Did someone accuse you of being self-centered or thoughtless when it comes to other people’s feelings? Has someone gone so far as to actually call you a narcissist or even just a toxic person?
If so, did you consider the possibility that it might be the truth?
Could you really be a narcissist?
Now before you get your defenses all up and stop reading, let me preface the following bit of advice with a brief disclaimer. I realize that every single one of us is narcissistic on some level and to our own benefit in some ways. It’s a healthy amount, or close to it anyway, in many cases.
This is not the kind of narcissism I’m talking about here. I’m talking about the toxic kind of narcissism, the kind that consumes you and everyone you are directly connected with on different levels.
The people in your personal life, especially your spouse, kids, siblings – anyone you live with is most deeply affected by your narcissistic ways. And those you work most closely with, especially if they’re your subordinates, can also be seriously affected.
So how do you know if you’re really a narcissist? Start here. Check out these 10 signs. If you resonate with most or all of them, you might be a narcissist.
If you find out that you are, you’ve already taken the first step toward narcissistic recovery. Admission of a problem is the first requirement to fix it.
It’s possible that you are actually the victim of a narcissist who has been gaslighted into believing that you’re the narcissist. So let me ask you: Do you experience gaslighting and manipulation from someone you’re close to, maybe even love? And you feel like you might be going crazy? I’ve been there and I can help you.
Can you relate to the signs that you’re a victim of narcissistic abuse described in this video?
10 Signs You Might Be a Narcissist
You’ll often hear people say in the narcissistic abuse community that if you think you’re a narcissist, you’re probably not one. And on some level, that can be true since narcissists tend to project and deflect their own behaviors on to their victims. But it isn’t exactly that simple. Here are 10 signs that you might be dealing with a touch of narcissistic personality disorder or malignant narcissism.
1. You’ve been accused of making everything all about you.
Perhaps more than once, someone in your life has accused you of failing to care about anyone but yourself. You probably blew it off at the time, but take a moment now and reconsider what the person said. Go ahead. I’ll wait. Could there be any validity to the idea that your primary focus is…well, yourself?
2. You are rarely wrong. At least as far as you’re concerned.
Even though you’re sure that you are right 99 percent of the time, the people around you can’t seem to see it that way. That, or you’ve already got them well-trained and they know better than to cross you. And you’d be hard-pressed to spend any significant amount of time around people who can’t see things your way.
3. You feel the need to be in control of everything. All the time.
It’s not that you need another responsibility on your plate, it’s just that no one else can seem to get it right. You worry that if you can’t keep your finger on everything, it’ll all be screwed up. So you spend a lot of time trying to manage all of the incompetent people in your life.
4. You know a lot of weak-minded people.
You might even have a secret nickname for them, like zombies or sheep. You think that most people aren’t quite as good or smart or organized or whatever as you – and you are often irritated or amused by their inferiority.
5. You’re different at home than you are in public. There is more than one version of yourself.
You don’t show your true self to the world. You’ve got an image to maintain, after all. Your family and closest friends are the only ones who’ve seen your “ugly side” and you wouldn’t have it any other way. In public, you project the perfect image because that is what you need people to see. You’ve got to impress everyone you meet – and when someone isn’t immediately smitten with you, you’re immediately suspicious of them, especially if they’re friendly with anyone you consider “yours.”
6. Your friends don’t like each other.
For some reason, you’re not a big friend-sharer. While you might have two or three friends in the same group, none are especially close. You prefer one on one when it comes to close relationships. And your favorite kind of person is an excellent listener who thinks you’re amazing and perfect and who would do anything to make you happy. Otherwise, you love a big party where you get to be the center of attention.
7. You get bored when people talk about themselves or anything that doesn’t directly concern you.
You can’t understand why everyone is always blathering on about such boring things as their own thoughts and dreams and passions. And forget about hearing anything regarding mind-numbing topics like the mundane jobs they do, their lame love lives, or their silly problems. You can’t take it – you just glaze over.
8. You wait for your turn to talk in a conversation – at least sometimes.
You’re not known for your great listening skills for some reason. During a conversation, you find yourself nearly bursting at the seams to share your opinion or a story about you that relates to the topic at hand. You really wish people would just give you the floor, already. So rather than pay attention to what’s being said, you just bide your time and wait for a moment where you can interject.
9. You’re either the life of the party or you’re outta there.
Most of the time, you’re the host with the most. People love you and you are generally on-fire when it comes to your social life. But on the rare occasions where you have an “off-day” and someone else grabs the center of attention, you’d rather just leave. Why would anyone pay attention to THAT person when they’ve got access to someone like YOU?
10. You’re sort of a hero. Or someone’s idol. Or at least very, very smart.
You sort of hate to admit it, but a lot of people consider you a sort of hero, or at least they would if they knew how amazing you really are. You’re the sort of person who has always had potential. Now if you could just get everyone else to see what you’ve secretly known all along: you’re something special and unique in comparison to most common humans.
Now, these are only 10 of the many, many signs that you’re a narcissist. If any of these things feel familiar to you, I invite you to check out the following articles and resources to further determine your level of narcissism.
How to Know Someone is a Narcissist
- Narcissistic Rage and Narcissistic Injury: What You Need to Know
- Are you married to a narcissist? 12 easy ways to spot
- Toxic Family Timeout: What is Parental Narcissism?
- Toxic Relationships and Narcissism: Stages of Gaslighting
- Toxic Narcissism in Relationships: Top 10 Warning Signs You’re Being Gaslighted
- Narcissistic Abuse and Gaslighting: Reader Shares Decade-Long Survivor Story
- Gaslighting and Toxic Narcissism: Top 10 Red Flags (Video)
- Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: Overcoming Inferiority and Taking Back Your Power (Video)
- Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: Should you warn the new ‘supply’ about the narcissist?
- Take Back Your Life: How to Control a Narcissist
Take the Narcissism Test Here
Still not sure? Take this narcissism self-assessment test to gain a clearer insight into your situation.
Angela Atkinson is a certified trauma counselor and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships since 2006, she has a popular narcissistic abuse recovery YouTube channel. Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed narcissistic abuse recovery coaching and has certifications in trauma counseling, life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation, and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy.
She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse here at QueenBeeing.com and at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online.