“In the ancient world, dancing Bees were special – the Queen Bee in particular, for she was the Mother Goddess – leader and ruler of the hive, and was often portrayed in the presence of adoring Bee Goddesses and Bee Priestesses.” ~Deborah DeLong, RomancingtheBee.com
So, if you’ve been reading QueenBeeing long, you might already know what we’re all about. But just in case, check out the About page and our QueenBeeing intention. Go ahead, I’ll wait. Oh, and while you’re at it – here’s what we mean when we say Queen Bee around here.
Okay, got it? Now, are you ready for an interestingly sad/funny/odd story about yet another narcissist? Here we go.
I can’t tell you how many emails and phone calls I’ve received in support since I shared with you the story about how Sam Vaknin gaslighted me on Facebook.
Hi Angela, did you know Sam reposted your article on his Facebook page titled “LESSON: Never tell a dumb person they are dumb.” I follow him on Facebook and read your article. I noticed all the comments were supporting Sam, which seemed weird. I wrote “I agree with her. Sam, way too harsh on someone who sincerely admired you and wanted an interview.” Ten minutes later, he removed my comment then blocked me. What the hell? Even though his insights on narcissism were helpful, he doesn’t get to decide what I say! LESSON: call out a narcissist on their Facebook page and get blocked! #noregrets. Plus, think of the free exposure he is giving you!
Each time someone reached out to me, I felt vindicated and supported at the same time. But, you had to know it: not everyone was so supportive.
Some of Vaknin’s followers are fellow narcissists. And narcs? They can’t help themselves.
Despite the fact that they see nothing wrong with their less than human behavior, narcissists can’t help but take an opportunity to proverbially (or literally) “kick” someone while she’s down.
It’s like when a comedian’s on stage before a distracted crowd and some jerkoff starts heckling them from the back row. It’s enough to make anyone feel a little crazy.
But sometimes, the hecklers are so wrapped up in their own special kind of obliviousness that they fail to notice that they are, in fact, entirely predictable.
Your Standard Narc: This One is No Different.
Every now and then, one of them strikes out at me in a huff, probably as a direct result of some type of narcissistic injury, real or imagined, as a result of something I wrote.
See, I have written extensively on narcissism, including several books as well as a whole host of articles and blog posts.
I have a theory about these folks, and it’s pretty much the same one I have about every narcissist: they are so insecure with themselves that they need to attempt to pull others down to their levels.
In the convoluted mind of a narcissist, this evens the playing field, allowing him to climb up on your proverbial back to reach the level just above yours – but in reality, this behavior simply exposes him for what he truly is – an insecure, sad and lonely little person.
Why We Shouldn’t Feel Angry at Narcissists
It’s really a handicap, if you think about it – the crippling insecurity and lack of personal development that leads to narcissism. When it comes to the haters, the naysayers, the bullies and the narcissists in general, there are things you’ve got to remember if you want to avoid going completely insane.
If you ask me, we should feel sorry for them, because they don’t even realize that they’re depriving themselves and everyone else they affect from a true human experience.
Being Underestimated: Take It for What It Is
Do you know what it feels like to be underestimated? It really used to bug me. A lot. But now, I recognize that people are actually not hurting me when they make stupid assumptions about me. They’re simply showing their true ASSumptive selves.
These days, I find it all rather amusing. And since I took back my life, I don’t let it bother me one bit.
Narcissist See, Narcissist Do: Vaknin’s Fan Fires a Shot
My favorite (absolute favorite) kind of heckler is the unprovoked ome. For example, I got a comment on my Facebook wall from a “woman” who promptly blocked me after posting the comment, without even giving me an opportunity to reply.
Since she’s clearly a very insecure person, I thought I’d offer her the pleasure of being the subject of this article.
So, dear “Yuriko Unicorm” (AKA Yuriko Naradi Beniwal, if that’s your real name), this one’s for you.
Sam Vaknin’s Facebook Follower Offers Up Yet Another Display of Narcissism
Apparently, this “fan” of Dr. Sam Vaknin, who recently gaslighted me on Facebook, felt compelled to follow up on Vaknin’s originnal insults with a few of “her” own.
Now, to be fair, the thought has crossed my mind that this might actually be a Sam Vaknin alternate account, but for now, let’s assume that “Yuriko” is a real person.
In a blatant display of narcissism, this person posted the following on QueenBeeing’s Facebook page.
I find your use of the metaphor of being a queen bee fascinating…… here’s a biology lesson… there is only 1 queen per hive….. the drones ( the male bees) are born simply to impregnate a new queen when the hive either kills the old queen because she can no longer lay eggs (her only function), or because the hive is too large and it’s time to establish a new hive. The drones never eat… they are never fed by their sisters (the other bees) nor do they eat on their own… after one impregnates the queen, they are driven out of the hive to starve to death or outright killed if the won’t leave by their sister bees. The bees that kill the queen are all her own daughters. Dr. Sam Vaknin says that it is pointless to argue with the stupid…. let’s find out:) BTW, did u know that there are insects called wasps? Like bees, but they are mostly solitary, non hive living… they can sting repeatedly, unlike bees, who die when they sting you:) Buzz buzz buzz….
I honestly could not help but laugh when I read this again just now. I mean, really?
To be fair, I DO like the whole Queen Doing thing, so you can expect me to do something with that in the future. So to my new little block-happy friend, thanks for the thoughts – and thanks for the blog post material. Keep it coming. 🙂
Other than that, I don’t even want to justify this ridiculousness with a response. But I’ll tell you this: I use the Queen Bee in its symbolic form, not its literal one. It is, after all, a symbol.
So tell me: what do you think of this person’s attack? Am I wrong to call it rather narcissistic? Do you believe the person is as insecure as I do? Tell me your thoughts below. I can’t wait to hear your two cents.
Angela Atkinson is a Certified Life Coach and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic relationships since 2006, Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed coaching and has certifications in life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy. In her life coaching practice, Atkinson’s clients enjoy her personalized approach that allows and encourages them to become the best possible versions of themselves and to succeed in doing what they love most. She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online and NarcissismSupportCoach.com.