Updated: Oct. 11, 2020. Originally Written Jan. 8, 2010*
As we pursue our fulfillment, some of us find ourselves so focused on the long-term goals that we decide we’ll be happy when we meet them. In fact, many of us are willing to suffer in order to achieve our ultimate desires–but I’m here to tell you a little secret.
You suffer because you want to suffer.
It’s harsh, right? I know.
But here’s the thing. If you truly believe that you must suffer, or that you will suffer, in order to make your goals a reality…then you will. It’s as simple as that. And, unfortunately, you may never meet those goals–because focusing on suffering will only beget more of it.
Try being grateful and happy for those things you already have instead. Decide what you want, and decide it’s yours. Own it, claim it–feel the feelings of having it. Be grateful for it–because it belongs to you, even if you can’t see it yet. Remember, you are what you think. Think happy thoughts, literally, and be grateful for the good things in your life–by doing so, you draw more happiness and more reasons to be grateful into your life.
So am I telling you that you don’t need to work to make your dreams come to fruition? Nope. Just that you need to take inspired action–and inspired action, though it may technically be work sometimes, never feels like work.
For example, a couple of months ago, I realized my freelance writing business had outgrown the tiny corner of the living room it had resided in for the past five years. I needed walls, shelves and a door.
So, I put it out there to the Universe. I wanted it. I asked for it, and I knew it would be mine. And, inspired action led me to speak to and coordinate all the right people for the job–and while this might have felt like an overwhelming task for any other project, it felt exciting and fun for this one. Inspired action doesn’t feel overwhelming–it feels good and right.
And when certain people questioned my intentions and the ability I had to get the job done–I didn’t falter. I knew I wanted it and I kept my eye on the prize. I didn’t even know all the details and how they would get taken care of–but I didn’t care. I knew that everything would work out and that I would in fact have my office. The Universe would take care of the details.
The day the guys came over to build the room, I stood with them. I did anything I could to make things easier for them, and I did it joyfully. I refilled staple guns, held drywall, carried wood and supplies. I was their Girl Friday, really, and I didn’t mind one single bit. I was just so happy and grateful that they were there, doing something to help me achieve one of my ultimate goals: a dedicated office. I told them so all day.
Even though I was freezing most of the day and even though I broke a couple of well-manicured nails, I didn’t complain. (And neither did the wonderful men who helped me.) I was just so happy to be getting my office that none of the little things mattered.
So why am I telling you about my office?
You Can’t Just Wish and Wait.
Inspired action is necessary if you’re going to get what you want. It was something I wanted, something I needed. I had to work for it, and how–but it didn’t feel like work. Every step I took in making it happen was an inspired action.
And, I was happy the entire time. From the moment I decided I would have it, I kept my focus on what I wanted, and I got it. By keeping my positive attitude, I was able to manifest one of my true divine desires–my office.
What was my alternative? Well, I could have complained that no one would help me, that it would cost too much, that it was too much work to prepare the space–too much work to actually build the room–and then where would I be?
I would still be sitting in that tiny corner of my living room, wishing I had an office.
When you’re ready to move toward getting what you want, imagine climbing a mountain. Your goal waits for you at the top–and you can struggle and fight to get there if you want to. But as for me, I like to look up the mountain, and I keep smiling, feeling the feelings of already having climbed it.
Fact is, happiness isn’t just something you find at the top of the mountain (when your goal has been met.) As you climb, notice and be grateful for the flowers and the trees, the sky and the ground below your feet. Find it along the way, in the details, in the beauty of it all–and you’ll soon realize that you’re already at the top. You’ll find that, though you made the climb, it didn’t hurt–you’re not out of breath, and you feel empowered.
That, my friends, is inspired action.
So how about you? Do you have a goal or desire bouncing around in your head today? My challenge to you today is to claim it and know it’s yours. The rest will come. What do you think?
*Oct. 11, 2020 Update: I didn’t always know that I was writing for narcissistic abuse survivors. I would begin to understand within a year of writing this post that this is what I was dealing with – but this is how I worked through my stuff before fully understanding what I had experienced. Even though I understood what narcissistic personality disorder was at this time and was beginning to figure out how it had affected my life, I was still in contact with one narcissist in my life. This was sort of my work-around to dealing with the issues that I didn’t understand I had at that time – if that makes any sense. I had not yet really even begun to heal from narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships.
Angela Atkinson is a certified trauma counselor and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships since 2006, she has a popular narcissistic abuse recovery YouTube channel. Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed narcissistic abuse recovery coaching and has certifications in trauma counseling, life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation, and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy.
She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse here at QueenBeeing.com and at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online.