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Rant: Maybe You’re Just Too Weak to Make a Narcissist Love You – This video is in response to a viewer named Jilly who said in a recent comment that you need to be strong in order to make a narcissist love you and be happy in your relationship.

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4 Responses to Maybe You’re Just Too Weak to Make a Narcissist Love You

  1. You are right. Jilly will not be in a satisfactory relationship with a narcissist who is in her corner…he will never be on her side the way she is on his. And, he WANTS to break her down.

  2. You were spot on, harsh in your devivery? No, just concerned because it is pivotal that this point to be understood. With the experience of my narcissist, this was indeed the case it made for much confusion in the beginning of my journey to realize the true reality of what was going on, the clearing of fog process of realization. Had I been introduced to this opinion (I’ll call it that) I’m pretty sure part of me would have clung to its theory and prolonged my recovery or worse. My Narc happens to have a psycopothy which makes things even more twisted with a complex dose of mental illness. When we are attached by what be believe is are heart we are looking for any solution that gives us relief to the constant pain. For jilly, maybe this is what she has to tell herself and is protecting her false reality. It’s no different than the narcissist whether she is one or not. My honest belief is that a cluster B distordered person whom broke due to nurture is on our same spectrum some of us go one way with active hyper mirror neurons while the other arrested during trauma and shut down, became so crusted over and stubborn and single minder like a bloodhound on a scent that they are indeed incapable of stopping what they do without a handler. But what sort of life is it for a handler? It makes the handler the ruler, the narcissist really because the one thing the controller can’t achieve with their (bloodhound) is gat then to dig down so deep into the core or cores of their wounds where the nurturing caused them to arrest and heal it, self partner and grow. Why? Because they can’t, won’t and if they do, will change back. I have lived it for over 20 years. Am still dealing with a law system and constant fallout because I have three children. If they see you as a prize and strong then they don’t want to let go….. they will punish you for making them let go too so prepare yourself well. My relationship was hazmat. I also believe this is the attraction of the narcissist and the empath the Nurse and healer and the narc I had which was a covert that once I finally could see clearly and in retrospect, he mirrored me, why didn’t I see it then? Because I wanted to believe he was good because I wanted to believe I was worthy and I am a healer I (HAD) no boundaries, he is a taker with no boundaries on the other side of the spectrum of boundary. We were a perfect storm.
    I wish I had somebody hammering the right stuff into my own head faster. The journey to healing is a long road but if you stay on it, you get to your destination which is home, back to yourself.

  3. Wow this hit home with me. Thank you QueenBeeing!!! I was in a “relationshit” with a narc. I discovered the other woman which he denied as one of his many many female friends and I ended it… Eventually. One thing the other woman told me when we spoke was that I needed to be STRONG FOR MYSELF and should not have treated him so poorly. Those words stuck with me to this day because the narc always said I was the strongest most self sufficient woman he knew. But I refused to give up my entire life for him. This new girl was all about bragging on her accomplishments and STRENGTH. Same poor girl that’s now supporting him financially and in every other way, basically called me weak. A close friend told me the moment I decided to be on my own and detach from him is when, within days, he attached to someone else. They can’t tolerate independence in others.

    Narcs are weak and let me tell you after 2 years of therapy that I am without a doubt more independent and stronger. Im in college, starting my own business, fully engaged with my kids and caring for my own needs while the narc is completely dependent on the new supply. She is fully responsible for his unhealed trauma, his antics, his bills. She is his caretaker and his babysitter. And they live for appearances. I remember playing smiles to his family and friends while he was a cold monster to me behind closed doors. She now smiles through the abuse because she’s just so darn “strong”. I pity her so-called strength but I am soooo thankful it’s not me anymore.

    I’m quite sure every person here can recite the same story with the same weird patterns of behavior. I do hope his current supply gets set free at some point and doesn’t have to carry that wrenching pain of being a codependent toy for too long. I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to have a quiet home, a peaceful life and freedom from the chaos. To have a partner who compliments me and supports me rather than tearing me down and disappearing. Someone who cherishes my faults and doesn’t magnify them. Someone who appreciates me and doesn’t compare me to others. It’s truly amazing to see the difference between love and abuse.

    Strong isn’t being a martyr punching bag to a disordered person. Strong is loving yourself unconditionally while having healthy boundaries. Please please please do not think strength is accepting abuse. This girl Jilly is misguided and clearly has trauma of her own that she’s compensating for. I do hope she finds some insight and healing but she is dead wrong.

    Sorry to rant but this kills me to no end. People are strong when they stand up to poor behavior. Love yourself, heal your wounds and then you will attract healthy people that respect you and reciprocate your love and empathy!

    I always say take it slow and don’t put on a show. Gauge people on their genuineness when there’s no audience for them to perform for. Watch for the red flags. Narcs have to put on a show every minute of every day and when no one’s around they are empty negative vessels that demean you. That is not love.

  4. Spot on Angie ! I agree totally . When I first read the comment I said to myself ” she must be on the wrong site because narcs are not CAPABLE of love ! I don’t think you were being to harsh and thank you so much for standing up for the rest of us !

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