At times, you may go through challenging experiences in life. You may find yourself wondering how you ended up in a certain place, physically or emotionally.
At these times, confronting your own choices can feel challenging. You may find it easier to see where others were wrong.
Blaming others for the way your life is going is a common reaction to life’s curve balls. After all, when you point the finger at others, you’re initially soothed by the idea that you haven’t made any mistakes in the situation. But eventually, you’re left with just yourself, and blaming others takes away your sense of your own power.
You can’t change other peoples’ actions – only your own. So you must figure out how to pick up and go on with life. The best way to do this is to cease blaming others and resolve the situation within yourself.
Consider these ideas to stop blaming others and regain your own power.
Take complete responsibility for your own life. Whether you’re married, single, have kids or are childless, acknowledge that only you decide how your life is going to manifest. It’s all about you.
* Although it may once have been someone else’s fault (your mother, father, boss, or partner), now that you know what the issues are, it’s your responsibility to fix them. Your life is the way it is because of you. Take ownership.
* From here on, consider it a cop-out when you blame someone else for the choices you make.
*Admittedly, this is bad news and good news at the same time. After all, if you want your life to change and you believe you’re responsible for it, this means that you hold all the power you need to make your life just the way you want. This also means you have no one else to blame but yourself.
Learn from the past. Consider a couple of specific incidents when you blamed another person for your choices. How did those situations turn out in the end? Did you lose a friend? Is a family member estranged from you?
Rarely does anything positive come from blaming another person for your own situation.
Say you’re sorry. If you tell another person that something that happened in your life is their fault, apologize for the comments as soon as you’re aware that you made them. This step is important because one of the major ways to cease blaming others is to acknowledge and say you’re sorry when you point the finger at them.
* In order to change what you’re doing, you must recognize your mistakes.
Think before you blame. If you catch yourself blaming someone else for a situation in your life, ponder that situation thoroughly before saying anything aloud. Ask yourself what really happened. Who did what? What was your own part in this? How did you react? What were your options? How could you respond in the future to change the outcome?
* Give yourself plenty of time to process a situation. This way, you won’t be compelled to say something rash out of frustration.
Seek professional guidance. There’s no shame in asking for help if you can’t seem to shake the blame game. If you find yourself caught in a vicious, unproductive cycle of pointing the finger at others for your own life situation, obtain counseling to help you find your way out. When you leave the blame game behind, your life becomes totally your own.
All the power you need is in your own hands. The sky’s the limit when you stop blaming others and empower yourself to take your life back!
Angela Atkinson is a Certified Life Coach and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic relationships since 2006, Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed coaching and has certifications in life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy. In her life coaching practice, Atkinson’s clients enjoy her personalized approach that allows and encourages them to become the best possible versions of themselves and to succeed in doing what they love most. She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online and NarcissismSupportCoach.com.