Thoughts on this post? Share them with me on Facebook, join the SPANily or Tweet me at @angieatkinson. ~Angie

Public humiliation is one of many ways that a narcissist will manipulate and psychologically abuse his or her sources of narcissistic supply.

Often, a narcissist will humiliate you in public as part of an active smear campaign – and while I’ve previously explained smear campaigns, today I’m going to go a little more in depth on the public humiliation part of it – which, in my opinion, is one of the most traumatic parts of the whole smear campaign tactic.So, first off, I’m going to give you a few real-life examples of how toxic narcissists have used public humiliation to hurt the people who loved them.

The Litigious Loser

One client told me her narcissistic ex husband would use their children as bargaining chips and poison them against her. Then, he’d intentionally push, poke and agitate her to the point she’d get really upset and confused – and would then start video taping her and threaten to use it to take her to court. He held the recordings over her head in order to continue to manipulate and control her even though they’d been divorced – which he did for several years before she came to me for narcissistic abuse recovery coaching.

The Sexy Selfie Stronghold

In today’s digital world, nearly everyone can admit to having snapped a sexy photo for the one they love and even, in some cases, participated in on-camera sexual activities with that person.

And you know how narcissists are, right? Yep. SEVERAL of my clients have told me that their narcissists – both male and female – have either used or threatened to use nude or otherwise compromising photos of them in order to blackmail them into doing what they wanted.

Flying Monkey Fun

Another way that narcissists like to manipulate and publicly humiliate their victims is through the use of flying monkeys – people who, willingly or otherwise, help the narcissist to manipulate you.

For example, a narcissistic wife of one of my clients managed to humiliate him by spreading gossip among his female co-workers about his sexual health – none of which were true, but all of which really changed the way his co-workers saw him.

Her intention, of course, was to ensure his fidelity as he worked alongside his attractive coworkers each day. But in her selfishness and lack of concern and empathy for her husband, this narcissist had managed to make sure that he felt completely isolated, alone and humiliated in his workplace every day. The environment eventually became so toxic that my client moved on to a new company – and thankfully, he got divorced (and eventually moved on with a much healthier girlfriend).

In all three of those cases, there’s a similarity – and I’m not talking about the obvious one (the humiliation factor). I’m talking about the fact that none of these people recognized at first that they were even being abused – or at least, they couldn’t admit it.

So let’s talk about that.

The Humiliation Factor: No One Wants to Admit They’re Accepting the Abuse

So, how can you possibly “miss” the fact that you’re being abused?

The problem with abuse is that most relationships don’t begin with abuse. Instead, there are subtle shifts along the way, silent reprogramming until the abuser feels confident that they can control the relationship.

In most cases, by the time the abuse becomes recognizable, the victim has been so brainwashed that she or he (men can also be victims of abusive relationships) doesn’t recognize the actions as abuse and actually takes the blame for his or her predicament.

Victims often can’t be convinced that they’re experiencing abuse. They’re so busy justifying the behavior of the abuser that they don’t see it for what it is.
In many cases, the simple answer is that it’s hard to admit you’ve allowed this to happen. But if you recognize some of the following patterns in your own relationship, it’s quite possible that you are in fact, a victim of abuse.

Thoughts? Share them, along with your relevant experiences, in the comments below.

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4 Responses to Narcissists and Public Humiliation: How & Why Narcs Shame You Publicly

  1. how about bringing you to do risky sex stuff and then when you go tot he STD clinic shaming you in front of the nurses for being at risk so it looks like he didn’t have anything to do with it…

  2. I’m really angry. Really really angry with myself for being such an idiot for believing & justifying his behaviour.

  3. Hi Angie, thanks for making such a difference to my life and helping me see through the BS! So I am 7 months post leaving (final straw him on a dating website the day of my double mastectomy)and did 3 months absolute no contact, and grey rock ever since when he texts once a week asking about my health ect(I’m guessing because he doesn’t want to look bad or uncaring that his ex partner has cancer in front of his monkeys)I have been expecting the Facebook humiliation with new supply ( as soon as he felt it appropriate and people wouldn’t critise him)I want him to move on. I have un followed him and the monkeys as part of my healing and hardly go on fb as a needed to heal without seeing his crap.i have never looked at his page either.So yesterday, on the anniversary of my mums death, when he knows I am usually a little sad, the Facebook new supply (a friend informed m e). He checks in, she checks in with him. Yes I was expecting it, yes he will as I will one day (I’m in no rush)move on but timing was unexpected and another blow to my self esteem ( one week on from my final surgery)I thought I was doing so well re building my life but this has taken me back a step and I find myself beating myself up for letting it get to me! This is a temporary glitch of course but I didn’t feel as prepared as I would have liked. Thanks for letting let of steam. I have now blocked his number.

  4. Wow is all I can say..dealing an living with narcissism you learn to overlook yo excuse it all away. Not knowing the narcissistic ass is portraying you as the abuser . If they happen to be the one to leave and these people really behind them you slowly become aware of the lies these people were fed and how quickly these drama queens ate it up til they found out they were pawns and being used! I allowed them all to push me to the brink of death wanting to end my own life. Then finding out they all were talking about my mental health hoping I would and succeed.

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