Thoughts on this post? Share them with me on Facebook, join the SPANily or Tweet me at @angieatkinson. ~Angie

When narcissists say “I’m just kidding” or “you’re too sensitive” after insulting or humiliating you – what’s that all about?

Narcissists manipulate us in so many different ways and most of them involve a certain amount of invalidation. One of those is when they hurl insults your way and then pretend to have been joking – then accusing you of being “too sensitive” – when in reality, they are hurting your feelings and your self-esteem. In this video, I’ll fill you in on why they do that and what you can do to deal. 

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2 Responses to I’m Just Kidding! You’re So Sensitive: When Narcissists Show Their Limitations via Manipulation

  1. For 34 years of my 35 year marriage this was the case. The zing of a nasty comment: “you chase all you chase all your friends away”, “I’m not turned on by rolls of belly fat and veins on legs but I love you”, and the coup de gras, “Your next husband is going to beat you because no one will be a patient with you as I have been”. Years and years of degrading and then staying because I believed him. I had no idea what it was. Just like you said, it was all I saw growing up from my mother and grandmothers.

    Hes moved out or more accurately, I caught him moving out items of value from our home to a storage unit and told him to just keep going. He had been working on a sailboat that he refused to let me see, told all his “friends” I would put negative energy on it, hes into yoga or as I call it, the never ending parade of idiots to spread their legs for him. He then said “well I might as well give you this then” and handed me divorce papers that he had drawn up the month before. They basically were a legal document that would have turned me into an indentured servant to him for the rest of my life, paying off half of his over $40,000 yoga affair debt and allowing him to live in our home and bring in whomever he pleased. Yeah, that didn’t happen.

    So yes, its standard operating procedure for narcs to demean and hold captive their victims.

    Here’s are my questions for your blog: What do you do after they leave or you leave to legally protect yourself? What can one expect in court? I found I could not trust anything he said or even put in writing on the discovery paperwork.How do we deal with that in court especially where small children and custody are a concern?

    And second: What do you say to all the flying monkeys, idiots and well meaning folks who tell you not to talk about the abuse to anyone including your children, small or grown? I get that all the time, even from my counselor. I think a dialog with them, age appropriate is like teaching them about pedophiles. Your take?

    Thanks for listening…love your blog.

  2. YES!!!!! This is what my mother in law was doing to me for 20 plus years.
    I was SO hurt by it and tried to tell my husband she was doing this to me.
    He just wouldn’t believe it–he would say “why would she do that?” and write it off as me over-reacting.
    Didn’t know she was a narcissist then. We’ve had 30 years of misery because of her. Wish I had known then what I have just learned from sites like yours in the past two months. Thank you, Angie, from the bottom of my heart.

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