few minutes, I realized that I deserve the faucet I want in my kitchen. I can afford it, and it will last longer than the cheap piece of crap I’ve bought three times in the last six years. And, let me repeat, I deserve it. I’m worth it. It’s a freaking faucet, for goodness’ sake.
So I did it. I bought the pretty faucet, and I brought it home and helped my husband install it.
Let me tell you, every time I go into that kitchen, get myself a glass of water–make coffee–or even do dishes (gasp!), every time, that shiny faucet makes me remember that I’m fabulous and that I deserve the things I want in my life. And I smile to myself.
So guess what? Those few extra bucks were an investment–in myself. Not just because I did something nice for myself, and not just because of its silvery awesomeness. It was an investment in myself because, without realizing it, I’ve given myself a physical reminder to affirm my self worth several times a day.
I didn’t always know I deserved nice things.
Unfortunately, it gets far more serious than faucets, folks. Growing up in a toxic family situation, I was taught that I did not deserve the “good things.” And even when I’d worked to earn the money I needed to have the good things, somehow I felt guilty for buying the things I wanted. The mindset of lack was ingrained in me from early childhood. It wasn’t until I met my current husband, who inadvertently taught me I deserved to have nice things.
My point? When we’ve been raised by toxic people and then dealt with narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships, we can have a serious case of diminished self-worth, to put it mildly. And nearly always, our feelings of inadequacy can be detrimental to our lives, including our physical and mental health and overall well-being.
My challenge to you today is to do something nice for yourself. Maybe try something you don’t normally do because you don’t feel like you’re worth it. Get a massage, read a new book, take a candle-lit bubble bath – whatever turns you on. Just be sure that while you enjoy your gift to yourself, you remind yourself that you deserve it. Love yourself. You’re worth it!
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