Original Question on Quora: Why do some narcissistic mothers only enjoy having children until they reach puberty?
I see this in both sons and daughters of narcissistic mothers – but the effect is different for each. Puberty leads to physical development – and when the child is a female, a narcissistic mother is often threatened by her. The mother may feel less attractive or even feel like she wants to compete with the daughter. In the more covert/cerebral narcissist, this will be a subtle thing, but in the more overt/exhibitionist types, you’re going to see it become painfully obvious.
I found that the change is different with boys of narcissistic mothers. Sometimes, it doesn’t even become an issue (especially if the mother is the histrionic type).
But whether we’re talking male or female, any child who refuses to be what his/her mother wishes they would or who has an opinion different than that of the mother (and expresses it loud enough) is going to be a target and scapegoat for the narcissistic mother.
Additional Resources for Adult Children of Narcissistic Mothers
- ACON Support Group (Adult Children of Narcissists)
- Books for Adult Children of Narcissistic Mothers
- Inner Child Healing
Angela Atkinson is a certified trauma counselor and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships since 2006, she has a popular narcissistic abuse recovery YouTube channel. Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed narcissistic abuse recovery coaching and has certifications in trauma counseling, life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation, and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy.
She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online.