Is your mother someone who always seemed to make everything about herself, on one level or another? Did she make you feel not good enough? Did she pit you against your siblings, if you had any? Did she ever seem to try to live her own dreams out in your life? Did she ever seem oddly jealous of you, or did she ever act inappropriately around your friends? These are just a few of the many signs that your mother might be toxic.
What is a toxic mother?
A toxic mother is one who is neglectful, controlling, abusive, or otherwise toxic to her children. This behavior is likely to continue into adulthood as long as the adult child allows it. If you have a toxic mother, chances are she often might make you feel bad about yourself or your life. She will also use you as a source of narcissistic supply and attempt to control and manipulate you to get what she wants, or to get you to surrender to her wishes. You’ll often feel like you’re walking on eggshells with her, especially when she feels upset or offended (or when you know she might, based on previous experiences with her).
An adult’s relationship with their toxic mother will also generally involve more negativity than positivity, and it doesn’t emotionally support the adult child emotionally. In many cases, the adult child of a narcissistic mother might feel responsible for their mother’s emotions. The relationship will often also involve resentment, contempt, communication problems, and varying forms of physical, emotional, and psychological abuse delivered in varying iterations over the course of the adult child’s life.
Self-Assessment: The Toxic Mother Test
If any of these signs sound familiar to you, or you’ve just been wondering whether your own mother is toxic, take this quick self-assessment test to find out if your mother could be toxic. If the self-assessment finds your mother to be toxic, you’ll be directed to a list of resources for support, including a lot of free and helpful videos, articles, and information and a free support group for adult children of narcissists, among other resources.
Angela Atkinson is a certified trauma counselor and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships since 2006, she has a popular narcissistic abuse recovery YouTube channel. Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed narcissistic abuse recovery coaching and has certifications in trauma counseling, life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation, and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy.
She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse here at QueenBeeing.com and at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online.