Every single one of us has SOMETHING from our past that haunts us, something we wish we’d done differently, or something we regret. Some of us even wish we could relive the past, for various reasons. Maybe things were better back then, or maybe we think if only we’d made some different choices, our today would be more beautiful.
I’ve had some of those thoughts myself, and sometimes they still cross my mind from time to time.
But when they do, I stop myself. Why? Here’s a bit of brutal honesty for you, I hope you’re sitting down, and please forgive my directness.
Here it is folks: there’s not one damn thing you can do to change what’s already happened. Seriously, think about it. You cannot, no matter how hard you try, undo what’s been done. Nor can you go back and relive the good moments, at least not literally.
While I’m not advocating pretending the past never happened, it does seem silly to live there. After all, if you’re focused on all of the negative or positive things about your past, how can you live in this moment? Aren’t you cheating yourself of new experiences, not to mention those you love?
So, this is my take on this whole thing. Since you cannot change or relive the past, you must come to terms with it and move forward. This doesn’t mean that you can’t occasionally reminisce, of course. Just that your primary focus MUST be your present, today. Looking toward the future is important too, of course, but living in this day, in this moment is the only way to truly be happy. Unnecessary stress and worry only strains your mind, your body, and your soul.
Do what you need to in order to heal from the heartache you’ve experienced, and release the negativity. Focus instead on the good that came out of the situation, the silver lining if you will. Maybe, if nothing else, you’re a stronger person for having experienced it.
Today, take some time to think about what issues you’re holding on to from the past, and begin to work through them and release them. Let go of those things that stop you from moving forward into today. Take a few minutes to look around you and express your gratitude for what you have, and breathe in the positive energy around you. Realize that you deserve to be happy, and then, DECIDE that you are. Even if you have to “fake it ’till ya make it”, it will be worth it in the end.
Learn it, live it, love it!
Angela Atkinson is a Certified Life Coach and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic relationships since 2006, Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed coaching and has certifications in life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy. In her life coaching practice, Atkinson’s clients enjoy her personalized approach that allows and encourages them to become the best possible versions of themselves and to succeed in doing what they love most. She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online and NarcissismSupportCoach.com.