“To find a prince, you gotta kiss some toads.” ~Foxy Brown
Whether you’re recently divorced and “getting back out there” or you’re just single and looking, you’ve probably considered online dating at one time or another. And if you’re considering it now, this post is for you. It’s all about the current state of the online dating community – from stats to news to what’s working and what’s not. Plus, how you can avoid getting involved with toxic narcissist as you get back into dating after recovering from a toxic relationship.
How to Spot Narcissists On Dating Sites: Red Flags and Giveaways
If you’ve been with a narcissist in the past, you’re going to want to know exactly how to avoid them on dating sites before you jump in, right? Here’s exactly what you need to know to a narcissist’s dating profile on an online dating site or a dating app.
Learn more about the signs you’re dating a narcissist.
Top 10 Online Dating Statistics You Should Know
Online dating is considered normal these days.
The stigma that was once associated with online dating is completely gone. As late as 2005, people were embarrassed to say they met online because so many people had a problem with it. Now, the majority of Americans feel like it’s a positive way to meet a mate.
- Approximately 1 in 10 adults in the U.S. have used an online dating service or dating app at some point.
- An estimated 66% of them have gone on at least one date with someone they met through a dating site.
People of all ages are meeting their dates online.
Some statistics, according to Pew Research:
- People in their mid-20s through mid-40s are among the largest groups of online daters.
- Some 22% of 25-34-year-olds and 17% of 35-44-year-olds have used an online dating site or mobile dating app.
- 45-54-year-olds are just as likely to date online as 18-24-year-olds
- 8% of 45-54-year-olds and 10% of 18-24-year-olds are online daters.
- Middle-aged adults are described as a “thin dating market,” meaning that they have a relatively limited number of available partners within their immediate social circles.
- 9% of seniors aged 55 and up are on dating sites.
Only two-thirds of the people who are active on online dating sites have actually met someone in person.
Does this mean that a third of the fish in the online dating sea is of the ‘Catfish’ variety?
- 22 percent of online daters have had help creating their profiles. Just something to consider before you go all “love at first profile view” on anyone’s ass.
- 5 percent of all Americans in marriages or committed relationships, and 12 percent of those who married or met within the past five years, are reportedly thanks to having met online. That means that 95 percent of Americans met their spouse OFFLINE. Is this a telling statistic or just a simple fact? Time will tell, I guess.
Marrying someone you meet online could mean a happier, longer relationship.
On the plus side, a marriage between two people who met online is statistically more likely to succeed. Research shows that 6% of people who marry after meeting online break up, compared to 7.6% of people who found their spouse offline. These couples are also happier. A study found that the mean happiness index for couples who got together offline was 5.48, as compared to 5.64 for those who met in cyberspace.
Online dating scams are still happening every day.
- In 2011, there were nearly 6,000 online dating scams REPORTED. Just imagine how many went untold – and there was reportedly more than $50 million stolen by online dating scammers.
- Women (especially those over 40) are more likely to be targeted than men, for both scams and inappropriate contact.
- Seventy percent of the online dating complaints made in 2011 involved women and more than half were 40 or older.
Men are still pigs online.
Maybe more so than in person. 42% of women reported feeling uncomfortable with unwanted contact via a dating site compared to 17% of men.
Nudes, dick pics, and unsolicited booty calls are the norm.
Can we talk about the dick pics? Anyone who is dating in the 21st century has received a dick pic or a nude, right? And even many couples who married before the whole dick pic thing was a thing admit to sending sexy snapshots to one another.
“So-called ‘dick pics’ in general have become an increasingly popular fad, especially for millennials,” according to data published in 2017 by YouGov Omnibus, which included the following dick-pic statistics, among others.
- 27% of millennial men have sent a “dick pic” to a woman, 24% without being asked.
- 34% of millennial men have been asked by a woman to send one.
- 53% of millennial women have received dick pics
- 78% of those received an unwanted dick pic
- 69% received dick pics by request.
- 1/3 of 35 to 54-year-olds have been sent dick pics
- 8% of those over the age of 55 also reported getting nudes by text.
5 Warning Signs Your Online Crush is a Scammer
You know that old saying, “with the sweet, comes the sour?” Well, that’s the case with online dating.
While it’s totally true that online dating has made it easier to find love, with such technology also comes a new way for shady types to run scams. If you’re considering online dating, it’s important to educate yourself about scams that, unfortunately, have become all too common.
Keep these important tips in mind when using online dating sites:
1. Know what a fake online dating profile looks like.
Fake online profiles can be an indication of a scam. It’s important to pay attention to all of the information a person posts online.
Fake profiles can include false names, incorrect ages, and stolen photographs. They can also include fake data about past relationships and education.
Fake profiles aren’t always easy to spot on online dating sites. Pay particular attention to inconsistencies. For example, a profile with a weight of 50 pounds doesn’t make sense with a height of six feet. Other clues can appear if you start searching for the data online.
ONLINE DATING HACK: Check the photos first! Use Google’s reverse image search or an app to see if the photos in a profile belong to someone else.
2. Make sure your crush is who they claim to be and not some scammer.
We’ve all heard stories of how a man or woman was swindled out her their life savings by some online asshole. Protect yourself!
- Watch for basic grammar and spelling mistakes that make a person sound like English isn’t their first language (unless they admit that info upfront, obvs.).
- An occasional typo shouldn’t scare you, but a profile filled with grammar and spelling mistakes needs to be approached carefully. It may be an indication of a foreign scam because they don’t understand the language well.
ONLINE DATING FYI: One of the most common scams on online dating websites is a person claiming to be from one country but actually living in another one – such as Nigeria, which actually has entire call centers dedicated to scamming people online.
3. Don’t give up your info too easily.
Be careful about sharing personal data. You probably know you shouldn’t give out banking information, but other data is important as well. Avoid mentioning your home address, phone numbers, your mother’s maiden name, and other information. Criminals can use this data in multiple ways.
4. Many sob stories are outrageous lies.
So watch out for sad stories. An online dating website can give people the opportunity to share their stories, but you want to be careful. Remember that narcissists have a tendency to use sob stories to suck in a new “source” of narcissistic supply, too.
HEADS UP! A common scam involves a tragic or sad story that makes you feel sorry for the person. Then, they ask you for help and tend to request large sums of money immediately. The stories differ, but they often involve a sick grandparent or dying uncle. This scam plays on your compassion to make you give money out of pity.
5. Don’t leave the dating website until you’ve done your due diligence.
Don’t let them demand that you communicate in any other way. If they have bad intentions, this will allow more direct access to you without the protection of anonymity. Once they get you off the site and get access to your private contact information, they could begin to pump you for information that they can use to hurt you or steal from you.
SCAM ALERT: Another scam involves you emailing or calling the person you meet online. Be careful about moving communication away from the original dating website.
- Scammers will often ask you to provide personal email addresses and phone numbers. They may also ask you to video chat or send instant messages.
- Another scam involves pushy requests to meet you in person.
- It takes time to get to know a person online and ensure the interactions are real.
- Avoid jumping too quickly into personal communication away from the website.
- For your own safety, it’s important not to give in to pressure to make the relationship serious before you’re ready.
Are you ready to date after going through narcissistic abuse recovery? After being in a toxic relationship with someone who has narcissistic personality disorder or narcissistic traits, you may be feeling a whole, confusing spectrum of emotions. You might be struggling with fear of running into another narcissist, or fear of being rejected. You might feel old, or out of practice. You might even feel excited and ready – and everything in between.
But as long as you feel pretty comfortable in your codependency recovery, it might just be a good time to get back out there and start dating again Still, dating post-narcissist is a little more complicated in certain ways.
Why Dating Again After Narcissistic Abuse is Hard
In this video, I’ll explain exactly how and why dating after narcissistic abuse can be difficult at times.
More Dating After Divorce Resources for You:
- Top 17 Early Warning Signs You’re Dating a Narcissist
- The New Catfish Target: Ask Your Mom About Her Online Boyfriend
- 7 Surefire Strategies for Singles Who Want to Get Set Up
Bottom Line: Have Fun, Be Smart and Find Your Soulmate (or your Hookup – I’m not judging you!) Online dating can be a fun adventure, but it’s important to have realistic expectations. Be cautious. Predators also use online dating. Like your mother told you – be safe out there.
Angela Atkinson is a certified trauma counselor and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships since 2006, she has a popular narcissistic abuse recovery YouTube channel. Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed narcissistic abuse recovery coaching and has certifications in trauma counseling, life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation, and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy.
She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse here at QueenBeeing.com and at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online.