Have you ever noticed how, if you’ve found yourself in one toxic relationship with a narcissist, you often find yourself in another (or more) at some point in your life?
Why does this happen? Have you ever asked yourself questions like these?
- Why do I keep getting into relationships with narcissists?
- What is it about me that makes me attractive to a narcissist, anyway?
- Or what about narcissists that attracts me every time?
I know I have. How about you?
So why do we keep finding ourselves in these kinds of relationships and what can we do to avoid this in the future?
Three Reasons You Might Be an Ideal Source of ‘Narc Bait’
I have a few theories. Let’s start here.
You’re an Empath or HSP
One of them is that those of us who tend to attract narcissists tend to be empaths and other “HSPs”- highly sensitive people – who are wired to sense and react to the emotions of others. To a narcissist, an empath can be like crack – it’s that whole “vampire/fairy” factor.
You’re Trying to Fix Your Broken Childhood
Another theory is that we’re working on fixing our own “issues” from childhood or earlier in our lives.
“We choose our partners because they represent the unfinished business from our childhood. They manifest the qualities we wish we had. In doing so, choosing such a challenging partner, and working to give them what they need, we chart a course for our own growth.”
I heard this quote in an episode of Modern Family that I happened to catch a few weeks ago and it really stuck in my head – it really made me think – isn’t it possible that one reason we find ourselves attracting narcissists is because, each time we deal with one, we never really HEAL afterward? And subconsciously, we’re trying to solve the unfinished business from our childhoods? I think yes.
You Avoid Confrontation Like the Plague
A narcissist has a way of testing people early on in the relationship, and if you are one who will be willing to “work through anything,” or you get upset but ultimately let them have their way, a narcissist knows he’s struck gold. So if you’re the sort of person who tends to be a “people pleaser,” or to be often described as “too nice,” watch out – you’re exactly what a narc looks for in a person.
So, now let me ask you – what other traits would you add to this list? What else might make you a sort of “narcissist bait” kind of personality? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section.
Angela Atkinson is a Certified Life Coach and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic relationships since 2006, Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed coaching and has certifications in life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy. In her life coaching practice, Atkinson’s clients enjoy her personalized approach that allows and encourages them to become the best possible versions of themselves and to succeed in doing what they love most. She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online and NarcissismSupportCoach.com.