The Narcissistic Elephant in the Room: How Narcissists Affect Their Kids

Written by Angela Atkinson

In today’s episode of Go Ask Angie, I answered a viewer question relating to narcissists and how they affect their children.

YouTuber August Greenwell said: Could you please explain a bit more about the effect of “kid issues” and how they relate to one becoming narc-bait? And could birth order play a component? Thanks ahead of time, Augs


So you already know that being in a relationship with a narcissist or someone with NPD means that you get treated like you’re not quite as much of a person as your partner, right? Like you’re not as real or as important as the narcissist?

So, I’ve got good news and I’ve got bad news for you – the good news? It’s not you – it’s the narcissist.

In fact, it’s an extremely common red-flag symptom of NPD, and it’s one that many victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse and gaslighting in relationships report: they feel like they don’t matter; like the narcissist made it clear to them that they aren’t actually important.

So, while Mr. Greenwell is lucky enough to have already left his narcissistic relationship, I know not everyone has.

If you’re struggling with this kind of abuse now, you probably get what I mean – that feeling of feeling like you are always sort of “faking it” and like you don’t even really believe yourself when you talk.

Let’s talk about the bad news. That’s a form of dissociation and it’s a common symptom of PTSD and C-PTSD, which are unfortunate but all-too-often seen side effects of this type of abuse.

Disassociation is a disconnection from your physical surroundings. It’s when you feel like you’re sort of watching the world from somewhere deep inside your head, or above it or somehow disconnected from it. Like you’re “not really there” or like you’re watching life through a movie. You know what I’m talking about?

The worst part about how narcissists treat people like possessions is that there are no limits to who they will use to get what they want – and no limits to how low they’ll stoop and who they’re willing to hurt.

The most toxic narcissists are even willing to go as far as hurting their own children – using them as pawns in their gaslighting mind games and even completely ignoring their existence as long as it suits their purposes.

 

What All Narcissists Have In Common

So, we all know how eerily familiar we find the stories of other narcissistic abuse survivors, right? Well, that’s because all narcissists have certain “moves,” and that’s why we can classify them as narcissists.

But while there are many different TYPES of toxic narcissists, there are four basic traits that every narcissist has in common, according to a 2013 study.

In that narcissism-focused study, the researchers were able to define the following traits as being shared among all narcissists, despite various other definitions and forms of the personality disorder. It didn’t matter if they were a covert narcissist or an overt one – or one of the many other types that we’ve currently defined.

4 Qualities Shared by All Narcissists

The qualities that are shared by all narcissists, regardless of classification, include the following.

  • Selfishness
  • Disregarding other people
  • Being self-centered
  • Lack of empathy

Interesting, right? I thought so. Would you add any qualities to this list? Would you disagree with any? Let’s discuss. Share your thoughts on that in the comments below.

What makes a person become a narcissist?

There are a few different ways that a person can be “made” into a narcissist – and sometimes, knowing this stuff can help you to better understand what you’re dealing with – and that can lead to a better life for you.

Though there is no single known cause for narcissistic personality disorder, there are several factors that may be associated with the development of the recognized disorder, according to my research.

It’s all about loss, in some way or another – sort of – whether it’s a loss of a “normal” experience, or a loss of the ability to become self-sufficient in one way or another.

For example, researchers say certain circumstances could increase the chances of narcissistic personality disorder developing during a person’s lifetime.

 

Author

  • Angela Atkinson is a certified trauma counselor and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships since 2006, she has a popular narcissistic abuse recovery YouTube channel. Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own. Atkinson offers trauma-informed narcissistic abuse recovery coaching and has certifications in trauma counseling, life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation, and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves. Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy. She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse here at QueenBeeing.com and at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online.

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