If you put a frog in a pot of boiling water, he’s going to try and jump out immediately – because that water HURTS and he instinctively recognizes the danger. Right?
But if you took that same frog and you stuck him in a pot of tepid water, he’d think it was all good at first. He’d probably get comfortable and start doing some fun little froggy kicks in the new “pool.”
Now, if you slowly heated the temperature up and it gradually reached a boiling point, he’s probably relax even more, thinking how lucky he was to land in this awesome little frog spa situation.
But as just as that poor frog got used to the heat – he’d find himself chopped up on a plate before he knew what hit him.
It’s the same deal with toxic relationships.
When you first meet a narcissist, you find yourself feeling very comfortable – oddly so, and fast – and that’s because the narcissist knows exactly how to draw in an unsuspecting victim.
He love-bombs you, puts you up on that seemingly un-tippable pedestal, but the truth is that it’s all an illusion – and by now, you’ve already found yourself being scalded by the proverbial boiling water.
Like the frog who is slowly cooked to death, a narcissist will slowly rob you of your personal truth. Before you know it, you’ll find yourself feeling empty, alone and sort of “dead inside.”
How do you know you’re dealing with a narcissist?
Check out this article if you’re currently dating someone you suspect is a narcissist. If you’re married, take a look at this one. If you’re a single mom who has left a relationship with a narcissist, check out this article.
What do you do if you’re dealing with a narcissist in a relationship?
You’ve only got a couple of options. Either learn to live with it, or get out and go no contact. If he’s currently abusing you physically or sexually, you’ve only got ONE – get out now. (If that’s the case, stop reading and click here to get some immediate help.)
Need help with recovery from narcissistic abuse in relationships, or with rediscovering yourself after you’ve left a narcissist? Check out this resources page, packed with free tools and information. Or, take my free 5-day fear-busting e-course here. You can also get my books on narcissism and narcissistic abuse recovery at BooksAngieWrote.com (all under $5).
Are you involved with a narcissist, or have you been in the past? Can you see how the frog analogy applies to these kinds of relationships? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section.
Angela Atkinson is a Certified Life Coach and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic relationships since 2006, Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed coaching and has certifications in life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy. In her life coaching practice, Atkinson’s clients enjoy her personalized approach that allows and encourages them to become the best possible versions of themselves and to succeed in doing what they love most. She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online and NarcissismSupportCoach.com.