Jesus in a Jar: The Ultimate Miracle Weight Solution?

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WNS_Marmite_Jesus_03.jpgOne question I get a lot when people find out that I’ve lost 50+ pounds is “how’d ya do it?”.

Seems like a logical question and I know it’s one I’ve asked in the past to people who have lost significant amounts of weight.

I never give the typical “diet and exercise” answer (even though that really is what’s causing the actual weight loss) because like I said in my earlier posts the formula of diet + exercise = weight loss is a very well known fact and when you say that to somebody, they look at you like “no shit Einstein.”

I always feel the need to really explain how I had to get a hold of my emotional eating and how attached I was to food. I am always honest and say that by reading Dr. Phil‘s book “The Ultimate Weight Solutions” I was able to get a grip on my eating habits and it’s given me the key to succeed in my weight loss this time.

I’ve noticed a bit of a pattern in the response to my answers.

By time I get to the “I read a book” part of my answer the person’s eyes have slightly glazed over and it seems they lose a bit of interest in what I’m saying.

It makes me wonder what some people want you to say. You know they really want to know how you did it but underneath somewhere they really want you to tell them all about “Jesus in a Jar”. I know it’s what I used to want to hear when I would ask that question of somebody.

People want “Jesus in a Jar.”

They want one of those power pills or super drinks to have been your savior. You pop it/drink it once a day and it will be your weight loss salvation forever.

“Jesus in a Jar” is forgiving of all your glutenous sins. Fried chicken, mashed potatoes with gravy for dinner followed by a slice (or two) of cheesecake? No problem! J.I.A.J. forgives all.

“Jesus in a Jar” is omniscient and knows how to fix whatever your weight problem is, from over eating, to not exercising, to drinking too much altar wine (which is chalk full of calories)(wine that is, not necessarily altar wine).

With J.I.A.J. it doesn’t matter if you eat huge portions of food and consider walking through your house exercise, J.I.A.J. KNOWS your habits and will fix them, instantly.

You see people on infomercials always giving thanks and praise to their “Jesus in a Jar.”

“It saved my life,” cried the woman in spandex clutching her J.I.A.J. to her bosom. “It’s a miracle!”

People want a get thin quick scheme. They want to lose weight and they want to do it immediately. And before this post gets too preachy I want to say that I was definitely one of those people at one time.

I didn’t want to deal with my emotions or take the time to read a book. I wasn’t even sure how I felt about Dr. Phil. Was he somebody whose opinion I trusted?

I wanted a get thin and I wanted it now and I wanted it easy.

Who cares why I eat like I may not see another meal for a week or two? Who cares that the last time I really broke a sweat was in the dressing room at Lane Bryant when I was trying to zip up a pair of jeans that were clearly marked the wrong size?

Who cares why I was morbidly obese? (and yes, I was morbidly obese). I didn’t want to take the time to step back and really look at my life. That’s a scary thing for anybody to do, thin or not thin.

I wanted to be saved and if you offered me J.I.A.J. and said it worked for you, who was I to question?

The “diet” industry is a multi-billion dollar money making machine and it’s because we all want the same thing but don’t know how to get there or don’t really want to take the time and effort it takes to get there on our own.

I remember when I was little and my sister and I would always want to order those records (yes records, I’m THAT old!) they offered you on the back of the Parade magazine.

You know the ad I’m talking about… you buy 100 records for 1 cent or something of the sort. Every Sunday we would grab the ad and look through all the records we could buy. One lousy cent and mom and dad wouldn’t even let us order! Cheapos!

After asking for the millionth time my dad took the time to teach us to read the small print. We found out that even though they promised us 100 records for only 1 cent that that wasn’t all we would be getting and it wasn’t all we would be paying.

We even found out that we didn’t even get to pick the records they sent us! What a rip off!

One of the most useful things my dad taught us kids is that if it seemed too good to be true then it probably was.

I found that the same applies to weight loss. If the “Jesus in a Jar” that your contemplating is a miracle drug, if it seems so easy to do with minimal effort on your part, if gets great results quick, if it’s is as simple as pie (and you can eat as much pie as you want while on it) and is just too good to be true then you probably need to read the small print on your jar-o-Jesus.

Maybe that’s what I’ll say the next time somebody’s eyes glaze over when I’m telling them about my journey. I’ll simply ask “Got Jesus?”

What do you think? Do you believe in “Jesus in a Jar?” Share your thoughts in the comments section, below!

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